Relative has screwed me over financially, help me minimize the impact and get repaid
August 11, 2010 8:33 AM Subscribe
A relative has just proceeded to screw me over financially. What is my best course of action? Should I sue? How can I handle the situation? Long explanation inside.
A couple of years ago, a relative with a young child asked me if I could put her onto my credit card account to help her out with a sudden situation involving her kid. I know, never mix family and money, but I helped her out. Then, she went back to college and needed help with her textbooks and such, so I left the second card on the account.
Long story short, she was paying toward her balance regularly until last year, when there were two late payments, which she did eventually cover, including fees. I realize this was a red flag now. But then she got married and had another child, and her husband had been laid off, so after a time of not using the card, she began to use it again to buy groceries after a health scare and lack of proper nutrition. She did also apply for assistance programs.
Anyhow, much later, I found out that she had also been charging unnecessary things to the card, including Christmas presents and services. But due to my own period of unemployment, her making payments for her charges got me through a period in which I might not have been able to cover the payments myself. I hardly touched my card, by the way.
Before her, I never made a late payment, and paid off my card in full every month until I couldn't, but still kept on top of my bills and always paid enough to keep the total going down. I am extremely responsible with money and that's why this is such a horrible situation to find myself in, because whatever happens from now on, it seems that I'm going to have these black marks on my financial record for a good long while, probably destroying my chance of getting a lease or car if I need them.
She owes over $13,000 in charges. We live in the same house, but in separate apartments, and since we lack a mailbox, she usually collects the mail and sorts it, putting ours in our door. For a while now, she has taken the card statements when they arrive, but that usually meant she was paying off her charges so it wasn't unusual.
However, three months ago, she apparently sent a payment in that bounced, and still taking my statements, failed to pay that month, the next, and the current month. Without telling me. In fact, only after the bank was harassing me, did she even mention the bounced check from two months' prior. If she had told me then, I would've tried to do something to preserve the credit I had spent years building, and is probably now all down the drain.
I came back recently to tons of calls from the bank and letters. They've canceled or suspended my account. And all I get from her are excuses and saying she has nothing to give right now. Meanwhile they have cable, her older kid goes to private school, etc. Her and her husband are not well off at all, in fact she is unemployed and a student and he works but with a family of four, it can go easily. But there was enough for payments regularly before.
I asked her when her husband will be getting paid, but she deferred. She has no assets in her name but her car. However, she has an agreement with her siblings to split an inheritance from their parents. This inheritance includes stocks and a house that is yet to be sold. She told me that she will pay the entire debt once the house is sold, but this doesn't do anything for me now. I asked her to sell her share of the stocks, but she refused, saying that's what's keeping the mortgage paid on the house until it is sold.
I basically got a big fuck you when I told her how the bank has been hounding me, calling me 4-5 times daily, waking me up at 8am even on the weekends, and basically causing such anxiety that I can't sleep sometimes.
I'm aware that this is the risk I took when deciding to help her and her child, and continuing to extend that assistance, but I honestly never thought she'd screw me over, have a wedding and a child partly on my back and leave me out to dry. I'm young and want to minimize the impact of this on me.
So what are my options here?
I've been considering filing a breach of verbal contract suit. This is in NY. I have emails and text messages and things discussing her paying, plus the trail of her issuing payments before suddenly stopping.
I've already filed a mail theft complaint with the post office over the statements.
What do I do in the meantime about the debt? She isn't paying and I'm severely underemployed right now, having made about $300 last month. I'm having lots of trouble finding a job.
I'm still young, and would like to avoid declaring bankruptcy at this stage, if at all possible. I really hate being in this situation because I really am responsible. I made sure to not run up debt after college, and I've never bought things I couldn't afford. I'm just too nice and this is a hard lesson.
What should I do? What can I do? I'm furious but mostly just desperate right now.
A couple of years ago, a relative with a young child asked me if I could put her onto my credit card account to help her out with a sudden situation involving her kid. I know, never mix family and money, but I helped her out. Then, she went back to college and needed help with her textbooks and such, so I left the second card on the account.
Long story short, she was paying toward her balance regularly until last year, when there were two late payments, which she did eventually cover, including fees. I realize this was a red flag now. But then she got married and had another child, and her husband had been laid off, so after a time of not using the card, she began to use it again to buy groceries after a health scare and lack of proper nutrition. She did also apply for assistance programs.
Anyhow, much later, I found out that she had also been charging unnecessary things to the card, including Christmas presents and services. But due to my own period of unemployment, her making payments for her charges got me through a period in which I might not have been able to cover the payments myself. I hardly touched my card, by the way.
Before her, I never made a late payment, and paid off my card in full every month until I couldn't, but still kept on top of my bills and always paid enough to keep the total going down. I am extremely responsible with money and that's why this is such a horrible situation to find myself in, because whatever happens from now on, it seems that I'm going to have these black marks on my financial record for a good long while, probably destroying my chance of getting a lease or car if I need them.
She owes over $13,000 in charges. We live in the same house, but in separate apartments, and since we lack a mailbox, she usually collects the mail and sorts it, putting ours in our door. For a while now, she has taken the card statements when they arrive, but that usually meant she was paying off her charges so it wasn't unusual.
However, three months ago, she apparently sent a payment in that bounced, and still taking my statements, failed to pay that month, the next, and the current month. Without telling me. In fact, only after the bank was harassing me, did she even mention the bounced check from two months' prior. If she had told me then, I would've tried to do something to preserve the credit I had spent years building, and is probably now all down the drain.
I came back recently to tons of calls from the bank and letters. They've canceled or suspended my account. And all I get from her are excuses and saying she has nothing to give right now. Meanwhile they have cable, her older kid goes to private school, etc. Her and her husband are not well off at all, in fact she is unemployed and a student and he works but with a family of four, it can go easily. But there was enough for payments regularly before.
I asked her when her husband will be getting paid, but she deferred. She has no assets in her name but her car. However, she has an agreement with her siblings to split an inheritance from their parents. This inheritance includes stocks and a house that is yet to be sold. She told me that she will pay the entire debt once the house is sold, but this doesn't do anything for me now. I asked her to sell her share of the stocks, but she refused, saying that's what's keeping the mortgage paid on the house until it is sold.
I basically got a big fuck you when I told her how the bank has been hounding me, calling me 4-5 times daily, waking me up at 8am even on the weekends, and basically causing such anxiety that I can't sleep sometimes.
I'm aware that this is the risk I took when deciding to help her and her child, and continuing to extend that assistance, but I honestly never thought she'd screw me over, have a wedding and a child partly on my back and leave me out to dry. I'm young and want to minimize the impact of this on me.
So what are my options here?
I've been considering filing a breach of verbal contract suit. This is in NY. I have emails and text messages and things discussing her paying, plus the trail of her issuing payments before suddenly stopping.
I've already filed a mail theft complaint with the post office over the statements.
What do I do in the meantime about the debt? She isn't paying and I'm severely underemployed right now, having made about $300 last month. I'm having lots of trouble finding a job.
I'm still young, and would like to avoid declaring bankruptcy at this stage, if at all possible. I really hate being in this situation because I really am responsible. I made sure to not run up debt after college, and I've never bought things I couldn't afford. I'm just too nice and this is a hard lesson.
What should I do? What can I do? I'm furious but mostly just desperate right now.
This person isn't a relative, she's a grifter. Get a lawyer.
posted by notsnot at 8:46 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by notsnot at 8:46 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Sounds like enough income to pay for non-essentials, and she has assets but it is inconvenient for her to liquidate them. Too bad for her. Talk to a lawyer about all your options, including a lawsuit or bankruptcy.
I really am responsible.
Well, you will be from now on. I'm sure you've learned the lesson not to cosign for debt unless you are willing and able to take the entire burden of that debt yourself. But here's another tip: always check your credit card balances online every month. Don't wait for a statement. Even if there isn't another person involved. There are so many questions here and on other forums from people who inadvertently end up with bad credit and high interest payments because they did not do this.
posted by grouse at 8:48 AM on August 11, 2010
I really am responsible.
Well, you will be from now on. I'm sure you've learned the lesson not to cosign for debt unless you are willing and able to take the entire burden of that debt yourself. But here's another tip: always check your credit card balances online every month. Don't wait for a statement. Even if there isn't another person involved. There are so many questions here and on other forums from people who inadvertently end up with bad credit and high interest payments because they did not do this.
posted by grouse at 8:48 AM on August 11, 2010
You seriously need to talk to a lawyer. First, you need help with the legal issues
but more importantly, you need someone who can dis-passionately, objectively assess the situation. since this is a family member, and judging from your explanation, there are lots of emotions flying around this whole thing. the emotions are not helping, they are making it worse - you need an objective voice to take the lead and straighten this out.
get a lawyer before it gets worse
I would also suggest going to Lowes and buying 2 separate mailboxes. Or getting a PO box, and have all your mail sent to the PO Box.
posted by Flood at 9:04 AM on August 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
but more importantly, you need someone who can dis-passionately, objectively assess the situation. since this is a family member, and judging from your explanation, there are lots of emotions flying around this whole thing. the emotions are not helping, they are making it worse - you need an objective voice to take the lead and straighten this out.
get a lawyer before it gets worse
I would also suggest going to Lowes and buying 2 separate mailboxes. Or getting a PO box, and have all your mail sent to the PO Box.
posted by Flood at 9:04 AM on August 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
I have no idea what to suggest except that you get a post office box and make sure *all* your mail gets sent there. Oh, and call the credit check agencies and make sure she hasn't started other lines of credit in your name somehow.
posted by bluedaisy at 9:35 AM on August 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by bluedaisy at 9:35 AM on August 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
If you're part of an extended family, I would bring the family into it. If you sue her, they're the people you'll piss off. So if you say to them, "Look I don't want to sue her, she's family, but I need the money." Then they have the option to put family pressure on her to pay, or to just write you a check, if family peace is important to them.
I would certainly talk to the family before you sue her. You are far more likely to get paid.
posted by musofire at 9:41 AM on August 11, 2010 [10 favorites]
I would certainly talk to the family before you sue her. You are far more likely to get paid.
posted by musofire at 9:41 AM on August 11, 2010 [10 favorites]
Get a lawyer.
Agreed. The usual MetaFilter advice about finding a lawyer is on the wiki. If I were in your situation I would mostly be concerned with what I should do right now (Start trying to make payments to the bank? Get the relative to agree to pay in writing? etc.) and a lawyer can help you answer those questions even if you don't end up taking it to court.
I know this whole situation feels horrible, but you're young and eventually it will fall off your credit report. Like you said it's a hard lesson but you're going to get through it and move on with your life.
posted by burnmp3s at 9:52 AM on August 11, 2010
Agreed. The usual MetaFilter advice about finding a lawyer is on the wiki. If I were in your situation I would mostly be concerned with what I should do right now (Start trying to make payments to the bank? Get the relative to agree to pay in writing? etc.) and a lawyer can help you answer those questions even if you don't end up taking it to court.
I know this whole situation feels horrible, but you're young and eventually it will fall off your credit report. Like you said it's a hard lesson but you're going to get through it and move on with your life.
posted by burnmp3s at 9:52 AM on August 11, 2010
Going to the extended family might be a good idea, especially since this might become inconvenient for those sharing the inheritance as well. But talk to a lawyer now, and be prepared. Be wary of waiting too long for the family to sort this out for you.
posted by grouse at 9:57 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by grouse at 9:57 AM on August 11, 2010
You can make the creditors stop calling you incessantly -- read up on the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act. (Wikipedia)
The key point for you is that once you demand in writing they stop calling, they have to stop calling. Keep a log of when they call -- they may already be outside the standards for when it becomes "intent to annoy." If the creditor violates the FDCPA, you can sue THEM, and there are a few people who make good money running up small debts, waiting for the creditor to violate the FDCPA (most do), and then suing for many times the debt amount. While this is a shady way to make a living, you can be pretty assured the debt collector will violate the FDCPA and put themselves in a bad spot.
A lawyer can help you with this as well. Consumerist.com has a lot of info on the FDCPA and dealing with debt collectors generally that may be of help.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:12 AM on August 11, 2010 [5 favorites]
The key point for you is that once you demand in writing they stop calling, they have to stop calling. Keep a log of when they call -- they may already be outside the standards for when it becomes "intent to annoy." If the creditor violates the FDCPA, you can sue THEM, and there are a few people who make good money running up small debts, waiting for the creditor to violate the FDCPA (most do), and then suing for many times the debt amount. While this is a shady way to make a living, you can be pretty assured the debt collector will violate the FDCPA and put themselves in a bad spot.
A lawyer can help you with this as well. Consumerist.com has a lot of info on the FDCPA and dealing with debt collectors generally that may be of help.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:12 AM on August 11, 2010 [5 favorites]
I'm not a lawyer and I agree with everyone else that you should get one; I think that the fact that she was interfering with the bank notices reaching you is pretty significant, right? You were willing to fulfill your agreement with the bank to keep the account current but were prevented from doing that by her interference.
posted by XMLicious at 10:25 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by XMLicious at 10:25 AM on August 11, 2010
Um, #1 you might want to take her off of the account ASAP. Then send her a registered letter asking for payment. Then maybe sue her in small claims court (state limits are around $5000 usually and you will eat the rest). Otherwise, determine how much it would cost to get a lawyer to sue her for the entire balance (ie; if it gets dragged through court and takes $10,000 to collect on a $13,000 debt, it probably wouldn't be worth it).
AND NEVER CO SIGN FOR ANOTHER PERSON AGAIN IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!
posted by MsKim at 10:44 AM on August 11, 2010
AND NEVER CO SIGN FOR ANOTHER PERSON AGAIN IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!
posted by MsKim at 10:44 AM on August 11, 2010
Definitely get a lawyer. You're probably screwed. IANAL but you really should have cut off the card as soon as she had problems paying--you have a responsibility to mitigate your losses. Why did you let her continue to use it after she already demonstrated problems paying it? It could be argued that you had no reasonable expectation for her to repay, especially with her being a student/mother and her husband getting laid off. I'm not saying you won't win a case, again, I'm not a lawyer, but for the future (and for others reading this), you have a duty to stop the loss as soon as you can. Also, as I'm sure you have learned, I would never recommend lending money (especially money you DON'T HAVE--i.e. credit) to a family member or friend. Either give it as a gift with no expectation of payback or don't give it at all. Not only are you out money you don't have and are getting charged insane interest on it (I'm sure), you potentially have also ruined your own credit and may have problems getting a place to live in the future, and even a job (if you're in the US).
posted by 1000monkeys at 10:49 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by 1000monkeys at 10:49 AM on August 11, 2010
If she took your credit card statements out of the mailbox, that's mail theft, which is a federal felony. It's not just a hand slap.
I say one, invoke the rest of the family. Don't tell her you're going to do it, just do it. You already reported her for mail theft, please go through with it.
But get a lawyer. Sorry.
posted by micawber at 11:34 AM on August 11, 2010
I say one, invoke the rest of the family. Don't tell her you're going to do it, just do it. You already reported her for mail theft, please go through with it.
But get a lawyer. Sorry.
posted by micawber at 11:34 AM on August 11, 2010
The key point for you is that once you demand in writing they stop calling, they have to stop calling.
While this is true, in practice it means they will move immediately to their next phase of debt collection: suing you. The court will rule against you. Now your creditor will have a judgment against you, which they can use to seize your assets or garnish your wages. You probably don't want that.
What you have to remember is that they are harassing you because they have no way to force you to pay. Your credit card is unsecured -- they can't take back the things you bought with it. They can harass you, or they can sue you, and harassing you is cheaper and works much of the time. It is simply a tactic to get you to pay, and it is not personal. There is absolutely no reason to let bill collectors get under your skin. Your credit has a black mark on it, but that black mark is there; it isn't going away anytime soon, and it won't get worse if you take a few days to explore the options. So take a deep breath and relax. Don't get rattled.
One thing I don't see in your question is: what did the creditor say when you called them, explained the situation, and asked for their help/advice?
posted by kindall at 11:38 AM on August 11, 2010
While this is true, in practice it means they will move immediately to their next phase of debt collection: suing you. The court will rule against you. Now your creditor will have a judgment against you, which they can use to seize your assets or garnish your wages. You probably don't want that.
What you have to remember is that they are harassing you because they have no way to force you to pay. Your credit card is unsecured -- they can't take back the things you bought with it. They can harass you, or they can sue you, and harassing you is cheaper and works much of the time. It is simply a tactic to get you to pay, and it is not personal. There is absolutely no reason to let bill collectors get under your skin. Your credit has a black mark on it, but that black mark is there; it isn't going away anytime soon, and it won't get worse if you take a few days to explore the options. So take a deep breath and relax. Don't get rattled.
One thing I don't see in your question is: what did the creditor say when you called them, explained the situation, and asked for their help/advice?
posted by kindall at 11:38 AM on August 11, 2010
She is family. This doesn't give her the right to screw you, but it should make you carefully consider what her and her children mean to you.
I used to have perfect credit and somehow I thought that was very, very, important, but you know what? It wasn't. I paid for my car in cash and none of the places I have leased have ever actually run a credit report.
You really can't get blood from a turnip so to speak, if she doesn't have it, try to set up a payment plan, with her paying you not the credit card company.
Now this is the kicker and this will hurt you to your bone, I know it did me when I was in a similar situation. I just quit paying. That's right. I couldn't pay, I could barely feed myself. I waited almost two years just knowing the sky was going to fall any second and it didn't. When they finally got around to suing me for the 12k or so I owed. I negotiated it down to 4 payments of 900/mth that I was then able to pay. They sent a note to the court that we had reached an agreement and I was done with that debt. It was fine and I am fine and my credit score is starting to look good again.
posted by stormygrey at 11:43 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
I used to have perfect credit and somehow I thought that was very, very, important, but you know what? It wasn't. I paid for my car in cash and none of the places I have leased have ever actually run a credit report.
You really can't get blood from a turnip so to speak, if she doesn't have it, try to set up a payment plan, with her paying you not the credit card company.
Now this is the kicker and this will hurt you to your bone, I know it did me when I was in a similar situation. I just quit paying. That's right. I couldn't pay, I could barely feed myself. I waited almost two years just knowing the sky was going to fall any second and it didn't. When they finally got around to suing me for the 12k or so I owed. I negotiated it down to 4 payments of 900/mth that I was then able to pay. They sent a note to the court that we had reached an agreement and I was done with that debt. It was fine and I am fine and my credit score is starting to look good again.
posted by stormygrey at 11:43 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
It looks like she does have it, though. Having an interest in an inheritance is not a bloodless turnip. And you may have to preserve your interests now to be able to claim it when those assets are in her name. Don't assume that you won't get anything; talk to a lawyer.
posted by grouse at 11:50 AM on August 11, 2010
posted by grouse at 11:50 AM on August 11, 2010
Get a lawyer. Put a lien on the inherited house.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:55 AM on August 11, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:55 AM on August 11, 2010 [6 favorites]
Aside from talking to a lawyer, if she still has access to your mailbox please switch to paperless statements and start accessing and paying your bills online.
posted by Robert Angelo at 12:01 PM on August 11, 2010
posted by Robert Angelo at 12:01 PM on August 11, 2010
I'm the OP, on a sockpuppet account. As to some of the suggestions, I've already spoken to another member of the family, whose response was essentially "she should've paid her own bills", which I was doing diligently until this other person screwed me over and took the statements. She is one of the ones holding the purse strings on that inheritance money, so I'm not likely to get anywhere with them. This is one reason why I am considering legal action.
They are extremely condescending and immature. The other day, one of them (nearly 50 years old), was posting thinly veiled attacks against me on Facebook.
In fact, I am due a tiny bit of inheritance money myself, which they refuse to pay me until the house sale goes through. (It's nowhere near enough to cover this, but the will was filed in 2007 and they've withheld it). I've been considering starting my own business, and now I know getting a loan for that would be near impossible.
How can I get a lawyer if I don't have much money? I'll try the local Legal Aid, but are there other options? And is a breach of verbal contract suit something I can win?
Please, no more noise regarding warnings and why didn't I do this or that, responsibility and all that. I'm fully aware of my situation, and trying to handle it with the least negative impact.
posted by Fire at 12:21 PM on August 11, 2010
They are extremely condescending and immature. The other day, one of them (nearly 50 years old), was posting thinly veiled attacks against me on Facebook.
In fact, I am due a tiny bit of inheritance money myself, which they refuse to pay me until the house sale goes through. (It's nowhere near enough to cover this, but the will was filed in 2007 and they've withheld it). I've been considering starting my own business, and now I know getting a loan for that would be near impossible.
How can I get a lawyer if I don't have much money? I'll try the local Legal Aid, but are there other options? And is a breach of verbal contract suit something I can win?
Please, no more noise regarding warnings and why didn't I do this or that, responsibility and all that. I'm fully aware of my situation, and trying to handle it with the least negative impact.
posted by Fire at 12:21 PM on August 11, 2010
She can sell her share of the inheritance to other people in order to pay you. I'm sure that won't go over well, but like grouse says, she has assets.
posted by rhizome at 12:23 PM on August 11, 2010
posted by rhizome at 12:23 PM on August 11, 2010
I have not yet called the credit card bank. I sent them an email through their website because it makes me wrought with anxiety over this situation to even consider talking to someone there, especially after them calling me day and night for all this time to the point where I was afraid to pick up my phone. I told them the situation in brief and that I am handling it and considering legal action and would be in touch shortly.
In the email, I mentioned the harassment levels of calls I received and asked them to communicate from this point in writing only. I also asked them to cancel the card in my relative's name.
The kicker is those other family members can, if they wanted to be really evil, leverage my mother's interest in the inherited house against me, because she is also set to inherit from the sale, and I don't want to endanger her share. They've threatened both myself and my mother in various ways as recently as Monday.
posted by Fire at 12:28 PM on August 11, 2010
In the email, I mentioned the harassment levels of calls I received and asked them to communicate from this point in writing only. I also asked them to cancel the card in my relative's name.
The kicker is those other family members can, if they wanted to be really evil, leverage my mother's interest in the inherited house against me, because she is also set to inherit from the sale, and I don't want to endanger her share. They've threatened both myself and my mother in various ways as recently as Monday.
posted by Fire at 12:28 PM on August 11, 2010
Either it's an inheritance or it isn't (yet), right? Is there really a way to change this state of affairs based on emotion? The relatives may just be talking shit.
posted by rhizome at 12:35 PM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by rhizome at 12:35 PM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
What do you think your relatives can do to your mother's inheritance? I suspect they are only threatening things which are illegal.
posted by jeather at 12:38 PM on August 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by jeather at 12:38 PM on August 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
"How can I get a lawyer if I don't have much money? "
Some lawyers work on contingency; they get a percentage of whatever you recover.
You won't know until you call around.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:39 PM on August 11, 2010
Some lawyers work on contingency; they get a percentage of whatever you recover.
You won't know until you call around.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:39 PM on August 11, 2010
I think the biggest thing you should be concerned about is an extended legal battle. I don't know how much money is in the trust but the one thing that you cannot afford is 3+ years of legal bills both re: your credit card and the inheritance. That being said, you should deliver an ultimatum to the family: we can work this out like we are related, or we're going to court. Then lawyer up and see what happens.
posted by Michael Pemulis at 12:49 PM on August 11, 2010
posted by Michael Pemulis at 12:49 PM on August 11, 2010
You mention that your family member will be inheriting enough to pay off the card soon, so I will share a scenario that may ease your mind. While trying to help a friend clear up their credit report a few years ago, I discovered that most credit card companies are more than happy to remove the entire record of accounts with negative issues from all three major reporting agencies, as long as you have the necessary amount of cash to negotiate with. My friend opted to offer their creditor $5,000 cash for a $6,000 debt, and it was gone from their report within 60 days. Should you choose to go this route, PLEASE make sure to obtain copies of any and all agreements before making the payoff, and run it by a lawyer if at all possible. In my opinion, it would also do you well to call the credit card company now to let them know of your current financial situation, to see if they can lower or defer your minimum payment. Best of luck, and don't let this get you down -- stressing yourself out is definitely not going to help.
posted by biggity at 1:23 PM on August 11, 2010
posted by biggity at 1:23 PM on August 11, 2010
About your phone ringing....
Get a google voice account and use that as your voice mail and also, over time, as your main number. It's a sweet setup, it's free, it's perfect for what you want to do now, or need to do.
Port your current telephone number to vonage and just let it lay there, cost you ten bucks a month. Set up a voice mail on it, saying to plz leave a msg, but don't give out the google voice number. Vonage will email you all your voice mails, you can give friends and family your new number; end of creditors calling and hassling, all of their calls end up dead-ended in an email account, and *you* get to decide when to contact *them*. Hurray !!
If/when any of your current creditors (or old boyfriends, whoever) *do* get your google voice number, you can either send them directly to voice mail or block them altogether; you do what you want. Take control of your phone. It may cost you to buy out of your current telephone number -- not sure if it's your cell or a vonage number or what, I'm on a Sprint cell phone and I think it'd cost me about $150 to buy out of my contract currently -- but it sounds like it's costing you plenty, in grief, to allow them to harass you this way. Take control of your phone, take control of your privacy.
I have a friend who works in the collections industry -- which of course is booming right now -- and he's told me that all these calls you're getting are mostly for honest people (such as yourself) honest people who've gotten left-handed behind this or that financial problem, that if you weren't a good citizen it wouldn't bother you, thus the harassment is a tactic on their part, aimed at people with a conscious; they're driving you nuts on purpose. Nice tactic, huh? Always remember, this is just business, it's not personal at all, and plz quit taking it personal, and allowing it to hurt you as it is. Believe me, any bank will dump out of any debt in a heartbeat if it won't return for them -- again, it's called business -- but when you try to do the same, when you try to exercise your same rights, they turn your goodness against you.
Last. When you do get this attorney everyone upthread is telling you to get -- a good idea, seems to me -- ask this attorney (who knows all the laws pertaining to this issue in your state) what you can do and what you can't, and what the creditor can do and what they can't. Also, what they are *likely* to do, should you not declare bankruptcy, and/or if you do, which perhaps depends if you own real estate or not; they're not going to sue you if you've only things which they cannot touch in your state. My understanding is that it varies from state to state but IANAL IANYL ETC and ETC. Use the information you gain from this new attorney to plan your strategy from this point onward.
This really sounds like a horror show. I'm sorry you're going through it right now.
Good luck.
posted by dancestoblue at 5:31 PM on August 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
Get a google voice account and use that as your voice mail and also, over time, as your main number. It's a sweet setup, it's free, it's perfect for what you want to do now, or need to do.
Port your current telephone number to vonage and just let it lay there, cost you ten bucks a month. Set up a voice mail on it, saying to plz leave a msg, but don't give out the google voice number. Vonage will email you all your voice mails, you can give friends and family your new number; end of creditors calling and hassling, all of their calls end up dead-ended in an email account, and *you* get to decide when to contact *them*. Hurray !!
If/when any of your current creditors (or old boyfriends, whoever) *do* get your google voice number, you can either send them directly to voice mail or block them altogether; you do what you want. Take control of your phone. It may cost you to buy out of your current telephone number -- not sure if it's your cell or a vonage number or what, I'm on a Sprint cell phone and I think it'd cost me about $150 to buy out of my contract currently -- but it sounds like it's costing you plenty, in grief, to allow them to harass you this way. Take control of your phone, take control of your privacy.
I have a friend who works in the collections industry -- which of course is booming right now -- and he's told me that all these calls you're getting are mostly for honest people (such as yourself) honest people who've gotten left-handed behind this or that financial problem, that if you weren't a good citizen it wouldn't bother you, thus the harassment is a tactic on their part, aimed at people with a conscious; they're driving you nuts on purpose. Nice tactic, huh? Always remember, this is just business, it's not personal at all, and plz quit taking it personal, and allowing it to hurt you as it is. Believe me, any bank will dump out of any debt in a heartbeat if it won't return for them -- again, it's called business -- but when you try to do the same, when you try to exercise your same rights, they turn your goodness against you.
Last. When you do get this attorney everyone upthread is telling you to get -- a good idea, seems to me -- ask this attorney (who knows all the laws pertaining to this issue in your state) what you can do and what you can't, and what the creditor can do and what they can't. Also, what they are *likely* to do, should you not declare bankruptcy, and/or if you do, which perhaps depends if you own real estate or not; they're not going to sue you if you've only things which they cannot touch in your state. My understanding is that it varies from state to state but IANAL IANYL ETC and ETC. Use the information you gain from this new attorney to plan your strategy from this point onward.
This really sounds like a horror show. I'm sorry you're going through it right now.
Good luck.
posted by dancestoblue at 5:31 PM on August 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
Rent a mailbox at the Post Office or other such service, have all vitally important mail sent directly there, anything you do not want her to intercept.
And for heavens sake, did you cancel the card yet? Immediately cancel anything with her name or that you've given access to.
You may be served well by talking to a lawyer to see what your debt recovery options are at this point.
posted by kuppajava at 6:40 PM on August 11, 2010
And for heavens sake, did you cancel the card yet? Immediately cancel anything with her name or that you've given access to.
You may be served well by talking to a lawyer to see what your debt recovery options are at this point.
posted by kuppajava at 6:40 PM on August 11, 2010
Get your calls and mail automatically forwarded somewhere else from now on even if you have to pay.
Go immediately to the parent relative (whoever that is) and figure out an arrangement, because despite what everyone here says this is a family matter. Dragging in the right family members will put the needed pressure on the situation.
Once you get a pow wow with family, ask if it's reasonable that your relative stop getting cable, etc. and give you the money instead. Who would disagree with this?
Beyond that think creatively, can you move in with family? These times are what family is for... You should know having tried to help out yourself...
posted by xammerboy at 11:54 PM on August 11, 2010
Go immediately to the parent relative (whoever that is) and figure out an arrangement, because despite what everyone here says this is a family matter. Dragging in the right family members will put the needed pressure on the situation.
Once you get a pow wow with family, ask if it's reasonable that your relative stop getting cable, etc. and give you the money instead. Who would disagree with this?
Beyond that think creatively, can you move in with family? These times are what family is for... You should know having tried to help out yourself...
posted by xammerboy at 11:54 PM on August 11, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
Get a lawyer.
posted by pintapicasso at 8:44 AM on August 11, 2010 [8 favorites]