Make me go from a zero to hero in his life..

July 26, 2010 7:53 PM

I live in Philadelphia. This weekend, I met a guy in Washington DC through a mutual friend. The guy was digging me as the night went on, but he was drunk and we were hanging out with a bunch of friends. Nothing happened. I left for home. How can I see if there is possibly something more?

I went to Washington DC to hang out with some friends. One of the girl's local friends, A, came to hang out with us. We all hung out till 5 am. As the night went on, A started staring at me and making random flattering comments directed at me. This caught me by surprise as I thought he was out of my league (he's very attractive, I am average in looks but I think guys tend to like my personality).
The comments were flattering and were building up to a point where everyone was noticing. I am shy and kind of brushed them off. Also, I don't drink but everyone else does, so I didn't know how much of those comments were being said under the influence.

He left, we went to sleep, and then I left the next day.
I couldn't stop thinking about him. I befriended him on facebook a few days after I got home. He said something that it was nice to meet me. A few days later, I wrote him an message saying that it was nice to meet him too and asking him some casual questions. He wrote back today with some answers....asked me a question. There was no flirtation though...

I cannot get a read on this guy. I would really like to get to know him more without scaring him away. My problem in any of my past relationships is that guys like me and want to date me, but the minute I get invested things go light speed fast and then I get dumped.

I really would like to slowly see if there is any potential with this person. I have dated around and it's getting tiring... I haven't met someone with whom I have some spark in so long. Also, he is the same religion as me which is a big plus.

Do you have any suggestions how we could start casually talking via facebook and/or phone? How can I show interest without being too blunt, in my experience that has either scared guys off or we've moved too fast.

Ideally I would love for a email relationship to expand to a phone relationship and maybe we can see each other again, and that spark would be there...

i really like this guy. what should i do? besides "incepting" his mind, lol.

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (7 answers total)

Well, he's emailing you back when you message him on Facebook. That's something. Respond to him, answer his question, ask him something, share an interesting anecdote about your day or some such thing. If he's interested, he'll keep writing back and eventually suggest that you talk on the phone and get together and so on. If he's not, he'll let the conversation taper off.
posted by orange swan at 8:13 PM on July 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Why not send him a message, giving him your phone number and suggesting he call?
posted by Forktine at 8:18 PM on July 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

Here's my worry: this guy is in a different city, and was hitting on you one night when he was drunk. And you're talking about phone calls and visits and he's the same religion and you're tired of dating around and eeeeeee slooooooow down. You don't even know this guy! Given the distance, getting to know him might be difficult, even if he is interested in starting a serious long-distance romance. Pursue if you want, but don't put all your eggs in this basket- don't sit around not-dating while you're e-mailing with this guy. What do your friends think? They know this guy better than you. A little research could be helpful in this situation.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:23 PM on July 26, 2010 [16 favorites]

He may just be flirtatious and charming. If he really wants somethng to happen, he'd make it up to Philly or have friend requested you or have asked your friend for your number. He probably thinks you like him and he likes that but not enough to actually want to get to know you. Flirtatious guys usuall have a bunch of irons in the fire, especially if they're very attractive.
posted by anniecat at 8:58 PM on July 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

"You should come up to Philly sometime! It's really awesome up here haha and I could return the favor of you being so cool the other night by ABCDETC."

His response should be: "Yeah for sure!" and then maybe "How about on XYZ?"

Be forward or end up on the caboose.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:36 PM on July 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

As the night went on, A started staring at me and making random flattering comments directed at me.

You mean, as he was getting drunker and drunker?

I befriended him on facebook...

He knew who you were...he could have friended you too.

There was no flirtation though...
I cannot get a read on this guy.

You know he's not shy. I think if he really liked you, you'd be able to tell because he'd be pursuing you. Basically the only time he really showed interest is when he was drunk. So, look, I hate to say it, but I think he was just drunk and having a good time or possibly trying to get laid.
posted by unannihilated at 5:56 AM on July 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

You gotta plan another trip to dc to get a feel. If you're trying just to hook up with him, def send the feelers. If not, continue to partake in discussion and casually mention your trip on short notice, give him an opportunity to offer a date. If he wants to meetup with your group again in a latenight alc situation, expect it to be more of a fling situation. That's my read but on minimal info.
posted by Hurst at 10:07 AM on July 27, 2010 [1 favorite]