So, what's new in female pubic hair removal?
July 16, 2010 4:22 PM Subscribe
So, I started dating a new guy. It's going well. He's gonna see my girlie bits soon. Female pubic hair removal question here. (NSFW, duh.)
Background: I'm early 30s straight woman, NYC. I haven't been with someone in about 4 years, and my last boyfriend was into hair. Awesome for me at the time (minimal upkeep!), and I didn't have to worry about it too much. However, I know that the "norm" is for women to remove their pubic hair. But how much? And how? I do a little bit of trimming and shaving around the edges before I go to the beach, but other than that, I haven't done much.
So, I have a few questions:
1. How much hair is normal? I know there is truly no normal, normal is what is right for you, normal is whatever your parter likes (assuming you're ok with it too), etc. Basically, what can I do that won't make him think "ummm...OOOOOOk......" Do people leave hair all over but just trim it down real short? Or, if they don't go totally bare, do they leave a little patch right up front? Guys, be honest. I've got no clue.
2. What method can I use? I've never waxed (and frankly I'm kind of scared of waxing). I have shaved it all off a couple times, and that resulted in tons of ingrown hairs, whiteheads, and LOTS of itchiness, even with all the precautions like exfoliating, bikini lotion, using a good razor, shaving in the direction of the hair, etc. Obviously, I'd like to avoid that irritation again. If you promise that it won't make me want to kill myself, feel free to recommend a waxing salon in NYC (Astoria would be even better, but I can travel).
2a. If I do end up waxing, what is the procedure? I'm overweight (women's size 18) and fairly body-self-conscious (part of why I haven't been with anyone in 4 years), so it makes me nervous to think about it. I know it's their job, but it's my junk!
3. I do have a trimmer, and I can use that without irritation. But even when I trim as close as it will allow, there is still some stubble. I have pale skin, and it's dark hair! Would that be totally off-putting?
Like I said, I know that normal is relative, but the truth is, I just have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to this. Help!
(If you'd like to answer privately, throwaway is ask.hairdownthere@gmail.com)
Background: I'm early 30s straight woman, NYC. I haven't been with someone in about 4 years, and my last boyfriend was into hair. Awesome for me at the time (minimal upkeep!), and I didn't have to worry about it too much. However, I know that the "norm" is for women to remove their pubic hair. But how much? And how? I do a little bit of trimming and shaving around the edges before I go to the beach, but other than that, I haven't done much.
So, I have a few questions:
1. How much hair is normal? I know there is truly no normal, normal is what is right for you, normal is whatever your parter likes (assuming you're ok with it too), etc. Basically, what can I do that won't make him think "ummm...OOOOOOk......" Do people leave hair all over but just trim it down real short? Or, if they don't go totally bare, do they leave a little patch right up front? Guys, be honest. I've got no clue.
2. What method can I use? I've never waxed (and frankly I'm kind of scared of waxing). I have shaved it all off a couple times, and that resulted in tons of ingrown hairs, whiteheads, and LOTS of itchiness, even with all the precautions like exfoliating, bikini lotion, using a good razor, shaving in the direction of the hair, etc. Obviously, I'd like to avoid that irritation again. If you promise that it won't make me want to kill myself, feel free to recommend a waxing salon in NYC (Astoria would be even better, but I can travel).
2a. If I do end up waxing, what is the procedure? I'm overweight (women's size 18) and fairly body-self-conscious (part of why I haven't been with anyone in 4 years), so it makes me nervous to think about it. I know it's their job, but it's my junk!
3. I do have a trimmer, and I can use that without irritation. But even when I trim as close as it will allow, there is still some stubble. I have pale skin, and it's dark hair! Would that be totally off-putting?
Like I said, I know that normal is relative, but the truth is, I just have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to this. Help!
(If you'd like to answer privately, throwaway is ask.hairdownthere@gmail.com)
1. How much hair is normal? I know there is truly no normal, normal is what is right for you, normal is whatever your parter likes (assuming you're ok with it too), etc. Basically, what can I do that won't make him think "ummm...OOOOOOk......" Do people leave hair all over but just trim it down real short? Or, if they don't go totally bare, do they leave a little patch right up front? Guys, be honest. I've got no clue.
If you want him to give cunnilingus, then I'd say: the less hair, the more he'll enjoy doing that. Of course, he should still do it whether he happens to enjoy it or not (if you want it) -- but even for your own enjoyment, you should want him to have the most fun possible doing it.
If there's no cunnilingus involved? Then it doesn't really matter to me.
even when I trim as close as it will allow, there is still some stubble. I have pale skin, and it's dark hair! Would that be totally off-putting?
Wouldn't be off-putting at all. Don't worry about that.
posted by jejune at 4:38 PM on July 16, 2010
If you want him to give cunnilingus, then I'd say: the less hair, the more he'll enjoy doing that. Of course, he should still do it whether he happens to enjoy it or not (if you want it) -- but even for your own enjoyment, you should want him to have the most fun possible doing it.
If there's no cunnilingus involved? Then it doesn't really matter to me.
even when I trim as close as it will allow, there is still some stubble. I have pale skin, and it's dark hair! Would that be totally off-putting?
Wouldn't be off-putting at all. Don't worry about that.
posted by jejune at 4:38 PM on July 16, 2010
You know, if he really likes you, I think that it's not going to matter too much. He'll probably just be excited to be taking the relationship to the next level, just as you are. I would definitely second the advice to just wear it how you like it.
Women do all sorts of stuff with their pubic hair, and you know what? I like them all.
posted by King Bee at 4:39 PM on July 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
Women do all sorts of stuff with their pubic hair, and you know what? I like them all.
posted by King Bee at 4:39 PM on July 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
I think only a very shallow man would expect a lady to be hairless. Trim it so it's not in the way, but not so short that you have itchy stubble. Personally, if a man didn't like my reasonable approach to pubes, they're not worth it.
posted by ishotjr at 4:40 PM on July 16, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by ishotjr at 4:40 PM on July 16, 2010 [4 favorites]
trimmed with a trimmer so there aren't long stray hairs. i personally like to trim the under carriage, as it were, and leave the top alone, so you have some fun fluff and if he were the type of gentleman to go down on you, he won't come back up with hairs in his teeth. if you're going to go the trimming route, trim a day or two out from the frisky times, your hair will be softer and slightly grown in, which i think is sexier than just shaved stubble feeling.
some people really enjoy bare, some people are absolutely opposed to bare - same with au natural. if you have no strong feelings either way, trimming seems to have the least polarizing opinions, thus more likely to not shock.
also: you can do it alone in your bathroom in about 5 minutes. i never understood people who kept up the cost of waxing if it didn't benefit their job.
posted by nadawi at 4:44 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
some people really enjoy bare, some people are absolutely opposed to bare - same with au natural. if you have no strong feelings either way, trimming seems to have the least polarizing opinions, thus more likely to not shock.
also: you can do it alone in your bathroom in about 5 minutes. i never understood people who kept up the cost of waxing if it didn't benefit their job.
posted by nadawi at 4:44 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Don't wax. As a guy, I think that's a turnoff. It's scratchy!!!
+1 for 'trim so it's not in the way"
posted by 2oh1 at 4:46 PM on July 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
+1 for 'trim so it's not in the way"
posted by 2oh1 at 4:46 PM on July 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
I know that the "norm" is for women to remove their pubic hair
In my mind and that of many other people of a certain age, that is still the domain of porn stars. I mean, I am aware that it is not, but it is still not a part of the culture that crosses my path. I think you are worrying unnecessarily. Wash and forget about it.
posted by kmennie at 4:47 PM on July 16, 2010 [4 favorites]
In my mind and that of many other people of a certain age, that is still the domain of porn stars. I mean, I am aware that it is not, but it is still not a part of the culture that crosses my path. I think you are worrying unnecessarily. Wash and forget about it.
posted by kmennie at 4:47 PM on July 16, 2010 [4 favorites]
"However, I know that the "norm" is for women to remove their pubic hair. "
That is not the norm. And while I know some women like to remove it or trim it because they like it that way, and I don't have a problem with that, I would personally not date a man whose preference was for women whose genitals looked like little girls'. It would creep me the fuck out.
(To be fair, I am also creeped out by men who remove natural body hair; I like my grown-ups grown-up, whether that means hairy or smooth. But I'm definitely double-creeped out by any man who demands a woman's genitalia look juvenile.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:47 PM on July 16, 2010 [17 favorites]
That is not the norm. And while I know some women like to remove it or trim it because they like it that way, and I don't have a problem with that, I would personally not date a man whose preference was for women whose genitals looked like little girls'. It would creep me the fuck out.
(To be fair, I am also creeped out by men who remove natural body hair; I like my grown-ups grown-up, whether that means hairy or smooth. But I'm definitely double-creeped out by any man who demands a woman's genitalia look juvenile.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:47 PM on July 16, 2010 [17 favorites]
Like others have said, it's ultimately your decision.
Having said that, I try and keep my naughty bits trimmed and maintained for the explicit purpose of not being a distraction to women. I'm sure any effort you put in to grooming will be appreciated.
Also, if he has a problem with it then he's probably not worth the time.
posted by damionbroadaway at 4:48 PM on July 16, 2010
Having said that, I try and keep my naughty bits trimmed and maintained for the explicit purpose of not being a distraction to women. I'm sure any effort you put in to grooming will be appreciated.
Also, if he has a problem with it then he's probably not worth the time.
posted by damionbroadaway at 4:48 PM on July 16, 2010
It would be great if we could have a discussion about grooming preferences without playing the "people who prefer X without hair are pedophiles" card, no?
posted by 1VF5 at 4:49 PM on July 16, 2010 [35 favorites]
posted by 1VF5 at 4:49 PM on July 16, 2010 [35 favorites]
(Obviously, your body, do what you want with it, takes precedence)
If you mostly want to avoid the "pfft-pfft" human hair in mouth response for your partner, trimming to under 1/2 inch is a good way to go. Depending on your hair type, shorter can be fine, though you want to avoid the scratchy stubble feeling for most people (and, your own comfort!).
If you become regular sex partners, then you can start negotiating with each other if he would prefer waxing, or enjoys the scratchy stubble, or letting it grow out, or whatever. And that assumes you find him worth it. Likewise, you might find yourself making requests in kind about his hair as well.
Otherwise, don't sweat it too much. If he was attracted enough to take it this far, if he flips out at this point, you know he wouldn't be a good long term partner anyway.
posted by yeloson at 4:49 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
If you mostly want to avoid the "pfft-pfft" human hair in mouth response for your partner, trimming to under 1/2 inch is a good way to go. Depending on your hair type, shorter can be fine, though you want to avoid the scratchy stubble feeling for most people (and, your own comfort!).
If you become regular sex partners, then you can start negotiating with each other if he would prefer waxing, or enjoys the scratchy stubble, or letting it grow out, or whatever. And that assumes you find him worth it. Likewise, you might find yourself making requests in kind about his hair as well.
Otherwise, don't sweat it too much. If he was attracted enough to take it this far, if he flips out at this point, you know he wouldn't be a good long term partner anyway.
posted by yeloson at 4:49 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
whose preference was for women whose genitals looked like little girls'.
could we please not do this? peoples preferences for hair or no hair are not normally remotely related to pedophile fantasies. even hairless, my vulva looks like an adults', i'd bet most adult women are the same.
posted by nadawi at 4:52 PM on July 16, 2010 [31 favorites]
could we please not do this? peoples preferences for hair or no hair are not normally remotely related to pedophile fantasies. even hairless, my vulva looks like an adults', i'd bet most adult women are the same.
posted by nadawi at 4:52 PM on July 16, 2010 [31 favorites]
I hate the upkeep of trying to be bare, so I just keep it trimmed -- short enough to be well out of the way of any oral festivities taking place in the area, but long enough not to be considered stubble.
My hubs would probably like it if I went bare but he's never complained that I don't. I probably wouldn't date anyone who had a real issue with my having hair, because the maintenance is just not something I'm interested in putting a bunch of time and effort into.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:52 PM on July 16, 2010
My hubs would probably like it if I went bare but he's never complained that I don't. I probably wouldn't date anyone who had a real issue with my having hair, because the maintenance is just not something I'm interested in putting a bunch of time and effort into.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:52 PM on July 16, 2010
whose preference was for women whose genitals looked like little girls'.
could we please not do this?
Agreed! It's no more trying to look prepubescent than a man shaving his beard is.
posted by small_ruminant at 4:57 PM on July 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
could we please not do this?
Agreed! It's no more trying to look prepubescent than a man shaving his beard is.
posted by small_ruminant at 4:57 PM on July 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
Just trim the bush to about a half an inch. That should be long enough to not worry about tearing up the lawn, but short enough to keep toys, hoses, and other relevant apparati from getting lost and tangled up, while maintaining a natural and aesthetically pleasing level of curb appeal.
posted by Beardsley Klamm at 4:58 PM on July 16, 2010 [23 favorites]
posted by Beardsley Klamm at 4:58 PM on July 16, 2010 [23 favorites]
I wouldn't say removing all the hair is normal at all. Some people do, most (in my experience) don't. I've found that most women will trim it, and perhaps shave around the edges.
That being said, I've never found any configuration to be a turn off, so don't worry about that. Or dark hair and pale skin. If it's untrimmed it makes it a little more difficult and uncomfortable to give oral, but it's not the end of the world.
posted by twirlypen at 5:03 PM on July 16, 2010
That being said, I've never found any configuration to be a turn off, so don't worry about that. Or dark hair and pale skin. If it's untrimmed it makes it a little more difficult and uncomfortable to give oral, but it's not the end of the world.
posted by twirlypen at 5:03 PM on July 16, 2010
I do believe in grooming (i.e. cleaning up the edges) but it's really a personal preference. Hopefully, whoever you're inviting to see your girlie bits is mature enough to know that people grow hair.
posted by JV at 5:08 PM on July 16, 2010
posted by JV at 5:08 PM on July 16, 2010
You should ask the guy what he likes and take that into consideration.
posted by new brand day at 5:12 PM on July 16, 2010
posted by new brand day at 5:12 PM on July 16, 2010
Guys, be honest. I've got no clue.
Honest answer: Back when I was single I was generally so happy when sex was made available to me that no amount of hair or lack thereof was going to alter my desire to move forward with the project.
posted by The Gooch at 5:14 PM on July 16, 2010 [18 favorites]
Honest answer: Back when I was single I was generally so happy when sex was made available to me that no amount of hair or lack thereof was going to alter my desire to move forward with the project.
posted by The Gooch at 5:14 PM on July 16, 2010 [18 favorites]
My advice is to ignore the politics of pubic hair grooming and make a decision that 1) you're comfortable with and 2) you think will increase your attractiveness to the guy.
From a guy's perspective, I can say that GENERALLY it's better to err on the side of less hair than more hair. Yes, there are guys out there who like a hairy bush, but that number is on the decline.
posted by BobbyVan at 5:29 PM on July 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
From a guy's perspective, I can say that GENERALLY it's better to err on the side of less hair than more hair. Yes, there are guys out there who like a hairy bush, but that number is on the decline.
posted by BobbyVan at 5:29 PM on July 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
Of course, he should still do it whether he happens to enjoy it or not
Bzzzt. The rule is that stuff has to be fun or at least ok for both of you. He doesn't have to do stuff he doesn't like, any more than you have to do stuff you don't like.
Including, of course, whatever you choose to do with your pubic hair. Do what feels good and looks good to you as well as is ok with him. Honestly, my suggestion would be to ask him, in a fun and sexy kind of way. Either direct ("I've been single for a while, so I haven't had to deal with this, but I want to make things good for you, etc") or indirect ("My friends were arguing about shaving. Give me a guy's perspective.") works fine, whatever is more comfortable for you.
My partner sees a lot of naked women (mostly 18-40) in the locker room, and a couple of the guys at work are in the dating world and love to talk about the raunchy details. They tell me the same thing: almost all of the women do at least a bit of trimming around the edges, some trim/wax/shave more than just the edges, and a few shave or wax everything off, often for special occasions only. (Even with the omnipresence of shaved genitals in porn, it's clearly still rare enough that the guys I know get all excited and can't stop talking about it when they actually encounter shaved poon. It's not nearly as common as you might think from the way it is discussed in the media.)
That's where I think "normal" is these days, floating somewhere between jungle and clear-cut. Where you sit (so to speak) on that spectrum is totally your call, and any dude with the bad manners to complain isn't worth your time.
posted by Forktine at 5:30 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Bzzzt. The rule is that stuff has to be fun or at least ok for both of you. He doesn't have to do stuff he doesn't like, any more than you have to do stuff you don't like.
Including, of course, whatever you choose to do with your pubic hair. Do what feels good and looks good to you as well as is ok with him. Honestly, my suggestion would be to ask him, in a fun and sexy kind of way. Either direct ("I've been single for a while, so I haven't had to deal with this, but I want to make things good for you, etc") or indirect ("My friends were arguing about shaving. Give me a guy's perspective.") works fine, whatever is more comfortable for you.
My partner sees a lot of naked women (mostly 18-40) in the locker room, and a couple of the guys at work are in the dating world and love to talk about the raunchy details. They tell me the same thing: almost all of the women do at least a bit of trimming around the edges, some trim/wax/shave more than just the edges, and a few shave or wax everything off, often for special occasions only. (Even with the omnipresence of shaved genitals in porn, it's clearly still rare enough that the guys I know get all excited and can't stop talking about it when they actually encounter shaved poon. It's not nearly as common as you might think from the way it is discussed in the media.)
That's where I think "normal" is these days, floating somewhere between jungle and clear-cut. Where you sit (so to speak) on that spectrum is totally your call, and any dude with the bad manners to complain isn't worth your time.
posted by Forktine at 5:30 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Guys, be honest. I've got no clue.
I would think it was sexy if we talked about it and flirted with various ideas. It would be sexy and intimate if talked or texted while you did it.
posted by new brand day at 5:30 PM on July 16, 2010
I would think it was sexy if we talked about it and flirted with various ideas. It would be sexy and intimate if talked or texted while you did it.
posted by new brand day at 5:30 PM on July 16, 2010
I can't say what the norm is among straight female New Yorkers or whatever, but I do want to toss in that in my experience of going downtown, there's not a huge issue with hair in the mouth, no matter the length of the pubic hair, if you're willing to just move the hair aside or open the labia a bit with your hand now and then , and look where you're working. If you want to trim or shave, fine, but I just want to say I don't agree with the pussy eating rationale.
posted by serazin at 5:50 PM on July 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by serazin at 5:50 PM on July 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
I know that the "norm" is for women to remove their pubic hair.
Not the 'norm' with any women I've run into. Don't sweat this.
posted by dunkadunc at 5:51 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Not the 'norm' with any women I've run into. Don't sweat this.
posted by dunkadunc at 5:51 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
I would say you want to look well-tended, without having to do anything crazy, like go to Brazil. A little bit of a trim says you take care of yourself (much like a guy shaving before a date, for instance), but still keeps your character generally intact.
That said, the large majority of women I've been with did nothing at all, and it was never an issue for me.
posted by Gilbert at 5:59 PM on July 16, 2010
That said, the large majority of women I've been with did nothing at all, and it was never an issue for me.
posted by Gilbert at 5:59 PM on July 16, 2010
I like my lady's bits trimmed just short enough to be pleasantly fuzzy but not so short they're itchy. This prevents the ingrown hair problem, too.
posted by InsanePenguin at 6:06 PM on July 16, 2010
posted by InsanePenguin at 6:06 PM on July 16, 2010
Yes, there are guys out there who like a hairy bush, but that number is on the decline.
I respectfully call bullshit on this "fact", based on my personal experiences. OP: Do what YOU feel comfortable with; your being comfortable goes a long way toward everyone being comfortable.
posted by lilnublet at 6:06 PM on July 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
I respectfully call bullshit on this "fact", based on my personal experiences. OP: Do what YOU feel comfortable with; your being comfortable goes a long way toward everyone being comfortable.
posted by lilnublet at 6:06 PM on July 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
Guys, be honest. I've got no clue.
Honest answer: Fully shaved down below with a little something left on top- or take it all off.
Just trimming it is not going enhance the experience (and I mean for the both of you).
I am old enough where full bush was the norm when I started having sex. As I got older and dated younger women, I found that shaved feels and looks much better and sexier.
Have fun.
posted by L'OM at 6:11 PM on July 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
Honest answer: Fully shaved down below with a little something left on top- or take it all off.
Just trimming it is not going enhance the experience (and I mean for the both of you).
I am old enough where full bush was the norm when I started having sex. As I got older and dated younger women, I found that shaved feels and looks much better and sexier.
Have fun.
posted by L'OM at 6:11 PM on July 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
serazin: I can't say what the norm is among straight female New Yorkers or whatever, but I do want to toss in that in my experience of going downtown, there's not a huge issue with hair in the mouth, no matter the length of the pubic hair, if you're willing to just move the hair aside or open the labia a bit with your hand now and then , and look where you're working. If you want to trim or shave, fine, but I just want to say I don't agree with the pussy eating rationale.
As the woman on the receiving end - if you spend so much time on the hairy bits that it becomes a real problem with it in your mouth, you're doing it wrong. Or at least, wrong for me. I've never had any issue with the bush being totally untrimmed/trimmed but I have had more than one partner have a viscerally negative reaction to completely bare.
In other words, it's a personal thing. People who say things like 'bare is sexier' or 'trim for better oral' are only speaking from their experience and unless you're sleeping with them (or the people they sleep with) their preferences aren't actually going to help.
All up, or the four men I've slept with 3 preferred varying amounts of hair and not in a bush fetish sort of way, simply in an aesthetics/tactile sort of way.
posted by geek anachronism at 6:16 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
As the woman on the receiving end - if you spend so much time on the hairy bits that it becomes a real problem with it in your mouth, you're doing it wrong. Or at least, wrong for me. I've never had any issue with the bush being totally untrimmed/trimmed but I have had more than one partner have a viscerally negative reaction to completely bare.
In other words, it's a personal thing. People who say things like 'bare is sexier' or 'trim for better oral' are only speaking from their experience and unless you're sleeping with them (or the people they sleep with) their preferences aren't actually going to help.
All up, or the four men I've slept with 3 preferred varying amounts of hair and not in a bush fetish sort of way, simply in an aesthetics/tactile sort of way.
posted by geek anachronism at 6:16 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Smooth is nice, but waxing is probably the way to go vs. shaving or other methods (or so I've heard.)
If that's not for you, it's OK--I'd disagree with L'OM that trimming wont help. I'd try trimming not at the lowest setting, but rather at the lowest setting that your hair still curls just slightly enough that it's not stiff and pokey (and hurty.) Fuzz, as InsanePenguin says. Shape it however you like, but note that for giving oral sex it's much nicer when bits that are in or around your mouth have been taken care of. Imagine if your guy's wang was furry all the way to the tip--would you be quite as happy about putting it in your mouth?
In the end, of course, the final answer is whatever you are comfortable with. But those would be my preferences.
Hope that helps.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:19 PM on July 16, 2010
If that's not for you, it's OK--I'd disagree with L'OM that trimming wont help. I'd try trimming not at the lowest setting, but rather at the lowest setting that your hair still curls just slightly enough that it's not stiff and pokey (and hurty.) Fuzz, as InsanePenguin says. Shape it however you like, but note that for giving oral sex it's much nicer when bits that are in or around your mouth have been taken care of. Imagine if your guy's wang was furry all the way to the tip--would you be quite as happy about putting it in your mouth?
In the end, of course, the final answer is whatever you are comfortable with. But those would be my preferences.
Hope that helps.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:19 PM on July 16, 2010
honestly, I don't really care how much hair there is down there. Unless we agree on oral sex, when I would simply ask the lady to trim it before the act.
posted by spacefire at 6:20 PM on July 16, 2010
posted by spacefire at 6:20 PM on July 16, 2010
As the woman on the receiving end...
Exactly. Believe me, a few hairs can get in your mouth even when you're doing it "right." Get a few hairs in your throat, and you won't be feeling as sexy as you were a moment ago.
Nor is it too fun to have it in your nostrils, eyes, etc. Some girls have serious bush. Which reminds me--if you do this more or less for him, you have good standing to request your guy do some trimming himself (if you like that, and again within his comfort zone.)
Also, after becoming intimate, consider just asking him what he likes.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:24 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Exactly. Believe me, a few hairs can get in your mouth even when you're doing it "right." Get a few hairs in your throat, and you won't be feeling as sexy as you were a moment ago.
Nor is it too fun to have it in your nostrils, eyes, etc. Some girls have serious bush. Which reminds me--if you do this more or less for him, you have good standing to request your guy do some trimming himself (if you like that, and again within his comfort zone.)
Also, after becoming intimate, consider just asking him what he likes.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:24 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Using one of these changed the whole game for me. I can trim really, really close around the lower bits and bikini line (as close as shaving, pretty much), and trim up top so it's apparent that I'm not shaved, but also doesn't earn the term 'bush'.
No ingrowns, minimal itch, takes very little time and effort.
posted by rachaelfaith at 6:38 PM on July 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
No ingrowns, minimal itch, takes very little time and effort.
posted by rachaelfaith at 6:38 PM on July 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
I mostly do not care but for the case that you've got just giant fluffy pubic hedge. Not bush, hedge. Going up my nose. Because, honestly, I could be doing a bunch more interesting things with my right hand when I'm going down on you than keeping some hair out of my nostrils — and I kinda think you don't want me to sneeze all over your crotch because I've got your long and curlies tickling my turbinates. Other than that, we're mostly navigating by touch anyway, right?
posted by adipocere at 7:01 PM on July 16, 2010
posted by adipocere at 7:01 PM on July 16, 2010
I use a beard trimmer on mine. It leaves just a little bit so it doesn't get chafey and stubbly. If I let mine grow out into full on bush territory, I notice that no matter how well I scrub, I don't smell uh, as nice, as if it's trimmed neatly. It's the summer, I'm not a terribly thin girl, and also I'm pregnant, but even when I'm not knocked up and weirdly hormonal I notice a similar effect. Even with constantly wearing cotton underwear.
In my single/dating days, I remember being with dudes that had some extensive brillo-pad bush going on, and they had a bit of a smell thing going on too. Didn't really make me gag and it wasn't the end of the world, but it wasn't super fresh and awesome. I mean, you can't always shower before you do your thing, and I'm sure most people expect it and are OK with it.
posted by kpht at 7:01 PM on July 16, 2010
In my single/dating days, I remember being with dudes that had some extensive brillo-pad bush going on, and they had a bit of a smell thing going on too. Didn't really make me gag and it wasn't the end of the world, but it wasn't super fresh and awesome. I mean, you can't always shower before you do your thing, and I'm sure most people expect it and are OK with it.
posted by kpht at 7:01 PM on July 16, 2010
I randomly polled a guy friend for you, he votes a woman can do pretty much whatever she wants. He personally keeps his pretty short using a trimmer, he thinks she should keep it tamed at least. I go for tamed on top, well trimmed underneath myself. He enthusiastically approves of this.
I would say maintaining the bikini area is a must, sidebush is awkward. I borrowed a swimsuit from a friend's friend last weekend and this girl offers me a razor, wondering if I needed to do my bikini area. I didn't need it, but I thought it was such an odd, kind thing of her to offer. She said she'd recently been at a mineral spa with friends and forgot to shave, so she tried all different ways of sneaking into and out of the pool unnoticed, and made desperate attempts at a muff tuck. So embarrassing. So... if it's general social standard for hair maintenance down there, I'd say it's fair that area should be maintained for my S.O. regularly too.
posted by lizbunny at 7:03 PM on July 16, 2010
I would say maintaining the bikini area is a must, sidebush is awkward. I borrowed a swimsuit from a friend's friend last weekend and this girl offers me a razor, wondering if I needed to do my bikini area. I didn't need it, but I thought it was such an odd, kind thing of her to offer. She said she'd recently been at a mineral spa with friends and forgot to shave, so she tried all different ways of sneaking into and out of the pool unnoticed, and made desperate attempts at a muff tuck. So embarrassing. So... if it's general social standard for hair maintenance down there, I'd say it's fair that area should be maintained for my S.O. regularly too.
posted by lizbunny at 7:03 PM on July 16, 2010
Just take a pair of scissors and shorten it up to a half inch or less. Simple, by my male point of view.
posted by nogero at 8:08 PM on July 16, 2010
posted by nogero at 8:08 PM on July 16, 2010
This is part of an overall package of "sexy," right? A huge part of "sexy" is comfort, confidence, and attitude. What good is waxing or shaving everything if makes you nervous and potentially sore, discouraged, and/or overly sensitive? You're not too keen on the idea, and like everyone has said, it's not required to be "normal." Think about it later if he brings it up. Doing something you know he likes later would add to the feeling sexy part of it.
So go ahead and follow everyone's advice re: trimming. Not long, not stubble, fuzz is good, shorter or shaved on the sides. It's simple, it's unlikely to bother anyone like one extreme or the other might (but probably wouldn't), and it can always be adjusted later if he offers an opinion or you elicit one from him.
There's still the how much / what size question when you leave an area longer. It's difficult to give an answer, but here are some extremely vague guidelines that may [not] help. It's all about proportion, really. Consider the size of the canvas and the surrounding features, and fit something to that. Think about chin hair on a guy. Soul patches are awkwardly small. Something covering the entire chin, down the neck, is often too much, though it could work on some shapes and sizes of guys. There's a size/amount that feels right. Maybe you can apply the same ideas to your pubic hair.
Or you can shape it like a heart. Don't do that.
posted by whatnotever at 8:24 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
So go ahead and follow everyone's advice re: trimming. Not long, not stubble, fuzz is good, shorter or shaved on the sides. It's simple, it's unlikely to bother anyone like one extreme or the other might (but probably wouldn't), and it can always be adjusted later if he offers an opinion or you elicit one from him.
There's still the how much / what size question when you leave an area longer. It's difficult to give an answer, but here are some extremely vague guidelines that may [not] help. It's all about proportion, really. Consider the size of the canvas and the surrounding features, and fit something to that. Think about chin hair on a guy. Soul patches are awkwardly small. Something covering the entire chin, down the neck, is often too much, though it could work on some shapes and sizes of guys. There's a size/amount that feels right. Maybe you can apply the same ideas to your pubic hair.
Or you can shape it like a heart. Don't do that.
posted by whatnotever at 8:24 PM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Just take a pair of scissors and shorten it up to a half inch or less. Simple, by my male point of view.
This is not simple from my male point of view. Parts down there are extremely sensitive and can take a bit to heal. Use scissors with extreme caution.
posted by Big_B at 8:27 PM on July 16, 2010
This is not simple from my male point of view. Parts down there are extremely sensitive and can take a bit to heal. Use scissors with extreme caution.
posted by Big_B at 8:27 PM on July 16, 2010
Guys, be honest. I've got no clue.
I don't think anyone's mentioned this, but I expect it's relevant whether your beau is younger or older than you and by how much. For better or worse, people's expectations are probably shaped in part by media nudity during their coming-of-age period. For example, I'm 40. The first "porn" I saw was European 60s/70s nudies on Skinimax. Except maybe for dealing with overflow out of a bathing suit, the idea of doing *anything* downstairs except leaving it just as God made it is weird to me.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:48 PM on July 16, 2010
I don't think anyone's mentioned this, but I expect it's relevant whether your beau is younger or older than you and by how much. For better or worse, people's expectations are probably shaped in part by media nudity during their coming-of-age period. For example, I'm 40. The first "porn" I saw was European 60s/70s nudies on Skinimax. Except maybe for dealing with overflow out of a bathing suit, the idea of doing *anything* downstairs except leaving it just as God made it is weird to me.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:48 PM on July 16, 2010
Seconding the CleanCut - I love that thing and as someone who is too sensitive for waxing it has totally changed my approach to these things.
Whatever his (and your) preference, not getting it perfect is not going to ruin the first time he sees your girly bits - he's probably just going to be happy to meet them.
The two times I did have boyfriends who had a strong preference they brought it up. The first in a fairly demanding way which turned out to be pretty indicative of his personality (the reason he was 'the first' and not 'the only'.) The second simply stated his preference and asked if I'd be willing to give it a try.
I'd say give it a reasonable trim unless you really want to take it off and wait to see if it comes up later (or ask).
posted by scrute at 9:10 PM on July 16, 2010
Whatever his (and your) preference, not getting it perfect is not going to ruin the first time he sees your girly bits - he's probably just going to be happy to meet them.
The two times I did have boyfriends who had a strong preference they brought it up. The first in a fairly demanding way which turned out to be pretty indicative of his personality (the reason he was 'the first' and not 'the only'.) The second simply stated his preference and asked if I'd be willing to give it a try.
I'd say give it a reasonable trim unless you really want to take it off and wait to see if it comes up later (or ask).
posted by scrute at 9:10 PM on July 16, 2010
I trim with a beard trimmer. I prefer this. I've only had two folks in my history of sex partners offer an opinion. One was a sexy whispered offer to trim my pubes, because that's what he liked. We had some fun with that. The other was a flat out demand to shave. Fuck that guy. Shaving makes me break out and get horrendous ingrown hairs. Not awesome.
Basically, my thought is this: If you want my pubic hair to be a specific way, you'd better be willing to put in the work to make it so.
posted by mollymayhem at 9:34 PM on July 16, 2010
Basically, my thought is this: If you want my pubic hair to be a specific way, you'd better be willing to put in the work to make it so.
posted by mollymayhem at 9:34 PM on July 16, 2010
Since you have no idea what his preference is, leave it exactly as it is (or groom to your own personal preference). If, in the course of the relationship he reveals a preference then you may choose to go with that or not but there's no point trying to second guess what he will like so go with what you like.
Of course, he should still do it whether he happens to enjoy it or not
I couldn't disagree with this more - all sex acts should be completely consensual and no partner should be expected to do something they don't want to. If he really liked anal and she didn't, would you be saying she should do it anyway? Just because its less invasive doesn't mean its not incredibly selfish to force/expect a partner to do something that they really don't enjoy.
posted by missmagenta at 10:26 PM on July 16, 2010
Of course, he should still do it whether he happens to enjoy it or not
I couldn't disagree with this more - all sex acts should be completely consensual and no partner should be expected to do something they don't want to. If he really liked anal and she didn't, would you be saying she should do it anyway? Just because its less invasive doesn't mean its not incredibly selfish to force/expect a partner to do something that they really don't enjoy.
posted by missmagenta at 10:26 PM on July 16, 2010
I like to wax. I was nervous the first time, but it really didn't hurt that much. Don't get me wrong, it isn't the most fun you'll ever have, but it really isn't as bad as the description of the process makes it seem. Of course, different people have different sensitivities. Do you wax your brows? Different body part, but if that doesn't bother you that much, I don't think bikini waxing will. Yes, it is more painful, but it's a way to gauge your sensitivity to waxing. Take a few ibuprofen, or something stronger like a Vicodin if you have it (then it really isn't bad at all) about half an hour before your appointment.
For the amount to remove, that's really up to you. I never go full Brazilian, but kind of a mishmash of various styles--everything off the back, along the sides of the labia and up, and then leave a... medium-sized triangle on top so I'm not totally bare (and for me I think the tiny triangle or landing strip looks absurd). The benefit of this, at least for me, is that I am way, way more sensitive and sex feels better because of it. And yeah, I feel a little more confident because I'm not worrying about what my partner might be thinking about my pubic hair situation.
As to being worried about weight issues... Estheticians have seen it all. Really. They don't care. Look around on something like Yelp--customers are usually pretty detailed as to the attitude of the waxer, so look for a place that talks about nice staff. Also, look for a place where the people are licensed for health/sanitary reasons. As to the process, you go in, they may give you a pair of paper panties for modesty, though really they aren't worth it and get moved around so much anyway during the process it really isn't worth it. Talk to the waxer about exactly what you want, or feel free to ask questions. A good one will be patient and work to give you what you want, just like with any other beauty professional like a stylist. You get on the table and they start. You'll probably be asked to "participate"--helping the waxer hold the skin taut. Time really varies based on the waxer, how much hair you are having removed, etc. When you are done, they should give you some cold towels to hold against yourself to help cool things down. In order to avoid ingrown hairs (of which there are far fewer than with shaving), wait for a few hours, and then gently exfoliate in the shower with a shower puff or similar, and using something like Bliss's ingrown-hair preventing pads help. You can also ask the person what you should do since your business is their business.
But, as everyone else has said, do what makes you feel comfortable. I was really nervous the first time I went to get waxed, but now I'll never go back to shaving. (And if you do decide to wax, do not do it the day of--try to build in a few days just to allow any irritation/ingrown hairs to fade a bit.)
This is more than I ever thought I would write on the subject of pubic hair removal.
posted by HonoriaGlossop at 1:18 AM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
For the amount to remove, that's really up to you. I never go full Brazilian, but kind of a mishmash of various styles--everything off the back, along the sides of the labia and up, and then leave a... medium-sized triangle on top so I'm not totally bare (and for me I think the tiny triangle or landing strip looks absurd). The benefit of this, at least for me, is that I am way, way more sensitive and sex feels better because of it. And yeah, I feel a little more confident because I'm not worrying about what my partner might be thinking about my pubic hair situation.
As to being worried about weight issues... Estheticians have seen it all. Really. They don't care. Look around on something like Yelp--customers are usually pretty detailed as to the attitude of the waxer, so look for a place that talks about nice staff. Also, look for a place where the people are licensed for health/sanitary reasons. As to the process, you go in, they may give you a pair of paper panties for modesty, though really they aren't worth it and get moved around so much anyway during the process it really isn't worth it. Talk to the waxer about exactly what you want, or feel free to ask questions. A good one will be patient and work to give you what you want, just like with any other beauty professional like a stylist. You get on the table and they start. You'll probably be asked to "participate"--helping the waxer hold the skin taut. Time really varies based on the waxer, how much hair you are having removed, etc. When you are done, they should give you some cold towels to hold against yourself to help cool things down. In order to avoid ingrown hairs (of which there are far fewer than with shaving), wait for a few hours, and then gently exfoliate in the shower with a shower puff or similar, and using something like Bliss's ingrown-hair preventing pads help. You can also ask the person what you should do since your business is their business.
But, as everyone else has said, do what makes you feel comfortable. I was really nervous the first time I went to get waxed, but now I'll never go back to shaving. (And if you do decide to wax, do not do it the day of--try to build in a few days just to allow any irritation/ingrown hairs to fade a bit.)
This is more than I ever thought I would write on the subject of pubic hair removal.
posted by HonoriaGlossop at 1:18 AM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
Look, anything extreme -- totally hairless or super-hairy -- will turn someone off.
So don't go to extremes.
But equally, any guy who cares enough about it so much that it'll be a deal-breaker either way, is himself an extremist.
Frankly, just as with hair style on the head, one style may look best for one woman, and another style for another. Pick a style that complements your body, your head hair style, your coloration, tan or lack of one, etc. Theres no one style fits all.
posted by orthogonality at 2:30 AM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
So don't go to extremes.
But equally, any guy who cares enough about it so much that it'll be a deal-breaker either way, is himself an extremist.
Frankly, just as with hair style on the head, one style may look best for one woman, and another style for another. Pick a style that complements your body, your head hair style, your coloration, tan or lack of one, etc. Theres no one style fits all.
posted by orthogonality at 2:30 AM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
I wouldn't personally put wax on such a sensitive area, but then I have iffy skin anyway.
If you do decide to go clean shaven, trim as much as you can with scissors first as otherwise it will be much, much harder to do.
The bottom line is that while some men have individual preference (I know some who prefer clean-shaven for, um, operational rather than aesthetic reasons) the best option is what you end up feeling comfortable with.
posted by mippy at 6:17 AM on July 17, 2010
If you do decide to go clean shaven, trim as much as you can with scissors first as otherwise it will be much, much harder to do.
The bottom line is that while some men have individual preference (I know some who prefer clean-shaven for, um, operational rather than aesthetic reasons) the best option is what you end up feeling comfortable with.
posted by mippy at 6:17 AM on July 17, 2010
Another Guy datapoint:
It really doesn't matter to me, though if oral is going to happen I'd like a bit of trim...
I'd like to second what orthogonality mentioned about either extreme being, well, extreme.
Have fun and don't worry too much.
posted by schyler523 at 6:21 AM on July 17, 2010
It really doesn't matter to me, though if oral is going to happen I'd like a bit of trim...
I'd like to second what orthogonality mentioned about either extreme being, well, extreme.
Have fun and don't worry too much.
posted by schyler523 at 6:21 AM on July 17, 2010
I have a waxing salon recommendation- Unique Threading Salon, 474 7th Ave, 2nd floor, between 35th and 36th. They have sugar wax, which is a lot less painful than the regular stuff, IME. They will try to talk you into the Brazilian (while they're waxing you- hi, ladies, this is already very unpleasant, not a good time for the up sell), but they're otherwise very nice and efficient.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:37 AM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:37 AM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
In Brazil a Brazilian called a Hitler. Seconding the trim the underbits, but don't worry too much about the rest as long as it is tidy.
posted by A189Nut at 8:46 AM on July 17, 2010
posted by A189Nut at 8:46 AM on July 17, 2010
Gay porn stars call the little patch left over the dick a Hitler Mustache.
posted by brujita at 9:20 AM on July 17, 2010
posted by brujita at 9:20 AM on July 17, 2010
IF you decide to go the waxing route (I'm on Team Trimmer myself) please be aware that the resulting endorphin rush may be a very weird feeling for you. I felt lightheaded, dizzy, and nauseous afterwards and I wished I hadn't chosen to walk home.
posted by desjardins at 9:22 AM on July 17, 2010
posted by desjardins at 9:22 AM on July 17, 2010
Bi woman data point: Do whatever makes you feel sexiest. Personally, I don't trim at all, and I love my body that way. I've been with men and women who ran the gamut from hairy to hairless, and personally have a preference for hair because shaving it off looks weird and unnatural to me. No one has ever complained about my refusal to trim/wax/whatever. (Then again, I rock the hairy hippy look like whoa. Point being, do whatever works for you!)
And as for the cunnilingus issue - having been on both ends of this, I don't find that it makes any real difference. A few hairs in the mouth are just not that big a deal.
posted by Eshkol at 10:27 AM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
And as for the cunnilingus issue - having been on both ends of this, I don't find that it makes any real difference. A few hairs in the mouth are just not that big a deal.
posted by Eshkol at 10:27 AM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
I know that the "norm" is for women to remove their pubic hair
Only if you listen to Madison Avenue. There really is no "norm" when it comes to something so personal.
I've had a fair number of partners, and none of them cared diddley-squeak about how I looked (and I never shaved or waxed or depilated in any way). The one and only comment I ever got -- and I only got it twice -- was that on occasion, hair in one's mouth during cunnilingus was annoying. So I just trimmed things with a pair of scissors and everyone was happy.
I think most of the "appearance" issues only come into play if you're wearing a bathing suit and the area covered by the suit is narrower than the hirsute parts of your bits. (I have that issue.) Swimming pools and beaches are kind of "public" areas, and some people are uncomfortable with their pubic hair being visible in such a public place. In the bedroom, though, most guys are just so happy that they're getting to see girly bits at all that they're not quite so concerned with what they DO look like.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:38 PM on July 17, 2010
Only if you listen to Madison Avenue. There really is no "norm" when it comes to something so personal.
I've had a fair number of partners, and none of them cared diddley-squeak about how I looked (and I never shaved or waxed or depilated in any way). The one and only comment I ever got -- and I only got it twice -- was that on occasion, hair in one's mouth during cunnilingus was annoying. So I just trimmed things with a pair of scissors and everyone was happy.
I think most of the "appearance" issues only come into play if you're wearing a bathing suit and the area covered by the suit is narrower than the hirsute parts of your bits. (I have that issue.) Swimming pools and beaches are kind of "public" areas, and some people are uncomfortable with their pubic hair being visible in such a public place. In the bedroom, though, most guys are just so happy that they're getting to see girly bits at all that they're not quite so concerned with what they DO look like.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:38 PM on July 17, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
Wear it how YOU like it.
No, really.
posted by phunniemee at 4:33 PM on July 16, 2010 [23 favorites]