Spending money for a college student?

July 15, 2010 1:30 PM

My daughter will be starting college in a few weeks - a small liberal arts school in a small town in Ohio. My question: How much spending money should I provide her? She will be on an unlimited meal plan, so food should not be a big expense, and she will have an account at the book store for her textbooks and other school supplies. Any students or parents want to weigh in?
posted by pavi to Education (119 answers total)

$0 sounds about right.
posted by oreofuchi at 1:32 PM on July 15, 2010 [18 favorites]

Honestly, she should get her own bank account and a job on campus for spending money. You are paying for quite enough.

If that's not an option, before you're able to go out for drinks, you mostly just eat out a couple times a week, so I would say something along the lines of $50 a month would be reasonable.
posted by Think_Long at 1:33 PM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

When i went away to school i didnt get any spending money . College is her time to figure out how to manage money. if you provide her with money she will never learn that .

Heck i even had to pay my own college and i am paying off my own college loans.
posted by majortom1981 at 1:35 PM on July 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

This is so dependent on your family's finances and values, and whether you want your daughter to have a job while in classes, as to be impossible to answer. Other students will have anywhere from the $0 oreofuchi suggested to family credit cards with no limits.
posted by amelioration at 1:35 PM on July 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

I second her getting even a little, "don't think too much about it" job. A little spending money would be helpful, however, because she will probably tire of the dorm food pretty fast. I'd argue for $20 a week in mad money. Enough for a burger, bus fare and a matinee. My parents paid my undergrad tuition and housing but I was on my own for cell phone bills, books, gas, etc. It's great you're being supportive but I'd encourage her to be responsible for sundries.
posted by ShadePlant at 1:36 PM on July 15, 2010

May a $500 emergency fund. She would benefit from getting a job to support her fun expenses.
posted by anniecat at 1:37 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Same situation here.

She can spend whatever money she has saved, her meals, school, room and books are covered. She's an adult now and needs to kick in some funds to take care of herself.
posted by new brand day at 1:37 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I also went to college at a small liberal arts university that had its own meal plan, etc. I didn't get any spending money from my parents - I got a job immediately on campus and earned whatever I spent. It served me well - the jobs I had on campus led to the job I got straight out of uni, and that led to the job that I have now (in another country). I still managed to make good grades and keep out of trouble. If there's any way for her to get a job, i'd give her a couple hundred dollars and encourage her to arrange for an on-campus job before that runs out.
posted by ukdanae at 1:38 PM on July 15, 2010

I went to a small liberal arts college in a small Ohio town, started in the fall of 1998.

I was using my own money, which I had from my high school job, allotted in $500 per semester, in addition to my meal plan and bookstore money. My friends and I often went into Mt. Vernon to go to the movies, or to Columbus on shopping trips. I would have felt left out if I hadn't had any money to spend.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 1:38 PM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

I say she should have as much money as she wants, provided she earns it herself.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 1:39 PM on July 15, 2010

You should probably give her a little bit in the beginning of the semester. It takes a few weeks from moving in, getting acclimated at college, and finding an on campus job. If the small liberal arts college is like where I go to school, finding a job while not being a work-study student may be challenging.
posted by astapasta24 at 1:41 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm going against the grain here and saying she should have an allowance, at least for the first semester. Adjusting to college is not always easy, and she should put her studies ahead of getting a job. She's there to learn, academically, and you should provide her whatever will benefit that aspect. Give her enough money so that, for the duration of the adjustment period, that's one less thing she needs to worry about instead of concentrating on her studies.
posted by griphus at 1:41 PM on July 15, 2010 [24 favorites]

Parents have different ideas how this sort of thing is supposed to work. When I went to college, I had the same sort of set-up as you and the deal I had with my folks was that they didn't want me getting a job when I was at school [which is what I wanted] because they wanted me to focus on school and not worry about money. I think they gave me something like $100/mo [in 1990 dollars] and I was supposed to use this for gas and other things that weren't strictly school expenses but were things I more or less needed. I think we revisited this amount a few times a year and at some point I switched to having a job instead (which I preferred).

So some of this is going to depend on your cash situation and how things work in your family. If she has loans and can get work study, or what you feel about her paying her own way versus this being something that you pay for. My basic advice is that if spending money is part of the deal, then money for a meal out a week, or a movie and a cheeseburger is fine. I do agree that having a small job for pocket change is not a bad idea, but I can see how that might not be something you'd want to put on top of all of her other initial going to college responsibilities right off the bat.
posted by jessamyn at 1:41 PM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

Has she saved any money in preparation for college? Will she have a job on campus or does she plan on getting one when she gets there? How much does she spend now outside of food and school supplies? What does she expect to spend money on? Some outside-the-cafeteria food will be a social necessity (ie late night pizza deliveries) and the book store will probably also sell food and clothing, will you include her account there in your calculations?

Ask her what she thinks is reasonable. Whatever amount you set you should revisit after a couple of months or at the holiday break.

FWIW I had saved money from high school jobs, and my parents gave me an emergencies-only credit card and made very very very clear that an emergency was a popped tire or a safe ride home (taxi vs riding with a drunk driver), not pizza or a new pair of jeans.
posted by hungrybruno at 1:42 PM on July 15, 2010

I worked 10-15 hours a week, but all that money went to books and tuition. My parents didn't have any money to give me-I mostly bummed off my boyfriend or did without.

My boyfriend got $300 a month. I think he spent a lot of that on me.
posted by muddgirl at 1:42 PM on July 15, 2010

(Also, my boyfriend had a car. If your daughter doesn't have a car, she'll still need a little to bum rides off her friends).

I think it's a good idea to have an allowance for the first semester/year at least. I didn't get a job until the end of second semester, and I was really hurting for, like, toothpaste and deodorant.
posted by muddgirl at 1:43 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I generally agree that students should be employed, but that may be a problem in a small town in this economy. If she can't get a job I think $50 a week is more than enough, but I would make it a loan that the child must start paying back when they graduate. Get it in writing. If she is not working and has everything payed for I would also expect pretty amazing grades.
posted by nestor_makhno at 1:44 PM on July 15, 2010

Also, be prepared for her to spend most of the money on drugs and liquor, so give her a lot less if you don't want her doing that.
posted by muddgirl at 1:45 PM on July 15, 2010 [4 favorites]

Agree that she should have an allowance, at least at first, and especially if you want to give it to her.

My parents dealt with this in different ways -- I got $1500 at the beginning of fall semester for the whole year (for spending money and plane rides home for holidays). My younger brother got a $50-75 deposit every other week (you might guess who my parents thought was the more financially responsible of the two).

I did eventually get a job on campus as a sophomore, but I think that giving your child a good start for freshman year, where they can focus on their studies and building relationships, is a great idea. I really appreciate the chance to get established academically and socially before having to jump into having a job, too.
posted by CharlieSue at 1:45 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

If she's going to Kenyon or Oberlin, jobs are few and far between. You'll want to help her out.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 1:45 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I went to a small liberal arts school in a small town in Ohio. If she's going to Hiram, memail me and I can tell you some of the details about what I needed.
posted by harperpitt at 1:46 PM on July 15, 2010

How does she get spending money now? That's a pretty crucial piece of the puzzle.

When I was in college, I worked during summers and the month-long winter breaks, and that got me through. Since it's a little late for that, you might start her out with a small monthly allowance and have a talk with her about where she'll get her cash after that.
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:48 PM on July 15, 2010

astapasta24 says what I was going to say. Considering its her first semester, I think its a little unreasonable for posters to expect her to be able to get a job right away. Also, she's going to get there and find there are thing she needs for comfortable dorm living that she didn't expect (and not necessarily luxuries -- I was surprised to find my first-floor dorm room didn't come with curtains or a shade, for example) so perhaps have some arrangement where if she really needs something at the start you can buy it for her and have it shipped.

When I was in college my Grandmother mailed me $10 per week, which was enough for me to buy things (on a monthly basis) like shampoo and soap and other personal care items, plus pay for an on-campus movie or whatever. Truthfully, $250 - $500 for the semester does sound about right. But I would also be very clear with her that, barring a true disaster, that's all she's getting, so if she spends it all on an ipod she's out of luck.
posted by anastasiav at 1:48 PM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

Pavi, I recommend giving us some kinds of principles or goals or something to work with. This also depends greatly on your financial werewithal balanced against how important you think it is for her to get (or not get) a job while starting college. As it is, the question leaves the door wide open for people to give their own random judgments about whether parents should pay for anything beyond what you specified. Presumably you don't agree since you're asking the question (I don't imagine "$0" is incredibly helpful), but we can't know what's in your head.
posted by Jaltcoh at 1:49 PM on July 15, 2010

Ask yourself a few questions: How much influence do you want on what she buys? Do you value the experience of being a working student, or do you think college should be only for learning? How much can you afford?
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 1:51 PM on July 15, 2010

When I was in college I worked during the summers, earned a couple of thousand dollars, and that was enough to cover expenses during the school year. Not that this would be the case with your daughter, but the kids that got money from their parents generally weren't as responsible with it and were more likely to spend it on recreational activities.

If you want to cover gas and incidental expenses, $100-150 a month sounds about right.

She will probably need your help more when she moves off campus later on, and has to learn how to pay bills and buy groceries and stuff. You don't need that much extra money as a freshman.
posted by Ostara at 1:51 PM on July 15, 2010

Hmm, I went to a liberal arts school in a small town in Ohio with an unlimited meal plan and a bookstore account. There were not a lot of jobs available unless one qualified through a financial aid program or had special skills (e.g. life guarding at the pool), so my mom did give me some spending money. I'm not sure how much it was really, because she gave me a credit card from her account and had me buy authorized things on it (an occasional meal out, some groceries to supplement the school food, an occasional clothing item I needed), so she got the bill instead of me, but I was never a big spender. I also had some money saved from my summer job. Since your daughter's a freshman, the cost will depend somewhat on how well set up she is when she arrives -- she'll probably need to make a trip to the Walmart in the next town over to get her dorm fully equipped, but how much that would run will depend on how much she arrives with. Aside from that, unless she has any big unique expenses (medical, dietary, whatever), I think $500 a semester would be more than enough. There really isn't much to spend money on there besides the occasional late night pizza, but we liked to go down to Columbus every few weeks to get a touch of city life.

I hope she has as good a time as I did, and feel free to MeMail me if you have any questions specific to that college.
posted by unsub at 1:52 PM on July 15, 2010

I went to a small liberal arts school in small rural town. I did work a little, but not my first semester. I had an extremely trusting relationship with my parents wherein, if I needed money, I asked them, and they trusted me to spend it prudently. This worked because I HATE asking my parents for money and am not really much of a spender anyway. They probably gave me close to zero (beyond tuition and room and board) because I felt that my spending money should come from my summer and campus jobs. That said, it helped a LOT to know that if I really ran out it was there to help me.
posted by juliapangolin at 1:52 PM on July 15, 2010

I had a credit card that functioned as my allowance. It had a limit but I never knew what it was; I never approached it. My parents didn't want me to have a job until I was adjusted to college. I am also a spoiled only child though, and I had no concept of the value of money until I was about 24, so maybe this wasn't the best plan. I never stressed out about money in college, though, and when I did have a job, I was able to take an internship that paid very little but that was interesting, rather than taking a waitressing job or something.

If, at 18, my parents had dropped me off in New York City (I went to NYU) and said "Okay, we paid your tuition and we paid for your books, and for everything else you are on your own," I probably would have become a stripper.
posted by millipede at 1:55 PM on July 15, 2010 [9 favorites]

When our kids went off to college, they earned their spending money over the summer per parental fiat. And, yes, we did get an adorable, well-written plea from one of them around April for funds to get to the end of freshman year. In the same adorable tone, we sent back a well-written note saying it was time to get a job. Said offspring got various babysitting gigs and thereafter supplemented her summer money for the next three years.
posted by Elsie at 1:58 PM on July 15, 2010

Yeah, I'm with more of the later posters - you didn't ask whether she should get a job, just what a reasonable allowance was. It's Really nice to be able to go get those late night fries/ice cream/whatever with friends to bond, especially at first. $150-$200 a month, with maybe some money up front for dorm basics, sounds reasonable to me, and similar to what my folks gave me, adjusted for inflation.
posted by ldthomps at 1:58 PM on July 15, 2010

I would give her a small allowance - and then require her to earn whatever extra she wants from there.

Do not give her so much that she does not learn the time value of money.
posted by Flood at 1:59 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

My parents gave me $100 a month during the school year, and zero during the summer, when I was expected to get a job and earn my own cash. Towards the end of my college career, I got a raise to $150 a month, but if I remember correctly that's when I no longer had a meal plan at the dining hall. If you can afford it, and it fits into your family culture, I think it's a nice thing to give her some money. If you can't afford it, or it doesn't fit into your family culture, then don't do it.

I have to say, I appreciated that the money took the edge off my existence for those four years. I had friends who had to work for every penny. They did so, and I'm sure it built character, but it also made their college years more of a struggle than mine were. And I don't think that's the only way to build character.
posted by BlahLaLa at 2:01 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

One other factor to consider: she is there to make friends, and the demographics of her classmates could be a factor. If she can't afford to go out with them on Friday night, or go to a movie with them, or pay for her own tickets on a date -- those things have social implications.

Also, the job thing can interfere with the social thing and the academic thing - it's a balancing act, sure, and that's part of learning, but there's no reason to be inflexible.

I say this as someone who a) put myself through school after freshman year, and b) probably could have done much better in college if I didn't have to work. I have little patience for spoiled children, but I also have little patience for needless hardness.
posted by amtho at 2:01 PM on July 15, 2010 [5 favorites]

25 years ago, my books and food were covered, and I got $100 a month, most of which went to gas money to go see my girlfriend in another city. And beer.
posted by MrMoonPie at 2:02 PM on July 15, 2010

The meal plan will get old quick! And at my school an unlimited meal plan did not include dinner on Sunday. Either way she will need/want $ for food, also extra snacks for her dorm.

As far as spending money, she'll certainly need it for incidentals but the biggest allotments will likely be gas and food (going out with friends). Weekends will be parties (girls should not have to pay anything) and school groups where there could be costs (shirts, supplies...).

My recommendation would be to start out low based on minimal additional food costs/gas and adjust as needed by her ability to set up/stay on a budget.
posted by doorsfan at 2:03 PM on July 15, 2010

I am a college senior. I had a job in high school, and I got another my sophomore year, but my god, if I had tried to work freshman year on top of all the other major adjustments in my life, I would have been totally overwhelmed.

What my family did was send me $65 every two weeks. (My tuition and meal plan are paid by financial aid; the $65 is the only money my parents can give me.) I got a job sophomore year when I decided I'd like to be able to buy more things for myself; at that point I told my parents they could stop sending me money, but they said they wanted to keep it up. (My parents rule.)

Honestly, having absolutely no spending money will hurt her socially, to a certain extent. People go out and watch movies and buy ice cream and tacos with their friends, it's just a fact, and if someone can NEVER do that, they're in a bad spot.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:04 PM on July 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

There wasn't a whole helluva lot to do as a freshman at Wooster. That was nearly twenty years ago, but I'm not sure how much it's changed since. My first year experience existed pretty much on campus. Aside from the simple things like toiletries to dorm room basics, plus things like off hours junk food and the occasional trip to the diner, there wasn't that much of a need for pocket money. (My wild-ass guess would be between $25-50 a week.) Whether you provide that money or she earns it herself is a matter of if you want her to have a job in addition to her studies, even more so if she's going to play a sport.
posted by slogger at 2:04 PM on July 15, 2010

I went to a small-ish college in rural Indiana and I didn't have any problem finding jobs. I babysat for professors, I waited tables, I worked in the university's computer lab. I also worked back home during the summers I wasn't at school and saved money that way, mostly waiting tables and nannying. The summer after I graduated I got a sweet internship at my dream job location, and they hired me after my internship was over.

If you want her to have any concept of how to save and budget and plan, she really needs to have a job of her own before she graduates. Maybe it'll work out that she doesn't work during the school year but she works over the summers to save to go back to school. Or perhaps she finds odd jobs like I did and works 10-15 hours a week, just for spending money.
posted by cooker girl at 2:05 PM on July 15, 2010

all of my friends got some money every month. i didn't get any money and felt really left out. then again, i went to college in a large city and not a small town in ohio. i think that reasonably, from the student's point of view, $50-100 per month is about right. but don't let her ask you for any more.
posted by lakersfan1222 at 2:06 PM on July 15, 2010

Don't give her zero. My parents gave me zero. I spent all the money I earned on necessities like shampoo and tampons and my textbooks and phone bill. I had nothing left for fun. If you can afford it, give her enough to eat out once a week and chip in for gas so her friends don't feel like she's freeloading. It stinks to never be able to chip in. It's humiliating. Her job, if she finds one, can pay for necessities and she can budget, of course.

College is a full-time job in itself, so she's not going to be able to earn tons of money with her own job. I did find that having a part-time job was good experience and helped keep me motivated the whole day, and I admit that there were rich kids at my college who neither worked a job nor did their studies adequately. Earning your own money is empowering.

Please tell her that if she needs something, to come to you and not to get a credit card. My folks were very "You're 18 now, deal with it yourself," and my travel to and from home ended up on a credit card.
posted by Knowyournuts at 2:06 PM on July 15, 2010

I didn't work at college (except for classes. Well, not even then really), but I'd worked summers before then and had saved up some money. My parents paid for school/lodging/food, but I recall that I was the one who paid for everything else. I had no doubt that if I really needed money then it was there, but beer and trips to Tahoe didn't qualify as "really needed" (so I didn't drink and didn't go skiing. Poor me).
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 2:07 PM on July 15, 2010

I also went to a small liberal arts school in Ohio, and also had an account at the bookstore, and unlimited meal plan.

I'd had jobs since I was 16, and so had some of my own money, but the culture at the school was decidedly one of "old money" and despite the fact that my friends and I weren't, I still ended up needing (or at least, thinking I needed) a lot more money for sundry items and spending a lot more on entertainment than my family and I had expected.

Also, a lot of colleges have a pre-stocked account on the student ID that you can put money on to make sure it's spent on certain types of things.

If by chance it's Denison, hit me up. I graduated 12 years ago, but am acquainted with some more recent grads and current students. (On the job note, I'm pretty sure without federal work study, you can't work on campus, and there aren't many jobs in Granville, or weren't when I was there.)
posted by pixiecrinkle at 2:09 PM on July 15, 2010

I was thinking $100-$150 every couple of weeks. If you want to limit the cash, you could give her a credit card to use for stuff like pizza and trips to Target and then a smaller amount of cash.

She's going to make friends who want to grab a pizza, get a pretzel at the mall, go pick up the stuff she didn't even realize she would need to have. I don't think there are probably too many jobs available to her, and I would say that the first semester of college isn't the time to be trying to balance that responsibility.
posted by mrs. taters at 2:10 PM on July 15, 2010

My parents gave me about $150/month my sophomore year when I moved out of the dorms and in an apartment with some roommates. I was working enough to support most of my monthly expenses, but since my tuition was less than they'd expected they just gave me what was left over. They stopped my junior year when I moved in with my boyfriend against their wishes. I saved everything they gave me for years and just used it to get me through my really hard last semester where I couldn't work.

You might want to consider adding your daughter to one of your credit cards. I have one that I only use in emergencies, like the types of events my parents don't mind covering -- flat tires on road trips, emergency room visits, taking care of my little brother, etc. I pay for anything not emergency- or family-related that I use it for (which is almost never, on penalty of death). It's been a good safety net that let my parents feel like they were still taking care of me without coddling me.
posted by lilac girl at 2:12 PM on July 15, 2010

I had a lot of cash saved up from having worked a full-time job the entire summer, which I drew off of freshman year; I worked the rest of the time. It's also pretty important to note that, other than some modest loans I took out, my parents funded the bulk of my tuition, books, room & board, out of pocket.

Some of my friends had no parental support at all, and their inability to easily join the rest of us for modest social outings was, for many, extremely embarrassing. One of them happily let her relatively-well-off boyfriend pay for basically every meal she ate; another was almost red-faced every time we chipped in for pizza or beer and she couldn't help out. We didn't mind, but she definitely did.

I also don't know how easy it'll be for your daughter to get a job. Small liberal-arts schools in small towns may not have an infinite number of jobs for students, especially in a down economy where there'll probably be more students working than in the past, when their parents might have been helping them out a lot. And there's certainly no guarantee that job will work with her schedule - I usually had very-flexible on-campus jobs, but a lot of my friends lost jobs on a regular basis because they'd had a schedule one semester that they couldn't maintain due to new classes, and an employer who could replace them on a whim with a more convenient student.

I'm going to agree with those who say that, especially for her first semester or year, something like $100 a month will go a long way toward letting her concentrate on getting settled in, figuring out classes, making friends, and generally making what can be a very stressful transition less-awful. After that, sure, a summer job or part-time gig can probably pay her way, but "Drop her off with nothing in her pockets" sounds like adding a ton of stress to an environment that won't be short on it.
posted by Tomorrowful at 2:15 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I had a very similar set-up (meal plan, rooms paid for, no car on campus at least the first year so no need to pay gas).

I used money from my savings to go do fun things, or just hung with my friends on campus and did any of the free/cheap things that my college was offering on a given weekend.

If I needed extra money, for a trip or something, my parents were very generous. But I had no specified allowance. Many of my classmates who did spent it all on beer.

Even at my small liberal arts college, there were plenty of campus jobs (and community part-time gigs and babysitting) to be had. $7.50 x 4 hours = $30 a week, plus something she can put on her resume. Ask Campus Activities or Student Services if you need ideas - that's what they are there for, and if those departments are the wrong ones to go to, they will be able to direct you to the right place.
posted by kellygrape at 2:17 PM on July 15, 2010

(Addendum: My totally-broke friends generally did work, but were in most cases putting themselves through school, so their earned money usually went straight into books and shampoo. I don't mean to imply that parental support is the only way to have spending money.)
posted by Tomorrowful at 2:18 PM on July 15, 2010

College was my full-time job. I went to class from 7am to 11pm each day my first year, and had a slightly more sane schedule following that. I had enough scholarship money where I had about $300-500 leftover each semester, which was my "mad money".

I also had a $15k inheritance from an aunt, managed by my father. He sent me an allowance every 2 weeks. It started off very small while I was in the dorm and ramped up when I got my own apartment. That arrangement worked out pretty well. I had enough to cover necessities outside of food (like toiletries), go out to the occasional movie, pay for an online game, and get a few CDs or books every now and then.

Really, you and your daughter should just sit down and make a budget.
posted by Wossname at 2:19 PM on July 15, 2010

My parents didn't require (actually, they didn't allow) me to have a job while I was in college because they wanted me to focus on my studies (which I pretty much did). The thing I wish we had done that we didn't was sit down and talk about what's reasonable for a college student to want/need to do with money: dinner out/pizza once a week? dorm snacks? the occasional record album (this was a long time ago)? phone bill? Should the college student be able to buy clothes once in awhile, or is that a shopping-with-mom-on-breaks thing?

My dad just arbitrarily set an amount, and it wasn't enough for me. More than half, for instance, went just to pay the basic rate phone bill for the phone in the dorm (this was pre-cellphones). I wish we'd sat down and talked through what things really cost and what we thought my "lifestyle" should be like--I'm sure we could have come up with something reasonable between my dad's hyper-frugality and my spendthriftiness. At least I like to think so.

I agree that what you do will depend on your family's values. A lot of people in this thread think she should work for her spending money; some people will feel like my parents, like they're already paying a crapton of money to get the kid educated and they don't want a job to distract from that, so they would rather also pay an allowance; lots of people will be at various places in between. For my own self as a parent (my kids are some years away from college still) I would take into account my kids' preferences as to whether she'd rather have a job or not; family finances (what can I afford); what things really cost in the college town; what the social expectations might be wrt to study groups meeting late at night at Dennys etc so she wouldn't be priced out of making friends and participating in relationships. And I tend to err on the side of generosity.
posted by not that girl at 2:21 PM on July 15, 2010

For another data point.

I've worked with my kids to set their budgets and it has depended on their summer jobs etc., but I encourage them to budget $40 a week for discretionary fun (meals out, movies, etc) and if they want to do something better (ski trip) then they need to cut back on the others and save.

However it's financed there should be some spending money in the budget and for our family it's come out to be about $40 a week.
posted by Edward L at 2:27 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

When I was a student, my parents didn't want me to get a job, their thinking being that I should be spending most of my time studying; consistent with this, they gave me something like $150/month, with the expectation that I was supposed to use some of that for clothes, etc, in addition to social stuff. I am endlessly grateful for that. I don't feel like my parents robbed me of some essential life-building experience by suggesting I not get a job, nor do I think I lack crucial money-management skills I would otherwise have acquired during those four years. It's not like your kids will lack other opportunities to work -- whether they start doing so at 18 or 22 doesn't seem like a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Meanwhile college is one of the few opportunities most people get to be completely immersed in a subject, meet loads of interesting people, etc, etc, without too many pressures (financial & otherwise) from the outside world intruding in.

So basically it just comes down to what your family finances are like, and what you (by which I mean you & your child) expect from college. Is sending them a couple hundred bucks a month a stretch for you? Then don't do it; them's the breaks (and it's not as though having to get a job for a few hours a week is going to be a backbreaking strain for them). Are they going to try to be a triple-major in three insanely difficult, time-consuming subjects? Then maybe be more inclined to help them out. (And it actually might matter a little what those subjects are. E.g. I think I part of my parents' general anti-job approach during the first couple years of my college experience stemmed from knowing that most of the jobs I could get then would be essentially irrelevant to what I did later. I was a physics major, fwiw. I did get jobs during the summers -- no classes to worry about, so my parents expected me to pay my own way.)

Either way (i.e. whether you provide it or they earn it) they're going to need at least $100/month or so just to not be isolated socially from their peers; that's enough to cover some pizza, occasional trips to the coffee house, maybe a concert or club every once in a while. So if you intend for them not to work, you probably need to support them at that level.
posted by chalkbored at 2:29 PM on July 15, 2010

How will she learn to manage money if she doesn't have any? A small allowance will allow her to learn how to cope on a budget. When I was at uni (<10 years ago) we had a budget of about $400 a month but that had to cover everything except rent and utilities (as you can imagine when it came down to a choice between beer and books, beer won). $100-$150 per month seems reasonable if her food, books and rent are taken care of.
posted by missmagenta at 2:33 PM on July 15, 2010

I got $30/week from my mom and also had a very part-time job for most of college, so my weekly income was maybe $80 (this was just a few years ago, so I doubt inflation has much effect on what that means). I spent money on:

-public transportation before I had a car and gas/parking after I had a car
-vats and vats of coffee
-laundry
-cultural stuff (I was in a city, so had lots of options)
-health/hygiene stuff (prescription medicines, toiletries, etc)
-the very occasional dinner out
-beer and, er, herbal refreshments
-throwing parties (sometimes girls do have to pay for parties, like when they throw them)
-house dues for my theme house

I never felt totally broke, and I had roughly the same income as my friends (although some received more directly from their parents and some had better-paying jobs or worked more hours). Like I said, I was in a city, so things were probably more expensive in general than they would be in small-town Ohio.

Mostly, I think it'll depend on your daughter's personality and money sense-- my cash flow was perfectly sufficient for me (and even allowed me to save money to use during Christmas and spring breaks), while my more spendy sister, who got the same allowance, has a better-paying part time job, and lives in a much cheaper part of the country, immediately spends all of her available money on clothes and dinners out and then begs my parents for more. After your daughter's fully moved in, $20 a week is probably a good place to start, and then you can adjust from there if she really needs more.
posted by oinopaponton at 2:34 PM on July 15, 2010

I got through a bunch of comments that all said not to give her anything and stopped reading. You obviously want to give her something or you wouldn't be asking. It also makes me think you're able to give her something.

My parents didn't give me any money per se. What they did was sign me up for a credit card and took care of the bill. They paid for my books and stuff and told me to put it on that. They also told me to use it for other things as long as I didn't go overboard.

I also had money built up, so I didn't need their money on top of everything else they were paying. It also made me think about if I wanted them to see where the money was being spent.

Obviously this hinges a lot on how much you trust your daughter to not go crazy. But if she's the kind of kid who can handle this kind of thing, it helps build up credit so she's not starting from nothing later on.

If you'd rather give her cash, I recommend 1 or 2 large chunks instead of money/week. Especially if she doesn't know how to budget her money well yet. Nothing teaches you money management better than not being able to go out with your friends because you spend all your money in 3 days.
posted by theichibun at 2:38 PM on July 15, 2010

I got $300/month, occasionally bumped up or down $50 depending on the month. To give her $0 would be pretty unreasonable, especially for the first semester. I went to college in Chicago and it took me a few months to find a steady job (I did not have work study) — jumping into your first semester at college is hard enough as it is without having to scrounge around for work in a small town.

Prices of basic food, etc. will probably be less in a small town — if I hadn't lived in Chicago, I almost certainly would have needed less money.

I will say that if you are willing to give her an allowance, $50/month sounds absurdly low. Meal plans aren't that good, and some won't even cover every meal ever. One shopping trip to get between-meal essentials will make that budget obsolete.

I would encourage you to dole this out per week or two rather than per month — for me, getting it all in a lump sum on the 1st meant it would be super-tight by mid-month. I would have vastly preferred $40 or $50/week (ultimately less) than the lump sum.

If she has money saved up, then take that into account, obviously. Another thing to note — my major basically mandated unpaid internships, which my parents were very kind to help me out with, either monetarily or by letting me live with them during the summers. Any money I did make went directly towards paying for tuition. That meant I really had no savings to speak of, and couldn't fund each year individually.
posted by good day merlock at 2:39 PM on July 15, 2010

I'm surprised so many people are saying zero! I think $50-$100 a month is good. It's enough to cover the expense of shampoo, toothpaste, an occasional pizza out with friends and stuff like over-the-counter medications she might need.

I paid my own way through college, because it was the only option I had. But if my family could have provided an "allowance", I think $50-$100 would have covered my monthly needs.
posted by MorningPerson at 2:39 PM on July 15, 2010

Graduated last year from a small liberal arts college in small-town Ohio. (Denison in Granville, woo!). Campus jobs there are actually quite prevalent, though often for Sophomores and up. Even so, Granville's not a cheap town - the grocery in town is pretty pricey, and gas to get to a Kroger/Meijer/Giant Eagle adds up, too. I imagine Wooster/Kenyon/Oberlin/Baldwin Wallace/etc. are in similar circumstances.

So, I'd suggest some small amount of overall budget, probably by semester - at least enough that she doesn't have to fret about $20 for pizza or a movie once in a while. More importantly, though, and what my folks generally did, was a surprise cash injection once in a while. Of course I knew my folks would take care of me if emergencies came up (and they did) - car repairs, medical bills, etc. But every once in a while mom or dad would just toss some cash into my account and insist that I go have fun - and that was really nice. And, really, it doesn't take much - $50 once or twice a semester, sometimes cleverly timed during stressful weeks, can really be a fantastic thing.
posted by Rallon at 2:42 PM on July 15, 2010

$100-150 a month sounds about right, for the occasional late-night ice-cream splurge/movies/bus fare. Perhaps you could also set her up with an emergency infrastructure - e.g. AAA membership, a prepaid cellphone.
posted by media_itoku at 2:43 PM on July 15, 2010

Oh, and if she's at Denison and has questions or wants any advice (or if you have questions, to boot), please feel free to MeMail me. I love that place.
posted by Rallon at 2:44 PM on July 15, 2010

I just finished my freshman year at a small college in a small town in Ohio with an unlimited meal plan.

I have a debit card that I can use at the local ATM to withdraw money from my bank account, where I had money that I had saved and from grad gifts from relatives. My parents gave me no allowance. There really aren't that many expenses where I am, in Gambier. As another poster said, a little money to go into Mt. Vernon for Indian food or a movie is really nice, but I think that if your daughter has any savings account she should use that.

That being said, my grandparents live nearby and when I saw them every couple months, my grandma would always slip a 10 or 20 into my pocket as we said goodbye. That was always nice, because I ended up spending more of my own savings than I originally intended. But I have a campus job this next year, and I expect that to more than fulfill all my day-to-day cash requirements. Campus jobs are good. She should try to get one.

Feel free to memail me for more specifics if your daughter is going to be at Kenyon.
posted by joshers13 at 2:53 PM on July 15, 2010

I never received money from my parents during college, and I would have felt guilty if I did knowing their hard earned money went to Key Light 30 packs. I'm not a big fan of handouts or allowances, so I would do something like provide an incentive for her to acquire a part time job. Maybe match her earnings. If she worked 8 hours per week at 8 bucks an hour, I would give her $64 per week. That way, she can learn how to juggle work, school, and life without the financial stress.
posted by Beardsley Klamm at 3:02 PM on July 15, 2010

for me, getting it all in a lump sum on the 1st meant it would be super-tight by mid-month
Part of the point of getting a lump monthly sum is to teach you how to budget, if you blow it all in the first 2 weeks then you have to suffer for rest of the month, its a valuable life lesson. If you treat her like a child she wont develop the grown up skills she'll need after college when she's trying to manage all her own finances.
In the UK (where I went to uni) you got all your money for a 3 month term in one lump sum and you had to make it last (or go begging to mum and dad/get a job)
posted by missmagenta at 3:05 PM on July 15, 2010

Instead of a large cash emergency fund, have her open a credit card (you will probably have to cosign) and make sure the bill goes to your home address so you can review it monthly. I never used my emergency card for an emergency, but it has helped my credit rating tremendously since I was 17 when I opened it. To make it worthwhile for credit building, I used it to buy my books every semester.

Make sure she knows to always have some cash, for an emergency cab or what have you. Otherwise, encourage her to always use her debit card for everything so she can track purchases. Many banks have great online tools that break expenditures down by category- I know that Bank of America does this, and I'm sure others do as well. Depending on your relationship and views on financial independence, you can either have access to the online banking and check up on her, review it with her every time she comes home, or let her fly on her own.

If the bookstore account is unlimited, have a talk about what is and isn't appropriate to use it for: my college bookstore had tons of non-academic books, magazines, knick knacks, and even snacks.

Another idea regarding textbooks - buying from the bookstore is very convenient, but generally much more expensive than tracking down local used books or using Amazon / equivalents. Maybe give her the bookstore price of the books and let her pocket the difference if she's willing to do the work to track down cheaper ones? That would be a pretty nice but not excessive windfall, and would encourage comparison shopping.

When you drop her off, make sure that you stuff some cash into her hands as you leave. It's traditional! And fumbling around in a wallet is a good way to hold off the tears, at least temporarily...
posted by charmcityblues at 3:05 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

$0 sounds about right.

College is her time to figure out how to manage money. if you provide her with money she will never learn that

I say she should have as much money as she wants, provided she earns it herself.

be prepared for her to spend most of the money on drugs and liquor

Oh for chrissake people, lay off with the snarky “get a job” bullshit. We get it, you worked your way up. Maybe this guy has done the same, and now he wants to make sure his daughter has some cash during her freshman year. He wants her to be okay. There’s nothing wrong with that.

My parents periodically deposited money into my account during my freshman year. They also gave me an emergency credit card. I didn’t ask for these things, and I definitely didn’t think I was entitled to them; they simply wanted to make sure that I was going to be okay when I was away from home because they worry. I had worked part time jobs in high school and they knew that I understood the value of work so they weren’t concerned about me turning into some lazy spoiled idiot with no concept of money.

And no, I didn’t go around splurging on ridiculously expensive shit or shopping trips or blow it all on drugs and booze. But I did have some spending money if people in my dorm wanted to go out to dinner, or see a movie, or if I needed to buy a book for a class at the last second, etc. I worked part-time during my next 3 years. 5 years later, I graduated and have a full time job and I happily pay for all of my own shit.

I know that there's a prominent distrust toward the wealthy around here, but answers like the above are just pure jealousy. I would advise you to ignore them.
posted by windbox at 3:06 PM on July 15, 2010 [19 favorites]

And no, I didn’t go around splurging on ridiculously expensive shit or shopping trips or blow it all on drugs and booze.

I didn't say my boyfriend blew it all on drugs and booze. But yes, his allowance did go towards some liquor and some pot - as essential to a college student as ramen and pencils.
posted by muddgirl at 3:17 PM on July 15, 2010

If you are looking for a specific number, colleges often have projected student expenses listed on their websites. If your daughter's school does not include this, then find it for a similar school online, perhaps in a different state, and account for Cost of Living differences.

That will give you a good starting point for her first month. From there I would require her to keep receipts and log her finances online through something like Mint.com. Then you can adjust month to month.
posted by geoffr at 3:24 PM on July 15, 2010

College is supposed to teach you things that you will need in the real world. having mommy and daddy pay for EVERYTHING will show them that you are their money tree.

PS windbox . the kid HAS to elarn how to do things for herself. She cant expect her parents to be her personal atm machine.
posted by majortom1981 at 3:25 PM on July 15, 2010

windbox: I don't think it's jealousy. We are all just products of our experiences and our core values are derived from these experiences. Just like you don't think an allowance made you spoiled and entitled, others feel that financial independence during young adulthood helped them prepare for life. People are just providing advice based on their experiences, and telling the op to ignore these comments is advice that should...well, be ignored. However, I do recognize that the question asks how much money she should provide, not whether or not she should provide money.
posted by Beardsley Klamm at 3:29 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I didn't read through all the answers, but I see some folks are suggesting giving her no money. I am super grateful to my dad that his general rule was that we didn't need to work our first year of college, so we could figure out our way around, settle in, and get into a good routine. My sister and I both worked from sophomore year on.

I don't know how much to suggest, but this did work really well for me.
posted by bluedaisy at 3:34 PM on July 15, 2010

I have to disagree that "I know that there's a prominent distrust toward the wealthy around here, but answers like the above are just pure jealousy". I can see where a lot of these people are coming from.

I think it is important for students to have a job because it teaches responsibility, the value of money, and frankly, keeps them from having too much time to be doing shit they shouldn't be doing. I am one of those students (and still am) that has/had to pay for everything. I am proud of my work ethic. I met a lot of different people and learned different, possibly useful skills at my many jobs.

It seems like a lot of the ones (NOT ALL) that have everything paid for and unlimited extra funds/no job were the ones that I would see drunk on the street while I walked to work. These are the students in the classes I teach that believe that the world owes them, and that what they are going to do on the weekend is more important than studying (as I said before, shit jumpers, not ALL students without employment fall into this category. But many do.). And often, they fail because social life became more important than school. This is not high school, where life is one giant extracurricular activity. It is a bridge to adulthood and the time to learn life skills.

Some free time is fine. Too much is a bad thing. Building credit is good, just as building a resume is good. She will have to at some point. I don't think requiring her to get a job so that she has money to spend on whatever is unreasonable. She won't fritter it away if she has to put in the hours, and having a job and learning to work with others is just as important as Underwater Basketweaving 101. Campus jobs are great because you can make connections. Restaurant jobs are great for people skills, and learning how to tolerate the intolerable.
posted by bolognius maximus at 3:34 PM on July 15, 2010

My parents transfered about $300/month, after they paid for all my bills, and access to their accounts for purchases such as clothes, furniture and travel. I still ended up with credit card debt, so make sure to take the time to really teach your daughter about credit cards. She will have tons of offers bombarding her all the time, and she will feel tempted to take advantage of them if she doesn't have sufficient spending money.
posted by halogen at 3:50 PM on July 15, 2010

Sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like it would be absolutely unreasonable for her to get a job. But I am against this whole "Well I didn't get Jack shit from my parents AND NEITHER SHOULD ANYONE ELSE" attitude. I certainly never treated my parents like a "personal atm machine"; You shouldn't make the same lousy assumptions about disguise daughter.
posted by windbox at 3:50 PM on July 15, 2010

*this guys daughter... or disguise daughter. who knows?
posted by windbox at 3:52 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I know that there's a prominent distrust toward the wealthy around here, but answers like the above are just pure jealousy. I would advise you to ignore them.

Yeah, I definitely do not mean to imply that I had it rough and so should she - I come from an upper-middle class household, and I would be lying if I pretended otherwise. But, I do think that a college-student should have their own bank account and begin adding to it if they don't already have savings. A bit of spending money won't hurt, especially during the first semester. Eventually though, she should be looking for work. (disclaimer: I went to a huge university where everyone could get a job on campus, I guess it's probably not as easy at the smaller schools)
posted by Think_Long at 3:55 PM on July 15, 2010

I went to a small liberal arts college in a small town in Ohio (though longer ago than some other posters). I usually had some money from summer jobs, and I worked all KINDS of jobs sophomore through senior year.

-- I agree; don't make her work freshman year, or at least first semester. But I also agree that she should work after that.

-- here's what she needs spending money for:
pizza (dining halls sometimes close at 7. Your daughter will frequently be going to bed at 3 AM)
music downloads (don't encourage pirating by not giving her any $)
cell phone bill
movies
posters
unforeseen dorm room necessities
toiletries (maybe not if she's going to Oberlin!)
coin laundry (ditto)
the occasional item of clothing or shoes
pens
ink for a printer
etc.

And yes, beer and pot and cigarettes. Sorry, that's how it is.

So I'd say $200/month? I lived on about $100/month in college 15 years ago (on a food plan), and was definitely just scraping by. I smoked back then, though.
posted by kestrel251 at 3:59 PM on July 15, 2010

Do you currently provide her with spending money? Does she have a job now? Does she have any savings (whether from a job, or cash gifts that she's saved) that she controls? How is the bookstore account going to work? Does she have a budget, or are you just being charged for everything she spends there?

Given that it sounds like most everything else is paid for, I'm inclined to say that she should get a 5-10 hour/week job. I had one when I was in school and still had plenty of time to study a lot and socialize too. If you do decide to give her some spending money I'd probably do it as a lump sum every quarter/semester, rather than monthly, so she has to learn to budget.

And yeah, don't forget to teach her about credit cards. For my first credit card, my father had me set something up with our credit union. My credit limit was fairly small and backed by the amount I had in my savings account (it was not a debit card). Even if I had been inclined to abuse my credit, I wouldn't have been able to. That didn't stop me from getting one of those cards that First USA (or whatever) used to market aggressively at students, but I did so with the same "pay it off every month" mindset my first card required.
posted by Good Brain at 4:20 PM on July 15, 2010

My son just graduated from college in May and I gave him $200/month the first and second years because he spent a lot on gas going into town (Walmart, Taco Bell, etc.) and it covered his toiletries, laundry, and miscellaneous. His junior and senior years, he worked on campus and I only sent him $$ occasionally when he needed it (car registration, books at the beginning of semester, etc.) This seemed like a good balance - money at the beginning so he could get a good solid start in college and then weaning him off to be responsible for his own expenses as he moved forward.

My daughter is now going to be a freshman in the fall, so we are starting all over. She will not have a car though, so we're going to do $100/month as gas seemed to be a big expense with my son. I think it's important that they have some cash to go out with friends and have social time without stressing about money. As they get older they can learn the important skill of money management, but I wouldn't add it on top of everything else their freshman year.

Best of luck!
posted by garnetgirl at 4:22 PM on July 15, 2010

If you are financially able to do it, I strongly think you should give her an allowance. When I went to college, my parents weren't in a financial position to offer me any kind of allowance or spending money. I was able to find campus jobs, and I never lacked for the necessities. But there were a lot of times that friends were buying pizza or beer and I didn't have the cash to join in, and that really sucked.

I think that around $200/month would be more than fine -- that allows for pizza or whatever once a week, beauty products, and the occasional t-shirt. I'd make that amount larger if you are expecting her to do any significant amount of clothes shopping (and don't forget about the impact of the "freshman 15" on her wardrobe), books, or anything else that's more expensive than pizza and shampoo.

Jobs are ok things, but seriously, she's going to spend the rest of her life working. She shouldn't have to be scrambling for a job the first week of her freshman year. Even just an allowance for the first year, with the expectation that she will help out after that would be a lot better than nothing.
posted by Forktine at 4:25 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

My parents gave me about $300/month, which is more than I'm seeing mentioned here by most. I worked (on-campus) during the summers (I didn't want to go home!) but not during the school year. I'm pretty sure that some of my friends got less than that, and some got more, although to be honest I was never really conscious of who had how much money.

The idea of giving the money to your kid in one lump sum is kind of silly, to be honest. Most adults don't get paid in lump sums; they get paid somewhere between weekly and monthly.

Also, tuition is probably pretty high, right? If your child takes one semester longer to graduate because of the need to hold down a job, then any money you "saved" by not giving them any goes right out the window. This is basically what my parents thought; they worked their way through college (at a public university, back when tuition was cheap) and they didn't want me to have to do the same.
posted by madcaptenor at 4:28 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

-- here's what she needs spending money for: ... And yes, beer and pot and cigarettes. Sorry, that's how it is.

I like the rest of your list, but I'm sorry, no one "needs" money for pot or cigarettes. (Anyway, most people aren't cigarette smokers, and I think we should go a little easy on the OP and not assume that their daughter is.)

I do think you might as well be aware of the reality that she could use the money on things you wouldn't be happy about, like pot. However, we shouldn't use this a scare tactic to try to dissuade you from giving her any spending money. Just keep it in the back of your mind and give her enough to cover the basics under the assumption that she won't use the money for illegal drugs, cigarettes, etc. (If she does those things and ends up without enough money, that's her problem.)

Just toiletries and basic groceries alone (even with a meal plan) could quickly add up. I don't want to give an exact estimate, but, for instance, the "$50 a month" that someone suggested above seems bizarrely low unless you're going to have an attitude that she has to have a job with comfortable wages immediately upon starting college. I hope it doesn't need to be pointed out that "$50 a month" means "less than $2 a day." That's probably not even enough for a young woman to be able to minimally take care of her hygiene/appearance, even if she never eats outside the cafeteria and has zero other expenses.
posted by Jaltcoh at 4:45 PM on July 15, 2010

I 2nd knowyournuts. Always having to turn down invitations from nice people who might turn out to be friends, at a time when you're new and establishing your social group, may not be impossible, but it sure is depressing. You can't really even grab lunch without spending ten bucks anymore. I'd go with at least $50/week, for a couple of lunches, toiletries, coin laundry(?) maybe save up across weeks for a new article of clothing once in a while, iTunes, whatever. Maybe it's just me, but I'd hate to imagine my kid going out with guys who will spend some money on her, just because she's desperate for a little fun for a change. (not to be all fear-mongering. She may do that anyway, but not because she HAD to.)

It should be low enough, though, that she has to budget her money and make choices, though, since that's what adults have to do. So I'd say no more than $100/week.

Of course, encourage her to get a job if she wants to live a more spendy lifestyle. I wouldn't force my kids into that, though, if they were just as happy to live simply.
posted by ctmf at 5:07 PM on July 15, 2010

She will need spending money. I think a allowance is reasonable if family finances allow. Say 5 or 6 hundred a semester. She will have to chip in for pizza for study groups, personal items, and the occasionally activity. Also alcohol is not free. Teach her to work within a reasonable budge, and have talk about credit cards.
posted by ihadapony at 5:35 PM on July 15, 2010

Throwing in my 2 cents: Sending me off to my first semester at college, my parents gave me no cash or allowance. My slush fund, such as it was, was the balance of my checking account from working full time the previous summer. Out of that first came my books & supplies - which worked out to be about 20% of what I'd saved up - and even with a prepaid meal plan, the remainder didn't last long. And I was hardly boozing my weekends away.

For reasons that remain unclear to me, my sister who lit off for college a year later in another state got a slush fund for the whole four years.

I suppose my point is this: whatever you do, keep it consistent for all your kids. I think it wouldn't be terrible to slip your daughter a couple hundred to take care of whatever comes up in the first month or so. Going away to college is a big enough change in a persons' life. I have mixed feelings about kids who get an allowance or a line of unlimited credit from their parents. On the one hand it's nice not to have to worry about the little expenses; on the other, college jobs (if they're available) really aren't too demanding, and for some students it helps them structure their time better. I actually tended to get better grades when I worked (or had another time consuming activity) and went to school. HMMV.
posted by contessa at 5:38 PM on July 15, 2010

I just graduated from a small liberal arts college in Indiana. I got an on-campus job about a month into school -- they were pretty easy to get at Manchester, although that isn't the case everywhere and varies widely by institution. My paychecks varied from about $100/month to $600/month depending on the amount of work I was doing. Because I got a job so early and kept it through my whole student career (and had a reasonable amount of savings going into college), I didn't get an allowance from my parents, although they would give me $50-ish every time we saw each other, which worked out to every six weeks or so.

Obviously, the cost of living where your daughter is in school is going to impact this, as well as your family's finances. If she can't find a job because of not being eligible for workstudy (I wasn't, but that wasn't an issue at Manchester) or because of the economy or whatever (I'd recommend working on-campus if possible -- on-campus jobs are generally more accommodating of school-related needs, in my experience), I'd say that $200ish/month would more than cover her monthly expenses and likely still give her a bit every month to save for trips or bigger purchases (electronics, clothes, whatever). (I just had a thought -- if she has time in her schedule for a job but can't get a 'real' one for some reason, consider working out an agreement where she does some sort of volunteer service in exchange for her allowance. I know this kind of negates the whole volunteering thing, but puts her in a job-like situation. I would have probably been vaguely annoyed at my parents for this initially, but would have kind of appreciated it once I started spending huge amounts of time doing work for the Civic Theatre in the closest city.)

My hobby-related expenses (yarn and books, mostly) varied from month to month, but I probably spent about $100/month this past year on eating out or groceries (we had one meal/week not covered by our meal plan, and I'd also go out with friends/my partner/assorted other people another time or two a week... and I'd need snack food for whenever I missed meals or was up late and got hungry). Add in clothes, laundry money (which really adds up!), toiletries, cleaning stuff, school supplies, gas money (which, for me, was given to friends in small amounts, since I don't drive), Netflix (it was indispensable for me... it was also popular enough at Manchester that I probably could have found someone to share a plan with to cut costs a little), and whatever else, and you've probably got another $50ish/month.

Your daughter's lifestyle and such may vary a lot from mine -- I worked really irregular hours towards the end of my senior year, and also did a fair amount of volunteer service and ended up missing meals because of that. Also, as I've stated, I didn't drive, so didn't have car-related expenses -- mostly, I just bummed rides off of people who were already going to the same place as me. Also, my parents paid for my cell phone and textbooks, which cut out two expenses.
posted by naturalog at 6:26 PM on July 15, 2010

You've gotten a lot of helpful responses so far, but I just wanted to jump in and say if your daughter is going to Kenyon, you can memail me and I'd be happy to tell you about my experience there (just graduated last year).
posted by you zombitch at 6:31 PM on July 15, 2010

nthing $0. My first year of college my parents gave me a small allowance. Small enough to buy some basic needs but not enough to spend on big things. I thought I'd be swamped with homework and the like, so I decided not to get a part-time job, which is a bit odd because all through high school I worked part time jobs and full time summer jobs. At the time, it made sense, but in hindsight, I think it was a mistake.

I don't know about your daughter, but at 18 I was very shy and couldn't meet new people very easily. If I had gotten a job back then I would've expanded my circle of friends, as well as had the cash and independence I so badly wanted at that age; I just thought not having the stress of work was more important than financial independence. Ah, well, if I had that time machine and could go back...

As it turned out, I hated that first year of college, in part because I didn't lay down the roots that something as simple as a part-time job would've given me. I didn't make many friends at all and ended up transferring to another college for my sophomore year. And there, I did in fact get a part-time job and gained both friends and financial independence.

Your daughter is an adult now. The emergency fund only idea is a good one; she should know that you have her back if something bad happens, but if she wants new jeans or wants to get a six-pack of beer (I mean Coke!), then that's up to her. She's gotta stand on her own two feet at some point.
posted by zardoz at 6:36 PM on July 15, 2010

pavi, try giving your daughter $100-$200 a month for the first semester but require a detailed budget report every week, so you can decide after that what constitutes reasonable expenses + enough of a buffer for emergencies + maybe even enough that she can even start socking a little bit away every month, even if that's just $10 or $20 a month. maybe offer matching funds for money saved at graduation? that would be a great way to encourage budgeting long term.

you guys assuming that college kids in small towns can and should get jobs are forgetting the economy is completely shit right now and that white collar workers are competing for blue collar jobs. what if this kid can't find a job? what if this kid whose parent can afford to help out financially takes a job from a kid who is actually straight up poor? and why should this parent that can afford to and wants to help their kid just let their kid starve just because you have a giant chip on your shoulder about class privilege? it would be stupid to deprive someone's kid of what is—let's face it—an advantage just to make strangers on the internet feel better about how they've personally persevered through hardship, or schadenfreude that someone with more money then they had is forced to experience poverty. i understand this on the blue, but don't we try to be better than that on ask metafilter?

i was lucky enough to get help from my mom through college and grad school, and not having to worry about money then meant i could focus on actually learning things, meeting interesting people, experience the city, do awesome things and making great connections. i had classmates who couldn't afford to eat two meals a day working the jobs they were working; me taking an on campus job i didn't need financially would've felt like taking food out of their mouths.
posted by lia at 6:42 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Add in clothes, laundry money (which really adds up!), toiletries, cleaning stuff, school supplies, gas money (which, for me, was given to friends in small amounts, since I don't drive), Netflix (it was indispensable for me... it was also popular enough at Manchester that I probably could have found someone to share a plan with to cut costs a little), and whatever else, and you've probably got another $50ish/month.

It seems that a lot of the comments in this thread -- even ones that aren't especially hostile to the idea of parents giving their kids money for college -- keep coming back to figures like $50 or $100 (sometimes per month, sometimes per week). It's like we're afraid to speak in terms of hundreds of dollars rather than double digits because that someone seems like "too much."

Just going by the items in your partial list, I don't know how you pay for clothes and laundry and toiletries and cleaning supplies and school supplies and gas and Netflix (!) for anywhere near as low $50. Netflix alone is, what, $9 for the cheapest account; laundry, as you said, is pricey enough that the two of those will easily knock $50 a month down to $25 (and that's if she's super-efficient with laundry and never has to dry clean anything). Assuming she bathes daily, brushes her teeth twice a day, flosses, and uses deodorant, that $50(ish) is gone. And that's without shaving or wearing any makeup or going on any dates or spontaneously going to a late-night diner with friends or picking up the occasional fun addition to her wardrobe, etc.
posted by Jaltcoh at 6:42 PM on July 15, 2010

I was one of those lucky kids like windbox who got money magically deposited into her bank account for use, and relatively unfettered access to a credit card if I needed it. My mother would occasionally grumble at me if she though I was going through the money too quickly, and then I would proceed to pay more attention to the money I spent on eating out (which was the majority of my expenses).

My mother (my father as well, but my mother is always the more involved one), however, was likely also lucky to have me as a daughter--I probably drank a total of 10 glasses of alcohol all through college, with half of those likely being in the presence of my parents at a restaurant. I didn't get into any sort of trouble, never even considered any variety of drugs or cigarettes, and was generally minimally worth worrying about. My mother's main complaint was that I didn't call enough, and after a tearful Christmas-break altercation my father intervened and an established once-a-week phone call routine was set up (this continues to this day, although phone has changed to Skype). I did not buy things willy-nilly, and I have gotten to the point where I often pay more attention to my finances than my mother does to hers.

My rambling really comes down to . . . What is your daughter like? Is she a quiet, responsible (possibly excessively boring) child who is more into reading books and listening to music than she is into Excitement and Parties, like I am? Or is she a party girl who tends to get herself into trouble and doesn't pay attention to things like money and studying? You work with the first type by having a linked bank account and just putting in money as it looks like it needs it (my mom taught me the concept of emergency fund by always requiring it to have at least $500 in it--overdraft fees are an entirely foreign concept to me), and discussing with her if the money seems to be going too fast. You deal with the second by encouraging more personal responsibility, and possibly providing a set allowance and encouraging her to get a campus job to get her own money to spend.
posted by that girl at 6:47 PM on July 15, 2010

College offers a lot of experiences that I think students should take advantage of, if possible. People are talking here about pizza with friends and toiletries and cell phone bills, but you should also think about things like the outing club, the photography club, sports or music lessons, supplies for art class, field trips, etc. Do you want your daughter to have enough cash on hand to take advantage of these opportunities at will? Should she call you every time she wants one of these "add-ons" to her tuition/education, and you'll give her the money as needed? Or do you want to draw a hard line and say if she wants to go on a backpacking weekend with the outing club, or go on the Italian class field trip to see Tosca, or buy court shoes so she can take a squash class, she has to cut back elsewhere or get a job?

I also want to underline anastasiav's point about the unexpected expenses of dorm living. For anastasiav, it was a curtain for the ground-floor window; for me, it was a metal trash can (required, but not provided, by the college), a couple of reading lamps (dorm rooms usually provide one weak overhead light) and a supply of light bulbs, a $13 set of metal utility shelves to hold my overflow of textbooks, and so forth.
posted by Orinda at 6:50 PM on July 15, 2010

The security/autonomy of a bank account is a great idea. Is she responsible? Then start with a $2000.00 dollar account and see how it goes. Not responsible? Send her $100.00 a week. You really won't know what she needs until you know. If she gets a job, great, but I wouldn't expect it of her until she's acclimated, maybe after her first semester.
posted by marimeko at 6:54 PM on July 15, 2010

In 1999, I got a work-study job that paid $75 per week; my scholarship and loans (oh, the loans) paid for the necessities of life, and that worked out pretty well. Bearing in mind that I had no car, participated in no major activities except violin lessons, and (on the other hand) avoided the dorm food like it was nuclear waste. I was in Columbus, where the bus was included in our quarterly fees.

I'd say $50-100 per week should do nicely if you don't want her to work but do want her to have the Full College Experience (TM). I recommend trying college without work before trying college with work - I think if I had not been working (10 hour co-op job plus 20-30 hours at Wendy's that first term, and I was 16 when I started school) I would have graduated with a degree in engineering rather than political science, and my loans (oh, the loans) would be much less of a hassle for me now. And I might have joined a club or something, which would have been great.

Having said that, some of my roommates used their money from home on the enormous amount of alcohol and illegal drugs they consumed (one pair had about forty bottles of mostly vodka in their collection by March, having started with nothing in September and not keeping any of the non-pretty bottles, cans, or baggies.) There was a group of freshman boys in my dorm who were able to paper the walls AND ceiling of a very large triple room with beer cases before we went home for Thanksgiving. You know your kid better than any of us do.
posted by SMPA at 7:09 PM on July 15, 2010

Just as an idea for future years- during college, I worked all summer long and usually earned between $4000 and $5000. Since my parents were paying the bulk of the tuition plus housing, the arrangement was that my summer money would be for all other expenses (beer, clothes, trips, etc..) and they wouldn't give me any money unless there was some sort of an emergency. I usually worked about 10 hours a week during school as well for some extra cash. This arrangement worked out just fine for me.
posted by emd3737 at 7:23 PM on July 15, 2010

Is she taking a car, or will she be mostly depending on foot power / bike/ kindness of others?

We're probably talking about Denison, Kenyon, Oberlin, or Wooster...I can only speak for having gone to school at Wootown, but this will apply more or less to the others as well.

If she's driving (Wooster used to allow froshes to bring cars, so I assume she might), that's probably going to be $40-50 worth of gas every month, depending on the car. The campus area has a lot, and there are some shopping and food options in reasonable walking distance, but for major items or going "downtown", it will probably be a drive, and even some of the reasonably walkable options don't look nearly so reasonable at night or in bad weather. (There's also the matter of quite a few of them closing relatively early in the evenings or on the weekends.) Even if she's bumming a ride, she'll likely be asked to chip in for gas now and then.

There's also the fact that depending on what she likes to do, a trip to a larger city (Mansfield, Akron, Cleveland, even Columbus) might be required for certain things (Wooster's major shopping options are grocery stores, some Mom & Pop stores, Best Buy, Wal-Mart. You can get a lot of general needs, but...), or might be a lot more fun than sticking around town some weekends, especially if she goes as part of group - she's likely to need spending money for that, too.

Anastaisav covered dorm living pretty well. I can tell you that in my first year, I bought three extra surge suppressors, two extra lamps, a third or fourth hand couch, posters (there are LOTS of poster sales during the first part of the year, including a couple during the freshman orientation weeks), an extra trash can, and an extra bookshelf.

Campus dining had gotten a lot better in my time there, and seems to have continued to do so, but there are still going be times when you can't get to the student center or just don't want to eat in the cafeteria. There are a lot of deals with pizza places and other food in driving or walking distance, but the meal plan won't really help with them. Even the one relatively late night food / convenience store inside Lowry Student Center doesn't take meal credits. (Or at least they didn't when I was a student, though they did take COWCard payments from the bookstore account.)

Most campus laundry facilities will also be coming off the bookstore account, so you may want to consider allowing a certain amount of spending money, and also goosing the bookstore / COWCard account.

My parents started me out with buying books on my COWCard + an extra $500 for the COWCard for laundry and such, and then provided me with ~$1,000 in cash that first semester. My dad gave me a few hundred dollars up front, and they provided me with money when they visited at a few points during the first few months.

I will be the first to tell you that I had a lot of fun with that, but I also didn't spend or save it as wisely as I could have.

If you aren't local, a shared bank account that you can deposit into is probably not a bad idea. If you don't already bank with any of the ones in the area, you might take the time to open a local one so she doesn't get hit with ATM fees constantly.

And, yes, getting a job is probably the best way to make sure she has some form of reasonable spending cash, but I'd suggest letting her settle in to school before leaning on that. There will always be on-campus jobs hiring through the year, plus jobs in the community.
posted by BZArcher at 7:25 PM on July 15, 2010

Oh - depending on the space your daughter gets in her room, she might also need money for lofting, which was a pretty common practice in a lot of the older dorm buildings. Admittedly, it's a one time expense, but even if some returning students are helping with tools, she'd still need money for lumber, bolts, screws, etx. It's amazing how much space you can create in a dorm room by jacking the beds up on 2x4s.
posted by BZArcher at 7:29 PM on July 15, 2010

I got $100 a month for beer and other assorted goof off stuff. Seems about right- I eventually got a job when I needed more.
posted by GilloD at 8:49 PM on July 15, 2010

Dear God I hope none of you are friends with my parents....

Here's the thing. I got absolutely no allowance (except birthday money and graduation money) in high school. I worked every single month of my high school career, in addition to a full-time volunteer position for several summers. I know the value of work. I am still completely irresponsible with my money! I have saved for a car and several tattoos. Besides that, my money goes to books (so many books!), eating out, and yes, partying expenses that I split with friends (take that as you will). There is not necessarily a correlation between fiscal responsibility and working. So shut up about the value of a job. The value of a job is money. If she wants extra money, she'll get a job.

When I did get to college, my parents sent me an allowance every month, equal to the amount they had paid into the Florida Prepaid College Fund when I was growing up (which was returned to them when I chose not to go to a state school).* That money has been SO USEFUL - for car insurance and other necessities (gas, vegan groceries that my dining hall seriously lacked, textbooks) when my work study paychecks were delayed by ridiculous college bureaucracy, and yes, when I was too busy studying and chose not to attend my work study shifts (which, since I set my own schedule with my particular job, was my prerogative). Sometimes you need to be writing twenty pages about modernism and not doing busy work in a school office, and you shouldn't be punished for that by being unable to pay for new toothpaste or deodorant when you've been living in the library for five days and you smell like a wildebeest.

Being a student isn't easy. Added to that, you don't know this girl's circumstances or desires. You CERTAINLY don't know that she's going to spend her money on weed or alcohol when you've never met her. So stop deciding you know what's best for her because you have the benefit of a few years experience.



*My parents don't pay any money towards my tuition, it's all covered by federal financial aid, scholarships, and loans which will certainly teach me a ton about fiscal responsibility in the hellish post-grad years to come.
posted by SputnikSweetheart at 8:59 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh! And my parents send me $175 a month. It's a good amount... I know people who get more and spend it all, and that's cool too, but $175 is survivable, and even quite luxurious on the day it gets deposited. Sorry for my snark/non-answer before. Got riled up.
posted by SputnikSweetheart at 9:05 PM on July 15, 2010

Wow, this thread has been so eye-opening. I knew my parents gave me a fair amount of money during college, but didn't know exactly how much more it was than a lot of people.

Anyway, just so you know Pavi, your child will not necessarily grow up to be a money-squandering layabout if you do choose to give them a large allowance and not make them work. I am so so grateful to my parents for enabling me to invest all of my energy into doing the whole college thing, meaning taking cool classes, getting involved with organizations and IM sports, and tons of socializing and meeting new people. I recognize that for some people the college thing included jobs, including for many of my friends, and totally respect that too, but I guess my parents' point of view was that I would be working for the rest of my life and that college is pretty much a once in a lifetime experience. Mr. wuzandfuzz also notes that your kid will probably spend a lot of time partying no matter what - for many people (not all obviously) partying while in college is not optional. If you add a job on top of that, it's likely that the job time will come out of the study time rather than the fun time.

My point is not that your kid should or shouldn't work, but rather that if you choose to give them money so that they don't have to, it will not necessarily mean future financial doom and ruin for them. I am a productive and financially responsible member of society despite the fact that my parents gave me a comparatively huge amount of money while I was in college. (To more directly answer your question: As an only child attending college in California with a full scholarship covering tuition, I received $1500 a month to pay for everything - rent, food, school supplies and fun stuff.)
posted by wuzandfuzz at 9:40 PM on July 15, 2010

Anecdata: went to a school in a small town, had a meal plan and no car my first semester. My mother didn't give me spending money--I had about $500 worth of savings, which I blew through by the end of the first semester. I got one campus job, then another--only working about 15-20 hours a week. Many campus jobs, if she can get one, are easy peasy. I'd highly recommend them. Anyway, I spent my money on all sorts of shit--pot and books and moleskine notebooks and diner trips. And I saved a bit, too. But I would not have wanted to be accountable to another adult about where my money was going. Ew--she's 18 and you guys are talking about itemized expense reports?

Oh, and I had plenty of time for camping trips and parties and fun and studying and awesome classes. Working didn't rob me of that--though it did introduce me to a huge group of people whom I'm still friends with.

Final thought: with the cost of meal plans, and the fact that you can eat pretty much every meal in a college dining hall, I'm pretty shocked by the idea of giving her more money because dining hall food "is boring." I would not budget for food over that. Did you give her a food budget when she lived at home because she might not like the meals you cooked her? Seriously, you're already paying (probably too much) for food. That's the sort of luxury that really should only come from your own earnings.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 10:08 PM on July 15, 2010

I put myself through university. My parents gave me $100 a month for a while, but I was already paying all my own tuition, living expenses and travel. I lived in poverty. I didn't have enough money to go for coffee in the cafeteria, grab lunch in the caf, go for a drink at the subsidized student pub, and so on except when I was doing co-op work terms and I'd carve out a small amount then. I didn't qualify for student loans or know how to work my application so that I would. It was horrible. It was socially isolating. It made it that much harder to make friends and have a good network for after I graduated. I made some great friends, but no one really wants to hang out with someone who can't afford to buy drinks or who wants to go to McDonald's because the $8 burger place is too expensive or who can't afford movies or who doesn't have cable. It did major damage to my social network, because I could only hang out with kids who liked me for who I was. While that's wonderul, on some level, it was NOT great for my future career. And it was NOT great for my ability to gain social capital or learn about what it's like to be middle (or upper middle) class. It locked me out of a lot of knowledge and socializing. So when I went into the workforce, I still didn't know what middle class people were like and I had to work really hard to learn. I did ovecomeall that stuff, but it took tremendous effort and I would not wish it on my children. (And my kids WILL be contributing to their education - just not the whole thing.)
posted by acoutu at 10:25 PM on July 15, 2010

If it is Kenyon, I don't remember there being tons of jobs on campus, and she can only get into town if she has a car.
I didn't work my freshman year of college, and I received an allowance all 4 years, as I recall (?) I second a lot of what people above have said about a little money being helpful for socializing, getting off campus occasionally, etc. but I don't know if we can give you an exact amount - it really depends on what you can afford, what kind of allowances she's gotten in the past, what you think reasonable expenses are, approximately what seems normal in her peer group*, etc. I don't think you should obsessively monitor exactly HOW she spends it though - that's up to her to figure out proper budgeting, I think.

*Yeah, I know, this sounds kind of lame, but a) it's not worth making her a total social outcast just to teach her Important Lessons About Character or whatever, and b) there's also no point giving her tons MORE money than her peers either, because what's she going to spend it on? Figure out how to strike a balance that puts her somewhere in the realm of "normal," if you can afford to do so. Caveat: once again, if this is Kenyon, there are a LOT of really rich kids running around. They are generally good and smart and interesting and well-intentioned people, but they are also pretty darn spoiled.
posted by naoko at 10:31 PM on July 15, 2010

Just going by the items in your partial list, I don't know how you pay for clothes and laundry and toiletries and cleaning supplies and school supplies and gas and Netflix (!) for anywhere near as low $50. Netflix alone is, what, $9 for the cheapest account; laundry, as you said, is pricey enough that the two of those will easily knock $50 a month down to $25 (and that's if she's super-efficient with laundry and never has to dry clean anything). Assuming she bathes daily, brushes her teeth twice a day, flosses, and uses deodorant, that $50(ish) is gone. And that's without shaving or wearing any makeup or going on any dates or spontaneously going to a late-night diner with friends or picking up the occasional fun addition to her wardrobe, etc.

Okay... mostly as a mental exercise at this point, I'm going to work out whether my estimate I just gave was accurate.

I spent just over $9 after taxes on Netflix... probably $12/month on laundry (I got about one roll of quarters a month from our business office, although that doesn't include random other quarters that came into my possession), which brings us down to $29 for everything else. I rarely bought clothes, but when I did, they were a larger purchase that would have been subsidized by the $50ish out of the $200 that I had been saving every month. I bathed daily, brushed my teeth twice a day most of the time, and used deodorant... and flossed about once a week, because I'm forgetful. Having short hair and using cheap shampoo and soap that I buy on sale takes my bathing-related costs down to about $1/month probably. My deodorant was a larger expense, since I have to use expensive stuff... that was probably about $7 every six weeks, so $5/month, for simplicity's sake. Toothpaste probably worked out to $.50/month, because a tube lasts me a long time. That brings $29 down to $17, which would be 2.5 meals at the Mexican restaurant in town, or could cover things I don't use like makeup, acne-preventing face wash, razors, et cetera. Oh, school supplies. Probably $3/month, since I reused the same binder and bought looseleaf paper in bulk. Also, writing with a fountain pen and refillable pencils cuts down on costs, although there is a larger initial investment. So that leaves $14, which is two meals at the Mexican restaurant... or a pizza and a few two liters from Pizza Hut.

Wow, I miss college.
posted by naturalog at 12:12 AM on July 16, 2010

Oh, and one last note to the OP -- if she has to get a job on campus, there are two characteristics that make a campus job awesome.
1) It's something you enjoy, and you'll meet people who enjoy the same things you do, so you'll make money for having friends. For me, this was tech theatre... and it could have been German lab supervision, if the prof who gave me assignments didn't suck. Encourage her to find stuff that she's interested in and apply for those jobs. This is college, so it's a time to have a cool job that she's always kind of wanted to do without committing the rest of her life to it. A lot of my friends worked for maintenance or on grounds crew because it was a nice way to get away from their studies.

2) This job doesn't involve much actual work, which means getting paid to study. Ideally, your job will be a mixture of both characteristics, like my tech theatre job. Sometimes, you get paid to study SO MUCH that you get sick of the job and don't return to it after the summer. (For me, this was working the night shift at the ITS help desk. Watching movies online and doing homework for money stops being fun when you get four tech support calls the entire semester.)
posted by naturalog at 12:18 AM on July 16, 2010

I stopped reading after I saw the sheer number of entries, but I'm sure you're going to get a lot of good info.

My recommendation would be to be more flexible for at least the first semester until she gets settled, finds a few social circles and gets the hang of classes. A lot of students spend an unseemly amount during their first year on class requirements or items that they realize they don't need only after talking to upperclassmen or having a social circle. I'd highly suggest something along the lines of Mint coupled with a credit card to establish credit history and to have a visualization of what she's spending her extra money on (whether for both of you or just her). Throw some money in a checking account, have her start paying her own bills and come back to the topic after the first semester (whether that means having her get a job for extra expenses or your supplement) and see how she's getting along. Your financial situation, whether she has a car and a whole host of other factors make the $ amount more dependent on your intent. Ostensibly, she could survive off of as so many others have said, anywhere from $50-100/month.

I had friends whose expenses after all that you've paid for ran as low as $20/month all the way up to $2000/mo (very nice restaurants/clothes/cars).
posted by palionex at 3:06 AM on July 16, 2010

No snark; I was the person windbox is describing and I never asked for any of it. I didn't blow my money on booze and drugs, but I did use it for fun things like seeing a movie with my brother who attended the same college, buying extra art supplies for the classes I was taking, and going to have "real" food someplace off-campus that wasn't Buck-Yuck from time to time. I had ~$100/month and did not abuse the emergency credit card because I was an adult and chose to act like one.
posted by ThaBombShelterSmith at 5:16 AM on July 16, 2010

Mod note: comment removed - if you're at the point where you need to tell other people to shove it, you need to step away. Go to metatalk if you need to. Yeah we probably should have done this somewhat earlier.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:41 AM on July 16, 2010

I know that there's a prominent distrust toward the wealthy around here, but answers like the above are just pure jealousy. I would advise you to ignore them.

Windbox, that's an over simplification and bit misleading I think. There are any number of factors which can go into deciding whether parents should give a college bound student an allowance. As a parent who's having to deal with that issue, we took into the account of money she was currently getting, how it contributed to all college expenses any other sources of money, be it scholarships, other family help or her own previous savings.

Jealously has nothing to do with the issue.
posted by new brand day at 8:48 AM on July 16, 2010

We explicitly said that her summers should be spent working to save money for college, to instill responsibility in her.

depending on the field your daughter wants to pursue, having to work to make money during the summer can turn out to be a career dealbreaker, or at the very least something that actually sets her at a big career disadvantage after college graduation.

publishing or gallery internships in new york, for example, pay nothing and require long hours, which makes it so that students that have to work can't afford to do them. the very big reason why the publishing and gallery worlds tend to be so homogenous is because only upper class and upper middle class kids—usually white—can afford to get their feet in the door early on. a college degree from a good school isn't anywhere near as helpful when you're job hunting as who you know and if you've interned in the industry, because you're competing with kids who went to schools that are as good or better AND have way more contacts/experience in it because they did internships in the summer instead of taking one or two crappy summer jobs. if you can afford to give them the advantage, it seems crazy not to.
posted by lia at 8:54 AM on July 16, 2010

Response by poster: I am the OP - just want to thank all of the posters for their comments. When my family has this discussion (in the next couple of weeks) this thread will be required reading!
posted by pavi at 8:55 AM on July 16, 2010

A lot of this depends on what type of person your kid is. Is she a "good" kid? Then she'll probably want to get a job anyway.

I read most of the comments I don't think some big life lesson is going to be learned or not learned because you do or don't give her money every month. Just giver her some money and be done with it. How much is up to you and her needs.

Whatever you decide, pad it a little here in the beginning. She's still figuring it out and there will be a lot of stuff to buy that you just don't think of. It's like moving into a new place, but worse.

If you want there to be a lesson associated with the money then tell her she gets the money only when employed (pending finding the first job). That should eleviate any feelings of "screw work I'll just get dad's money".

Job suggestion? Glad you asked. On campus jobs are the way to go. This may not work at her school, but it was easy at mine. Tons of them and most were pretty lenient on schedules and doing homework in down time. A lot of the jobs were really nothing more than just having a warm body somewhere. Kudos if she can find one relevant to her schooling or interests.

I went to school with people from all kinds of situations. As I'm sure all of you did too. The people that seemed to get the most out of college were the kids that were in the middle. Help from parents and helping themselves. Those that were supported completely and those that had to support themselves seemed to suffer. And really, in my useless opinion, college is mostly about the experience.
posted by damionbroadaway at 10:51 AM on July 16, 2010

I work for a liberal-artsish university in a small town in Ohio, and I'm amazed by the kind of budget the students seem to have for alcohol and drugs. There isn't much else to spend your money on in town, so that seems to be where it all goes. It seems to me that the kids who are spending their own money on alcohol drink more sensibly, but that could be wishful thinking.

You might want to give your student an option, like "We'll either give you a monthly allowance OR you get a job and pay for your own expenses and then we'll pay for EVERYTHING during the semester/year you study abroad." (I am a study abroad advisor and I'm pretty sure I'm required by my profession to put that out there. Tell the study abroad staff at Ohio Liberal Arts College I sent you!)

I also attended a liberal arts college in Michigan. I'm pretty sure that if I'd asked my parents for an allowance in college, they would have given it to me, but I don't think it really occurred to me to ask them for money. I didn't have that many expenses, living on campus. I got money from my grandparents at birthdays and Christmas and the occasional $20 ("for gas") slipped to me on the way out the door when I visited my parents, but nothing like a monthly/semesterly allowance. My parents did encourage me to get a job on campus, but I'm not sure if they were thinking about it in terms of income, or more just work experience and time-filler.
posted by srah at 12:17 PM on July 16, 2010

I'm surprised that noone has mentioned this...

I didn't get a dime (I worked since I was 14 so fun money was on me) but my parents would bring or send (i went to school about an hour and a half away from them) toiletries and pantry goods once or twice a semester. I would typically get a tube of toothpaste, a 2 pack of toothbrushes, a bottle of shampoo, and a package of soap for toiletries and a carton of easy-mac.

Can she use her own money for the fun stuff if you provide her some bare bones essentials liek those?
posted by WeekendJen at 12:54 PM on July 16, 2010

P.S. Don't send the carton of easy mac. Teh freshman 15? I lost 15 lbs because I would be too fuckin lazy to trudge across campus to the dining hall, so i lived on easy mac for a year.
posted by WeekendJen at 12:55 PM on July 16, 2010

My freshman year (late 90s), may parents gave me $3,000 at the beginning of the school year for entertainment (to cover cable, going out to eat, going to movies, etc). I also had a few thousand saved from summer jobs and graduation gifts. I tend to be frugal, so I was extremely responsible with my money and had plenty left.

I like the idea of giving a set amount at the beginning of the semester. It helped me learn how to budget and manage my finances. My parents told me that unless there was an emergency, they weren't going to give me more money.

After freshman year, I had saved so much of the $3,000 that it wasn't necessary for them to give another lump sum. After that my parents give me something like $150 a month. I don't know how I did it, but I somehow ended up saving a bunch of the money and was able to take a great vacation a couple years later. (Although they still paid for the essential things like my health insurance and care insurance, tuition, etc.)
posted by parakeetdog at 1:37 PM on July 16, 2010

I went to OWU. If I remember correctly, my mom gave me $500 and $50 in quarters for laundry. She also bought all my toiletries for the semester. After that, I was expected to get an on campus job. there were quite a few jobs and all my friends that wanted one had one. in emergencies, my mom would deposit money into our joint account. it worked out well.

I don't think I went through the $500 until late in my second semester. there was enough to do on campus that I didn't have to go out much.
posted by miss meg at 6:24 PM on July 18, 2010

This may be too late.

I went to a small liberal arts college in Ohio, in the 90s. As a financial aid kid, I was able to get a work-study job fairly easily. People who weren't part of thework-study program had a much harder time finding jobs. I got no allowance, and had to work the whole time I was in college. My first year roommate got ~$100/mth (back in 94, so adjust for that) to cover all incidental expenses, whether that was fun or toiletries or what not. This seemed, at the time, to allow her to do the odd fun thing, here and there, but really was never an excessive sum. She wasn't splurging any more than I was, and seemed to have a real sense of the limits on what she could do, without feeling constantly pinched for cash.

I think working the whole time really did give me a sense of responsibility, etc. But I also think that I would have had a much better first year, academically, if I didn't have to work while I was figuring out how to be a college student. If you can afford to give her an allowance, I would suggest that you should do so for the first year at least.

And if this college happens to be Oberlin, feel free to memail for more specific ideas.
posted by bardophile at 3:02 PM on August 17, 2010

Only two mentions of club/intramural dues? Plan for this, and remind her that she can talk to the club treasurer about payment plans. Ranges from equestrian club: 350$ per semester, 500$/semester if you compete, plus driving to the barn, show clothes, etc., PLUS required "donation" bake sales (do not ask)... and this is one of the more heavily subsidized clubs.... to math club: 0$/semester, but most people chip in for pizza every month out of pity, plus bake sale donations (we get no funding). After you get over being grumpy about dues, clubs are one of the better ways to make friends and get out of your room.

Also, you haven't mentioned her major (or what courses she's starting with)... I've bought things like new dance shoes and a never ending supply of tights (for a gen ed class, even), to printing out endless required handouts.... (If it was too much for you to print, it's too much for your students to print, I hope you're reading, lab instructor!)
posted by anaelith at 5:19 PM on August 19, 2010