What makes for a great toast to the groom?

July 12, 2010 6:54 AM

What makes for a great toast to the groom?

This weekend I will be giving the toast to the groom. Unfortunately, I'm not entirely sure what is usually said (and/or what is not). I've been to weddings, but I haven't always been the most attentive during the speeches.

So, what made your toast to the groom great? Horrible?

Just to save a bit of the obvious, I have a pretty good sense of things not to say. Both of the families are a bit socially conservative, so any stories I tell with keep this firmly in mind.

Thanks!

posted by iftheaccidentwill to Human Relations (17 answers total)

Funny anecdotes are great, but a toast isn't a comedy show. If you're close with both the bride and the groom, gear your toast toward both of them. If you're strictly the groom's fellow, reflect upon your relationship and his growth into a marriageable man, without referencing past debauchery. Keep it light, but meaningful.
posted by litnerd at 6:59 AM on July 12, 2010

Best answer: poke gentle fun at the groom and make the room laugh, say some heartfelt things about the happy couple, thank everyone for showing up, maybe a shoutout to the parents and that's it. Don't over think it, don't over rehearse it. Say things you actually mean and that you think are actually funny and say it with a big smile that says I am so happy for the two of you.

And a good best man speech is a short best man speech. I have been to a lot of weddings and I have never heard a long speech that anyone said "Oh that was a great toast"

I agree - get a laugh or two at the grooms expense but don't think of it as a comedy act - or even worse a roast.
posted by JPD at 7:02 AM on July 12, 2010

Whatever else you say about the groom, remember to say something thoughtful and genuine about the bride. If you don't know her well, you can mention how she has changed your friend's life (for the better! I hope). I've heard toasts that completely ignore half of the marrying couple, and it can come off as oddly self-centered--this is the time to celebrate the couple, not re-hash your crazy college adventures.
posted by Jemstar at 7:04 AM on July 12, 2010 [4 favorites]

I was the best man at my brother's wedding. I fretted about the toast for a whole week before, spending every waking moment trying to plan out what to say. The day of the wedding, I was completely freaked because I still didn't have anything and had absolutely no idea what the toast would be. At the beginning of the reception, my sister pulled my aside because she saw that I was a wreck. Her advice? Just stop thinking about it and have a couple of drinks. And that did the trick. Right after, my brother, full of happy tears, came up to me and said it was the sweetest, funniest and most heartfelt (and funny) thing that he's ever heard me say.

So my advice would be to not plan anything and just let it happen.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 7:08 AM on July 12, 2010

The best man (Joey) at my brother's wedding played a prank on the happy couple that people still talk about 20 years later. Note: Whether this prank is appreciated will obviously depend on the couple and the family and the guests. For us, it was comedy gold.

Before dinner, while he was greeting everyone in the receiving line, Joey secretly gave a key to almost every male who came through, including the 10-year-old cousins, the old grandpas, and the priest. He told them not to worry about it, but to pay attention to his speech, and they would know what to do when the time came, but to keep it a secret.

The beginning of his speech started with "Before I get started, I'd like to remind everyone that now that [bride's name] is married, anyone who has the key to her apartment has to return it." He threw his key on the head table, and one by one, the guys in the audience figured out what was going on, and came up to the head table to give back their key.

The parade of men and boys lasted a good ten minutes. The bride's mother, a famously pious Catholic, laughed so hard she cried. The bride and groom both loved it.

Nobody remembers anything else Joey said.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 7:45 AM on July 12, 2010 [16 favorites]

Short. For the love of god, a short speech. I cannot emphasize this enough. You have, at the very outside, 4-5 minutes before you lose the crowd, unless you are an absolutely stellar speaker. If the speech is before dinner and you have a hungry and restless crowd, lop 90 seconds off that. If your speech is preceded by someone who does not follow this rule, then it sucks but that time counts partially against yours, so lop another 60 seconds off.

You have time for one anecdote, funny if you're generally a funny guy or heartfelt if you are not. (If you do not know if you are a funny guy, you are not a funny guy) This is followed by kind words for the bride and the parents of both the bride and the groom. Well-wishes for the happy couple. Fin.
posted by Mayor West at 8:31 AM on July 12, 2010 [4 favorites]

The most important thing, I think, in a Best Man speech, is remembering that this is a wedding between the bride and the groom, not you and the groom. I feel tortured every time I hear a five minutes speech about all the crap the Best Man and the groom got up to in college, followed by "And the bride is awesome, too!" Talk about the groom, talk about the bride and the groom together, but if you're telling funny buddy stories about you and the groom that have nothing to do with marriage or the relationships, you're giving the wrong speech.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:35 AM on July 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

What makes for a great toast to the groom?

BREVITY.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:49 AM on July 12, 2010

No matter how hilarious your bachelor-life shenanigans might seem to you, if you have any inkling that the groom might not have shared that particular anecdote about drunkenly trying to kiss a street sign/falling asleep in the bathroom with his pants around his ankles/asking the wrong waitress for her number/whatever with the bride, do not bring it up. At all.

Talk about the good times, the conversations you'd had with the groom about his happiness at getting married, the first time he introduced you to the bride. Nothing that can cause embarrassment, no matter how charming you might think it'll be to be cheeky.
posted by lydhre at 9:07 AM on July 12, 2010

Don't do this one. Although it is hilarious for the WRONG REASONS-- from your perspective.
posted by norm at 9:11 AM on July 12, 2010

Frequent wedding guest here! I always feel really uncomfortable when the speech-givers make jokes about how much marriage sucks or inequality between the bride and groom.

I know that some people love jokes about "ball and chain" or "yes dear" or "that's the last time you'll have the upper hand", but wow, I hate them so much. Wedding speeches should celebrate marriage and make you appreciate it. Please don't make your speech about how the groom is about to become utterly whipped!
posted by cadge at 9:19 AM on July 12, 2010 [7 favorites]

Bother. The Gladwell podcast is cut off in the last two minutes. You can hear it by signing up for a free PRX account http://www.prx.org/pieces/38080-moth-radio-hour-104 there.
posted by norm at 9:34 AM on July 12, 2010

Best answer: I like to stick to a three paragraph format. Paragraph one: give some background on the groom and your relationship with him. Paragraph two: talk about how the couple met and tell a funny/cute story or two from early in their relationship. Paragraph three: talk about the proposal and wedding, and conclude with your best wishes for their future together. Anecdotes are great but should be brief -- anything that takes more than a sentence or two to explain is too long. Be as specific as possible -- "He's a really great guy" doesn't tell anybody much. The goal is to make the bride and groom feel celebrated and loved, while also giving the guests who may not know them so well some insight into their personalities and history together.
posted by unsub at 10:31 AM on July 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

Keep in mind that you'll be lucky if the couple remembers your toast at all. The day tends to pass in a blur.
posted by Joe Beese at 10:54 AM on July 12, 2010

Certainly don't do the one norm suggested, a few posts up. I got 38 seconds in, and the guy was still going on about Moth and Audible.com. OMG, what was he thinking?
posted by Xoebe at 11:51 AM on July 12, 2010

Don't do the one norm suggested you don't do, I mean.
posted by Xoebe at 11:52 AM on July 12, 2010

Another thing not to do: look up "best man's speech" on Google, find a bunch of jokes that have been used before, then change names so as to make them about the bride and groom. At my brother's wedding, the father-of-the-bride speech was an interminable rehash of old, unfunny and often inappropriate anecdote-jokes that weren't remotely relevant to the two people concerned, and it was the worst wedding speech I'd ever heard.

(My husband and I are both teachers, so our best man did his speech in the form of a school report. Is there an angle like that that you could use...?)
posted by raspberry-ripple at 2:31 AM on July 13, 2010