I'm having some trouble with a paragraph in my resume. Could someone give me a quick hand?
June 28, 2010 12:26 PM Subscribe
Could any of you give me a quick hand with a paragraph from my resume? I'm having trouble saying what I want to say. I'd greatly appreciate it.
The top of my resume is going to be a sort of "personal profile". I have a section for experience and education, but I don't have an area that talks about who I am as a person. This section is going to alleviate this problem. Here's what I have so far:
Systems engineer adept in technical or managerial roles. Proficient working alongside both US and international senior military officers and civilians on programs with global security implications. Demonstrates competencies in written and oral communication, creativity, problem solving, and critical analysis. Enhances productivity by consistently establishing positive working relationships with coworkers of all backgrounds. Interested in pursuing a Master of Arts in Global Security Studies within the next year.
The bold sentence is especially giving me problems. It just doesn't sound right. Does anyone have any ideas? Also, should I change any of the other sentences?
I'm trying to stress the fact that I'm outgoing and comfortable in a high-exposure environment at work. Even though I'm just 25, I'm comfortable working in a high-paced environment with people 2 times my age and 4 times more respected.
If anyone wants to see the whole resume, I'd be happy to email a copy.
Thanks!
The top of my resume is going to be a sort of "personal profile". I have a section for experience and education, but I don't have an area that talks about who I am as a person. This section is going to alleviate this problem. Here's what I have so far:
Systems engineer adept in technical or managerial roles. Proficient working alongside both US and international senior military officers and civilians on programs with global security implications. Demonstrates competencies in written and oral communication, creativity, problem solving, and critical analysis. Enhances productivity by consistently establishing positive working relationships with coworkers of all backgrounds. Interested in pursuing a Master of Arts in Global Security Studies within the next year.
The bold sentence is especially giving me problems. It just doesn't sound right. Does anyone have any ideas? Also, should I change any of the other sentences?
I'm trying to stress the fact that I'm outgoing and comfortable in a high-exposure environment at work. Even though I'm just 25, I'm comfortable working in a high-paced environment with people 2 times my age and 4 times more respected.
If anyone wants to see the whole resume, I'd be happy to email a copy.
Thanks!
"Demonstrates competencies" is damning you with fair praise. "How is he? He demonstrates that he's competent." You want something active that indicates you can be immediately put to work.
Sharp eye and keen ear for communications for clients, vendors and team members. Project-ready creativity, problem-solving and critical analysis skills.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:33 PM on June 28, 2010 [1 favorite]
Sharp eye and keen ear for communications for clients, vendors and team members. Project-ready creativity, problem-solving and critical analysis skills.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:33 PM on June 28, 2010 [1 favorite]
...implications, with (insert suitable adjective here) competencies.......
posted by koahiatamadl at 12:33 PM on June 28, 2010
posted by koahiatamadl at 12:33 PM on June 28, 2010
Response by poster: Yeah, the word "competent" came to mind as "eh, he can hold his own, I suppose" rather than "excellent".
posted by decrescendo at 12:39 PM on June 28, 2010
posted by decrescendo at 12:39 PM on June 28, 2010
This doesn't belong on your resume. It belongs in a cover letter, in complete sentences that describe why who you are as a person is a good fit for the specific job opening you're applying for.
I do a lot of hiring. One of the ways I cull the huge stacks of resumes that come across my desk is to skim over the ones where I'd have to cut through swathes of text in order to find out the details about the candidates. Sounds harsh, but that's how I do it.
posted by decathecting at 12:42 PM on June 28, 2010
I do a lot of hiring. One of the ways I cull the huge stacks of resumes that come across my desk is to skim over the ones where I'd have to cut through swathes of text in order to find out the details about the candidates. Sounds harsh, but that's how I do it.
posted by decathecting at 12:42 PM on June 28, 2010
Response by poster: This doesn't belong on your resume. It belongs in a cover letter, in complete sentences that describe why who you are as a person is a good fit for the specific job opening you're applying for.
I do a lot of hiring. One of the ways I cull the huge stacks of resumes that come across my desk is to skim over the ones where I'd have to cut through swathes of text in order to find out the details about the candidates. Sounds harsh, but that's how I do it.
I do agree with that. However, I feel like my baseline resume is one that networking contacts of mine can pass around to their contacts. In that case, I wouldn't know what positions they were comparing my resume against and all they'd have would be that single page resume. I wouldn't have a generic cover letter written.
However, should I do that? Should I have a general "here's who I am and what I'm interested in" cover letter to go along with a general resume?
If I knew what position I was applying for then I'd try to cut the personal stuff out into the cover letter and leave the resume to experience, education, and skills.
posted by decrescendo at 12:59 PM on June 28, 2010
I do a lot of hiring. One of the ways I cull the huge stacks of resumes that come across my desk is to skim over the ones where I'd have to cut through swathes of text in order to find out the details about the candidates. Sounds harsh, but that's how I do it.
I do agree with that. However, I feel like my baseline resume is one that networking contacts of mine can pass around to their contacts. In that case, I wouldn't know what positions they were comparing my resume against and all they'd have would be that single page resume. I wouldn't have a generic cover letter written.
However, should I do that? Should I have a general "here's who I am and what I'm interested in" cover letter to go along with a general resume?
If I knew what position I was applying for then I'd try to cut the personal stuff out into the cover letter and leave the resume to experience, education, and skills.
posted by decrescendo at 12:59 PM on June 28, 2010
Instead of including a paragraph, which many people (including me and, apparently, decathecting) don't read, add a section labeled "proficiencies" or "areas of expertise". Then you can insert bullet points like:
- technical and/or managerial roles
- global security programs
- collaboration with diverse colleagues
- written and oral communication
- problem-solving
Then the format and formatting will match your sections on education and experience, while also serving as an introduction to who you are.
posted by DrGail at 1:08 PM on June 28, 2010 [1 favorite]
- technical and/or managerial roles
- global security programs
- collaboration with diverse colleagues
- written and oral communication
- problem-solving
Then the format and formatting will match your sections on education and experience, while also serving as an introduction to who you are.
posted by DrGail at 1:08 PM on June 28, 2010 [1 favorite]
Your contacts should be pimping you in the email/ voicemail/ whatever they give their contacts when they forward your resume.
I do a lot of hiring. One of the ways I cull the huge stacks of resumes that come across my desk is to skim over the ones where I'd have to cut through swathes of text in order to find out the details about the candidates. Sounds harsh, but that's how I do it.
And yeah, this. My old boss and I would take people's resumes, strip them down to the bullet points and skill listings, and cross out all the duplicates and all the puffery-- but we had time and a small resume pool. (You can do it with a highlighter if you're lazy.) It's enlightening.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 1:13 PM on June 28, 2010
I do a lot of hiring. One of the ways I cull the huge stacks of resumes that come across my desk is to skim over the ones where I'd have to cut through swathes of text in order to find out the details about the candidates. Sounds harsh, but that's how I do it.
And yeah, this. My old boss and I would take people's resumes, strip them down to the bullet points and skill listings, and cross out all the duplicates and all the puffery-- but we had time and a small resume pool. (You can do it with a highlighter if you're lazy.) It's enlightening.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 1:13 PM on June 28, 2010
Response by poster: Here's my whole resume. I should have included this for more context.
http://www.mediafire.com/?zi5tdnmzmqm
posted by decrescendo at 2:11 PM on June 28, 2010
http://www.mediafire.com/?zi5tdnmzmqm
posted by decrescendo at 2:11 PM on June 28, 2010
I am for having a paragraph like this, boxed off or clearly delimited from the other content. CVs are often circulated without the covering letter. Update the paragraph for each job, as you would the covering letter. "A well-qualified, experienced and enthusiastic systems engineer interested in [topic of particular job]"
posted by Idcoytco at 2:18 PM on June 28, 2010
posted by Idcoytco at 2:18 PM on June 28, 2010
Response by poster: I am for having a paragraph like this, boxed off or clearly delimited from the other content. CVs are often circulated without the covering letter. Update the paragraph for each job, as you would the covering letter. "A well-qualified, experienced and enthusiastic systems engineer interested in [topic of particular job]"
That's pretty much my exact reasoning. And I can't say I've ever seen a cover letter circulated in my time working with the DoD.
posted by decrescendo at 2:33 PM on June 28, 2010
That's pretty much my exact reasoning. And I can't say I've ever seen a cover letter circulated in my time working with the DoD.
posted by decrescendo at 2:33 PM on June 28, 2010
FYI your name appears on the second page of your resume if it is edited in word. You may want to remove that download given the nature of your work.
posted by gergtreble at 3:08 PM on June 28, 2010
posted by gergtreble at 3:08 PM on June 28, 2010
Response by poster: Thanks, gergtreble. I appreciate the heads-up.
new link:
http://www.mediafire.com/?trzygy0mytk
posted by decrescendo at 3:11 PM on June 28, 2010
new link:
http://www.mediafire.com/?trzygy0mytk
posted by decrescendo at 3:11 PM on June 28, 2010
How about "Creative problem-solver with the written and oral communication skills to guide teams through novel solutions."
Not my favorite resume sentence, but right now your mediafire link is hosed, so YMMV with context.
posted by pmed at 3:19 PM on June 28, 2010
Not my favorite resume sentence, but right now your mediafire link is hosed, so YMMV with context.
posted by pmed at 3:19 PM on June 28, 2010
So after reading your entire resume, I see the problem. You don't have your experience framed in a way that makes clear your skills and strengths. Under each job, I see a list of the job's responsibilities. What I don't see is information about how your creativity, communication skills, etc. made you awesome at the job. I don't see your aptitude for managerial roles or your ability to build teams from coworkers of all backgrounds. That's what those bullet points are supposed to be for: to tell a prospective employer how you were better than everyone else who could have done your last job and thus will be better than anyone else they could hire for this one. You don't need a personal statement; you need a radical rewrite of your resume. That way, you can cut out the BS that most people are likely not to read anyway and make the best possible use of the limited space and attention you have available to you.
posted by decathecting at 5:21 PM on June 28, 2010
posted by decathecting at 5:21 PM on June 28, 2010
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Otherwise, it seems fine. Good luck, but I have a good feeling you'll have a job soon :)
posted by joecacti at 12:32 PM on June 28, 2010