Climbing inside with a brillo pad is not an option
June 21, 2010 2:59 PM   Subscribe

How do you get your butt *really* clean?

What's the best way of getting/keeping the rectum spanking clean - clean enough to have lots of protracted fun with? Now, what's the quickest/most efficient? I have no illusions about the inside of me being a garden of roses, but I'd like to generally be able to have semi-spontaneous anal sex without self-conscious panic - meaning no poop, and no truly awful odor. As much as I shudder to invoke pornography in a question about real-life sex, I'm basically wondering how porn stars achieve the level of cleanliness exhibited in anal scenes.

I've pulled off completely clean anal sex before - usually shortly after a bowel movement - so I know it's possible. I'm just trying to figure out how to either maximize that natural window, or get in a similarly clean state quickly. I already eat a diet high in fiber and have excellent gastrointestinal health.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (10 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

how porn stars achieve the level of cleanliness exhibited in anal scenes

Enemas, and not eating the day before filming.
posted by shiny blue object at 3:04 PM on June 21, 2010 [8 favorites]

shiny blue object has it exactly right.
posted by Jairus at 3:20 PM on June 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

Maybe you need a washlet.
posted by Rash at 3:59 PM on June 21, 2010

Yeah honestly there's no real great way to go about this, I don't think. BF and I have been living together for a while now, and if we're both horny and I need to go take a shower, then... I go take a shower. Baby wipes can help with short-notice sex, but this is just kind of one of the places where I'm envious of straight girls (even if I'm sure vaginas have their own issues).
posted by kavasa at 4:04 PM on June 21, 2010

Enemas are a bad idea unless used very sparingly and well, well in advance. For normal play you don't need to cleanse the entire bowels, just the rectum. If you are unable to evacuate all the water, your intestine can only absorb so much of the residual, and the rest is very likely to make an unpleasant mess at the worst possible time. Also, too-frequent enemas upset the flora in your colon, leading to digestive issues.

1.)Maintain a high-fiber diet, and try to have 1 or 2 bowel movements at regular times every day.

2.)Don't "push" hard when you're trying to evacuate. You'll never get it all out anyway, and you're likely to hurt yourself. Some people develop hemorrhoids this way, too.

3.)After evacuating and cleaning yourself up, hit the shower. Enjoy a good all-over scrub, and clean your bum as well. Now it's time for your anal douche. You can invest in a specialty product (works awesome), or just grab a Fleet enema bulb at the grocery store. Note that you want to first empty the Fleet bulb and use just warm water. The Fleet bulb comes loaded with a solution to induce bowel movement (not good) and is likely to irritate you (even worse). Rinse it out well. Fill with warm water, and rinse out your rectum two or three times. You may need a little lube or jelly, or not. Remember, you're not trying to flood your whole colon, just your rectum, which on most people is only 5-8" deep.

I douche in the shower; since I'm doing this right after a bowel movement, most of what I get is just water anyway, there is very little stool. A quick wash and disinfect of the shower floor should relieve any squick factor, but I'm going to assume that if you're into anal play, a little stool isn't going to squick you out anyway.

4.)After you've rinsed out, give your bum a final wash, and you should be ready to go.

Unless you're playing with really big toys (or have a very well-endowed partner), you're not going to need to cleanse beyond the rectum. You actually have two sphincters, for lack of a better term the lower and upper sphincters. The lower is your anus, and the upper closes off the rectum from the colon. Everyone is built a little different, but this usually gives you 5-8" of room to play, which is usually more than enough. I'm about 7" deep. You can feel your upper sphincter during play, when you hit it you'll feel distinct pressure, perhaps even a little pain. You can work your way past this, but unless you're really into monster toys, there's no reason to, and this requires deep cleaning (full enemas) and a lot more prep time.

When I'm preparing for business time with my partner, I go to the bathroom and have a bowel movement, then hit the shower to rinse out and wash up; total prep time is maybe a half hour, and I'm good to go and generally mess-free.
posted by xedrik at 4:20 PM on June 21, 2010 [5 favorites]

I'm not sure what your time frame is for getting clean "quickly," but the standard method for being completely clean for anal sex is a colonic wash, typically using a tool like this. (Note that I am not endorsing a particular product. These things are available in most drug stores.)

Directions: shoot a bulbful of lukewarm-to-warm water, whatever is your preference, up your bum, then expel it. Use a bit of lotion or lube to ease entry. Repeat until the water runs clear. This can take anywhere from 2 to 5 applications, depending on what's in your colon at the time, but, typically, elapsed time is about 10 minutes.

The only caveat is to make sure you get ALL the water out. Otherwise, you'll be leaking in bed.

Practice makes perfect.
posted by Short Attention Sp at 4:24 PM on June 21, 2010

Also, sometimes it's best to just realize it's best to pass on anal play for the evening. If I'm feeling ill or something I ate didn't agree with me (as evidenced by my preparatory BM), I know that odds are, no matter how well I clean out, play time will get messy, so I'll avoid it for that night. There are countless other ways to find pleasure, and it could be a fun opportunity to experiment and perhaps learn something fun and new. :)
posted by xedrik at 4:25 PM on June 21, 2010

A good enema takes practice. Remember to only ever use clean warm (body temperature) water. Your anus will absorb some of the residue of the water you use to clean yourself. So if it's not drinkable, don't put it up your bum, otherwise you will get ill. Soap or any kind of cleaning agent will irritate your rectum and do you no good. Plain ol' water will get you as clean as you need to be.

Be gentle, remember that you're only wanting to clean your anus and this isn't very big, so you will probably need less water than you might think you do. But it takes practice to learn how little you can get away with. The less the better because it'll lessen any post-enema discomfort that you might experience.

(Assuming your bowels are working correctly,) poop doesn't go into the anus until it's on its way out, so once you're clean, you'll stay clean until your next bowel movement. If you want spontaneous anal sex, then my advice is to douche after every bowl movement when you're having a horny day. That way you'll effectively be good-to-go 24/7. However having the confidence that you're clean has to be learned. Also, don't develop a habit of douching all the time - your ass isn't designed to be flushed out, and it won't thank you if you do it too much.
posted by davidjohnfox at 4:36 PM on June 21, 2010

From a user who would prefer to remain anonymous:
Go to asspig, sign up for a free account, then check out their forums. Hundreds of threads, thousands of comments about having a squeaky clean butt. It's a mostly gay site (NSFW), but the cleaning threads apply to men and women. Comments touch on diet, frequency of play, depth of play, duration of play etc etc.
posted by jessamyn at 6:24 PM on June 21, 2010

posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 8:56 PM on June 21, 2010

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