Toughen up a thirtysomething.
May 26, 2010 3:06 AM Subscribe
Toughen up a weak and lazy thirtysomething. I'm looking for a lasting way to toughen up. Are there bootcamp/military-service equivalents for men in their early thirties?
Not just physical-strength but mentally too. Perhaps the way the military and/or boot camps toughen up younger men.
I want something to help me make lasting changes to my girly-ass. Lifting weights/getting into sports/martial arts has been a decade-long frustrating cycle of several months of improvements followed by a longer period of absence.
Tougher in all senses of the word. Physically, mentally, deal with nature, fix a broken toilet, getting dirty, dealing with pain (again physical and mental), etc.
I'm a skinny, lazy, comfort-obsessed, trendy (social acceptance craving), careerist that needs to get tougher.
That being said, I've already incorporated most of the mind-hacks that are out there. I understand and have experienced the fake-it-till-you-make it/just do it/get out there techniques, and they have helped me improve.
I'm not afraid of things, and people often think I'm brave or even somewhat tough, though I think its because I push myself in many areas (because I know that on the whole I'm pretty weak).
The best way for me to describe what I'm looking for is to use an admittedly ridiculous "toughness scale" of 1-5 (where 1 is weakest and 5 is toughest). I'm probably a bit better than a 2 and I'd like to get to at least a 4.
Also, what I need has to be sustainable. My experience has been that after reaching an "must change now" moment and any related area, I tend to get results but only until I feel comfortable again.
Not just physical-strength but mentally too. Perhaps the way the military and/or boot camps toughen up younger men.
I want something to help me make lasting changes to my girly-ass. Lifting weights/getting into sports/martial arts has been a decade-long frustrating cycle of several months of improvements followed by a longer period of absence.
Tougher in all senses of the word. Physically, mentally, deal with nature, fix a broken toilet, getting dirty, dealing with pain (again physical and mental), etc.
I'm a skinny, lazy, comfort-obsessed, trendy (social acceptance craving), careerist that needs to get tougher.
That being said, I've already incorporated most of the mind-hacks that are out there. I understand and have experienced the fake-it-till-you-make it/just do it/get out there techniques, and they have helped me improve.
I'm not afraid of things, and people often think I'm brave or even somewhat tough, though I think its because I push myself in many areas (because I know that on the whole I'm pretty weak).
The best way for me to describe what I'm looking for is to use an admittedly ridiculous "toughness scale" of 1-5 (where 1 is weakest and 5 is toughest). I'm probably a bit better than a 2 and I'd like to get to at least a 4.
Also, what I need has to be sustainable. My experience has been that after reaching an "must change now" moment and any related area, I tend to get results but only until I feel comfortable again.
Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. The Reserves? Tai Chi class for mental and flexibility. Regular wall climbing gym sessions with a buddy for non-bodybuilder type strength. Backpacking/hiking.
posted by hungrysquirrels at 3:44 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by hungrysquirrels at 3:44 AM on May 26, 2010
Transformation.com this is Bill Phillips site, who is mainly known for Body for Life, a weightlifting/workout/eating program. This is his new thing, which incorporates also changing other parts of your life besides the physical. They have contests periodically, or you can just join the site and get support and be inspired by reading other peoples stories and the before and after pictures. They have contests too, so if you are at all competitive that might be helpful.
posted by Melsky at 3:48 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by Melsky at 3:48 AM on May 26, 2010
Sorry this is perhaps not going to be what you want to hear, but I would try to explore the soft (not saying "weak") side instead, in order to understand better what "tough" actually means. I say this because it seems to me that "to toughen up" means rather a lot of different (and, to my mind, in part unrelated-to-each-other) things to you.
So, just telling what I['d] do, and what I have found totally sustainable: try to practice some kind of mindfulness, have a bit of a regular Yoga experience and repair the toilet when it's broken. Skip sugar and exaggerated carbs most of the time, and - if possible - walk to work even if it's cold an rainy. End warm showers with cold showers every darn single time.
That's more than most can take in terms of toughness and sustainability, no martial stuff necessary. (I am also cutting and splitting my fire wood if I have time to do so; that's around 24 cubic meters of firewood every spring. Not with my bare hands, obviously).
posted by Namlit at 5:07 AM on May 26, 2010 [3 favorites]
So, just telling what I['d] do, and what I have found totally sustainable: try to practice some kind of mindfulness, have a bit of a regular Yoga experience and repair the toilet when it's broken. Skip sugar and exaggerated carbs most of the time, and - if possible - walk to work even if it's cold an rainy. End warm showers with cold showers every darn single time.
That's more than most can take in terms of toughness and sustainability, no martial stuff necessary. (I am also cutting and splitting my fire wood if I have time to do so; that's around 24 cubic meters of firewood every spring. Not with my bare hands, obviously).
posted by Namlit at 5:07 AM on May 26, 2010 [3 favorites]
Is the military out of the question? Nothing is like boot camp, except boot camp. If it is something you are interested in, try the Reserves or National Guard.
posted by C17H19NO3 at 5:11 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by C17H19NO3 at 5:11 AM on May 26, 2010
Okay, so under normal circumstances I'd say that the Thailand idea would sound completely awesome, but Bangkok is kind of on fire right now. I'd consider waiting a few months before making that particular trip.
For something a little more accessible, consider CrossFit. Or one of the innumerable fitness boot camps across America.
Consider taking a week or so, getting the cheapest flight you can find to a location with a boot camp or training gym but nothing else to do, and just working your ass off.
posted by valkyryn at 5:40 AM on May 26, 2010
For something a little more accessible, consider CrossFit. Or one of the innumerable fitness boot camps across America.
Consider taking a week or so, getting the cheapest flight you can find to a location with a boot camp or training gym but nothing else to do, and just working your ass off.
posted by valkyryn at 5:40 AM on May 26, 2010
I think the problem with any type of commercial camp, is that it might be full of people looking to do exactly what you want. Kind of like a City Slickers scenario (if you remember that movie).
At any rate, I came in to suggest CrossFit as an everyday type of thing you could do. Perhaps combine this with a backpacking trip once a month. Adventure racing/ orienteering races could be an option - if you are training for something specific, it's usually easier to stick with it.
posted by smalls at 5:54 AM on May 26, 2010
At any rate, I came in to suggest CrossFit as an everyday type of thing you could do. Perhaps combine this with a backpacking trip once a month. Adventure racing/ orienteering races could be an option - if you are training for something specific, it's usually easier to stick with it.
posted by smalls at 5:54 AM on May 26, 2010
Depending on where you live there might be some ex-spec ops guy teaching a bootcamp for yuppies, there's one in Virginia.
I don't think they'll teach you how to fix a toilet though.
posted by ghharr at 6:05 AM on May 26, 2010
I don't think they'll teach you how to fix a toilet though.
posted by ghharr at 6:05 AM on May 26, 2010
I'd second what Namlit said, though without the yoga. :)
Toughness is the part of people that only comes out when things really suck. Everyone is tough already. Read about what civilians went through during the world wars. Or what people did during the Great Depression. Or how people get by in extreme poverty today. Or what people go through during rehab after an accident. Or what it's like to help a loved one through a slow, painful death. That's toughness.
Nothing against physical fitness, but no fitness cult is going to make you tougher. Hanging out with a bunch of yuppies, grunting through a particularly painful exercise just to feel something uncomfortable for once? How is that toughness? That part seems more like an emo teenager cutting their arms up to me. The cult-y aspect of it might give you the illusion of being tougher and the camaraderie can be great, but it's still just playing soldier.
I do a lot of "guy" things. Lift weights, work on cars and the house, camp and fish, dig holes and move dirt around, run and mountain bike, walk to work through nasty winters. None of that really makes you a better person. You get used to the slight discomfort and start to like it. Humans are adaptable.
The only thing that has made me feel tough is having kids. There's no way around the fact that someone has to go clean puke off the wall at 3am, spend the next 3 hours holding a sick child, and be at work by 7:30. Oh, and you and your wife are both already sick with what's making the kid vomit. That's never pleasant and it lets you experience a tiny fraction of what we're capable of when something *needs* to get done. Essence of toughness!
posted by pjaust at 6:51 AM on May 26, 2010 [13 favorites]
Toughness is the part of people that only comes out when things really suck. Everyone is tough already. Read about what civilians went through during the world wars. Or what people did during the Great Depression. Or how people get by in extreme poverty today. Or what people go through during rehab after an accident. Or what it's like to help a loved one through a slow, painful death. That's toughness.
Nothing against physical fitness, but no fitness cult is going to make you tougher. Hanging out with a bunch of yuppies, grunting through a particularly painful exercise just to feel something uncomfortable for once? How is that toughness? That part seems more like an emo teenager cutting their arms up to me. The cult-y aspect of it might give you the illusion of being tougher and the camaraderie can be great, but it's still just playing soldier.
I do a lot of "guy" things. Lift weights, work on cars and the house, camp and fish, dig holes and move dirt around, run and mountain bike, walk to work through nasty winters. None of that really makes you a better person. You get used to the slight discomfort and start to like it. Humans are adaptable.
The only thing that has made me feel tough is having kids. There's no way around the fact that someone has to go clean puke off the wall at 3am, spend the next 3 hours holding a sick child, and be at work by 7:30. Oh, and you and your wife are both already sick with what's making the kid vomit. That's never pleasant and it lets you experience a tiny fraction of what we're capable of when something *needs* to get done. Essence of toughness!
posted by pjaust at 6:51 AM on May 26, 2010 [13 favorites]
Acquiring phyiscal strength will make you mentally strong. That's one of the great ancillary benefits of physical training. But the idea that you have to seek out some special bootcamp to get tough is a little misguided, I think. You're always going to be able to quit, like you say you have in the past. Nobody's going to put a gun to your head and suddenly make you get tough; only you can make yourself tough. You have to want it enough to not quit. And no program that has a set ending date is going to magically effect some kind of permanent change in you. You have to make a commitment to changing your habits, and that needs to start with your attitude about what it takes to be tough and whose responsibility it is to get you there.
CrossFit is very challenging and probably easy to locate. It's a fine solution if you need someone to tell you what to do and if you want a social aspect to your training. It's usually very expensive though, and has various other drawbacks that I won't go into. I think it'd be a fine solution for you, again provided that you stick with it. But you don't need to pay through the nose for CrossFit to get strong and fit and tough. You can do that all on your own with minimal expense. You just have to want it enough and not quit.
posted by ludwig_van at 6:54 AM on May 26, 2010
CrossFit is very challenging and probably easy to locate. It's a fine solution if you need someone to tell you what to do and if you want a social aspect to your training. It's usually very expensive though, and has various other drawbacks that I won't go into. I think it'd be a fine solution for you, again provided that you stick with it. But you don't need to pay through the nose for CrossFit to get strong and fit and tough. You can do that all on your own with minimal expense. You just have to want it enough and not quit.
posted by ludwig_van at 6:54 AM on May 26, 2010
I'm kind of with namlit and pjaust, and very much not with the first line of what ludwig_van says. Still, you might be interested in Robert Twigger's Angry White Pyjamas, which describes his way of dealing with the problem you're having. He starts with a quote from Dr Johnson: "Every man thinks meanly of himself for not having been a soldier." Twigger does a year-long full-time aikido training course alongside men from the Tokyo riot police.
posted by lapsangsouchong at 7:02 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by lapsangsouchong at 7:02 AM on May 26, 2010
Starting Strength is the way to go. I have gained so much mental and physical strength from this program.
posted by useyourmachinegunarm at 7:37 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by useyourmachinegunarm at 7:37 AM on May 26, 2010
Take cold showers, always. Wash your face with cold water.
Walk around in the woods barefoot.
Any errand you need to run, do it on foot if it's five miles away or less. Especially if it's raining.
Take your bike to a really steep hill and ride up.
posted by pintapicasso at 8:43 AM on May 26, 2010
Walk around in the woods barefoot.
Any errand you need to run, do it on foot if it's five miles away or less. Especially if it's raining.
Take your bike to a really steep hill and ride up.
posted by pintapicasso at 8:43 AM on May 26, 2010
I am no slouch but P90x ( yes, the infomercial ) kicked my ass. If you can get yourself through that, you're going to be able to tackle all kinds of stuff.
posted by jasondigitized at 8:52 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by jasondigitized at 8:52 AM on May 26, 2010
I smell a whiff of low self-esteem in the question, but you could do worse than buy a fixer-upper house in the ghetto and start practicing endurance sports. But really it sounds like discipline is a bigger problem for you than are ways to toughen yourself, which you don't seem to have a problem finding. I'm not aware of any mind hacks or tricks for discipline except to force yourself to do stuff.
posted by rhizome at 9:12 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by rhizome at 9:12 AM on May 26, 2010
Sounds like you need to experience Hell Week with the Navy Seals. They put you and your sissy ass through everything that the real SEALS experience in BUDS. Its truly a grindhouse...
posted by jnnla at 9:14 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by jnnla at 9:14 AM on May 26, 2010
In some ways, this is why I'm a marathon runner. There's a part of endurance spots that is simply about the mental toughness of enduring it. Mile 8 is fun; mile 18 is hell. Plus, you've got a lot of long hours of training where it's just you and your thoughts. There are points in the process when you're too tired to BS yourself anymore. Grinding out the tough miles teaches you that you're already a strong person. And at the end they give you a finisher's medal.
Set a goal - a tough one - marathon, triathlon. Make it something you're not sure you can do. Then go do it.
jasondigitized - P90x is tough and I love it. Now go get yourself a copy of Insanity. It's a beat down, but it's so much friggin' fun too.
posted by 26.2 at 9:18 AM on May 26, 2010
Set a goal - a tough one - marathon, triathlon. Make it something you're not sure you can do. Then go do it.
jasondigitized - P90x is tough and I love it. Now go get yourself a copy of Insanity. It's a beat down, but it's so much friggin' fun too.
posted by 26.2 at 9:18 AM on May 26, 2010
rhizome has the core problem: your issue is discipline, not getting tough. Because otherwise you'll go to Muay Thai boxing camp, have fun, come home... and return to sloth. What you need are ways to integrate the changes you want to see in your life... into your life.
pjaust and namlit's posts also gets at the other thing: your definition of tough is pretty narrow. You might want to look at other activities to integrate into your life that challenge you to grow and push you out of your comfort zone - Habitat for Humanity, working with disabled kids... I'm sure you can think of some activities that could make your life more meaningful and "toughen you up." Streamline your life - figure out what matters. Figure out how to get yourself to stick to the goals you set for yourself.
Ask yourself why you're doing this. What do you want out of it?
posted by canine epigram at 11:07 AM on May 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
pjaust and namlit's posts also gets at the other thing: your definition of tough is pretty narrow. You might want to look at other activities to integrate into your life that challenge you to grow and push you out of your comfort zone - Habitat for Humanity, working with disabled kids... I'm sure you can think of some activities that could make your life more meaningful and "toughen you up." Streamline your life - figure out what matters. Figure out how to get yourself to stick to the goals you set for yourself.
Ask yourself why you're doing this. What do you want out of it?
posted by canine epigram at 11:07 AM on May 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Cosigned with folks above. If all you wanted was to be physically tough, I'd say, go do some Crossfit, go do some serious camping, learn how to build makeshift shelter on your own, maybe do some muay thai, etc.
But it sounds like it's more about mental toughness - discipline and the will to stick to things. That kind of stuff requires more a look into self image and revisioning yourself into the kind of person who wants (this stuff) more than (that stuff).
That said, most normal people prefer comfort and chill times to enduring hard times, so it's not like there's any moral failing on your part. If you want to be more healthy/physically capable, pick something you enjoy doing - ride a bike, walk around the lake, play with a plastic lightsaber in your room for an hour every day. Doesn't matter- the enjoyment will help you get more physical and you can go from there.
posted by yeloson at 12:36 PM on May 26, 2010
But it sounds like it's more about mental toughness - discipline and the will to stick to things. That kind of stuff requires more a look into self image and revisioning yourself into the kind of person who wants (this stuff) more than (that stuff).
That said, most normal people prefer comfort and chill times to enduring hard times, so it's not like there's any moral failing on your part. If you want to be more healthy/physically capable, pick something you enjoy doing - ride a bike, walk around the lake, play with a plastic lightsaber in your room for an hour every day. Doesn't matter- the enjoyment will help you get more physical and you can go from there.
posted by yeloson at 12:36 PM on May 26, 2010
I'm like you - getting committed to weight-lifting or martial arts for a brief period then abandoning it. Coming back to it later. Never able to make it stick. I also used to fantasize about some sort of transformative "boot camp." I have never been able to stick with any sort of training program for more than a few months before but I've been doing CrossFit non-stop since I joined. Initially 2-3 times a week (all I could handle) but now 5-6 times a week because I love it. You hear about people who get addicted to exercise? I've never experienced that before. Now I look forward to workouts. I get cranky if I have to skip one. And you want to work on toughness? CrossFit workouts are all about intensity - taking you to the place of maximum suck and demanding one more rep. It sounds like hell, and it is, but it's very rewarding. You will put on muscle. You will burn fat. But more important, you'll find yourself doing things, mentally and physically, that you previously thought were impossible.
Try CrossFit. Seriously. I know it's been recommended several times already in this thread, but I saw CrossFit mentioned repeatedly here on AskMe before curious got the best of me and I checked it out. It's the single best piece of advice I've ever gotten on AskMe. The mainpage is an intimidating mess, so don't start there. Find a local affiliate, one that offers group classes.
posted by zanni at 3:40 PM on May 26, 2010
Try CrossFit. Seriously. I know it's been recommended several times already in this thread, but I saw CrossFit mentioned repeatedly here on AskMe before curious got the best of me and I checked it out. It's the single best piece of advice I've ever gotten on AskMe. The mainpage is an intimidating mess, so don't start there. Find a local affiliate, one that offers group classes.
posted by zanni at 3:40 PM on May 26, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
here: http://www.wmcmuaythaicamp.com/camp.html
and here: http://www.muaythaifairtex.com/main/index.php
living in thailand is much cheaper that living in the west, and i imagine there are relatively cheap flights from anywhere at the moment
posted by compound eye at 3:38 AM on May 26, 2010 [1 favorite]