[About to be] just a small town girl, living in a lonely world!
May 7, 2010 7:20 AM Subscribe
Help a city/suburban gal feel content living in the sticks!
Preparing to move to a rural area for the summer. It won't be a long stay (~10 weeks), but I'm used to living in mid-to-large-size cities. I won't know anyone there (although I'll meet people through my work), and there aren't likely to be many people around my age (late 20s). I'm a pretty social person, and I'm a little worried about preserving my sanity for the summer.
The place I'll be moving to is on the coast, pretty poor, and has a population of about 800 people and a physical size of about 2 sq. miles. Nearby towns are similarly small; the nearest larger place is a town of about 28,000 about half an hour's drive away.
How can I prepare? I'm looking for suggestions about what to do ahead of time as well as suggestions of how to be happy and content in a small town where I don't know anyone. Netflix? Rampant Skyping? An intense workout routine? Learn to read another language? What to do? What are the best ways to a) stave off loneliness, b) not be frustrated by the lack of amenities, and c) enjoy the good things about rural, small-town living?
Thanks!
Preparing to move to a rural area for the summer. It won't be a long stay (~10 weeks), but I'm used to living in mid-to-large-size cities. I won't know anyone there (although I'll meet people through my work), and there aren't likely to be many people around my age (late 20s). I'm a pretty social person, and I'm a little worried about preserving my sanity for the summer.
The place I'll be moving to is on the coast, pretty poor, and has a population of about 800 people and a physical size of about 2 sq. miles. Nearby towns are similarly small; the nearest larger place is a town of about 28,000 about half an hour's drive away.
How can I prepare? I'm looking for suggestions about what to do ahead of time as well as suggestions of how to be happy and content in a small town where I don't know anyone. Netflix? Rampant Skyping? An intense workout routine? Learn to read another language? What to do? What are the best ways to a) stave off loneliness, b) not be frustrated by the lack of amenities, and c) enjoy the good things about rural, small-town living?
Thanks!
I was raised in a very small town in rural Missouri but hadn't been back for more than a few hours in years. When my grandfather died earlier this month, my sister and I spent a couple of days there and we had an absolutely fantastic time checking out the local scene. We ate breakfast at a hole in the wall diner for $2.50 apiece. We went to a local bar where the bartender drove a carload of people home when he left. There have to be places there where people socialize, and I highly recommend checking them out. Embrace the life while you are there and you'll probably have a pretty good time.
Also, find the library (there has to be one at least in a neighboring town, if not where you're staying), and yes, make sure you have a Netflix subscription. I suspect you'll find aspects of it pretty entertaining, though.
posted by something something at 7:43 AM on May 7, 2010 [3 favorites]
Also, find the library (there has to be one at least in a neighboring town, if not where you're staying), and yes, make sure you have a Netflix subscription. I suspect you'll find aspects of it pretty entertaining, though.
posted by something something at 7:43 AM on May 7, 2010 [3 favorites]
Learn about local ecology, or local history. Take lots of long walks. Set some fitness goals, like # of pushups, miles run, whatever. Say hello to everyone you encounter. Keep a journal. Write letters by hand and mail them. Learn how to knit. Take up painting.
posted by mareli at 7:50 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by mareli at 7:50 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]
I lived in Seattle, Vancouver, and Amsterdam for my entire life... until 8 months ago. I have made a permanent home of a small rural/industrial town of 4,000 in Northern Alberta where the nearest "city" is a 5 hour drive away. I actually really like it here-- my boyfriend's family is here and they are lovely people-- but because I work from home and because my boyfriend and I no longer drink, it's pretty hard to meet people my/our age (early 30s, boyfriend is late 20s)-- and there aren't a lot of people here who have ever left this area, so I've got some preconceived ideas about how much we could have in common. I'm still trying to find ways to make some female friends, but it could be a while. I'm pretty reclusive by nature now that I'm sober, so it all kind of works well for me-- for now, at least.
Things that have kept me sane (especially during the 40-below winter):
-- Treating the whole thing like an adventure.
-- Asking a million questions-- genuinely-- people LOVE to be experts on their own area, and I've learned a ton of fascinating stuff. My intellectual snobbery took a welcome beating when I started to learn that despite occasional poor grammar, many of the people I encounter are more intelligent in many ways than the friends I had back in the cities. If you can, try be open to this!
-- Going for drives whenever possible-- exploring!
-- TV and movies. I, um-- "borrow" them from the internet. Netflix is an excellent plan.
-- Facebook and email are crucial, I think, for staying connected-- especially as your stay is temporary and presumably you'll be going back to wherever "home" is.
-- My cats-- if you don't have a pet and don't want one, but still want some animal companionship, you could consider offering to walk a neighbour's dog-- if that sort of thing makes you feel happier!
-- I have free calling in all of North America (my family is still in the States)-- for me, the hassle of using a calling card was kind of prohibitive, but that's because I'm lazy. Being able to just pick up the phone (without worrying about the expense) to talk to family or the few friends I have has been really nice. Skyping might be a very good option for you as well..
-- Focusing on the little things that are awesome-- no paid parking, no traffic, no lines at the bank, etc.
-- Being willing to order whatever I want online, so that I don't grow resentments about the relative lack of amenities. This has ranged from spices to books, and getting these little presents in the mail is sort of more awesome than had I just picked them up at the store.
posted by mireille at 7:52 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]
Things that have kept me sane (especially during the 40-below winter):
-- Treating the whole thing like an adventure.
-- Asking a million questions-- genuinely-- people LOVE to be experts on their own area, and I've learned a ton of fascinating stuff. My intellectual snobbery took a welcome beating when I started to learn that despite occasional poor grammar, many of the people I encounter are more intelligent in many ways than the friends I had back in the cities. If you can, try be open to this!
-- Going for drives whenever possible-- exploring!
-- TV and movies. I, um-- "borrow" them from the internet. Netflix is an excellent plan.
-- Facebook and email are crucial, I think, for staying connected-- especially as your stay is temporary and presumably you'll be going back to wherever "home" is.
-- My cats-- if you don't have a pet and don't want one, but still want some animal companionship, you could consider offering to walk a neighbour's dog-- if that sort of thing makes you feel happier!
-- I have free calling in all of North America (my family is still in the States)-- for me, the hassle of using a calling card was kind of prohibitive, but that's because I'm lazy. Being able to just pick up the phone (without worrying about the expense) to talk to family or the few friends I have has been really nice. Skyping might be a very good option for you as well..
-- Focusing on the little things that are awesome-- no paid parking, no traffic, no lines at the bank, etc.
-- Being willing to order whatever I want online, so that I don't grow resentments about the relative lack of amenities. This has ranged from spices to books, and getting these little presents in the mail is sort of more awesome than had I just picked them up at the store.
posted by mireille at 7:52 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]
and there aren't likely to be many people around my age (late 20s)
You are not limited to late 20s for making friends. Think of this as an excellent opportunity to meet and interact with people who are not your age.
posted by JanetLand at 8:06 AM on May 7, 2010 [5 favorites]
You are not limited to late 20s for making friends. Think of this as an excellent opportunity to meet and interact with people who are not your age.
posted by JanetLand at 8:06 AM on May 7, 2010 [5 favorites]
Find the local diner or cafe where everyone goes for breakfast. Start showing up every morning. You can start by talking to the waiters and move on from there. Also, those places usually have a handful of old, retired guys who go every single morning to hang out, and they're usually more than willing to talk. And they know everyone in town.
You could also find some sort of short term volunteer work there.
posted by MexicanYenta at 8:10 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]
You could also find some sort of short term volunteer work there.
posted by MexicanYenta at 8:10 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]
When I was younger and getting bounced back and forth between parents I would often go from inner-city Milwaukee to rural Georgia, where my nearest neighbor was probably a 10 minute walk away.
Before the first trip down to Georgia I was certain I'd hate it, no friends, "nothing to do", etc.
Then I got there and realized it wasn't so bad. I liked being able to sleep with the windows open and not have to listen to traffic, people shouting, and sirens. I liked being able to go on day hikes around my mom's land, it was only 6 acres, but it was mostly forested so it always seemed fresh and new. I learned to drive an ATV and I'd go ripping up and down the dirt road that led to our house. We started a small hobby farm with a few cows, goats, chickens, etc. I had fun hauling 50lb bags of feed in the summer heat. I took up marksmanship (and became a pretty good shot!). I eventually met some new friends and before I knew it things became very comfortable.
I wound up leaving Georgia and staying in Milwaukee, but not because of a lack of things to do.
posted by fore at 8:17 AM on May 7, 2010
Before the first trip down to Georgia I was certain I'd hate it, no friends, "nothing to do", etc.
Then I got there and realized it wasn't so bad. I liked being able to sleep with the windows open and not have to listen to traffic, people shouting, and sirens. I liked being able to go on day hikes around my mom's land, it was only 6 acres, but it was mostly forested so it always seemed fresh and new. I learned to drive an ATV and I'd go ripping up and down the dirt road that led to our house. We started a small hobby farm with a few cows, goats, chickens, etc. I had fun hauling 50lb bags of feed in the summer heat. I took up marksmanship (and became a pretty good shot!). I eventually met some new friends and before I knew it things became very comfortable.
I wound up leaving Georgia and staying in Milwaukee, but not because of a lack of things to do.
posted by fore at 8:17 AM on May 7, 2010
If you are interested in astronomy, here is your chance to study without (much) light pollution. Nthing learning local history and ecology. Garden, at least tomatoes, and herbs.
posted by jgirl at 8:19 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by jgirl at 8:19 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]
that is almost exactly the size/demographic/geography of where we live. Here's how we've adapted:
First - you're near the coast - that probably means lots of outdoor rec, maybe a beach or at least a swimming hole. our coast is mainly rocky & deepwater here, so there's fishing and boating if not swimming (we swim in the springs). there may be good hiking trails near you if there are WMAs (wildlife management areas) or state or county parks. not much hunting in the summer.
small, two-lane country roads can be a great place to bicycle but wear lots of bright clothing and have a bail out plan - drivers out here are not always bike-hospitable.
even a small town/county probably has a recreation park, which may have rec leagues for soccer and softball. if you play either, you can probably get on a team because the co-ed teams are always short on women. if anything, you can play for the other team when they show up (I have done this a lot - never played for my own team, but started and played every game anyway) this park is also a safe place to run if your residence has too many loose dogs around for safe running (as ours often does).
summer tends to be festival season, for towns and/or churches. watch for signs when you're driving. if you're up north, they might be on sunday, but here in the south they will be on saturday. if there's a catholic church/mission in your area, look for friday fish fries.
farmers/flea markets often have good live music - a couple ol boys who grew up pickin together and just want a place to play every saturday/sunday morning. local fish camps and rv resorts also may have friday nights with music. watch the papers.
posted by toodleydoodley at 8:34 AM on May 7, 2010
First - you're near the coast - that probably means lots of outdoor rec, maybe a beach or at least a swimming hole. our coast is mainly rocky & deepwater here, so there's fishing and boating if not swimming (we swim in the springs). there may be good hiking trails near you if there are WMAs (wildlife management areas) or state or county parks. not much hunting in the summer.
small, two-lane country roads can be a great place to bicycle but wear lots of bright clothing and have a bail out plan - drivers out here are not always bike-hospitable.
even a small town/county probably has a recreation park, which may have rec leagues for soccer and softball. if you play either, you can probably get on a team because the co-ed teams are always short on women. if anything, you can play for the other team when they show up (I have done this a lot - never played for my own team, but started and played every game anyway) this park is also a safe place to run if your residence has too many loose dogs around for safe running (as ours often does).
summer tends to be festival season, for towns and/or churches. watch for signs when you're driving. if you're up north, they might be on sunday, but here in the south they will be on saturday. if there's a catholic church/mission in your area, look for friday fish fries.
farmers/flea markets often have good live music - a couple ol boys who grew up pickin together and just want a place to play every saturday/sunday morning. local fish camps and rv resorts also may have friday nights with music. watch the papers.
posted by toodleydoodley at 8:34 AM on May 7, 2010
Read more! I'm oh so guilty of having let my reading slide in lieu of movies... my favorite movies are based off books for the most part anyway. Which is why you should get a bunch of books and learn to enjoy them again. Work on your tan outside and read. Deep books, or brainless books, take a variety with you. Longer-lasting than tv shows or movies.
And improve your photography skills. Going on photo expeditions around the area can take a few hours and you will savor the experience of rural living a little more intimately. Landscape shots, macro shots, portraits of local people, try lots of things :) Learning to adjust photos in photoshop for color is also a good experience. Then you can keep your friends up to date online with an occasional photo album :)
Honestly, this will be a good experience for you in learning to entertain yourself. I don't live in a rural community at the moment (I have previously) but it's a small enough city that people from bigger cities always whine that there's nothing to do. What's the saying? Only boring people get bored? yeah.
posted by lizbunny at 10:15 AM on May 7, 2010
And improve your photography skills. Going on photo expeditions around the area can take a few hours and you will savor the experience of rural living a little more intimately. Landscape shots, macro shots, portraits of local people, try lots of things :) Learning to adjust photos in photoshop for color is also a good experience. Then you can keep your friends up to date online with an occasional photo album :)
Honestly, this will be a good experience for you in learning to entertain yourself. I don't live in a rural community at the moment (I have previously) but it's a small enough city that people from bigger cities always whine that there's nothing to do. What's the saying? Only boring people get bored? yeah.
posted by lizbunny at 10:15 AM on May 7, 2010
My in-laws live in a similar place - population just under 300, half an hour to the nearest large city. I'm older than you and not very interested in clubbing and night life, but I was able to keep very busy while staying there for two months earlier this year. I developed an interest in "antiquing" - there are lots of small flea markets and antique shops (sometimes nothing more than a barely-standing barn) dotted throughout the county. Not only did I meet and chat with lots of locals (who were able to tell me all about what was happening in the area - charity barbecues, county fairs, live music, etc) while browsing through these places, I also found some interesting and inexpensive treasures. You can also find friendly folks by dining at local restaurants, diners and coffee shops. The servers and other patrons will be more than happy to talk about their town if you volunteer that you're new to the area and wondering what's to do for fun.
Even though this area was very rural, they still had cable TV and WiFi, so most likely you won't have a problem with personal entertainment. My main advisory would be to keep certain staple items in stock - soft drinks, milk, coffee, maybe some frozen foods. Local stores will most likely close at 6 or 7PM, and it took me a while to get used to making sure I always had enough X or Y. (For example, at home I didn't really notice if I only had a quarter cup of milk left in the carton in the fridge at 6PM. If someone wanted cereal or some other milk-intensive dish at 10PM we could easily dash out to the 24-hour gas station on the corner to get more.)
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:25 AM on May 7, 2010
Even though this area was very rural, they still had cable TV and WiFi, so most likely you won't have a problem with personal entertainment. My main advisory would be to keep certain staple items in stock - soft drinks, milk, coffee, maybe some frozen foods. Local stores will most likely close at 6 or 7PM, and it took me a while to get used to making sure I always had enough X or Y. (For example, at home I didn't really notice if I only had a quarter cup of milk left in the carton in the fridge at 6PM. If someone wanted cereal or some other milk-intensive dish at 10PM we could easily dash out to the 24-hour gas station on the corner to get more.)
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:25 AM on May 7, 2010
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posted by parkerjackson at 7:40 AM on May 7, 2010