What is an age appropriate bat mitzvah gift?
April 5, 2010 5:00 PM Subscribe
What is an age appropriate gift for a mid 30's friend who is converting to Judaism for a bat mitzvah gift?
A long time friend who I have recently reconnected with has decided to convert to Judaism and has invited me to her bat mitzvah. I would love to get her an awesome bat mitzvah gift. Being raised Buddhist myself, I have no idea where to start looking or how much to spend. I have looked to my boyfriend who is Jewish but he also couldn't come up with anything either since most bar/ bat mitzvahs he's attended have all been for the usual age of 13. Any ideas anyone can offer would greatly be appreciated.
A long time friend who I have recently reconnected with has decided to convert to Judaism and has invited me to her bat mitzvah. I would love to get her an awesome bat mitzvah gift. Being raised Buddhist myself, I have no idea where to start looking or how much to spend. I have looked to my boyfriend who is Jewish but he also couldn't come up with anything either since most bar/ bat mitzvahs he's attended have all been for the usual age of 13. Any ideas anyone can offer would greatly be appreciated.
For jewelry, Etsy has some Star of David (1, 2, 3, 4) and chai (1, 2) necklaces that might be appropriate.
You could also give something small (candy? flowers?) in multiples of 18 — the number 18 signifies life.
A pair of nice candlestick holders for Shabbat, a kiddush cup or a menorah (on preview: what i_am_a_fiesta said) might also be nice.
posted by rebekah at 5:25 PM on April 5, 2010
You could also give something small (candy? flowers?) in multiples of 18 — the number 18 signifies life.
A pair of nice candlestick holders for Shabbat, a kiddush cup or a menorah (on preview: what i_am_a_fiesta said) might also be nice.
posted by rebekah at 5:25 PM on April 5, 2010
A mezuzah (a decorative holder for an internal scroll bearing one of the most fundamental prayers in Judaism printed in Hebrew) is a lovely gift, and they come in a huge variety. FYI, mezuzah's are usually placed by the receiver near the door of the home. More about them here.
posted by bearwife at 5:26 PM on April 5, 2010
posted by bearwife at 5:26 PM on April 5, 2010
sorry about stupid typo, I meant to say mezuzahs are usually placed . . .
posted by bearwife at 5:27 PM on April 5, 2010
posted by bearwife at 5:27 PM on April 5, 2010
Well, a fairly traditional thing to do, in terms of money, is to give the person having the bar or bat mitzvah money in multiples of 18. This is because the word chai, meaning to live, can also translate to the number 18. So a lot of people receive checks for $18, $36, or $54.
But really, a bat mitzvah in one's 30s is less about coming of age and more about being considered an official, active member of Jewish society and being accepted into the community. So you could use the chai numerical symbolism in a different way. What does your friend like? What can your friend contribute to her new community? Is she active in her synagogue's volunteer organizations, or does she sing in the choir, or does she help out with the Hebrew school kids? You could give her 18 somethings that she could use to help her in her new place in the community. For example, my aunt, who had a bat mitzvah in her 40s, received 9 different salt and pepper shakers (thus making 18) from my grandmother, because she loves to have dinner parties. That's a slightly silly example, but silly gifts are wonderful.
Most people who have converted to Judaism during adulthood take it very seriously, so they might appreciate something that's really useful to their new religious practices. Depending on the type of Judaism your friend has converted to, she might love a handmade or unique kippah (perhaps 18 of them so she can always be coordinated?), or tallit, which can often be absolutely beautiful works of textile art.
She might also enjoy something that reminds her of you. You say that you were raised Buddhist. Well, there's a fairly large group of people who identify is Jewish Buddhists, and a variety of light and pleasant to serious and philosophical books that are about that topic. The giving of books or other types of codified wisdom is a pretty normal kind of bar or bat mitzvah gift, as well. A book that has meaning to you, regardless of its religious content, with a thoughtful dedication, can be one of the nicest gifts.
posted by Mizu at 5:36 PM on April 5, 2010
But really, a bat mitzvah in one's 30s is less about coming of age and more about being considered an official, active member of Jewish society and being accepted into the community. So you could use the chai numerical symbolism in a different way. What does your friend like? What can your friend contribute to her new community? Is she active in her synagogue's volunteer organizations, or does she sing in the choir, or does she help out with the Hebrew school kids? You could give her 18 somethings that she could use to help her in her new place in the community. For example, my aunt, who had a bat mitzvah in her 40s, received 9 different salt and pepper shakers (thus making 18) from my grandmother, because she loves to have dinner parties. That's a slightly silly example, but silly gifts are wonderful.
Most people who have converted to Judaism during adulthood take it very seriously, so they might appreciate something that's really useful to their new religious practices. Depending on the type of Judaism your friend has converted to, she might love a handmade or unique kippah (perhaps 18 of them so she can always be coordinated?), or tallit, which can often be absolutely beautiful works of textile art.
She might also enjoy something that reminds her of you. You say that you were raised Buddhist. Well, there's a fairly large group of people who identify is Jewish Buddhists, and a variety of light and pleasant to serious and philosophical books that are about that topic. The giving of books or other types of codified wisdom is a pretty normal kind of bar or bat mitzvah gift, as well. A book that has meaning to you, regardless of its religious content, with a thoughtful dedication, can be one of the nicest gifts.
posted by Mizu at 5:36 PM on April 5, 2010
My wife will be doing an adult bat mitzvah in May, and I'm getting her a tallit, or prayer shawl.
posted by mosk at 5:45 PM on April 5, 2010
posted by mosk at 5:45 PM on April 5, 2010
Lighting Shabbat candles is typically the woman's task so a pair of candle holders would be a nice gift. There is no special requirements except that the holders need to tolerate the heat of a candle burning all the way down until gone. You would find some very nice ones at any Judaica shop.
posted by metahawk at 5:55 PM on April 5, 2010
posted by metahawk at 5:55 PM on April 5, 2010
If she enjoys cooking, this is my favourite Jewish holiday baking book. If she's planning on keeping kosher, Norene Gilletz has some good all-purpose cookbooks. You could also get her a challah cover (many examples available on Etsy) with a nice cutting board and bread knife.
posted by Anali at 5:59 PM on April 5, 2010
posted by Anali at 5:59 PM on April 5, 2010
The nicest thing someone did for me when I became Bat Mitzvah (as a youngin though) was to embroider a nice frame to hold my certificate in. Would she be interested in something like that?
posted by eleanna at 6:59 PM on April 5, 2010
posted by eleanna at 6:59 PM on April 5, 2010
Check to make sure she's getting a certificate - I've never hear of a bat mitzvah certificate before (what is it? who issues it?).
posted by Anali at 7:36 PM on April 5, 2010
posted by Anali at 7:36 PM on April 5, 2010
Your question prompted me to look at judaism.com which has a huge selection of judaica to meet all price ranges. I saw this lovely matchbox holder. The lighting of candles is a big part of Jewish observance. I think a a holder like this beats sticking the matches in the kitchen drawer. I'm going to ask for one of these for Mother's Day!
posted by angiep at 8:49 PM on April 5, 2010
posted by angiep at 8:49 PM on April 5, 2010
After some consideration, here is a list of awesome gifts:
1) Most awesome: a spicebox for havdala filled with a selection of spices you made yourself. It's unlikely that a new convert will have acquired one, and the spice mixture will give it a personal touch. You can buy ones made especially for the ceremony, or you might find something else that could be repurposed. Instructions for a spice mixture follow my list of suggestions.
2) A mezuza case, because you can have a mezuza on almost every door of a house. Even if she has several, she can probably use another one.
3) A challah cover. This would be my last choice, because you don't really need more than one and she might have one already.
Spice Mixture for Havdala
Any mixture is fine, but this assortment will work well:
Go to an Indian or Asian grocery and purchase some or all of the following:
Tangerine peel
Cassia or cinnamon bark
Cloves
Whole allspice
Put it in a heatproof cup and microwave it until the mixture is hot - thirty seconds should be right. This will help make the spices more fragrant. Put them in your container and wrap it so that the fragrance stays fresh.
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:53 AM on April 6, 2010
1) Most awesome: a spicebox for havdala filled with a selection of spices you made yourself. It's unlikely that a new convert will have acquired one, and the spice mixture will give it a personal touch. You can buy ones made especially for the ceremony, or you might find something else that could be repurposed. Instructions for a spice mixture follow my list of suggestions.
2) A mezuza case, because you can have a mezuza on almost every door of a house. Even if she has several, she can probably use another one.
3) A challah cover. This would be my last choice, because you don't really need more than one and she might have one already.
Spice Mixture for Havdala
Any mixture is fine, but this assortment will work well:
Go to an Indian or Asian grocery and purchase some or all of the following:
Tangerine peel
Cassia or cinnamon bark
Cloves
Whole allspice
Put it in a heatproof cup and microwave it until the mixture is hot - thirty seconds should be right. This will help make the spices more fragrant. Put them in your container and wrap it so that the fragrance stays fresh.
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:53 AM on April 6, 2010
The best gift I got for my bat mitzvah (at 13) was a handmade, embroidered tallit case - I still use it, 12 years later. My aunt made it, but if you found a nice one on etsy or elsewhere, it would be used and appreciated.
posted by insectosaurus at 7:32 AM on April 6, 2010
posted by insectosaurus at 7:32 AM on April 6, 2010
This is pretty detailed but bear with me.
The holiday coming up is Shavu'ot (May 18th). During Shavu'ot we read the book of Ruth. In this book, Ruth says Ruth says to Naomi, "Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me."
Making her (arguably) the first convert to Judaism.
Artwork is plentiful along the theme of Ruth and Naomi. See here and here and here. You might also find some Googling conversion gift.
The other thought I had was a dairy cookbook as Shavuot is a holiday in which one only eats dairy meals.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:34 AM on April 6, 2010
The holiday coming up is Shavu'ot (May 18th). During Shavu'ot we read the book of Ruth. In this book, Ruth says Ruth says to Naomi, "Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me."
Making her (arguably) the first convert to Judaism.
Artwork is plentiful along the theme of Ruth and Naomi. See here and here and here. You might also find some Googling conversion gift.
The other thought I had was a dairy cookbook as Shavuot is a holiday in which one only eats dairy meals.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:34 AM on April 6, 2010
Oops meant to add this link for dairy cookbook -- esp. if she enjoys cooking.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:35 AM on April 6, 2010
posted by Sophie1 at 7:35 AM on April 6, 2010
Seconding the mezzuzah, star of david necklace.
A nice set of Havdalah candles like this one (that also comes with spices) would be another good gift, adn they are very pretty.
Not sure how much you want to spend, but candlesticks could be another nice gift.
posted by rmless at 8:03 AM on April 6, 2010
A nice set of Havdalah candles like this one (that also comes with spices) would be another good gift, adn they are very pretty.
Not sure how much you want to spend, but candlesticks could be another nice gift.
posted by rmless at 8:03 AM on April 6, 2010
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This is a really beautiful book I received for my Bat-Mitzvah.
Another idea is decorative Judeica, like a menorah or a kiddish cup.
posted by i_am_a_fiesta at 5:18 PM on April 5, 2010