Take this job and shove it.
February 18, 2010 10:10 AM Subscribe
I hate my job and want to leave it as soon as possible, but I don't know how.
For the last 12 years, I have worked in IT at a Fortune 100 company. Over the years I've been given increasing levels of responsibility and I have always gotten positive yearly performance reviews and yearly incentives (i.e., bonuses). Last year about 10% of my department was either fired or laid off for budgetary reasons; the end result for me was that my workload was approximately doubled mid-year, a situation I dealt with by working more hours and delegating the little work I could to our offshore contractors. When I got my most recent year end performance review, my boss noted that he'd received one complaint about my not being responsive enough to one member of a sister department, but that the problem no longer existed. No mention was made of the increase to my workload. Although my overall review was basically okay, this was enough to disqualify me from bonus eligibility this year, according to my direct boss and his boss.
Further conversation with my boss and his boss revealed that my area's management team thinks I'm not giving all I'm capable of to my work and that they would like me to be involved in more strategic work and less tactical work. Because of the nature of my position, I have very little direct control over the type of work assigned to me and I have extremely limited authority to re-assign work to others. In fact, the member of the sister department who complained about my lack of responsiveness was actually complaining about the lack of responsiveness of the offshore IT person I'd re-assigned his work to and the reason the problem no longer existed was because I stopped reassigning the complainer's work. I told my boss's boss (in the presence of my direct boss) that throughout 2009, I'd offered alternatives to my boss about how some of my tactical work could be redistributed to others with a lighter workload to make it possible for me to work on strategic matters, but that my suggestions were not pursued.
Needless to say, I was displeased with my review and disappointed that, for the first time in my career, I didn't receive a bonus. I feel very disenfranchised, but the fact is, my management probably did me a favor. My position and workload require a time commitment that far exceeds my spouse's (and my spouse is a lawyer...well, my spouse who isn't Brandon Blatcher is, at least) so I am frequenty unable to do many of the things we'd like to do together. My spouse has wanted me to leave this job for a couple of years since I am often called away from family activities (including the funeral of one family member last year and the wedding of another family member the prior year) because of work-related demands. Much of this is my own fault because I allow it to happen, but that's because I feel like I have no choice.
To add insult to injury, my mental health has taken a turn for the worse over the last several months and I am now at the point where I feel that I'm on the brink of a mental health crisis. Things at work that used to roll off my back now fill me with anger and despair. I already take anti-depressants, but they don't seem to be helping me very much now. Last night I woke up with chest pains and I thought to myself, "Oh good, maybe I'll have a heart attack and not have to go to work anymore." (No such luck, obviously, since I'm now posting this question.) Yesterday morning I talked to my spouse about not waiting to find another job before quitting this one. Spouse was unenthusiastic about that idea and thinks that I should suck it up for the time being. That was disappointing.
I realize that I'm mostly emoting right now, so I'll wrap that up. I am prepared to believe that I'm a less valuable team member than I thought or was led to believe based on past feedback. I'm prepared to believe that I'm valuable, but not in the way my management team would like at this moment. I'm prepared to believe that forces outside of my department are at work and that none of this is about me personally at all. I'm prepared to believe that I'm being managed out. None of that matters, however, because I'm not prepared to continue toiling away for the benefit of this management team who rightly or wrongly appears not to value my contributions and who I've come to resent.
I am actively looking at other openings in different areas of the company and looking at listings on dice and monster. I am confident that I will be able to find another position within my company, but an internal move could take up to 3 months because my current management is permitted to block a move for several months based on projects in flight that they can't easily complete without me (both because of workload issues and because I have some specialized technical skills necessary for the projects I mentioned above).
So, here are my questions:
1. What is the absolute fastest way to get out of Dodge? There must be IT temp agencies, right? Are they any good? Does anyone here have any experience with them?
2. I am getting angrier and more resentful by the second. It probably would be best for me to move to a different area in the company rather than quit because of deferred compensation, but I don't know if I can hold out for the several months that might take. How do I keep my emotions in check, in light of the significant demands on the projects I'm now working on? What can I do to stop my emotional slide until I can get out of this situation?
Thanks for reading. I know this is kind of jumbled. Any questions can be directed to myjobsucksterribly@gmail.com.
For the last 12 years, I have worked in IT at a Fortune 100 company. Over the years I've been given increasing levels of responsibility and I have always gotten positive yearly performance reviews and yearly incentives (i.e., bonuses). Last year about 10% of my department was either fired or laid off for budgetary reasons; the end result for me was that my workload was approximately doubled mid-year, a situation I dealt with by working more hours and delegating the little work I could to our offshore contractors. When I got my most recent year end performance review, my boss noted that he'd received one complaint about my not being responsive enough to one member of a sister department, but that the problem no longer existed. No mention was made of the increase to my workload. Although my overall review was basically okay, this was enough to disqualify me from bonus eligibility this year, according to my direct boss and his boss.
Further conversation with my boss and his boss revealed that my area's management team thinks I'm not giving all I'm capable of to my work and that they would like me to be involved in more strategic work and less tactical work. Because of the nature of my position, I have very little direct control over the type of work assigned to me and I have extremely limited authority to re-assign work to others. In fact, the member of the sister department who complained about my lack of responsiveness was actually complaining about the lack of responsiveness of the offshore IT person I'd re-assigned his work to and the reason the problem no longer existed was because I stopped reassigning the complainer's work. I told my boss's boss (in the presence of my direct boss) that throughout 2009, I'd offered alternatives to my boss about how some of my tactical work could be redistributed to others with a lighter workload to make it possible for me to work on strategic matters, but that my suggestions were not pursued.
Needless to say, I was displeased with my review and disappointed that, for the first time in my career, I didn't receive a bonus. I feel very disenfranchised, but the fact is, my management probably did me a favor. My position and workload require a time commitment that far exceeds my spouse's (and my spouse is a lawyer...well, my spouse who isn't Brandon Blatcher is, at least) so I am frequenty unable to do many of the things we'd like to do together. My spouse has wanted me to leave this job for a couple of years since I am often called away from family activities (including the funeral of one family member last year and the wedding of another family member the prior year) because of work-related demands. Much of this is my own fault because I allow it to happen, but that's because I feel like I have no choice.
To add insult to injury, my mental health has taken a turn for the worse over the last several months and I am now at the point where I feel that I'm on the brink of a mental health crisis. Things at work that used to roll off my back now fill me with anger and despair. I already take anti-depressants, but they don't seem to be helping me very much now. Last night I woke up with chest pains and I thought to myself, "Oh good, maybe I'll have a heart attack and not have to go to work anymore." (No such luck, obviously, since I'm now posting this question.) Yesterday morning I talked to my spouse about not waiting to find another job before quitting this one. Spouse was unenthusiastic about that idea and thinks that I should suck it up for the time being. That was disappointing.
I realize that I'm mostly emoting right now, so I'll wrap that up. I am prepared to believe that I'm a less valuable team member than I thought or was led to believe based on past feedback. I'm prepared to believe that I'm valuable, but not in the way my management team would like at this moment. I'm prepared to believe that forces outside of my department are at work and that none of this is about me personally at all. I'm prepared to believe that I'm being managed out. None of that matters, however, because I'm not prepared to continue toiling away for the benefit of this management team who rightly or wrongly appears not to value my contributions and who I've come to resent.
I am actively looking at other openings in different areas of the company and looking at listings on dice and monster. I am confident that I will be able to find another position within my company, but an internal move could take up to 3 months because my current management is permitted to block a move for several months based on projects in flight that they can't easily complete without me (both because of workload issues and because I have some specialized technical skills necessary for the projects I mentioned above).
So, here are my questions:
1. What is the absolute fastest way to get out of Dodge? There must be IT temp agencies, right? Are they any good? Does anyone here have any experience with them?
2. I am getting angrier and more resentful by the second. It probably would be best for me to move to a different area in the company rather than quit because of deferred compensation, but I don't know if I can hold out for the several months that might take. How do I keep my emotions in check, in light of the significant demands on the projects I'm now working on? What can I do to stop my emotional slide until I can get out of this situation?
Thanks for reading. I know this is kind of jumbled. Any questions can be directed to myjobsucksterribly@gmail.com.
You're in IT and you're concerned about finding a job? You should memail me your resume.
There are lots of jobs out there. If you're in NYC, then I might have a job for you, depending on what you're looking for.
You should really make a change and get a different job.
posted by ged at 10:27 AM on February 18, 2010
There are lots of jobs out there. If you're in NYC, then I might have a job for you, depending on what you're looking for.
You should really make a change and get a different job.
posted by ged at 10:27 AM on February 18, 2010
You are experiencing all the symptoms of burn-out. Stress related syndromes are real. Have you considered taking medical leave?
If your work conditions have become intolerable, and your employers have no interest in restructuring it to help retain you, you'll feel a *huge* sense of relief if you go. Why should you continue to allow yourself to be abused? Can you and your wife sit down and figure out exactly what it would be like to have one income for a time?
posted by jasper411 at 10:34 AM on February 18, 2010
If your work conditions have become intolerable, and your employers have no interest in restructuring it to help retain you, you'll feel a *huge* sense of relief if you go. Why should you continue to allow yourself to be abused? Can you and your wife sit down and figure out exactly what it would be like to have one income for a time?
posted by jasper411 at 10:34 AM on February 18, 2010
You really need to take a vacation, you seem really stressed out.
On preview: you will feel a million times better after you quit. And hey, a job offer! You're golden. You need to get out of that job asap. They don't appreciate you so it's not worth it if your life is suffering.
Work to LIVE, don't live to work.
posted by smartypantz at 10:38 AM on February 18, 2010
On preview: you will feel a million times better after you quit. And hey, a job offer! You're golden. You need to get out of that job asap. They don't appreciate you so it's not worth it if your life is suffering.
Work to LIVE, don't live to work.
posted by smartypantz at 10:38 AM on February 18, 2010
I haven't known a single person who has left a sucky job and then thought "You know, I wish I had sucked it up a bit longer." The opposite is usually true.
It sounds like much of your stress comes from the fact that your spouse is not supporting you on this. I think you two really need to sit down and talk. If she cares about your mental health, she'll realize you need to leave and the two of you can find a way to make it work.
IT jobs are plenty. Most people can find a job where they feel valued.
posted by vacapinta at 10:49 AM on February 18, 2010 [4 favorites]
It sounds like much of your stress comes from the fact that your spouse is not supporting you on this. I think you two really need to sit down and talk. If she cares about your mental health, she'll realize you need to leave and the two of you can find a way to make it work.
IT jobs are plenty. Most people can find a job where they feel valued.
posted by vacapinta at 10:49 AM on February 18, 2010 [4 favorites]
Agreed with jasper411. You noted deferred compensation as an incentive for you to not quit and do an internal move. I think you have to weigh how much that is worth to you vs. your mental health. You said yourself you're on the brink of a mental health crisis and I think you really have to put your health first, because at the end of the day, that's all we have. Do you need the job for financial reasons, or could you handle not working for a month or so financially, while you heal from this ridiculous amount of stress?
posted by foxjacket at 10:57 AM on February 18, 2010
posted by foxjacket at 10:57 AM on February 18, 2010
I assume your wife makes respectable money as a lawyer. Take a look at the budget and see if the family can survive 3-6 months of just living on her income. If you can, quit tomorrow.
posted by COD at 11:06 AM on February 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by COD at 11:06 AM on February 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
Matrix Resources. I worked as a contractor for them for about a decade.
posted by torquemaniac at 11:27 AM on February 18, 2010
posted by torquemaniac at 11:27 AM on February 18, 2010
Spouse was unenthusiastic about that idea and thinks that I should suck it up for the time being. That was disappointing.
I'm going to touch on this simply because I've had a recent conversation with a friend regarding my mental health and my own employment. He kept stressing how I was lucky to have a job at all and that I have it a lot easier than a lot of people (not sure where he got this idea; as a whole, yes, but being miserable doing what I love, no.) I understood he was trying to be rational and motivating, but that doesn't help me. As soon as Monday came around, it was back to square one.
Granted, this person is not benefiting from my paychecks, is it possible that your wife just has no idea what you're truly going through and thinks it's just a series of bad days or months until the economy picks back up? Perhaps I am out of line in thinking this, but if she thinks this is just a phase of sorts, she should step up her partner game and try to offset the stress until she realizes that this is not just temporary.
Hopefully it isn't taking a toll on your marriage, but if my SO came to me about something like this after having worked this position for 12 years, I'd take it pretty seriously. Have you really emphasized your situation and the affects it is having on you? Is there some sort of major financial burden or the possibility of one looming overhead that would stunt her empathy? Maybe she's just unaware of how good the IT job market is?
Sorry to make it about her (I'm sure she's a fine lady), and it could be anyone close to you really.. but it's obvious to the rest of us how troubled you are right now and it really sucks not having someone to support you during times like this. Either way, this is about *your* well-being, and if you aren't happy, no one around you is going to be happy. And like everyone above has said, 'sucking it up' isn't going to do anything but really push you past that brink.
Best of luck.
posted by june made him a gemini at 11:41 AM on February 18, 2010
I'm going to touch on this simply because I've had a recent conversation with a friend regarding my mental health and my own employment. He kept stressing how I was lucky to have a job at all and that I have it a lot easier than a lot of people (not sure where he got this idea; as a whole, yes, but being miserable doing what I love, no.) I understood he was trying to be rational and motivating, but that doesn't help me. As soon as Monday came around, it was back to square one.
Granted, this person is not benefiting from my paychecks, is it possible that your wife just has no idea what you're truly going through and thinks it's just a series of bad days or months until the economy picks back up? Perhaps I am out of line in thinking this, but if she thinks this is just a phase of sorts, she should step up her partner game and try to offset the stress until she realizes that this is not just temporary.
Hopefully it isn't taking a toll on your marriage, but if my SO came to me about something like this after having worked this position for 12 years, I'd take it pretty seriously. Have you really emphasized your situation and the affects it is having on you? Is there some sort of major financial burden or the possibility of one looming overhead that would stunt her empathy? Maybe she's just unaware of how good the IT job market is?
Sorry to make it about her (I'm sure she's a fine lady), and it could be anyone close to you really.. but it's obvious to the rest of us how troubled you are right now and it really sucks not having someone to support you during times like this. Either way, this is about *your* well-being, and if you aren't happy, no one around you is going to be happy. And like everyone above has said, 'sucking it up' isn't going to do anything but really push you past that brink.
Best of luck.
posted by june made him a gemini at 11:41 AM on February 18, 2010
This sounds like burn out. You can take sick leave for this, any reasonable doctor will give you a note for a week off to think things over. You can use this time to think over your options, see what your options are and how much deferred compensation is worth to you.
A vacation may make you feel better because you aren't at work, but you will have to go back. The benefits of taking this as sick leave is that you can take it NOW, you don't have to ask for vacation time.
Burn out is sad because it happens to people who care too much about outcomes that they can't control. In order to relax you have to let go of the things you can't change. You already know this but you probably don't want to accept the consequences - which may include the inability to meet unreasonable demands.
To feel better - limit your time at work -get out of the office for lunch - exercise- etc. These will only help a bit, the only way to feel better is to actually leave and unfortunately, the stress from burn out can stay with you long after you leave.
posted by Gor-ella at 12:00 PM on February 18, 2010
A vacation may make you feel better because you aren't at work, but you will have to go back. The benefits of taking this as sick leave is that you can take it NOW, you don't have to ask for vacation time.
Burn out is sad because it happens to people who care too much about outcomes that they can't control. In order to relax you have to let go of the things you can't change. You already know this but you probably don't want to accept the consequences - which may include the inability to meet unreasonable demands.
To feel better - limit your time at work -get out of the office for lunch - exercise- etc. These will only help a bit, the only way to feel better is to actually leave and unfortunately, the stress from burn out can stay with you long after you leave.
posted by Gor-ella at 12:00 PM on February 18, 2010
I assume your wife makes respectable money as a lawyer. Take a look at the budget and see if the family can survive 3-6 months of just living on her income. If you can, quit tomorrow.
I agree, with the addition that you should start getting resumes out immediately so you're not out of work for 3-6 months.
12 years of IT at a Fortune 100 makes you a valuable commodity.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:24 PM on February 18, 2010
I agree, with the addition that you should start getting resumes out immediately so you're not out of work for 3-6 months.
12 years of IT at a Fortune 100 makes you a valuable commodity.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:24 PM on February 18, 2010
Well, I guess I should come out of the closet as the poster of this AskMe to clear some stuff up and if anyone from work figures out who I am, then so be it.
1. I'm a woman and my spouse is a man;
2. Mr. M. and I do not combine our income, but we do split household expenses 50/50;
3. I have enough savings to cover my half of our expenses for approximately 2 years;
4. As far as Mr. M. is concerned, savings are for when you have an emergency, not for when you hate your job and want to quit;
5. I will not be able to take any vacation time for at least 3 months because of my current projects;
6. I'm a database administrator in Connecticut;
7. I am not aware of any looming financial obligation that would stunt Mr. M.'s empathy;
8. I have tried to explain to Mr. M. how unhappy I am with my work situation (including bursting into tears at times), but he doesn't really seem to get it.
Although I know I can afford to quit without another job immediately lined up, I don't feel that I can do that without Mr. M.'s support. Perhaps it's irrational, but I did feel like my legs were knocked out from underneath me when he implored me to suck it up. I feel really stuck and I basically don't know where to start to get to fixing things for myself.
I appreciate everyone who took the time to read this post and to answer. You guys are the best.
posted by Maisie at 2:11 PM on February 18, 2010
1. I'm a woman and my spouse is a man;
2. Mr. M. and I do not combine our income, but we do split household expenses 50/50;
3. I have enough savings to cover my half of our expenses for approximately 2 years;
4. As far as Mr. M. is concerned, savings are for when you have an emergency, not for when you hate your job and want to quit;
5. I will not be able to take any vacation time for at least 3 months because of my current projects;
6. I'm a database administrator in Connecticut;
7. I am not aware of any looming financial obligation that would stunt Mr. M.'s empathy;
8. I have tried to explain to Mr. M. how unhappy I am with my work situation (including bursting into tears at times), but he doesn't really seem to get it.
Although I know I can afford to quit without another job immediately lined up, I don't feel that I can do that without Mr. M.'s support. Perhaps it's irrational, but I did feel like my legs were knocked out from underneath me when he implored me to suck it up. I feel really stuck and I basically don't know where to start to get to fixing things for myself.
I appreciate everyone who took the time to read this post and to answer. You guys are the best.
posted by Maisie at 2:11 PM on February 18, 2010
Quit and let your husband figure out how to deal with it. That's his problem. He vowed to stay with you through sickness and health and it sound like this job is making you sick. You don't even combine income and you can keep up your 50% contribution for 2 years? In all seriousness, this is one time where you have to say, sorry honey, but I'm doing it anyhow.
posted by WeekendJen at 2:40 PM on February 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by WeekendJen at 2:40 PM on February 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
As far as Mr. M. is concerned, savings are for when you have an emergency, not for when you hate your job and want to quit;
Mr. M is more than welcome to do that with his savings. Since you guys split expenses 50/50 and do not merge incomes, this seems like as much of a say as he has for something that is very important for you. At some level this is a relationship problem, not a job problem. You should quit your job.
You may also want to notice the thread through the story, that there are a lot of unreasonable people who expect you to power through things and that is causing you to feel trapped by circumstance and undervalued. At some level, whether this is a 100% accurate portrayal of events [we all have our own lens on our own stuff] or slightly skewed, the fact that you're feeling this from all sides is pressing, real and needs addressing.
You may need to have a come to jesus discussion with your partner in which you state, flat out, that leaving this job is non-negotiable and given that, how would you guys like to work on your future. It's unclear how this would go over, but it seems like it's the first step to you feeling a little more in control of whatever your life becomes, something that is right now fraying you at the edges and causing you not to thrive. Best of luck.
posted by jessamyn at 2:40 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
Mr. M is more than welcome to do that with his savings. Since you guys split expenses 50/50 and do not merge incomes, this seems like as much of a say as he has for something that is very important for you. At some level this is a relationship problem, not a job problem. You should quit your job.
You may also want to notice the thread through the story, that there are a lot of unreasonable people who expect you to power through things and that is causing you to feel trapped by circumstance and undervalued. At some level, whether this is a 100% accurate portrayal of events [we all have our own lens on our own stuff] or slightly skewed, the fact that you're feeling this from all sides is pressing, real and needs addressing.
You may need to have a come to jesus discussion with your partner in which you state, flat out, that leaving this job is non-negotiable and given that, how would you guys like to work on your future. It's unclear how this would go over, but it seems like it's the first step to you feeling a little more in control of whatever your life becomes, something that is right now fraying you at the edges and causing you not to thrive. Best of luck.
posted by jessamyn at 2:40 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
It sounds like you have some marriage and finance issues with your husband. Since you do not have combined finances, you can do whatever the hell you want as long as you cover your half of the deal, he really has no say in the matter.
That said, it's probably a sign of an unhealthy relationship when your husband cares more about your income than your happiness and job satisfaction. You should feel comfortable enough with him and be on the same page with finances to be able to combine them and make these decisions together. It sounds like he isn't ready for that yet.
posted by mallow005 at 3:27 PM on February 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
That said, it's probably a sign of an unhealthy relationship when your husband cares more about your income than your happiness and job satisfaction. You should feel comfortable enough with him and be on the same page with finances to be able to combine them and make these decisions together. It sounds like he isn't ready for that yet.
posted by mallow005 at 3:27 PM on February 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
Certain people are very vulnerable to being exploited because they are reluctant to (frightened of) setting boundaries that prioritize their own well-being. You may well be one of those people - I'm seeing similarities between these conversations with your husband and with your bosses.
You can't take vacation for 3 months because of your projects? I have a hard time buying that - sounds more like you're being over-conscientious in the way that got you burned out in the first place.
Here's a great chance to learn a new coping skill! You have enough savings to carry you for two years plus you have a very marketable skill? YOU COULD QUIT TOMORROW!
posted by jasper411 at 4:06 PM on February 18, 2010 [4 favorites]
You can't take vacation for 3 months because of your projects? I have a hard time buying that - sounds more like you're being over-conscientious in the way that got you burned out in the first place.
Here's a great chance to learn a new coping skill! You have enough savings to carry you for two years plus you have a very marketable skill? YOU COULD QUIT TOMORROW!
posted by jasper411 at 4:06 PM on February 18, 2010 [4 favorites]
Quit tomorrow--if your husband gives you grief, go in for marriage counseling.
posted by pushing paper and bottoming chairs at 5:24 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by pushing paper and bottoming chairs at 5:24 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
I have enough savings to cover my half of our expenses for approximately 2 years.
I was out of work for close to a year, we had zero dollars and I still made all the decisions regarding my employment (which job to take, etc).
Quit.
It's your decision, You will be fine financially, and (most importantly) your mental health comes first.
posted by marimeko at 5:38 PM on February 18, 2010
I was out of work for close to a year, we had zero dollars and I still made all the decisions regarding my employment (which job to take, etc).
Quit.
It's your decision, You will be fine financially, and (most importantly) your mental health comes first.
posted by marimeko at 5:38 PM on February 18, 2010
Dude. Quit. I was gonna say take a break but fuck man, there are brazilians of DBA jobs out there. Find a better one.
posted by mckenney at 5:45 PM on February 18, 2010
posted by mckenney at 5:45 PM on February 18, 2010
Quit. Find a job you like more. What's the worst that can happen? You're not going to starve to death.
posted by oulipian at 7:26 PM on February 18, 2010
posted by oulipian at 7:26 PM on February 18, 2010
I would like to shake your husband. Hard.
Meanwhile, if you do suck it up awhile longer, set better boundaries at work. Don't worry about the freaking bonuses. Chances are they set you up so they wouldn't have to pay one, for their own financial reasons. Look for another job.
But me, in your shoes? I'd tender my notice tomorrow. (Of course in your shoes I wouldn't have a fifty/fifty thing going in a MARRIAGE, but since you do, I'm having a hard time understanding why he would care since you obviously have your share....dang. Take some time off before the next job and spend it in marriage counselling!)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 8:58 PM on February 18, 2010
Meanwhile, if you do suck it up awhile longer, set better boundaries at work. Don't worry about the freaking bonuses. Chances are they set you up so they wouldn't have to pay one, for their own financial reasons. Look for another job.
But me, in your shoes? I'd tender my notice tomorrow. (Of course in your shoes I wouldn't have a fifty/fifty thing going in a MARRIAGE, but since you do, I'm having a hard time understanding why he would care since you obviously have your share....dang. Take some time off before the next job and spend it in marriage counselling!)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 8:58 PM on February 18, 2010
Your problem is your relationship, not your relationship with your job, and that's the one that needs fixing.
Quit your job today. There are lots of database jobs out there, and you'll be fine. Your husband needs to support you in this.
posted by ged at 10:08 PM on February 18, 2010
Quit your job today. There are lots of database jobs out there, and you'll be fine. Your husband needs to support you in this.
posted by ged at 10:08 PM on February 18, 2010
If anyone is still reading, I just want to say thank you again. You've all given me a lot to think about and I appreciate your having taken the time to read and respond. When I first started writing this AskMe, I really was thinking of it as a matter of dissatisfaction over feeling undervalued at my job that came to a head because of my not-glowing performance review and lack of bonus, but your answers helped me see that it's really a more global problem in how I deal with demands placed on me. I couldn't see that on my own. Thank you.
One last thing...I want to defend Mr. M. a little bit. The way we deal with our finances works for both of us and was a joint decision. I think the biggest part of his reaction to the idea of my up and quitting was just because he's a very, very practical person who, in a similar situation, would be able to suck it up and continue for a few months until a more suitable job was already lined up. I don't think he can relate to how I feel like the life is being sucked out of me by my work situation. He's really not a bad guy, I promise. He's just a little limited in that one respect.
posted by Maisie at 7:36 AM on February 19, 2010
One last thing...I want to defend Mr. M. a little bit. The way we deal with our finances works for both of us and was a joint decision. I think the biggest part of his reaction to the idea of my up and quitting was just because he's a very, very practical person who, in a similar situation, would be able to suck it up and continue for a few months until a more suitable job was already lined up. I don't think he can relate to how I feel like the life is being sucked out of me by my work situation. He's really not a bad guy, I promise. He's just a little limited in that one respect.
posted by Maisie at 7:36 AM on February 19, 2010
If your husband is that practical, he will realize that you driving yourself into a mental health crisis is even less desirable that you getting out of this situation sane and able to shop yourself around. You have plenty of money that he has no say over and once you have quit and taken a little breather you will find it a lot easier to shop around the job market. Plus you will be more motivated. If you are stressed and overworked at your current job you are going to be even more stressed out if you are looking for a job on top of all that.
You need to make it clear to your husband that this is the most practical thing for you, and that it's non-negotiable.
Best of luck!
posted by smartypantz at 9:59 PM on February 19, 2010
You need to make it clear to your husband that this is the most practical thing for you, and that it's non-negotiable.
Best of luck!
posted by smartypantz at 9:59 PM on February 19, 2010
If you do find yourself in the situation where you can do an internal transfer but are being blocked by your own management, you may need to play hardball and threaten to quit.
posted by kenliu at 5:08 PM on February 22, 2010
posted by kenliu at 5:08 PM on February 22, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 10:18 AM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]