hatred of sand

February 16, 2010 5:02 PM

A four year old boy who HATES sand. His parents both love the beach. He refuses to set foot on it. Anyone ever known anyone similar who got over it?

My friend's four year old boy will not go to the beach because he doesn't like sand. We live on the coast of Australia so in the summer time this is a biggish deal... He loves to swim in pools, but completely refuses to walk on sand. If she tries to force him he freaks out/ has a tantrum.

My friend wants him to overcome this because she loves going to the beach and thinks he will love it too once he gets past the sand hate/fear.

Has anyone else had this experience with a little kid? Were you able to overcome it?

Any tips greatly appreciated.

posted by beccyjoe to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (31 answers total)

Does he hate the way it feels? Because those water shoes are like little sneakers that you can swim in and they'd keep the sand off his feet.
posted by moxiedoll at 5:04 PM on February 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

I suspect, the more people focus on it, the worse it will get.

positive reinforcement...
posted by HuronBob at 5:06 PM on February 16, 2010

There was a dog on the Cesar show who hated shiny floors. They just made him walk on it, forcefully and without hesitation, and he got over it.

The alternative is finding something he likes more than he hates sand.
posted by letahl at 5:13 PM on February 16, 2010

Yeah, just have him wear shoes that will cover his feet, and sit him on a towel or blanket. Parents enthusiastically make sand castles, dig holes, bury each other, and enjoy themselves like crazy while kiddo watches!

If he has other objections to certain sensory experiences/textures (e.g., also can't stand tight waistbands on pants, tags on shirts, can't touch sticky things), can you post back to confirm? Because my advice would change if this is a more generalized sort of refusal to deal with particular sensory stimuli.
posted by so_gracefully at 5:14 PM on February 16, 2010

I was that little kid. My parents eventually gave in and let me keep my socks on at all times, which both solved the problem and gave them extra material for the Embarrassing Childhood Moments photo album.

(fwiw, I'm now an adult who has no problems with sand at all.)
posted by Catseye at 5:15 PM on February 16, 2010

This is potentially a sign of a sensory disorder; even if it's mild, it would be a good thing to know about.
posted by AlsoMike at 5:18 PM on February 16, 2010 [2 favorites]

Expose him to it gradually. Prepare him for the experience.

Ask him why he doesn't like it. Does it burn his feet? Is he afraid there are crabs or something under it? Does he have apprehensions about "quicksand" he has heard so much about? Does he just not like the way it feels? Does he not like to feel dirty and grimy after a day at the beach?

Listen to him, and let him think of a solution. Be uncritical and do not be dismissive.

I didn't want to hold sparklers when I was a kid, and frankly, i didn't believe adults when they said they wouldn't burn. Then I saw one of my friends with one, he said it was okay, and I tried one. Awesome. I have loved em ever since.
posted by Xoebe at 5:18 PM on February 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm guessing sand shoes might make a big difference. Hot sand can really burn sensitive young feet that haven't built up years of callouses, and stepping on broken seashells is no walk in the park either. Parents might consider making a big deal out of the Magic Shoes that let the special and lucky brave boys who have them walk on hot lava, sand, dragon hide, etc. To use the magic sand shoes, you put on the shoes at home and then when entering the beach, pick up some sand, sprinkle it on the feet and say the magic phrase.

Also, yes to so_gracefully's entire answer.
posted by bunnycup at 5:23 PM on February 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is all accepted advice about dealing with the seemingly-random fears of childhood. Some of it directly counters advice given above...only the parents will know what's right for their little one, of course.

It could also be over-stimulation, which the little shoes might help with or gradual acclimation could resolve, but that's something the parents would want to talk to a doc about to make sure they're armed with all available advice.
posted by batmonkey at 5:24 PM on February 16, 2010

Well-known blogger Heather Armstrong (www.dooce.com) wrote a couple of times about her daughter not wanting to walk on the sand when they went on holidays, but eventually she just started to do it.

A quick Google turns up the following links, but there may be more:

http://www.dooce.com/2008/02/05/newsletter-month-forty-eight

http://www.dooce.com/2008/07/08/newsletter-month-fifty-three

Heather's conclusion when her daughter Leta finally ran down on the beach really resonates with me as a parent:

On the last night of our vacation we were out getting dinner at a restaurant on the beach when suddenly I looked up and saw you running after the two kids who had been with us all week. On the beach. In the sand. WITHOUT SHOES. All of us just sat there in silence and stared. I know it sounds weird to say that I was proud of you for walking on the beach, but there it is, I WAS SO PROUD. That moment was just a continuation of so many other moments when you were saying to us, hey, everything is fine, I'm just deciding for myself when I'm ready. And right now I'm ready.

posted by puffl at 5:27 PM on February 16, 2010

Response by poster: Wow, so many responses, thank you.

Just to clarify - no he does not have any other sensory issues (clothing, other textures, etc). It is just sand. so no disorder. He is a very fussy eater but otherwise totally easy going.

The shoes are a great idea. Also talking to him about what he doesn't like about it. And carrying him onto a blanket where he can watch others play... all great ideas.

(My friend has tried bribes but he doesn't go for it. )
posted by beccyjoe at 5:33 PM on February 16, 2010

I had something like that and still have a sensory perception disorder. Please get it checked out and do something about it early. I still hate the way certain things feel on my skin and just recently started going to a hypnotist (I know it sounds odd and I didn't buy into it at first either) which did wonders. There were even certain textures I didn't like to eat and it's helping with that. Another option I've heard that works well is occupational therapy. Run some of these questions by him or see if any of them look familiar.
posted by no bueno at 5:35 PM on February 16, 2010

I wouldn't rule out the sensory disorder just because it's sand. The only things I really have a problem with are sand and lotion but only on my hands and feet and it explained my fussy eating when I was a child as well but it continued on since we didn't do anything about it. I wouldn't rule it out just yet.
posted by no bueno at 5:37 PM on February 16, 2010

Not sand, but somewhat similar: my daughter used to hate hate hate the feeling of grass under her feet at age 3. It was too sharp and rough, and it would freak her right out. She's fine with it now at age 5.

Kids feet are incredibly sensitive since they haven't been tromping around on 'em for years. Get him something cool to wear on his feet and he may change his tune. Otherwise, he'll likely grow out of it once he sees that there are a lot of fun things to do at the beach, but you need to walk on sand to do them.
posted by mosk at 5:39 PM on February 16, 2010

What about a sandbox of appropriate size at home? Sure, they're a pain, but could be a non-overwhelming way for him to get acquainted with sand under his own terms.
posted by amtho at 5:40 PM on February 16, 2010

One of my kids had this problem, but I wasn't gonna make the rest of us (three other kids and two adults) suffer because of it. We stuck her on a blanket under an umbrella (supervised of course) while the rest of us had fun on the beach and in the water. She decided she liked having fun more than she hated sand and that was the end of that.
posted by patheral at 5:40 PM on February 16, 2010 [2 favorites]

Jelly shoes solved this problem for me as a kid. (I think they died out in the 80s, though - perhaps those wetsuit socks that surfers wear would be the modern equivalent?)

Thinking back, I realise my parents 'forgot' to bring them as soon as I started seeing the beach as a place to have fun, rather than a sandy-footed ordeal zone.
posted by a little headband I put around my throat at 5:41 PM on February 16, 2010

I'm in my thirties and I still hate sand. And I live at the beach, which I never go to on account of all the damn sandm. I realize I'm an extreme case, he'll probably get over it.
posted by crankylex at 5:44 PM on February 16, 2010

My son hated walking on sand at the beach at that age. He got over it after a few tries and much crying and cajoling.
posted by rikschell at 5:55 PM on February 16, 2010

All warnings about sensory disorders aside, kids choose to be willful about weird things and even then make up weird reasons about why, so as not to be seen as incredible.

Don't be afraid to let your kid cry over this. A tantrum is, what, maybe ten minutes of obnoxiousness until he wears himself out, and then...? At which point he realizes that when you decide the family is going to the beach, that means the family is going to the beach.

It is considerate of you to provide special shoes, a blanket for sitting, etc. etc. to make him feel his need has been addressed, but probably once he sees everyone else having a lot of fun, he'll want to have fun too.

Or just leave him with a sitter and let it figure it out in his own time.
posted by hermitosis at 6:07 PM on February 16, 2010

I was this kid. I hated being dirty. I still hate being dirty. I still hate sand. I hate how gritty it is. I hate when it gets in my mouth. I hate hate hate it.

But not as much as I hate feeling left out.

My ex got me a tent. I could sit in my tent and read, with my shoes and socks on. With my books. With very little sand. It was pretty much the best possible result.
posted by greekphilosophy at 6:20 PM on February 16, 2010

I hated sand and grass. I would crouch over both of them and refuse to sit on them. I didn't like how it felt. My mother gave me a blanket or a towel to sit on, I never went barefoot. My parents carried me and didn't make a big deal about it. I would sit and play on the blanket or the towel and it wasn't a big deal.

Eventually I got over it. I wonder how quickly I would have gotten over it if I had been forced to march across the sand. Probably how I feel about scrambled eggs now (it's a long story).
posted by micawber at 6:20 PM on February 16, 2010

What I have found with things like this is that it isn't necessarily the discomfort itself, it's that they don't always know how to make it stop. It sounds like an irrational reaction, but have you ever had a odd, uncomfortable sensation you couldn't explain, like a strange chest pain or something? You'd panic a little bit too.

You can probably get pretty far just by giving him control over his own feet by showing him he can rinse them off, and making sure it's easy for him to do.
posted by AlsoMike at 6:24 PM on February 16, 2010

I work with a lot of kids who have texture issues and we sometimes "warm them up" before touching or walking on something they hate by brushing their hands or feet with a surgical brush. We hold their foot in one hand and brush the brush briskly over it, back and forth, similar to an old-fashioned shoeshine. You could probably do this with a bath brush or something similar--nothing too scratchy.

Of course, he might find this just as annoying as sand, but it might help.
posted by corey flood at 6:42 PM on February 16, 2010

When I was four, a cat joined me in my sandbox. I remember thinking something like: "this is not the first time- just the first time I've seen it happen." It took 15 years to get over that.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 7:19 PM on February 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

My son was this kid (at age two). He turned three this summer, and now its basically ok. We just put him on a blanket and had fun around him, and eventually he wanted to dig holes in the sand and fly kites and run around with other kids more than he hated the feeling of sand on his feet.

We did do "water shoes" for a while, but sand would get inside of them and make things worse, not better.

I'll never forget the look on his face the first time we put him down on the sand. His face went from puzzled to alarmed and this plaintive wail came out of him .... "Toooeeesssss! Wash my toooeeessssss!"
posted by anastasiav at 7:32 PM on February 16, 2010

My brother hated the sand too. Part of the problem was that he was so short the sand other people kicked up blew into his face but part of it was just hating the feel. For several years he would only go on the beach Paddington Bear style in tall rubber boots and a long coat with a hood. And we lived by the beach! If he'd had access to a full body suit with respirator I'm sure he would have worn it all summer.
posted by fshgrl at 9:22 PM on February 16, 2010

Aside from the heat of the sand and stepping on sharp things issues, I have flat feet, and any time I walk on sand I feel like there is a ball under the arch of my foot and my foot is curling around it. It's quite painful. The podiatrist told me to either try water shoes, regular athletic shoes (yuck, sandy!) or just don't walk on the sand. So there's another possibility for his dislike of sand.
posted by IndigoRain at 9:36 PM on February 16, 2010

Sounds like my youngest daughter; we let her wear shoes whenever she wanted, socks if she wanted, and now (one year later), it's simply not an issue -- she's always barefoot on the beach now.

We just went through a similar process with getting used to going in the water; now, she's fine, but it had to be at her own pace and on her own terms, with a little bit of encouragement.

Bear in mind this could be a control-of-environment thing; the sand is softer and behaves differently to solid ground, and it's harder to walk in. With practice and experience, it'll probably be fine especially when he sees that the parents enjoy it.

Many kids (and older people) simply don't like the way that sand gets into everything; it might take the right beach on the right day in order for things to tip over to the being-okay side.
posted by nonspecialist at 10:10 PM on February 16, 2010

While I don't discount all the possible more-serious-issue ideas, my instinct is that the most likely explanation, certainly the place to start, is that it is simply a normal child aversion thing.

Oh the many hours I have wasted fighting these apparently senseless or at least radically exaggerated aversions. Mostly I've found that forcing or trying to "reason through" these things is pointless. The best approach I've found seems to be to acknowledge and not trivialize the feelings, but establish that while you will do things to work around the problem, he doesn't get to boycott the beach. Things like shoes or rubber rain boots might do the trick but don't be too pushy about solutions: if he's happy playing on the blanket let it be, if he's not then point out there are alternatives he could try out.

Chances are he'll just get over it on his own without much ado someday. It's sometimes best not to make too big a fuss even about such breakthroughs (if he wants acknowledgment and praise when he gets over this he will make it very clear) - children don't always want attention on the fact that they've changed their tune about something - and particularly taking the opportunity to point out things like "see how silly you were being" is self-evidently counterproductive and yet we do say these kinds of things, because we are so very stupid.
posted by nanojath at 10:41 PM on February 16, 2010

I hated sand as a kid and I still do today. I also think swimming in the ocean is gross. Considering I live on an island with miles and miles of beaches a 20 minute drive from my apartment, there were lots of weekends my family would go to the beach and I would wear sneakers, walk carefully as to avoid getting sand in my shoes and spend the entire afternoon on the blanket under an umbrella. Why force the kid to do something he hates? Will this make him a better person? Let him get further in life?

If you forced me to deal with it in some way, I'd probably resist even more.
posted by Brian Puccio at 4:18 AM on February 17, 2010