A pee question
January 7, 2010 8:08 AM   Subscribe

NSFW UrineFilter: What do you (as a man) do after you're done peeing?

I'm uncut, which means that I notice a significant amount of, say, dribble, left over if I don't pat down with some toilet paper. My understanding is SOP is to shake until you're basically clear, but that's never resulted in me not having a slightly moist experience in the immediate aftermath. So I use a square or two of toilet paper to dry out entirely.

But what do you do? Are circumsized men able to reach a satisfactory level of dryness? Yes, foreskin fully retracts, yes, otherwise healthy, normal size, etc.

I also wear either boxers or briefs, and naturally the problem "presents" more with briefs as there's closer contact and cotton is more absorbent.

I'm just wondering how the world works for men who shake it off at the urinal—is there just always a small bit remaining? Does it not bug the every living hell out of you? I also know when I'm done, so it's not like I just continue leaking. Just curious about the logistics for everyone else.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (45 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
 
No matter how much you shake and how much you dance, the last few drops always end up in your pants.

'tis one of those little irritating things that unite us all.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 8:13 AM on January 7, 2010 [5 favorites]


No matter how much you shake, no matter how much you dance, the last two drops always end up on your pants.

On preview: darn.
posted by ludwig_van at 8:14 AM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Dean Venture recommends The Dab. ("Do you dab? I dab. You should dab.")

My old boyfriend used to dab and put a folded square of t.p. in his undies to absorb the excess. Annoy, yes, but preferable to the alternative of moist, stinky drawers.
posted by LuckySeven~ at 8:20 AM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Stop saying dab!

One technique is to stop peeing before you're completely empty. Those last drops that usually end up in your pants are products of insufficient "muzzle velocity" borne of a mostly empty bladder.

On the downside, it's annoying to leave the bathroom and not feel completely done, so I don't really recommend this approach, but ymmv.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:30 AM on January 7, 2010


urinal? shake and deal with it.

Toilet? dabbing is done as necessary.

Personally, I find that sometimes all is well, and sometimes there is the excess of moisture. I have not determined a pattern. FWIW, I am also an uncut male.
posted by utsutsu at 8:50 AM on January 7, 2010


"So I use a square or two of toilet paper to dry out entirely."

This is a most satisfactory solution. Or you can go only while your in the shower though depending on the frequencies of these two activities you may encounter scheduling problems.
posted by Mitheral at 8:52 AM on January 7, 2010


utsutsu has it.

Sorry ladies, there is no toilet paper next to the urinals, so our great advantage in life (no lines for bathrooms ever) is due to the fact that we are dirty disgusting men with pee on our underwear.
posted by Grither at 8:58 AM on January 7, 2010 [3 favorites]


Everyone has this problem and yet you don't see guys walking around with big ol' pee stains in front, so it isn't actually a problem. The underwear catches it. Just change your underwear regularly (once a day under normal circumstances, more frequently if you're a particularly sweaty or messy guy).

But semper ubi sub ubi. Don't be one of those guys who just don't wear underwear -- underwear exists for good reasons, one of which is to keep the pee in your easily washed underpants and not forming a visible spot in the front of your trousers.

And if you're going to use a silly rhyme, try a little harder:
No matter how much you shake
No matter how much you dance
Your last two drops of piss
Will always land in your pants
Or something like that.
posted by pracowity at 9:05 AM on January 7, 2010


"No matter how much you shake and dance, the last few drops go down your pants."

Yes, there is a small bit remaining.
There is a little more as one ages. Don't ask how I know. Get off my lawn.
posted by Drasher at 9:07 AM on January 7, 2010 [2 favorites]


I'm cut. Same problem. For some unknown reason (probably to avoid thinking about aiming and potential splashback) I prefer to sit when I "go" unless I'm in a public restroom. I think it exacerbates the dripping problem though. When I stand, it's less of an issue. I should change my habits, I guess. It's not really something I spend enough time thinking about to bother reprogramming myself.

Great, now my peepee situation is forever associated with my identity online. Wish we could answer anonymously sometimes.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 9:19 AM on January 7, 2010 [2 favorites]


The plumbing down there is 'U' shaped. You can manually force the last bits out by squeezing your urethra from the bottom of the 'U' up to the tip.
posted by anti social order at 9:20 AM on January 7, 2010


One technique is to stop peeing before you're completely empty.

Careful here. I did this once and experienced the most excruciating pain of my life somewhere around my prostate. Not trying that one again.. :-)

I don't shake though. That gets it everywhere! A "milking" motion of sorts seems to solve most of the problem for me.
posted by wackybrit at 9:22 AM on January 7, 2010


[Circumsized guy] Yeah, there's usually a drop or two left after the shake, but no it doesn't bother me a bit. It's just urine - mostly water. It's safe to drink in an emergency.

Granted, I've spent an enormous amount of time over the last six years around animals and their waste, so my threshold for icky is probably a lot higher than Joe Public's. Same reason finding a hair in my food doesn't bother me - as much fur as I've inhaled, it almost seems as necessary to a meal as salt these days.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:27 AM on January 7, 2010


Also, if it bugs you that much and there's no way to 'dab', why not just use the tip of your index finger to give a quick clearing swipe? Assuming you're going to wash your hands anyways, I guess.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:37 AM on January 7, 2010


There's consensus above so need to reiterate what others have said. But my experience is the opposite of the OP's regarding briefs vs boxers. I like that briefs absorb the tiny amount of leftover fluid - it means I don't really notice it. With looser boxers, I'll often feel an actual dripping onto my leg as I put it all away, which feels much filthier.
posted by cincinnatus c at 9:38 AM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


From 'The Modern Man's Guide to Life' (copyright 1987, so it's a bit out of date, but useful nonetheless):

'The horror of the postpiss dribble can be easily avoided by firmly pressing one or two fingers up and out on the area immediately behind the scrotum after urinating. This forces a tidy evacuation of the urinary tract and prevents the surprise taht appears after closing the zipper on trousers of unusually light color.'
posted by rtodd at 9:50 AM on January 7, 2010


This came up on another forum, and it was mentioned that pressing behind your balls helps the last little bit come out. It doesn't work for me but several other people said it worked great.
posted by thylacine at 9:52 AM on January 7, 2010


as a woman, let me just say that i REALLY appreciate the guys that dab with toilet paper. too often former boyfriends have crawled into bed and snuggled up behind me, only to wipe their pee on my butt. not sexy.
posted by nadawi at 10:06 AM on January 7, 2010 [5 favorites]


Helicopter
posted by kaizen at 10:13 AM on January 7, 2010 [3 favorites]


Am I the only male on the planet who's figured this out? Should I write a book, or post this answer? Hmmm...

I'm unmutilated as well. This is what I do, and I don't do no dabbin'.

1. Pull the foreskin back just enough so that it's well out of the line of fire.
2. When you're almost done, shoot the last few ml of urine out at maximum velocity. With some experience this will only take one good clench.

Of course, if you miscalculate, it's somewhat worse, but whatever.
posted by cmoj at 10:25 AM on January 7, 2010 [2 favorites]


Cut male here.

I shake, then squeeze, then pat down with a small amount of TP. This usually does the trick, and repetition has compressed this process to a quick matter of 1 or 2 seconds. Still, I occasionally get a drop or two in my boxers.

Significantly more annoying is the drop or two that occasionally manage to dodge the boxers altogether and make their wet, creeping way down my leg, ending up on the inside of my pants. I usually wear dark pants, so public display of this minute incontinence is not an issue, but it still feels pretty horrible.
posted by Pecinpah at 10:40 AM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Stop when you have just enough left for sustained velocity for the last bit, then resume until empty. Shake and release, completely relax everything as if you're gonna walk away, shake/milk out the last drops. Come back and tell me that doesn't work.
posted by rahnefan at 11:00 AM on January 7, 2010


Puzzled by the toilet paper. So all you guys pee in stalls, or carry paper in your pockets, or US urinals have dispensers, or you walk balls out to a stall? Some of this doesn't ring true.
posted by A189Nut at 11:13 AM on January 7, 2010


There was a previous question about this maybe 5 years ago. The overwhelming answer was "wipe it off with toilet paper."
posted by Brittanie at 11:18 AM on January 7, 2010


I've been wishing my whole life that someone would write a PhD thesis on the fluid dynamics of the male urinary system. I consider this thread a step in the right direction.
posted by kjell at 11:25 AM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Squeeze from the base of the shaft up through the opening to ensure that there are no drops. That old saying is bollocks--you can be shower clean all day long with no piss stains in your drawers. Then wipe, preferably with moistened tissue. It's what separates us from animals.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:34 AM on January 7, 2010


A drop or two is hardly worth massaging your scrotum at a urinal. I let it absorb and have never seen a pee stain.

Then again, if you're uncut, there might be a health risk involved in drip drying. Dunno. Uncut is a mysterious, unexplorable world to me.
posted by spamguy at 11:56 AM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


A drop or two is hardly worth massaging your scrotum at a urinal. I let it absorb and have never seen a pee stain.

Eh, it's not a massage to quickly expel the last bits. Your drawers will stink less after a long day, cut or uncut.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:03 PM on January 7, 2010


As the mother of a pre-school-aged girl currently in the process of potty-training, I was shocked to find out that some little boys are not being taught to wipe (dab, whatever) after urinating. I couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation when my daughter asked why boys don't have to wipe.

I have a strong suspicion that if you're not dabbing or wiping, you're probably standing too.
posted by ellenaim at 12:43 PM on January 7, 2010


I'm uncut. I'm seconding Rtodd here. I shake, squeeze the shaft starting from where it joins my testicles to the glans, give it another shake and I'm good to go. If there's a drop left on the tip that won't shake off well, I use some toilet paper. I never thought of using paper as a big deal, and never have had problems leaking otherwise.

I also make sure to have my first piss of the day in the shower.
posted by Jason Land at 1:02 PM on January 7, 2010


No, it's not a "scrotal massage". Simply run the tip of your finger along your perineum a few inches behind your scrote. Back to front. Expels the last few drops. Easy. Takes all of .5 seconds. Less pee in your drawers. Might require two hands, but you need two hands to zip up anyway.

1. Shake
2. Yank
3. Press the perineum
4. zip

I have found that pants that have zippers that are higher or shorter (the bottom of the opening is higher) mean more drops in the drawers. Something like a kink in the hose.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 1:23 PM on January 7, 2010


I'm circumcised. I usually just shake, but as the first two commenters say, there's always a drop or two left over. It doesn't really bother me—unless you have a UTI, urine is sterile, and my boxers absorb the tiny amount of overflow.

(Technically, only fresh urine is sterile. It quickly starts breaking down into nitrates, in which bacteria thrive, and hence you get the stale urine smell once it's been sitting for a while. But a drop or two isn't going to make much of a difference. If I'm expecting another person to be in close proximity to my crotch that day, I'll probably be a little more scrupulous, but even then I doubt anyone would notice.)

Piss is icky, but it's not as icky as we're sometimes led to believe. Just give it a good shake and don't worry about it.

But I'm totally going to try the perineum thing.
posted by ixohoxi at 1:45 PM on January 7, 2010


Where I grew up (North Yorkshire), the version was:

However much you shake your peg
The last few drops run down your leg.


(sung - if anyone wants the tune, I could record an mp3 version...)

Of course, there's always the John Gamel solution (also discussed - at great length - here) ...
posted by aqsakal at 1:50 PM on January 7, 2010


Yeah, cmoj is right, although his technique isn't the only valid one. The important part is that you need to do your personal urethra-emptying ritual (shaking, squeezing, cmoj-style high-velocity pee expulsion, taint massage, whatever floats your boat) while you've still got your foreskin retracted. If you put your foreskin down where it normally goes again* and then shake/squeeze/squirt/prod/whatever, you wind up with an empty urethra and a damp-tipped foreskin, which is really no improvement.

*Is there a name for this maneuver? I usually think of it as "unrolling," like it was a red carpet or one of those cheap pull-down curtains that make the flapping noise when you let them roll back up, but on reflection that's both totally inaccurate and sort of weird.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:12 PM on January 7, 2010


Puzzled by the toilet paper. So all you guys pee in stalls, or carry paper in your pockets, or US urinals have dispensers, or you walk balls out to a stall? Some of this doesn't ring true.

I too am wondering where everyone is producing the toilet paper from when using urinals?
posted by Sprocket at 2:18 PM on January 7, 2010


My son is not circumsized, and when I was potty training him, I taught him to use a bit of toilet paper to dry after he was done. Since I've never taken him into a men's room, I have no idea how the whole toilet paper/urinal thing works, but he's told me that he always uses a stall because the urinals are too tall. (He's just turned 7.)
posted by dejah420 at 2:50 PM on January 7, 2010


You can shake it
You can squeeze it
You can slap it on the wall
But when you put it in your pants
Is when the last few drops will fall
posted by vsync at 10:48 PM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


I couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation when my daughter asked why boys don't have to wipe.

Uh, because they are often using urinals? Go in an unoccupied men's bathroom sometime and check it out. There'll be a row of urinals, with no toilet paper (or for that matter, no way to dispose of toilet paper -- urinals clog with anything other than liquids).

too often former boyfriends have crawled into bed and snuggled up behind me, only to wipe their pee on my butt. not sexy.

Someone needs to teach them the slight dip of the hip that lets you do a final dab on the sheet before spooning up. Time to get civilized, guys.

The perineum press helps, but like all the old rhymes suggest, sometimes there's going to be a tiny bit of leakage no matter what you do. Wiping/dabbing won't always help, either, since sometimes the drip comes minutes later.
posted by Forktine at 12:02 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


This has to be one of the best Ask MeFi posts (and comments) ever!
posted by feelinggood at 3:44 PM on January 9, 2010


I dab, and I use a stall for just that reason. I refuse to use urinals. I don't stand in the middle of a group of guys so we can all piss up against a wall at home, so why the hell should I when I'm out? I don't get what the attraction is.

I wonder what women would do if their bathrooms were anything like ours: "Here, miss, we've put a lovely trough in the middle of the floor. Just get your knickers off, stand between those girls over there, one leg either side, that's the way, and let it rip. Why no, there's isn't any paper, now that you ask. But see if you can hit one of those yellow things!"
posted by obiwanwasabi at 1:33 AM on January 10, 2010


In some parts of the world there are female urinals.

There's no attraction to peeing in a urinal it's just faster. Well, maybe there is an attraction. There's a marking-of-territory aspect to standing while peeing and hiding in a tiny room to do it runs counter to that.

I'm really astounded at the number of guys who habitually dab and sit down. Also, at the number who acknowledge being trained to do so. We have these things so that we can aim it and piss on stuff and get our urine everywhere! Come on!
posted by cmoj at 10:43 AM on January 10, 2010


Uh, because they are often using urinals? Go in an unoccupied men's bathroom sometime and check it out. There'll be a row of urinals, with no toilet paper (or for that matter, no way to dispose of toilet paper -- urinals clog with anything other than liquids).

That's not really an answer. There is no paper, and no facilities for disposing of it, because men generally don't wipe. If most men wanted to wipe, things would be designed and constructed to accommodate them.
posted by pracowity at 1:05 PM on January 10, 2010


I'm really astounded at the number of guys who habitually dab and sit down

Who said anything about sitting down?
posted by obiwanwasabi at 1:12 AM on January 11, 2010


One guy mentioned it in this thread, and I seem to remember another AskMe about it, that I can't find any good search terms to get at. Also, just hearing about it in The World.
posted by cmoj at 11:23 AM on January 11, 2010


cmoj: My post above links to both.
posted by aqsakal at 4:35 AM on January 12, 2010


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