I hate you. You hate me..

December 5, 2009 11:42 AM

I woke up this morning hating everyone and everything. Help?

I woke up this morning in a nastiest funk. I hate where I live, I hate where I work, I hate my friends and family, I hate myself and I hate my partner! I am fighting the urge to just walk out, buy a plane ticket across the country and leave forever. I know that this is not the right thing to do but every extra second that I stay here I am just upset and resentful.

I can usually run away until this feeling subsides but I am not able to sequester myself at the moment. Help me deal with this feeling until I can get in to see a counselor, I don't want to fight with my partner, I don't want to leave, I don't want to throw everything away. At least I don't think I do but every so often I wake up feeling incredibly dissatisfied with my life and those in my life. These bad funks have happened 2 or 3 times before and they have always in the past gone away after a day or so.

I am lucky to be alive, healthy and living in a country where I have more liberties than many can imagine. I am lucky. Right? Help me get this into my thick skull so I can stop being an ass and start be grateful.

Is this what a mid-life crisis is like, minus the cheating?

Toss-away email: [e-mail]

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (23 answers total)

Get some exercise. Watch a movie you love. Do something you know your partner will appreciate. Re-read your favorite book.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 11:44 AM on December 5, 2009

Don't just "get some exercise."

Aerobic exercise to exhaustion (given you have no health complications, etc.). Eat and rehydrate.
posted by availablelight at 11:46 AM on December 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

Sometimes, when I'm in a funk, counting my blessings is the WORST thing I can do. It has a reverse effect - it makes me feel guilty for BEING in the funk, which makes the funk even worse. Paradoxically, as soon as I admit that "alright, dammit, I FEEL CRAPPY AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT! GRAR!" that's when I start feeling better.

I notice that you're trying to tell yourself that "I'm lucky to be alive and healthy, etc.", and that may be doing the same thing to yourself. Try just owning that funk: "yes, I know it makes me look spoiled as hell to say that I feel bad despite all this, but I DON'T CARE, I AM IN A BAD MOOD, DAMMIT!" Give yourself permission to feel crappy, and see if that doesn't help. Because yeah, we should all be grateful for what we've got and all that happy crap, but even if you DO have everything, stuff still chaps your ass, you know? And trying to pretend it doesn't just compounds the problem.

In fact, sometimes exaggerating for comedic effect can make you giggle. Write out a whole list of your problems -- but really over-do it. Really go all-out in making an accounting of your woe, as if you were writing out your entry in the "who's got the worst luck ever" contest or something. Really get Bible-epic scale with just how very, very ABYSMALLY AWFUL everything is - to the point that it gets ridiculous. And then keep going. Because at some point, even YOU may start laughing at just how very, very riduclous it all is. (Or, if it's really awful, you may start crying, and that will help too.) But really pull out all the stops for this one -- as if you were at a bar swapping stories with people about how much your life sucks and you were trying to out-do someone.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:50 AM on December 5, 2009 [19 favorites]

Buy "Being Peace" by Thich Nhat Hanh.

or

Get really drunk and go shopping (not necessarily in that order).
posted by pick_the_flowers at 11:51 AM on December 5, 2009

Not to be embarrassing, but try masturbating. It's a wonderfully selfish, cathartic act.
posted by JeremiahBritt at 11:51 AM on December 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

I came in here to recommend vigorous exercise too. I've gotten into similar moods before, and going for a long, hard run or some other aerobic exercise often cures it. With any luck you'll come out of it feeling the bubbling anger all boiled away, and feeling the endorphins taking its place.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 11:54 AM on December 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

It's OK to occasionally feel like you hate everyone and everything. Not all feelings are enjoyable and trying to get rid of the ones you don't like tends to make things worse. If, however, this is what you feel most of the time, then you need to do something about it. Meanwhile, one of the most important lessons I've learned is not to take your transient feelings all that seriously. This can be an opportunity for you to learn it too.
posted by Obscure Reference at 11:56 AM on December 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

Absolutely seconding EmpressCallipygos, times a million. Throw a giant tantrum on paper, or even out loud to your SO if you warn them first and they're willing to let you be temporarily insane. It may help work everything out of your system. Even if it doesn't, it will get rid of that extra guilty, crappy feeling of trying and failing to make yourself feel better.
posted by vytae at 11:58 AM on December 5, 2009

Maybe you do hate everyone and everything in your life. Sit down and ask yourself that, seriously and at length. If that's honestly and truly the case, then realizing it is the only way you'll begin to feel better. I'm sorry to say this, but I've found out the hard way.
posted by Countess Elena at 12:17 PM on December 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

I stumbled across an odd little song (on Letterman?) which has helped me during occasions of situational rage.
Max Bemis of Say Anything has a new release called 'I Hate Everything'. It is a happy poppy song with the cheery refrain of 'I hate everything!'. It pops into my head, I start singing it, and within a half minute, I feel silly and happy, and the anger is gone. I'm wondering now if it is available as a ring tone.
posted by Pennyblack at 12:30 PM on December 5, 2009

Go back to sleep. Some days it is just not worth getting out of bed. This may be one of them.
posted by fshgrl at 12:32 PM on December 5, 2009 [9 favorites]

Try some exercise, listen to music you love, eat something you love (in moderation so you don't feel guilty). This happens to me occasionally. Counting your blessings sometimes makes me feel worse.
posted by fifilaru at 12:34 PM on December 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

If you can afford it, one way or another, go eat bonbons (literally or figuratively). That's what I did a couple weeks ago when I wanted to, oh, napalm my ancestral homestead. I'm just lucky that I can get the benefit of retail therapy from my local food co-op instead of someplace spendy.

I went to the store (nice, clean, filled with non-snotty people) and spent as long as I wanted wandering the aisles and considering every weird product I'd never tried, or every kind of product I'd ever loved. I ended up with a cart filled with both tasty, nourishing food that will make me happy at dinner for weeks to come AND three kinds of ice cream and chocolate and foofy face lotion and candles that smelled nice. And maybe some tie-dyed socks :P

Then sit down and watch this movie. I guarantee you that it is a mood-raiser.

Also, clean your car or do something else physical that will make you feel accomplished. Bonus points for blasting loud music while you do it.
posted by Madamina at 12:44 PM on December 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

Grab pillow. Beat the crap out of the mattress screaming about the inequities of the universe until you breakdown sweaty and crying. But they are those tears of joy that sting but feel good and cleansing because you are understanding that we are only here temporarily but at least we got the chance to be. So fly right and straighten up.

Or go get a dog and start jogging.

Good luck!
posted by YoBananaBoy at 1:33 PM on December 5, 2009

when I have days like this, I call up someone who won't judge me and say, "Tell me I'm pretty and smart!!"

I have no idea from your post if you're male or female, but if you're a person in a position to be experiencing hormonal swings, consider the possibility that you might be. Then indulge in your guiltiest possible pleasure, which for me is eating a Caramello bar while watching a "Trauma: Life in the ER" marathon. (Or, you know, the exercise thing is probably good too.)
posted by KathrynT at 2:48 PM on December 5, 2009

I recommend finding somebody you hate and doing something nice for them, or asking them to help you with something. I tried that a lot when I was in a situation where I just wanted to strangle so-and-so, and it helped a lot sometimes.
posted by aiificionado at 2:51 PM on December 5, 2009

If the feeling continues, buy that plane ticket, fly somewhere, and before long you'll probably miss being home. And if you don't, well, that's informative too.
posted by gonna get a dog at 3:41 PM on December 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

If you feel like you're hating that many things at the same time, chances are it's at least partly an artifact of transient mood and thinking. Not saying there aren't real issues, but that you may be magnifying some of them beyond reasonable proportion. A bad day at work can give you a jaundiced eye towards family, hobbies etc., and vice versa. Get some distance -- a night to yourself, good workout, book, whatever -- could go a long way towards giving you a better perspective to figure out what the real problems are.
posted by anonymice at 3:45 PM on December 5, 2009

I woke up this morning in a nastiest funk. I hate where I live, I hate where I work, I hate my friends and family, I hate myself and I hate my partner!

Although you do not enjoy this, I think it is a place where me must go from time to time. If this has happened 2 or 3 times before, lock yourself in your room and sleep. Let it pass. If happens more often, seek professional help.
posted by Ironmouth at 3:50 PM on December 5, 2009

I second the writing, or typing, it all out. Even if it doesn't get sent to anyone and ends up getting deleted or thrown out, I find typing out my frustrations to be very therapeutic.

If you do need to know someone is listening (which I sometimes do), feel free to mefi mail me. Having an anonymous stranger you can type to who is not going to judge you, and you're never going to meet, can be nice. I've had that with a fellow mefi user in the past. We both ranted at each other, got our frustrations out, and went along with our lives. :)
posted by Diag at 4:03 PM on December 5, 2009

I love to get in the car and drive for an hour or two until I find a small diner and I have a plate of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn. Or whatever the local traditional hot plate meal is. Then I drive back with my music blasting and all seems ok again. A nap when I get home and I am good to face the world again.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 4:20 PM on December 5, 2009

Max Bemis of Say Anything has a new release called 'I Hate Everything'. It is a happy poppy song with the cheery refrain of 'I hate everything!'. It pops into my head, I start singing it, and within a half minute, I feel silly and happy, and the anger is gone.

Oh, man, you've just reminded me of a TREMENDOUSLY fun afternoon I spent during college. I was in my room in my dorm, and heard someone out in the hallway talking loudly. I peeked through the peephole and saw it was one of the guys from the room next to mine -- he had escaped to the hallway to try to study in peace, but instead, he was loudly talking to himself, talking about how much he hated chemistry, hated midterms, and hated roommates who were napping.

I poked my head out and said, "okay, you know what I hate?" and told him about the test I had coming up. He snapped his book shut and said, "Okay, I can top that -- you know what I hate?" and he listed something else. I came out to the hallway and sat next to him, telling him about the idiocy my conservatory teacher had foisted on me.

We spent a good 90 minutes sitting in that hallway going back and forth talking about the big and small annoyances that were plauging us, and it was a BLAST. We were by the elevator, and so every time someone got off, we would look up at them with huge smiles and cheerfully say, "Hi! We're hating things! What do YOU hate?" And a few times, people even joined us for a while.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:53 PM on December 5, 2009 [4 favorites]

I agree that exaggerating it can make you laugh and feel better. Whenever I'm in a bad mood, especially if I worry I'm in danger of snarking at someone undeserving (especially my husband), I will take whatever particular thing is temporarily feeding my wrath and make it completely ridiculous. If I'm in a bad mood and I spill something on the floor and my irritation flares up, I'll say, "THIS IS THE WORST, WHAT THE HELL KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN, THE WEEK IS RUINED." Other people seem to find this sort of thing hilarious, especially if they were a bit edgy because of having picked up on my mood before. It usually makes me feel better, but even if it doesn't work entirely, it helps some and at least protects other people.

Since you seem to recognize that the stuff you're feeling crappy about is somewhat unwarranted and the irrationality of it makes you feel a bit silly for feeling the way you do, incorporating that awareness into a declaration of the feeling might make you feel more at ease.
posted by Nattie at 4:21 PM on December 7, 2009