worried for both of us

June 29, 2009 7:40 PM

I'm a boy. She's a girl. Herpes question.

She gets cold sores. I don't and never have. At my age, I probably have HSV-1 anyways, and some of my previous partners would get cold sores. Blood tests for both of us came back negative for HSV-2.

What are the normal, reasonable precautions for us to take? So far, she doesn't give me BJ's when her tongue "tingles." Should we use condoms, too? Dental dams? Condoms and dental dams? Condoms and dental dams and antivirals?

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (5 answers total)

You should get tested for HSV-1 if possible. Either you are seropositive or you aren't.

Case 1: You're seropositive. Go nuts! In HSV-1 infected individuals, seroconversion after an oral infection will prevent additional HSV-1 infections such as whitlow, genital herpes, and keratitis.

Case 2: You're seronegative. This is unlikely to last assuming you're engaging in other normal behaviors like kissing (even skin-to-skin contact is enough and it's very easy to transmit through kissing). Assuming acquiring HSV-1 isn't a deal-breaker for you, you probably want to use some mitigation strategies (condoms, antivirals) as you really don't want your genitals to be your infection site. Oral herpes transmission is still very much possible in the absence of sores - don't count on this at all. I would use condoms for oral sex at all times until a future test came back positive, and you still probably want to wait for a bit to make sure your immune system is fully up to speed so you don't get a symptomatic infection in two places at once. Antivirals are always a good plan for anyone who's symptomatic.
posted by 1VF5 at 8:09 PM on June 29, 2009

I get cold sores. (Recovering from one now, in fact!) My husband does not. We've been together nine years and he's still never gotten one. We're just scrupulous about avoiding mouth contact when I've got a blister.
posted by web-goddess at 10:18 PM on June 29, 2009

It's become a bit popular on this site to blow off herpes as "everyone has it" and "it's no big deal." While I think nobody should be demonized or ostracized for having a virus (any virus), it's also simply not true that "everyone has it." I don't have it, for example, and I've definitely "engaged in other normal behaviors like kissing." And after seeing a partner with a breakout, I don't think I'll believe it's "no big deal" to have open, weeping sores on my delicate parts!

I think you're safe if, when she has a breakout or feels like one is coming on, for you to not touch that area of her body. Mostly, though, I wanted to give a counterpoint to the idea that it's not a big deal and you've probably got it anyway.
posted by Houstonian at 3:40 AM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Anecdata: I have HSV-1; I break out on my face (lips, nose, chin, around my eyes). I have had it since childhood. With the exception of my father and one of my uncles, most of my family has it (mother, aunts, cousins) on the mouth area as well. To the best of my knowledge, none of us has ever had it present genitally. Mr. crankylex does not appear to have it (no breakouts, but has never been tested) so we take minor precautions when I feel that an outbreak is upon me or I have active, open sores on my face. During this time, I don't have any oral contact with him, not even kissing. He does not touch my face during this time, nor do I touch my face and then touch him.

I understand Houstonian's point that not everyone has it genitally, but I would say that a large percentage of the people I know personally have had it orally. Maybe that has something to do with the the people I know, but YMMV. :->
posted by crankylex at 5:37 AM on June 30, 2009

I never had signs of HSV-1 until my current boyfirend "gave" it to me (though my whole family has gotten oral cold sores, so I might have just been latent. We have never had any problems down there and we just take the basic precaution of not going down when it feels like one is coming.
posted by WeekendJen at 8:48 AM on June 30, 2009