Which dress should I wear to the wedding?
June 5, 2009 8:54 PM Subscribe
I know it is poor taste to wear a white dress to a wedding, but what about a dress with white on it? I am struggling and need guidance.
I am a young woman who has never attended a wedding before, as odd as that may be. A very good friend of mine is getting married in July. I am a size 16, making it difficult to find dresses that look nice on my figure. Additionally, I have no money to spare at this time to buy a new dress. I have only two dresses to choose from:
A wrap-style dress that is patterned with brown and white-ish cream swirls, or a slightly fancier dress that is white but with impressionistic purple, yellow, and green flowers all over it. As you have gathered, both dresses are semi-white. They both fall slightly past the knee in length. I don't want to offend my friend or attract undue attention to myself, but this is really all I have to work with. I would appreciate any and all opinions on this matter!
I am a young woman who has never attended a wedding before, as odd as that may be. A very good friend of mine is getting married in July. I am a size 16, making it difficult to find dresses that look nice on my figure. Additionally, I have no money to spare at this time to buy a new dress. I have only two dresses to choose from:
A wrap-style dress that is patterned with brown and white-ish cream swirls, or a slightly fancier dress that is white but with impressionistic purple, yellow, and green flowers all over it. As you have gathered, both dresses are semi-white. They both fall slightly past the knee in length. I don't want to offend my friend or attract undue attention to myself, but this is really all I have to work with. I would appreciate any and all opinions on this matter!
I agree that either would be fine.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:57 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:57 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I actually was thisclose to asking this very same question in here (my cousin's wedding is this summer), but I gave Google a shot -- and just about every site I saw said that white as part of an overall pattern is just fine. The only real rules of thumb are "don't upstage the bride" and "don't wear all white," but even that last one has some wiggle room to it.
You're fine.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:01 PM on June 5, 2009
You're fine.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:01 PM on June 5, 2009
Wear the fancy one - flowers on a white background is perfectly ok (and it sounds really pretty).
posted by moxiedoll at 9:01 PM on June 5, 2009
posted by moxiedoll at 9:01 PM on June 5, 2009
Either is totally fine. And I'm a bit of a purist about not wearing white or black to weddings.
posted by desuetude at 9:13 PM on June 5, 2009
posted by desuetude at 9:13 PM on June 5, 2009
Best answer: Either one is absolutely fine. The idea is more "don't show up in a white dress that looks like a wedding dress." Some older ladies might even be in cream pantsuits -- a dress with white *in* it will look perfect - summery, pretty, dressed up for the occasion. Can't help with the choice between them (can you post photos?) -- which one makes you feel both comfortable and pretty?
If it's outdoors, get a nice summery flat sandal or shoe. If it's outdoors, nothing with a big heel. Break them in ahead of time (several days before if possible). Bring a pretty wrap if it's outdoors in the evening. And don't forget sunscreen if you're going to be in the sun. Don't bring your gift to the ceremony - arrange to have it sent or dropped off at her house either before or right after the event.
Bring a little digital camera, smile lots, and have tons of fun!
posted by barnone at 9:17 PM on June 5, 2009
If it's outdoors, get a nice summery flat sandal or shoe. If it's outdoors, nothing with a big heel. Break them in ahead of time (several days before if possible). Bring a pretty wrap if it's outdoors in the evening. And don't forget sunscreen if you're going to be in the sun. Don't bring your gift to the ceremony - arrange to have it sent or dropped off at her house either before or right after the event.
Bring a little digital camera, smile lots, and have tons of fun!
posted by barnone at 9:17 PM on June 5, 2009
Response by poster: Thanks for the reassurance, everyone!
posted by delicate_dahlias at 9:32 PM on June 5, 2009
posted by delicate_dahlias at 9:32 PM on June 5, 2009
Sorry that should be -- "If it's on the grass, nothing with a big heel." -- otherwise they sink into the grass!
Are you a proper 16 or more like a 14-16? I have a pretty white/black dress from Nordstrom's that is somewhat of a stretchy material. It might actually even be a 16. I'll never wear it again (I'm TOTALLY not a dress person, as in I wore a dress as a favor to someone) and would be thrilled if someone my size would like it. I'm not home until June 16 but if you message me, I'd be happy to send it your way.
posted by barnone at 9:44 PM on June 5, 2009
Are you a proper 16 or more like a 14-16? I have a pretty white/black dress from Nordstrom's that is somewhat of a stretchy material. It might actually even be a 16. I'll never wear it again (I'm TOTALLY not a dress person, as in I wore a dress as a favor to someone) and would be thrilled if someone my size would like it. I'm not home until June 16 but if you message me, I'd be happy to send it your way.
posted by barnone at 9:44 PM on June 5, 2009
The dresses sound just fine. If you're still concerned they have too much white on them, add a wrap in a coordinating colour.
posted by orange swan at 10:45 PM on June 5, 2009
posted by orange swan at 10:45 PM on June 5, 2009
It also depends on what the bride is likely to be wearing - if she'd be likely to wear a non-traditional wedding outfit like a pantsuit or even a simple dress, you want to make sure you aren't "upstaging" her / wearing something that looks equally or more bridal. Even if she didn't care, there are likely to be other people there who would think poorly of you for it. So, if the dress is white with some small flowers on it, that might be perfectly fine (if the bride is in a big poofy bridal dress) or it might be uncomfortable (if the bride is in a simple dress with colorful accents). So as long as the flowers are pretty big or have good coverage, I wouldn't be worried at all though.
posted by Lady Li at 11:24 PM on June 5, 2009
posted by Lady Li at 11:24 PM on June 5, 2009
It also depends on what the bride is likely to be wearing - if she'd be likely to wear a non-traditional wedding outfit like a pantsuit or even a simple dress, you want to make sure you aren't "upstaging" her / wearing something that looks equally or more bridal.
As kindhearted and courteous as Lady Li's comment is, I'm going to gently disagree, if only because this requires the more distant guests to be either psychic or inquisitive.
I'm getting married in a few weeks, and my outfit is very casual: not white, not lacy or satiny or beaded, not even a dress but rather a skirt and top. I made a point of choosing something I can wear again and again, something that will be comfortable on a warm and nervewracking day, something in which I can feel pretty and relaxed.
And if a guest is wearing something fancier, or the same color, or the same style, or even the very same outfit, that's fine. It's hard to imagine how they could have predicted what I will wear, except for my mother and sister, who saw me try it on and swirl in delight.
Upon seeing my (blue) wedding outfit, my sister told me she's planned on wearing a blue dress to the wedding, and asked if she should go shopping and find another color dress. I snorted and said no. Though I'm touched by her generous instinct, guests shouldn't have to predict and cater to unpredictable sartorial choices.
A guest's wedding outfit should be:
- festive.
- (more or less) appropriate to the formality of the wedding.
- something other than unrelieved black or white.
Note that Miss Manners herself gives dispensation to, for example, pregnant wedding guests, whose wardrobe may be restricted to a very few suitable outfits. She recommends that such a guest stuck with a black or white dress accent it with a colorful jacket or shawl. As orange swan suggests, this tactic will work for you if you think your dress is a bit too white: add a splash of color and relax. (Actually, if you're going to be in a church, it's nice to be able to cover bare arms, and if it gets cool, a shawl would be handy.)
Your dresses sound lovely, and you sound like a very considerate guest. Have fun at the wedding!
posted by Elsa at 5:49 AM on June 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
As kindhearted and courteous as Lady Li's comment is, I'm going to gently disagree, if only because this requires the more distant guests to be either psychic or inquisitive.
I'm getting married in a few weeks, and my outfit is very casual: not white, not lacy or satiny or beaded, not even a dress but rather a skirt and top. I made a point of choosing something I can wear again and again, something that will be comfortable on a warm and nervewracking day, something in which I can feel pretty and relaxed.
And if a guest is wearing something fancier, or the same color, or the same style, or even the very same outfit, that's fine. It's hard to imagine how they could have predicted what I will wear, except for my mother and sister, who saw me try it on and swirl in delight.
Upon seeing my (blue) wedding outfit, my sister told me she's planned on wearing a blue dress to the wedding, and asked if she should go shopping and find another color dress. I snorted and said no. Though I'm touched by her generous instinct, guests shouldn't have to predict and cater to unpredictable sartorial choices.
A guest's wedding outfit should be:
- festive.
- (more or less) appropriate to the formality of the wedding.
- something other than unrelieved black or white.
Note that Miss Manners herself gives dispensation to, for example, pregnant wedding guests, whose wardrobe may be restricted to a very few suitable outfits. She recommends that such a guest stuck with a black or white dress accent it with a colorful jacket or shawl. As orange swan suggests, this tactic will work for you if you think your dress is a bit too white: add a splash of color and relax. (Actually, if you're going to be in a church, it's nice to be able to cover bare arms, and if it gets cool, a shawl would be handy.)
Your dresses sound lovely, and you sound like a very considerate guest. Have fun at the wedding!
posted by Elsa at 5:49 AM on June 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
The dresses you described are both OK to wear! Keep in mind that most people will not be judging what everyone else is wearing, but will be focusing on ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the bride and the flower arrangements and the cake and everything.
Also, I had no idea you weren't supposed to wear black to a wedding! Oops!
posted by KateHasQuestions at 6:21 AM on June 6, 2009
Also, I had no idea you weren't supposed to wear black to a wedding! Oops!
posted by KateHasQuestions at 6:21 AM on June 6, 2009
Yes, both dresses sound very nice. Agreeing that the no white rule is only so that you don't upstage the bride, so you're fine, although a colorful wrap is a great idea, or that you can dress up the brown dress with jewelry (I'm not much of a jewelry person, but I do borrow from friends as needed) if you feel more comfortable in that dress.
The no heels on grass rule is so you don't sink into the grass (and damage the grass/your shoes), if it is an outdoor wedding, I wear flats to the wedding and take heels if the reception is inside.
My mother cringes if she hears I wore black to a wedding, but every wedding I've been to has many people (yes mother, women too!) wearing a lot of black, and many in all black, so I think that's a very outdated rule.
The bride invited you to share a really special day with her because you're important to her, she just wants you to enjoy yourself and have fun, not fret over attire. You're a great guest for caring so much.
posted by cestmoi15 at 6:44 AM on June 6, 2009
The no heels on grass rule is so you don't sink into the grass (and damage the grass/your shoes), if it is an outdoor wedding, I wear flats to the wedding and take heels if the reception is inside.
My mother cringes if she hears I wore black to a wedding, but every wedding I've been to has many people (yes mother, women too!) wearing a lot of black, and many in all black, so I think that's a very outdated rule.
The bride invited you to share a really special day with her because you're important to her, she just wants you to enjoy yourself and have fun, not fret over attire. You're a great guest for caring so much.
posted by cestmoi15 at 6:44 AM on June 6, 2009
Not much more to say here but dance. Dance a lot. It's a wedding (reception)! Let loose and have fun! I've never understood the number of wall-flowers that I've seen at these events.
posted by meinvt at 8:45 AM on June 6, 2009
posted by meinvt at 8:45 AM on June 6, 2009
Another option for shoes if it's outdoor is a wedge heel - they won't sink into grass and are very flattering to a shapely leg. Your dresses sound nice, if you're at all worried that they're not formal enough, get some sparkly beaded jewelery to fancy them up with.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:21 PM on June 6, 2009
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:21 PM on June 6, 2009
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posted by Ugh at 8:55 PM on June 5, 2009