"Doctor's Appointment"

April 8, 2009 8:06 PM

Does everyone at work know a weekly doctor's appointment is therapy? Is it a big deal?

I just started a new job and made it clear I have to come in just a bit late once a week because I have a "doctor's appointment", which in reality is therapy, though I didn't say that. They were totally cool and didn't ask any questions, just as my last boss didn't. I just wonder if it's bell ringingly clear (bell ringingly?) that I'm going to therapy, and maybe they secretly think badly of me or something. I've managed and worked with people with weekly "appointments" before and knew it was therapy but didn't care.

Is there something else they think it might be? Is it possible they're secretly thinking something horrible about me? I only come in about half hour later than usual and make up the time staying a bit later the night before, and it's a flexible place, as was my last job. Also I'm in NYC, where it's pretty common. I'm just wondering if I should be more paranoid about what they're thinking.

I'm not going to change my appointment time or stop going, I'm just wondering if managers suss this out and think bad things.

posted by sweetkid to Work & Money (29 answers total)

It "could be" chiropractic care...some people get adjusted once or twice a week. Or dialysis, maybe?
posted by cabingirl at 8:08 PM on April 8, 2009

Best answer: I know some people who have weekly appointments and I always figure it could be: chiropractic, gym/phys therapy, family/couples something, kid related, another job, lover on the side, slow carpool or whatever. What it clearly is, though, is none of my business. My general feeling about therapy is that people who are going are, in some small way, taking care of themselves and that's something most workplaces would want to support, especially if you're being conscientious about your hours. I would not worry about it at all and if people who are not your direct supervisor are ever rude enough to ask, tell them it's a) chemo b) a giant full body tattoo c) none of their business.
posted by jessamyn at 8:11 PM on April 8, 2009 [7 favorites]

"I have to get bloodwork done" is pretty benign. If they probe further, say it's to monitor a vitamin deficiency or something.
posted by phunniemee at 8:11 PM on April 8, 2009

If someone asks and you don't want to tell them the truth, you can tell them it's physical therapy. Or even just say therapy. I've heard people refer to physical therapy and occupational therapy as just "therapy" before.
posted by fructose at 8:17 PM on April 8, 2009

Could be physical therapy, I went through that 2x a week for a while.
posted by inkyr2 at 8:17 PM on April 8, 2009

Yeah, everyone at my job is in Physical Therapy now and again. Can't be argued with.
posted by cestmoi15 at 8:18 PM on April 8, 2009

I've had weekly physical therapy, as well as weekly chiropractor appointments. At work I've never specified what kind of "doctor appointments" these are, and nobody has ever asked.
posted by chez shoes at 8:25 PM on April 8, 2009

My first thoughts when I hear about a regular doctor's appointment are:
-Chiropractic Care
-Allergy Shots
-Monitoring some sort of chronic disease
-Therapy (of any sort)
posted by Octoparrot at 8:28 PM on April 8, 2009

maybe they secretly think badly of me or something. I've managed and worked with people with weekly "appointments" before and knew it was therapy but didn't care.

I think you answered your own question right there. Some people might think it's therapy, but they very likely don't care a whit.

But yeah, people could be assuming it's a lot of other things besides therapy. Family issues, chiro, nutritionist, physical therapy, etc.

And even if they do assume it's therapy, they aren't necessarily thinking you're a fucked up person or that you have some sort of dark secret. Most people are too busy worrying that you are noticing their weird stuff to worry about yours.
posted by desuetude at 8:28 PM on April 8, 2009

Only an asshole will a.) assume it's therapy and b.) judge you harshly because of it.

Fuck them.

Seriously, whoever is working from that set of assumptions is going to find something wrong with you anyway. For everyone else - the well adjusted, kind, and normal folks you work with - it isn't a big deal.
posted by wfrgms at 8:58 PM on April 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

In NY, where I am (and where I see you are), when coworkers go to a weekly appt I do assume it's therapy, but I don't care and don't know anyone who does.
If you were in an environment or group of people in which therapy is less common, they might care more, but there'd also be the corollary that since therapy wouldn't be as common, people wouldn't be as quick to assume that's what the appt is.
posted by rmless at 8:59 PM on April 8, 2009

If people don't talk about it -- I usually assume its outpatient rehab (AAA, etc) or therapy. People tend to talk about their medical issues (even when its wierd ones...) Often .. tooo.. much.

But really -- even if someone calls you on it -- "my girlfriend and I" "my kids and I" are working on issues would settle most people, and seem reasonable and the explanation for no details.

But i'd assume 75% of your coworkers have had their own instances of it at some level. Therapy can mean things as mundane as "working through wierd stress thats causing me back spasms" .. ya know?

While I assume therapy -- I never know what for -- and never just pick an ailment.
posted by SirStan at 9:20 PM on April 8, 2009

Best answer: I always assume the person is meeting her parole officer. But, who the heck cares? She did her time and paid her debt to society. Sometimes I think it is therapy though. And, you know what, I don't think twice about it.

If I were your manager, depending on the size of the company and how they allocate costs, I would be small concerned about your health care reimbursements. Is it driving up the overall cost? Is the firm semi self insured? And questions like that there.

Other than that, if you do your work, and do it well, a friggin half hour late once a week is nothing. Could just be that your subway got a flat tire (actual excuse proffered to me by a new clerk once.)

A New Yorker in therapy? Dime a dozen. Heck, most of those who don't go need it anyway and recognize that.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:32 PM on April 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

I might assume (mental) therapy, physical therapy, or some sort of chronic-disease thing where you have to get your somethingorother levels checked every week. But that's only if I thought about it any more than "oh yeah, Bob comes in late on Wednesdays, can't schedule the meeting then". Lots of my coworkers have weekly schedule oddities, maybe they're taking their kids to/from school or their estranged spouse, or they take evening classes, or they go to the gym once a week. Or their carpool does. Or perhaps those are all cover stories for psychotherapy; I wouldn't know.

TBH, I'm pretty accustomed to the idea of people seeing therapists; I guess I categorize it as more akin to a regular physical exam, where someone who sees a therapist is more likely to be on a kind of even keel mentally, even if maybe they started seeing a therapist because they weren't. It wouldn't even occur to me that it would have an impact on their job, unless it were some particularly high-stress job.
posted by hattifattener at 9:41 PM on April 8, 2009

Oh yeah, I hadn't even considered parole. I'm going to start assuming all of my coworkers with wacky schedules (which is all of them, since I work at a pretty laid back computer company) are on parole and try to guess what for. (The coworkers with super-regular schedules, OTOH, are on some sort of GPS-bracelet release and if they deviate from their normal locations it'll blow up and take their foot off.) This should be fun.
posted by hattifattener at 9:47 PM on April 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Yes, I think people will think it's therapy and no, I don't think you should be paranoid about what they are thinking. I have assumed therapy in these cases in the past, and then I think I've usually just forgotten about it. I've just thought of it as people taking care of whatever and have considered it an out-of-bounds topic.

I don't think anyone would think anything badly of you as in, "this person is crazy." I think if anyone factors it into their assumptions about you it might be, "this person may not be reliable," in a vague sort of undefined way, and only if they've never been to therapy. But I think assumptions like that only last as long as it takes for someone to form an assessment of you using other inputs, since the initial one is just a guess. If you turn out to be just a regular person on the job, I think any doubters will release that initial doubt in fairly short order and move on. If you turn out to be the problematic person on the job, it's possible someone like that could be like, "Uh huh. See?" But realistically, if they have problems with you for other reasons, then that one doesn't really change anything. If you're worried about what people might say behind your back, I think the farthest those conversations go is this: First person: "Sweetkid goes to therapy every Friday morning, did you know that?" Second person: "Oh yeah? Huh." Because there really isn't a whole lot more to say. "AND SHE EATS BABIES THERE!"

In summary, I think this will not be anything to worry about. Confidence, ma soeur.
posted by Askr at 10:08 PM on April 8, 2009

In NYC nobody cares what you do in the half-hour once a week that you aren't working "normal" business hours. In general New Yorkers are dealing with too many of their own neuroses to think about what their co-workers are doing outside of work.

But if it were me, I'd give anyone who asks a full-on description of the wonders and workings of weekly enemas. I'd start with, "I read on this site called metafilter that some people take too long and are too noisy when they're shitting at the office toilet! So glad that's not me."
posted by McGuillicuddy at 11:06 PM on April 8, 2009

Nobody minds/cares that you're going to therapy. You should talk to your therapist about this.
posted by dmd at 4:10 AM on April 9, 2009

Start sneezing a lot, tell 'em it's allergy shots.

It could really be anything. I mean, I don't know you and I can't make assumptions about what other people will think it is, but you're not the only person doing this kind of thing, and lots of people do it for lots of reasons (including allergy/immunotherapy, chiropractic, physical therapy, psychological therapy, long-term-care related issues for family (or pets!), etc).
posted by Medieval Maven at 5:30 AM on April 9, 2009

Personally, my mind would not jump to therapy, and I think most people would just assume it's something along the lines of the things mentioned above. You really shouldn't be concerned about it, and you're really not obligated to even come up with an excuse.
posted by joshrholloway at 6:21 AM on April 9, 2009

Even if people think it's therapy, seeing a psychologist doesn't have the same stigma it once did. Especially not in NYC, which is a liberal and progressive city.
posted by HabeasCorpus at 6:46 AM on April 9, 2009

Best answer: and maybe they secretly think badly of me or something.

In all seriousness, you need to discuss this with your therapist. Why are you willing to give others the benefit of not caring that their weekly appointments are therapy, but assume that others might think badly of you? (I went through the exact same discussion in therapy, and came to some very interesting realizations.)

I also am in New York, go to therapy once a week, and have never--not once--had anyone mention it at all. I know that an executive in my department also goes to therapy--I don't know when or how often, but she's mentioned her "shrink" in a few meetings off-handedly, so I don't think it would cause any waves at all.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 7:00 AM on April 9, 2009

Best answer: I had to leave elementary school once every two weeks for therapy as a kid. It was never a problem even when my teachers and all my classmates knew. If people are really judgmental about this, they need some serious help. Heh. See what I did there? I think it's possible that people are assuming it's some kind of therapy, but I really can't see anyone caring. It seems to have become the norm for everyone to see three or four therapists, and I don't live in an especially.... yuppie area.
posted by Night_owl at 7:29 AM on April 9, 2009

Best answer: Nthing that nobody cares if you're going to therapy, unless you're Woody Allen in which case we wish you'd shut up about it already.
posted by Shepherd at 8:31 AM on April 9, 2009

You're in NYC, so- no- it'a not a big deal.
posted by Zambrano at 9:09 AM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

1) Therapy of just about any sort does not nearly have the stigma that it used to.

2) Count your lucky stars that your office doesn't seem to have an office gossip. If one does get hired, and they ask you about it, tell them that it's none of their business, and immediately escalate it to your manager if they persist.

3) It's not the people that go to therapy that are usually the problem, it's the ones that desperately need it but don't. Dear Lord, the stories that I could tell.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:11 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I suspect many people will assume that it's whatever is most familiar to them. If someone is (or knows people) in therapy/undergoing chemo/has condition X, then they may very well imagine you are doing the same.

I would have assumed physical therapy or treatment of a chronic condition.
posted by ellenaim at 1:13 PM on April 9, 2009

Unless you have nosy coworkers, or people who nitpick about every minute of your time, generally speaking, nobody will care.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:48 PM on April 9, 2009

Response by poster: Thanks everyone. One of the reasons I go to therapy is anxiety related mild paranoia about stuff like this, so, ha, there you go. Feel better now.
posted by sweetkid at 5:51 PM on April 9, 2009