What to do about them hairy nips?
January 8, 2009 3:42 PM Subscribe
Women with hairy nipples: how do you deal? Men who've seen 'em: how did you feel?
I (female, early twenties) have translucently pasty skin and very dark and abundant hair. Including nipple hair. Long, silky nipple hairs. Mmm, delightful. It's no raging forest down around the nipple area, but it's not just one or two either: enough growth that I find it to be unsightly and bothersome. I generally pluck the hairs out, which is a process that's probably pretty much as you'd imagine it to be: uncomfortable, time-consuming, and only temporary.
I guess I have two questions:
For the ladies: Has anyone else had to deal with hairy ta-tas? If so, how did you go about that (wax, bleach)? Or did you just leave those hairs to grow wild 'n' free?
For the men: Sadly, I'm the only one to have ogled my boobs (so far). I think part of my uneasiness about this part of my body stems from the idea that whenever it is that I finally have a man down in there, he'll be seriously put out by the sight. Have any of the fellahs ever been with a partner with a little boob hair? Was it repulsive? Was it no big deal?
Okay, thanks in advance for your boob stories. Questions to : probnips@gmail.com
I (female, early twenties) have translucently pasty skin and very dark and abundant hair. Including nipple hair. Long, silky nipple hairs. Mmm, delightful. It's no raging forest down around the nipple area, but it's not just one or two either: enough growth that I find it to be unsightly and bothersome. I generally pluck the hairs out, which is a process that's probably pretty much as you'd imagine it to be: uncomfortable, time-consuming, and only temporary.
I guess I have two questions:
For the ladies: Has anyone else had to deal with hairy ta-tas? If so, how did you go about that (wax, bleach)? Or did you just leave those hairs to grow wild 'n' free?
For the men: Sadly, I'm the only one to have ogled my boobs (so far). I think part of my uneasiness about this part of my body stems from the idea that whenever it is that I finally have a man down in there, he'll be seriously put out by the sight. Have any of the fellahs ever been with a partner with a little boob hair? Was it repulsive? Was it no big deal?
Okay, thanks in advance for your boob stories. Questions to : probnips@gmail.com
Most of the women I've dated have had some nipple hair -- one or two stray hairs, mostly light colored. One very cute little thing had quite a bit of darker hair surrounding each nipple; when I discovered this, I had a bit of fun plucking it. By our next date, she'd taken care of removing it herself; I assume by plucking it but I didn't ask.
posted by orthogonality at 3:53 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by orthogonality at 3:53 PM on January 8, 2009
Lots of women I've dated had boob hair. I never thought anything of it.
If I had, and actually was enough of a jerk to somehow acknowledge it, they could have easily shot back with "well, you only have hair on one side of your chest." And they'd have been right.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 3:56 PM on January 8, 2009 [11 favorites]
If I had, and actually was enough of a jerk to somehow acknowledge it, they could have easily shot back with "well, you only have hair on one side of your chest." And they'd have been right.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 3:56 PM on January 8, 2009 [11 favorites]
Oh, and by this, I mean to say it's not a big deal at all.
posted by orthogonality at 3:56 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by orthogonality at 3:56 PM on January 8, 2009
A female friend of mine told me that she had had hair on her nipples and had them permanently removed by electrolysis. I don't know what it would be like having electrolysis in that area, but my friend definitely was not one to suffer without going into detail about it, and she never said anything about it hurting. So that's one option.
posted by orange swan at 3:56 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by orange swan at 3:56 PM on January 8, 2009
My basic advice, try not to become too preoccupied with how your body looks. But that's very general.
Also, the following is very general.
After some experiences you may discover people will think it's fine, and some may be put out by it. I have no idea to be honest.
If it does become a problem for any reason whatsoever, there's always communities for... well, anything. In this case, it's people who would be fans of your body type.
There's always someone who will be into exactly who you are.
/be appreciated.
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 3:58 PM on January 8, 2009
Also, the following is very general.
After some experiences you may discover people will think it's fine, and some may be put out by it. I have no idea to be honest.
If it does become a problem for any reason whatsoever, there's always communities for... well, anything. In this case, it's people who would be fans of your body type.
There's always someone who will be into exactly who you are.
/be appreciated.
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 3:58 PM on January 8, 2009
I'm a male. Nipples are pretty cool no matter their configuration.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:03 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:03 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
Dudes want to see boobs. They usually are pretty excited when it happens and unconcerned about a few stray hairs.
posted by Ironmouth at 4:05 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by Ironmouth at 4:05 PM on January 8, 2009
Mmm, I'm a dude who finds them sexy, but I feel that way about all bodily hair in women, including underarm. Like many men on AskMe, I consider the trend of shaving pubic hair infantilizing and unsexy, and see nipple hair as an act of rebellion against this trend. I ask my wife not to trim it.
Trends come and go. Before the eighties, women and men in Western cultures rarely trimmed any non-facial hair, with the exception of female legs (and armpits in non-European countries). The introduction of skippy bathing suits put an end to this.
Buck the trend, purposefully.
posted by Gordion Knott at 4:05 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
Trends come and go. Before the eighties, women and men in Western cultures rarely trimmed any non-facial hair, with the exception of female legs (and armpits in non-European countries). The introduction of skippy bathing suits put an end to this.
Buck the trend, purposefully.
posted by Gordion Knott at 4:05 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'm male, and I couldn't care either way. I've had girlfriends with and without.
posted by schyler523 at 4:09 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by schyler523 at 4:09 PM on January 8, 2009
I did once and quite frankly was surprised by it and a little put off by it. I think it was because I never knew woman had chest hair. I think as I have gotten older I could care less, but in my twenties I would have wanted you to address it if I was going to be a regular there.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 4:20 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by JohnnyGunn at 4:20 PM on January 8, 2009
I still remember the first time I got hot-n-heavy with a girl who had nipple hairs. I was, oh, 22 or so.
I distinctly remember there being a very rapid progression:
- Whoa! I've never seen that before! Ick!
- Hmm, I guess it makes sense. Perhaps not ick.
- Yeah, I guess I'm growing up. Welcome to adulthood!
It very shortly thereafter ceased being an issue at all. I've also found it not to be terribly uncommon, and entirely unbothersome. I've long since gotten used to hairs popping up on my own body where there hadn't been any before, so when I see some on a lady it's really just a total nonissue.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 4:23 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
I distinctly remember there being a very rapid progression:
- Whoa! I've never seen that before! Ick!
- Hmm, I guess it makes sense. Perhaps not ick.
- Yeah, I guess I'm growing up. Welcome to adulthood!
It very shortly thereafter ceased being an issue at all. I've also found it not to be terribly uncommon, and entirely unbothersome. I've long since gotten used to hairs popping up on my own body where there hadn't been any before, so when I see some on a lady it's really just a total nonissue.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 4:23 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
uncomfortable, time-consuming, and only temporary.
More so than leg/armpit hair?
When I'm in a rush I quickly shave them off. Otherwise I pluck from time to time (tweezers), and I find it remarkably unpainful and really rather satisfying. YMMV (I also depilate my legs with one of them electric tweezer things and don't mind much).
posted by ClarissaWAM at 4:24 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
More so than leg/armpit hair?
When I'm in a rush I quickly shave them off. Otherwise I pluck from time to time (tweezers), and I find it remarkably unpainful and really rather satisfying. YMMV (I also depilate my legs with one of them electric tweezer things and don't mind much).
posted by ClarissaWAM at 4:24 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
I do the same as ClarissaWAM. It's a few hairs so it's largely a non-issue.
posted by thisjax at 4:34 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by thisjax at 4:34 PM on January 8, 2009
Dated, fell in love and had my heart broken by a woman with nipple hair. It's only an issue if someone makes it one.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:42 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:42 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
You are who you are. Everything about you makes you beautiful. There is someone in this world (probably many someones) who will find that you are perfect just the way you are.
posted by netbros at 4:43 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by netbros at 4:43 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
I don't get what the big deal is: either in terms of removing them (lots of people remove hair -- legs, beards, nose, etc. -- which is always a bit tedious) or in terms of leaving it. My personal guess is that you could reduce the remote prospect of it being a turn-off by removing them, with relatively minimal effort. But I don't know the best way other than plucking.
FWIW, some men also have long strands of nipple hair that we pluck, apart from the foundation of regular chesty stuff. Remember: we are not only clients of the hair club, but we are also the presidents.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 4:46 PM on January 8, 2009
FWIW, some men also have long strands of nipple hair that we pluck, apart from the foundation of regular chesty stuff. Remember: we are not only clients of the hair club, but we are also the presidents.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 4:46 PM on January 8, 2009
You could always get elase or a similar hair removal process done if it's something you don't like.
posted by zephyr_words at 5:01 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by zephyr_words at 5:01 PM on January 8, 2009
Nipple hair: I just pluck them when I notice them. In my rather wild, and thankfully pre-internet (thereby undocumented) youth, I spent a lot of time naked. Nobody ever mentioned the random errant hair.
I wouldn't wax, because it just seems like it would hurt way too much. (However, I have a low pain threshold and high sensitivity in that area...your mileage may vary.) Plus, getting all that left over wax off...sheesh, way more time than just plucking, I would think.
Laser hair removal is really successful for white people, and most good spas can do it. (I have olive skin, and my dermatologist told me that only really pale white people should do laser hair removal, as those of us that are well pigmented will scar.)
It's a permanent solution, it's theoretically painless, and if I had the right skin color, I would have it done on my stash and chin hair, rather than spending the 20 minutes a day I currently spend hunting down stray hair.
posted by dejah420 at 5:18 PM on January 8, 2009
I wouldn't wax, because it just seems like it would hurt way too much. (However, I have a low pain threshold and high sensitivity in that area...your mileage may vary.) Plus, getting all that left over wax off...sheesh, way more time than just plucking, I would think.
Laser hair removal is really successful for white people, and most good spas can do it. (I have olive skin, and my dermatologist told me that only really pale white people should do laser hair removal, as those of us that are well pigmented will scar.)
It's a permanent solution, it's theoretically painless, and if I had the right skin color, I would have it done on my stash and chin hair, rather than spending the 20 minutes a day I currently spend hunting down stray hair.
posted by dejah420 at 5:18 PM on January 8, 2009
I had a friend with very hairy nipples. Her first few times revealing naked breasts around guys weren't happy, but it seemed to be because she was picking young guys (her age - 18-20) who still thought all women looked like Playboy models under the clothes (and if they didn't they weren't women, I guess?), so her subsequent choices were from a more mature pool and she no longer had downer reveals.
I also have an acquaintance who had her nipples treated to one of those laser hair removal sessions, and she said it was painful but not as painful as repeated plucking was.
posted by batmonkey at 5:26 PM on January 8, 2009
I also have an acquaintance who had her nipples treated to one of those laser hair removal sessions, and she said it was painful but not as painful as repeated plucking was.
posted by batmonkey at 5:26 PM on January 8, 2009
I have dated women with and without them and I think it's a total nonissue.
posted by pombe at 5:27 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by pombe at 5:27 PM on January 8, 2009
I hate nipple hair! But then I am talking about my own. I wish I had nice silky nipples. I don't. But I don't hate them enough to do anything about the hairs, and the culture I live in says I don't have to! There's plenty of other stuff I am not happy with about my appearance, and some of these things society says I should feel bad about (I don't).
If I dated a woman with nipple hair (I don't think I do. Will have to look more closely next time!) it wouldn't bother me at all. It's pretty much a non-issue. Now if I was dating a woman obsessing about her nipple hairs this might be different.
I do agree with everyone that's said it's more about what you think about it. If it bothers you then there are options. If worrying about how men will perceive them I guess it depends on how worried you are as to whether you avail yourself of these options.
You could look at them as a test. Any man that gets squicked by them probably wasn't worth dating, but I know that part's not helpful by the time you get to that point. I am just guessing by the time a woman is showing her boobs she's not wanting to deal with the idea of rejection.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:29 PM on January 8, 2009
If I dated a woman with nipple hair (I don't think I do. Will have to look more closely next time!) it wouldn't bother me at all. It's pretty much a non-issue. Now if I was dating a woman obsessing about her nipple hairs this might be different.
I do agree with everyone that's said it's more about what you think about it. If it bothers you then there are options. If worrying about how men will perceive them I guess it depends on how worried you are as to whether you avail yourself of these options.
You could look at them as a test. Any man that gets squicked by them probably wasn't worth dating, but I know that part's not helpful by the time you get to that point. I am just guessing by the time a woman is showing her boobs she's not wanting to deal with the idea of rejection.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:29 PM on January 8, 2009
I don't get why almost no one's mentioned shaving it. Just pat a little shaving cream around each areola in the shower every few days and do a few strokes with a razor. Painless, done.
posted by limeonaire at 5:33 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by limeonaire at 5:33 PM on January 8, 2009
Not a fan. Speaking as a male. Do not like. But by the time we've got that far, it's not very important in the scheme of things.
posted by wilful at 5:51 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by wilful at 5:51 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
Ironmouth basically has it down. Understand that male train of thought will likely resemble
BOOOOOOOOBS
interesting, what's that there
BOOOOOOOOBS
posted by spamguy at 6:00 PM on January 8, 2009 [7 favorites]
BOOOOOOOOBS
interesting, what's that there
BOOOOOOOOBS
posted by spamguy at 6:00 PM on January 8, 2009 [7 favorites]
I've got nipple hair and, honestly, half the time I pluck and half the time I ignore and, really, no one has ever complained. Then again, they may be so blinded by my leg hair that a few nipple hairs is NOTHING... Hmm.
Since it (hopefully) doesn't require any contortion or dangerous moves to get to them, I'd recommend doing the plucking in the shower. The warm water helps get rid of the "ouch!" factor somewhat.
posted by VioletU at 6:18 PM on January 8, 2009
Since it (hopefully) doesn't require any contortion or dangerous moves to get to them, I'd recommend doing the plucking in the shower. The warm water helps get rid of the "ouch!" factor somewhat.
posted by VioletU at 6:18 PM on January 8, 2009
Body hair - all body hair - is fine where it is. Hair removal is a painful nuisance that benefits nobody except the manufacturers of hair removal products. I would personally not enjoy having my body touched by somebody with a revulsion for bodies.
posted by flabdablet at 6:36 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by flabdablet at 6:36 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
just pluck 'em if they bother you. there can't be THAT many that it'd take more than 5 minutes. i think most women have a few stray hairs around the nipple, so you're not some freak. and unless it's super dark, coarse, thick, and dense, most guys won't notice the hair at all, even when they're sucking on your tits.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 6:53 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by misanthropicsarah at 6:53 PM on January 8, 2009
electric razor, the small kind tho. made the mistake of trying to use the regular sized one and nearly lost a nipple. yeow....
posted by CwgrlUp at 7:01 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by CwgrlUp at 7:01 PM on January 8, 2009
I have them, I'm fair-skinned, I refuse to do any sort of hair removal on my rack, and no one has EVER complained. Ever. None of them. Not even when I was 15 years old, and so were they.
This isn't to say they didn't comment. But it was never a complaint, mind you. Respones have ranged from "Boobs are happening to me, in my lifetime, who cares about the rest?" to "Look at those cute boob hairs!" Most of them told me of exes with nipple hair, as well. Never was a problem. And it's not as if I've dated a bunch of enlightened feminist men, either. Hoo boy, far from it.
Additionally, I have far more female friends who have nipple hair, than I have female friends who have bald titties. No problems reported there, either.
With all that in mind, remove any hair from your body you don't like. And keep any you like. And nuts to anybody who thinks they have the right to tell you how to groom yourself, as long as you're within reason hygienically.
posted by Coatlicue at 7:12 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
This isn't to say they didn't comment. But it was never a complaint, mind you. Respones have ranged from "Boobs are happening to me, in my lifetime, who cares about the rest?" to "Look at those cute boob hairs!" Most of them told me of exes with nipple hair, as well. Never was a problem. And it's not as if I've dated a bunch of enlightened feminist men, either. Hoo boy, far from it.
Additionally, I have far more female friends who have nipple hair, than I have female friends who have bald titties. No problems reported there, either.
With all that in mind, remove any hair from your body you don't like. And keep any you like. And nuts to anybody who thinks they have the right to tell you how to groom yourself, as long as you're within reason hygienically.
posted by Coatlicue at 7:12 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
Totally not a big deal. Speaking as a hetero male. If you're self-conscious about it, pluck them or do whatever girls do to get rid of them, but it seems like the majority of people posting above don't seem to care.
posted by number9dream at 7:14 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by number9dream at 7:14 PM on January 8, 2009
I don't think I've ever been topless around a guy who even noticed my nipple hair (I pluck, but not diligently). If anyone did notice, they all treated it like a non-issue.
Most adult males who are worthy of your time realize that most adult females have at least a little body hair.
posted by arianell at 7:16 PM on January 8, 2009
Most adult males who are worthy of your time realize that most adult females have at least a little body hair.
posted by arianell at 7:16 PM on January 8, 2009
Wahl trimmer. 30 seconds. Done. No one has ever complained, but I feel self-conscious, so I take care of it via aforementioned trimmer or plucking.
posted by desjardins at 7:54 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by desjardins at 7:54 PM on January 8, 2009
they offer a ladies version, which is $16 more and red. same damn thing. Just take the 'blade guard' off the mens version. I've never cut myself.
posted by desjardins at 7:56 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by desjardins at 7:56 PM on January 8, 2009
If it is any consolation to you I am 51 and both my eyebrows and my nipple hairs need to be tweezed much, much less frequently. Like only once or twice a year. The hair on my toes, unfortunately, is more stubborn. I used to shave it off, but that always left me with blisters from my shoes so now I bleach my toe hair.
My husband and I often talk about these kinds of things in the shower, and we have had many conversations about women and hair. He has known men who are turned on by hairy upper lips and even hairy chins. If you grow it, odds are someone will find it sexy.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:58 PM on January 8, 2009
My husband and I often talk about these kinds of things in the shower, and we have had many conversations about women and hair. He has known men who are turned on by hairy upper lips and even hairy chins. If you grow it, odds are someone will find it sexy.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:58 PM on January 8, 2009
I guess I'm going to be the contrarian here. Back in college, very late one night after many hours of hanging out doing cool things, I was back at the girl's place (her dorm room, yay) making out with her and things were moving right along. But then I got to the boob hair and it all came to a screeching halt. I mean, I tried to keep going, and lord knows I wanted to, but there was just no way. It was just too completely gross, and I was gone within minutes ("it's late") and I felt terrible about it. I didn't tell her why.
Now, this is just me! There are bunches of folks above saying the exact opposite. I'm just saying, it is a dealbreaker for some.
I don't mind leg hair, but ... ew. Sorry.
posted by intermod at 8:16 PM on January 8, 2009
Now, this is just me! There are bunches of folks above saying the exact opposite. I'm just saying, it is a dealbreaker for some.
I don't mind leg hair, but ... ew. Sorry.
posted by intermod at 8:16 PM on January 8, 2009
Aight, thought experiment time. Suppose you're eating your absolute favorite flavor of ice cream, on the world's most comfortable sofa, on a cool summer afternoon, with something really boring on TV. What do you do?
Well, it's obvious, right? — you ignore the TV, and you enjoy the ice cream. It's the natural thing to do. It's so natural, in fact, that going the other way around — ignoring the ice cream and focusing on the dumb TV show — would take a lot of effort and discipline. Fortunately, nobody's making you pay attention to the TV, so you can just tune it out and enjoy your ice cream and have a lovely evening.
Well, I'm gonna let you in on a secret: sex is like that too.
Everyone you ever sleep with will have at least one feature that bugs you a little. Maybe it'll actually turn you off. Maybe it'll just be distracting, or funny-looking, or sort of so-so when it could be spectacular. But it's just like the ice cream cone and the TV show — you'll be so naturally and effortlessly enjoying all his attractive features that the one sorta funny feature will just fade into the background. And after you've slept with a couple guys, you'll get used to the fact that they've all got a funny looking bit somewhere, and you'll quit worrying about it and just, well, enjoy your ice cream and have a lovely evening.
Same thing goes for the guys who sleep with you. For each one, I hate to say it, there'll be a feature of yours that would bug him a little if he focused on it. Maybe it'll be the hairy nipples, maybe it'll be something else entirely. But he won't be focusing on it, because there'll also be plenty of features of yours that he finds beautiful or sexy or fun, and he'll be naturally, effortlessly focusing on those. (Ice cream for everyone!)
Now, every now and again you might find a guy who does focus on some little feature of yours that he finds unattractive. But look at it this way: this is a guy who would rather make critical judgments than have really hot sex. Isn't that pathetic? You should ignore guys like that, or maybe pity them, but you certainly shouldn't worry about what they think. They probably also watch bad TV on purpose, just to mock it, and they might be so far gone they don't even have a favorite flavor of ice cream. Fuck 'em.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:28 PM on January 8, 2009 [6 favorites]
Well, it's obvious, right? — you ignore the TV, and you enjoy the ice cream. It's the natural thing to do. It's so natural, in fact, that going the other way around — ignoring the ice cream and focusing on the dumb TV show — would take a lot of effort and discipline. Fortunately, nobody's making you pay attention to the TV, so you can just tune it out and enjoy your ice cream and have a lovely evening.
Well, I'm gonna let you in on a secret: sex is like that too.
Everyone you ever sleep with will have at least one feature that bugs you a little. Maybe it'll actually turn you off. Maybe it'll just be distracting, or funny-looking, or sort of so-so when it could be spectacular. But it's just like the ice cream cone and the TV show — you'll be so naturally and effortlessly enjoying all his attractive features that the one sorta funny feature will just fade into the background. And after you've slept with a couple guys, you'll get used to the fact that they've all got a funny looking bit somewhere, and you'll quit worrying about it and just, well, enjoy your ice cream and have a lovely evening.
Same thing goes for the guys who sleep with you. For each one, I hate to say it, there'll be a feature of yours that would bug him a little if he focused on it. Maybe it'll be the hairy nipples, maybe it'll be something else entirely. But he won't be focusing on it, because there'll also be plenty of features of yours that he finds beautiful or sexy or fun, and he'll be naturally, effortlessly focusing on those. (Ice cream for everyone!)
Now, every now and again you might find a guy who does focus on some little feature of yours that he finds unattractive. But look at it this way: this is a guy who would rather make critical judgments than have really hot sex. Isn't that pathetic? You should ignore guys like that, or maybe pity them, but you certainly shouldn't worry about what they think. They probably also watch bad TV on purpose, just to mock it, and they might be so far gone they don't even have a favorite flavor of ice cream. Fuck 'em.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:28 PM on January 8, 2009 [6 favorites]
As an infant I lost my breastfeeding privileges for saying "Yuck, hair!"
If you run into someone non-appreciative, don't be afraid to cut him off as a matter of course. It will be he who is missing out and he will likely never forget this.
posted by ODiV at 9:12 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
If you run into someone non-appreciative, don't be afraid to cut him off as a matter of course. It will be he who is missing out and he will likely never forget this.
posted by ODiV at 9:12 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
Just tweeze it.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:19 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by Jacqueline at 9:19 PM on January 8, 2009
On ice cream and TV:
I personally don't care about the physical feature at hand (see my initial comment). And I agree that everyone has features, physical and otherwise, that are drawbacks, and that you have to ignore -- or learn to ignore -- some of them. And I agree that it would be better if people didn't focus on physical features, be they nipple hairs or harelips, at all. So lots of this comment makes sense to me, but then it takes things to an idyllic extreme.
1. It's not at all like ice cream and boring TV. It can be like spumoni ice cream with repulsive candy bits, or TV with a wonderful series interspersed with offensive political ads. The point is, the things are integrated -- and the things that you don't like are offputting, not easy to ignore like boring TV ads. In fact, not to rain on the kumbaya parade here, but I'm not at all sure I like the alternative idea of thinking of people as being disaggregated into dissimilar parts or reducible to an activity (sex).
2. There is a sense here and in some other comments that guys will be so totally into boobs, or sexual acts, that nothing else matters. This is true to an important degree, but it isn't everything; some people have particular aesthetic criteria (I see it perhaps more in women -- e.g. (and I quote) "I won't sleep with anyone who has back hair," but not solely).
So how do we think about such people? We could say that they are bad, or "pathetic," but I seriously doubt that any of us are free of these things; they can't be rationally defended, save on grounds of some beauty aesthetic to which I don't subscribe, but I also don't think they make everyone harboring them a bad person. Indeed, if you asked me to choose between someone who "makes critical judgments" and someone who'd rather just have "really hot sex," I'm not sure the latter comes out better -- especially not to the degree (s)he thinks of everyone as fungible vessels for sexual outlet.
I think we have to defend ourselves vigorously against judgments that undermine who we are at core and try to make us compromise important aspects of ourselves -- or to make us feel bad about inherent aspects of ourselves -- but I tend to doubt that this is of that character. You say "fuck 'em"? I say fine, OR "pluck 'em" . . . either way, I don't think very many would-be suitors, or much personal grooming, is at stake. I think the OP is going to be fine in either event, and the only reason I tilt toward grooming would be to avoid triggering some irrational reaction on the part of a person who is otherwise wonderful . . . as I think such people can be.
P.S. I gather this makes me a bad person, but I speak as someone who likes a lot of different ice cream flavors.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 9:29 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
I personally don't care about the physical feature at hand (see my initial comment). And I agree that everyone has features, physical and otherwise, that are drawbacks, and that you have to ignore -- or learn to ignore -- some of them. And I agree that it would be better if people didn't focus on physical features, be they nipple hairs or harelips, at all. So lots of this comment makes sense to me, but then it takes things to an idyllic extreme.
1. It's not at all like ice cream and boring TV. It can be like spumoni ice cream with repulsive candy bits, or TV with a wonderful series interspersed with offensive political ads. The point is, the things are integrated -- and the things that you don't like are offputting, not easy to ignore like boring TV ads. In fact, not to rain on the kumbaya parade here, but I'm not at all sure I like the alternative idea of thinking of people as being disaggregated into dissimilar parts or reducible to an activity (sex).
2. There is a sense here and in some other comments that guys will be so totally into boobs, or sexual acts, that nothing else matters. This is true to an important degree, but it isn't everything; some people have particular aesthetic criteria (I see it perhaps more in women -- e.g. (and I quote) "I won't sleep with anyone who has back hair," but not solely).
So how do we think about such people? We could say that they are bad, or "pathetic," but I seriously doubt that any of us are free of these things; they can't be rationally defended, save on grounds of some beauty aesthetic to which I don't subscribe, but I also don't think they make everyone harboring them a bad person. Indeed, if you asked me to choose between someone who "makes critical judgments" and someone who'd rather just have "really hot sex," I'm not sure the latter comes out better -- especially not to the degree (s)he thinks of everyone as fungible vessels for sexual outlet.
I think we have to defend ourselves vigorously against judgments that undermine who we are at core and try to make us compromise important aspects of ourselves -- or to make us feel bad about inherent aspects of ourselves -- but I tend to doubt that this is of that character. You say "fuck 'em"? I say fine, OR "pluck 'em" . . . either way, I don't think very many would-be suitors, or much personal grooming, is at stake. I think the OP is going to be fine in either event, and the only reason I tilt toward grooming would be to avoid triggering some irrational reaction on the part of a person who is otherwise wonderful . . . as I think such people can be.
P.S. I gather this makes me a bad person, but I speak as someone who likes a lot of different ice cream flavors.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 9:29 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
Middle-aged hetro male.....I think most of the women I've dated have had a few nipple hairs and it never bothered me in the slightest. To be honest though, I think I might be a bit put off by a LOT of hair on them (but it would have to be like a hairy doughnut).
posted by bonobothegreat at 10:29 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by bonobothegreat at 10:29 PM on January 8, 2009
Hey, Clyde? I think we're on the same side here. I don't know if I mis-wrote or you mis-read, but I promise I'm not calling anyone a fungible sexual vessel or an aggregate of bodyparts.
And I'm not trying to say aesthetic preferences are bad, either. Look, some men like hair (or whatever) and some don't, and that's great.
What I am trying to say is this: if a decent guy who doesn't like hair goes home with a hairy woman, it's not going to totally ruin his night. That's not because OMG BOOBIES MAKE EVERYTHING OKAY. It's because, as a decent guy, he doesn't expect the whole world to instantly conform to his desires. He can go into a situation that isn't 100% as he would have wished for and still have a really awesome time. (And after a little while, if all goes well, they can have a nice conversation about grooming preferences and hopefully hash things out so everyone's happy.)
The thing is, we've got a nasty habit, as a culture, of talking about sex and bodies in terms of perfection. And that can be scary, because it can make a person feel like anything less than perfection is unacceptable. But here's what I'm trying to point out: in my experience, nobody (or, at least, nobody but a few isolated jerks) actually approaches sex that way. We've got preferences, not demands. And I think it's important, because it means you can approach sex with a new person with confidence even if you're not positive you conform entirely to their ideal. The answer is, "You don't conform entirely to their ideal, but nobody else would either, so relax and see what happens."
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:35 AM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]
And I'm not trying to say aesthetic preferences are bad, either. Look, some men like hair (or whatever) and some don't, and that's great.
What I am trying to say is this: if a decent guy who doesn't like hair goes home with a hairy woman, it's not going to totally ruin his night. That's not because OMG BOOBIES MAKE EVERYTHING OKAY. It's because, as a decent guy, he doesn't expect the whole world to instantly conform to his desires. He can go into a situation that isn't 100% as he would have wished for and still have a really awesome time. (And after a little while, if all goes well, they can have a nice conversation about grooming preferences and hopefully hash things out so everyone's happy.)
The thing is, we've got a nasty habit, as a culture, of talking about sex and bodies in terms of perfection. And that can be scary, because it can make a person feel like anything less than perfection is unacceptable. But here's what I'm trying to point out: in my experience, nobody (or, at least, nobody but a few isolated jerks) actually approaches sex that way. We've got preferences, not demands. And I think it's important, because it means you can approach sex with a new person with confidence even if you're not positive you conform entirely to their ideal. The answer is, "You don't conform entirely to their ideal, but nobody else would either, so relax and see what happens."
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:35 AM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]
nebulawindphone,
As I said, there is a lot to your comment with which I agree; it's certainly possible that I misread, but I think I was trying to sketch out the implications of the analogy and show why I resisted it. Didn't mean to offend.
I think where we differ is that you are putting greater emphasis on how we should behave, and I'm putting more weight on how we do behave -- and I think you are being unfairly critical ("pathetic," "jerk," "fuck 'em") to people who have certain hang-ups but aren't bad people. You are also, kindly, trying to give a confidence boost to the OP by saying non-conformities never turn off anyone who is worthwhile, while my own perspective is that *this* one is unlikely to.
And yet . . . I think of myself as having obvious flaws (physical, behavioral, etc.) numbering in the low three figures. I know some of them are fixed; some of them I equally regard as strengths and don't want to remove; and others I can easily correct with changing who I am. I think it's sensible to deal with some of this last category so as to reduce the risk of unnecessarily scaring someone off -- even if their better selves know they are being superficial. If we were in the middle of marriage and they saw my navel wart, no biggy (seven cm., tops). If it were our first, starry-eyed meeting, perhaps it would be. Why not make easy changes? If you want to be romantic about it, isn't compromise also what relationships are about?
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 5:35 AM on January 9, 2009
As I said, there is a lot to your comment with which I agree; it's certainly possible that I misread, but I think I was trying to sketch out the implications of the analogy and show why I resisted it. Didn't mean to offend.
I think where we differ is that you are putting greater emphasis on how we should behave, and I'm putting more weight on how we do behave -- and I think you are being unfairly critical ("pathetic," "jerk," "fuck 'em") to people who have certain hang-ups but aren't bad people. You are also, kindly, trying to give a confidence boost to the OP by saying non-conformities never turn off anyone who is worthwhile, while my own perspective is that *this* one is unlikely to.
And yet . . . I think of myself as having obvious flaws (physical, behavioral, etc.) numbering in the low three figures. I know some of them are fixed; some of them I equally regard as strengths and don't want to remove; and others I can easily correct with changing who I am. I think it's sensible to deal with some of this last category so as to reduce the risk of unnecessarily scaring someone off -- even if their better selves know they are being superficial. If we were in the middle of marriage and they saw my navel wart, no biggy (seven cm., tops). If it were our first, starry-eyed meeting, perhaps it would be. Why not make easy changes? If you want to be romantic about it, isn't compromise also what relationships are about?
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 5:35 AM on January 9, 2009
I'm sure it does have a lot to do with how much hair we are talking about.
I have 4 or 5 hairs of light brown and they might get 1/4 inch long before I pay any notice. Then it is a quick tweeze, or if I am in the shower shaving my legs, I swipe at them with a razor. However one woman of my acquaintance has dark brown hairs, maybe 10 per side, and she has never touched them so they are 3 or 4 inches long. Which could be extraordinarily off putting if you weren't ready for that. Let's say you are a 24 year old male and had no idea that women sometimes have hair around their areolas-- after all women in movies and paintings and books never have hair there. She takes her bra off and ... two hairy spiders. That could be so shocking as to ruin the night.
So god love us, we have the internet now, and nothing is off limits. We can talk about pooping while running or the hair around our nipples or wetting our bed and things that people never even thought about get discussed calmly and thoroughly in the light of day. Nipple hair is a fact of life for most women and how you want to deal with it is up to you, bearing in mind that it might surprise a new lover to the point of being a deal-breaker. But you could say that about so many things: a love of garlic, a hundred dolls on your bed, granny panties, cats, etc. How much do you want hedge your bets?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:19 AM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]
I have 4 or 5 hairs of light brown and they might get 1/4 inch long before I pay any notice. Then it is a quick tweeze, or if I am in the shower shaving my legs, I swipe at them with a razor. However one woman of my acquaintance has dark brown hairs, maybe 10 per side, and she has never touched them so they are 3 or 4 inches long. Which could be extraordinarily off putting if you weren't ready for that. Let's say you are a 24 year old male and had no idea that women sometimes have hair around their areolas-- after all women in movies and paintings and books never have hair there. She takes her bra off and ... two hairy spiders. That could be so shocking as to ruin the night.
So god love us, we have the internet now, and nothing is off limits. We can talk about pooping while running or the hair around our nipples or wetting our bed and things that people never even thought about get discussed calmly and thoroughly in the light of day. Nipple hair is a fact of life for most women and how you want to deal with it is up to you, bearing in mind that it might surprise a new lover to the point of being a deal-breaker. But you could say that about so many things: a love of garlic, a hundred dolls on your bed, granny panties, cats, etc. How much do you want hedge your bets?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:19 AM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]
Experience says pluck gently, or shave gently with a regular razor. Cutting yourself there hurts!
The biggest issue, I think, isn't whether or not a boy will mind a hair or two or if he will be turned off. We all like or don't like different things, so some boys won't care and some will care. But what matters is that *you* kind of care about it, and it's an easy thing to take care of, so just remove them.
Yeah, we should all be comfortable with our wonderful girlie bodies and never be bothered, and f*** everyone who judges us. But if a little thing like plucking out some hair makes you feel better, and eliminates the chance that you're going to have a boy see your boobs and you won't be able to enjoy it because you cannot stop thinking "omg, is he grossed out? will he be grossed out when he thinks about me later??!!", then pluck away.
And maybe one day you won't care about it, and if *you* don't care then you don't have to pluck it if you don't want to. But life is hard, and there's enough things to stress about, so grab your piece of mind where you can.
posted by KAS at 8:35 AM on January 9, 2009
The biggest issue, I think, isn't whether or not a boy will mind a hair or two or if he will be turned off. We all like or don't like different things, so some boys won't care and some will care. But what matters is that *you* kind of care about it, and it's an easy thing to take care of, so just remove them.
Yeah, we should all be comfortable with our wonderful girlie bodies and never be bothered, and f*** everyone who judges us. But if a little thing like plucking out some hair makes you feel better, and eliminates the chance that you're going to have a boy see your boobs and you won't be able to enjoy it because you cannot stop thinking "omg, is he grossed out? will he be grossed out when he thinks about me later??!!", then pluck away.
And maybe one day you won't care about it, and if *you* don't care then you don't have to pluck it if you don't want to. But life is hard, and there's enough things to stress about, so grab your piece of mind where you can.
posted by KAS at 8:35 AM on January 9, 2009
I concur with KAS. Dead on: the issue is peace of mind as much as anything.
P.S. "Piece of mind" is more Hannibal Lecter territory.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:46 AM on January 9, 2009
P.S. "Piece of mind" is more Hannibal Lecter territory.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:46 AM on January 9, 2009
By the time the makeout session has progressed to exposed nipples, my glasses are off and I can't see anything anyway, so no worries.
posted by DandyRandy at 9:07 AM on January 9, 2009
posted by DandyRandy at 9:07 AM on January 9, 2009
I was a little grossed out when I encountered that, to be honest, but it wasn't a deal-breaker. I'd recommend taking care of it if it's not a huge deal.
posted by callmejay at 9:43 AM on January 9, 2009
posted by callmejay at 9:43 AM on January 9, 2009
Sometimes I have it zapped with electrolysis (I get it done every once in a while when I go in for my way-more embarrassing chin growth). Electrolysis doesn't always completely stop it from coming it, but it does help slow the growth.
Sometimes I pluck it. Potayto Potahto.
My husband, for the record, couldn't care less about a couple stray hairs. I've asked a bunch of times. Which leads me to say this: If a guy (or any lover/SO) can't be satisfied by the simple fact that you are naked in his presence, you don't need him (them).
posted by mynameismandab at 12:06 AM on January 10, 2009
Sometimes I pluck it. Potayto Potahto.
My husband, for the record, couldn't care less about a couple stray hairs. I've asked a bunch of times. Which leads me to say this: If a guy (or any lover/SO) can't be satisfied by the simple fact that you are naked in his presence, you don't need him (them).
posted by mynameismandab at 12:06 AM on January 10, 2009
[Now I have a funny feeling in my pants.]
Oh! On the subject of said hair: no worries.
posted by Drasher at 9:54 AM on January 11, 2009
Oh! On the subject of said hair: no worries.
posted by Drasher at 9:54 AM on January 11, 2009
I'm digging the men who've commented to say they might have been confused initially as a young'un but quickly realized women, in fact, are mammals and have hair too, and then it became no big deal, even a sign of growing up that they had figured that out. My boyfriend was kind of like that. He didn't know women's pubic hair extends towards the back, alongside the inner labia and towards the anus. He had never been with a woman who didn't have all that removed and just assumed women didn't grow it period. It made me laugh. Out loud.
Men who've figured out women can and do grow hair all over, and that it varies wildly from person to person, are my kind of people. Hopefully you make them yours too. There's not enough time to put up with anything else in your sex life. Seriously.
posted by ifjuly at 12:22 PM on January 12, 2009
Men who've figured out women can and do grow hair all over, and that it varies wildly from person to person, are my kind of people. Hopefully you make them yours too. There's not enough time to put up with anything else in your sex life. Seriously.
posted by ifjuly at 12:22 PM on January 12, 2009
Just pluck the hair. It's not as painful as you think ;) And over time they seem to disappear or at the very least grow slowly and grow less.
posted by slashee at 2:09 AM on January 15, 2009
posted by slashee at 2:09 AM on January 15, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
anyway i have a few hairs on my boobs and nobody has complained. i have done ladies with hairy boobs and i have not complained. i think it is not a big deal for a lot of people. hope that helps!
posted by beefetish at 3:45 PM on January 8, 2009