How to go about asking sister's former friend on a date?
November 17, 2008 3:24 PM   Subscribe

I come fellow MeFites to ask for dating advice today. It's like my back in time question in the past, only I actually know this girl and I didn't randomly see her through a 8th degree connection in a church somewhere, lol.

Now normally I'd know how's and when's of asking a girl out, but this one is a little different. She was my sister's friend years ago for a period of time. Nothing bad happened, they just went to diff schools and lost touch but her mom and my mom get together about once a month or so for a movie and I fix their computers for them ever since my dad passed away.

I've met her fleetingly the few times I've been in their house this past year and talked a little bit with her, but it was mainly talking with her mom while fixing her mom's computer.

Fast forward to this past weekend and her mom calls me asking me if I could fix her daughters computer and that she would send her daughter over here to learn so she could start doing it on her own to maintain her PC properly. So I'm like yeah sure, send her over. I hadn't seen her in a while not since the early part of the year and she comes in and looks great. We talk about different things, random things, and her computer problems themselves. I couldn't figure out how to ask for like her myspace or facebook and go about it that way, because I'm like "well, she's here on computer business, she's seems friendly but I don't know if it's friendly enough to ask her out right here and there" "it's her first time in this house in a while, maybe I should pursue it after instead of overloading her right then".... etc type of thinking.

Now, I'm trying to figure out how to best go about asking her out and seeing if she's interested in a date for next weekend. The problem is I don't know how to spell her name or that she doesn't have a myspace/facebook, because I've looked and exhausted my spellings of her name. She's not on either, for the time being.

Now, I was thinking about asking my mom to ask her mom for her email. Fairly innocuous and not that awkward for my mom and chat her up for a while after that and see where we're headed. If this is the route you would take, would you try to get her number after a while and be like " you know we've never hung out, how about doing something like throwing some gutter balls down the lanes this weekend? " and then "Cool. What's your number?"

Thank you mefites,

posted by isoman2kx to Human Relations (12 answers total)
Maybe ask your mom to pass along your email address? With a "Hey in case you need any help in the future you don't have to go through our moms" kind of theme?

Or ask for hers so you can bypass the moms and once you get it send a "Hey in case you ever need anymore help or want to hang out" kind of note...

I dunno, I'm a girl and a shy one at that, but those both seem pretty harmless. Kind of leaving the ball in her court, as you didn't say if you really hit things off or anything.

Good luck!
posted by thisisnotkatrina at 3:40 PM on November 17, 2008

I think bringing both your mom and her mom into things right off the bat is a bad idea- too many cooks. Couldn't you just call the number where her Mom lives and ask to speak to her at a time when you think she might be there?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:50 PM on November 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I think you are overthinking this, and you are also trying very hard to, well, not do it. Facebook? Dude, have your mom call her mom and ask (in that nice mom way) for the daughter's phone number. Mom can find out if there is a boyfriend/fiance/lesbian roommate/etc, too, so you are covered for that particular embarrassment -- bonus!

Then, you phone her up and say "hey, I had a really great time chatting with you when you came over the other day, and I wanted to know if you were free to have coffee on Saturday with me?" or whatever activity you prefer. If you really want to remove any ambiguity, you can use the phrase "go on a date with me" in there, but honestly, if you have gotten your mom to call her mom, there isn't much ambiguity involved, so just invite her out for coffee/lunch/whatever -- but make sure to specify an activity and a day/time, not just a vague "hang out some time?" kind of thing.

She might well say "no, I've got to wash my hair" or "I'm busy that day," to which you should respond, "oh, that's too bad, would Friday be better?" If she says no to that, too, then you can take the hint and leave the ball with her -- "ok, well, let me know if your schedule changes, ok?" But definitely ask that second time, because maybe she really is busy on Saturday but would love to hang out a different day.

Yes, what I'm suggesting is a lot tougher than looking at her facebook profile, but it's also a lot more likely to work, too. If mom gets her email address rather than phone number, go ahead and send a short email asking her out -- not a chatty, "I'm your friend!" email, but an email that suggests meeting up in the real world at a particular place and time. There's a place for both email and phone; I've done both and had both work -- use your judgment on this, but don't use email as something to hide behind (or to have the hell of wondering if she is blowing you off or if your email got lost in her spam filter).

Anyway, this is just my particular perspective, as someone who has found that being direct and being willing to take a risk pays off way, way better than being indirect and afraid to take a chance. Because what's the worst possible outcome here -- she says no, right? And if that happens, you are in exactly the same position you are in right now, except that you did something kind of cool that serves as practice for the next time you meet someone cool.
posted by Forktine at 3:53 PM on November 17, 2008 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Get her email. a "Hey if you need any help here's my contact info" is a great idea, but don't just leave it at that.

You've got to indicate you're interested in more, so maybe add to that "I'm going to go throw some gutter balls this weekend, can you join me?"

I'm a shy girl too, so I would never bother responding if you were just giving me contact info and leaving it at that. Doing both is best, because then if she's not interested she has an easy out (thanks for contact info, no sorry I'm busy this weekend), but if she is, it's simple to respond.
posted by nat at 3:53 PM on November 17, 2008

Your stalker potential is low. Don't you already have her Facebook and Myspace login credentials? ;)

Nix on dating through the matrix, just ask her out via email or phone as nat said.
posted by benzenedream at 4:17 PM on November 17, 2008

call her mom directly and tell her you want to follow up with her daughter but you lost her phone number. say you learned some new info about her problem if you have to.
posted by lester at 5:07 PM on November 17, 2008

i would say better to go through your sister than your mom. even though they lost touch, she may still have her e-mail or phone number. otherwise, sounds like a good plan!
posted by lalalana at 5:15 PM on November 17, 2008

Don't go the Facebook/MySpace route; I think this is a lame way to ask someone out, and in this case it's kind of stalkerish to try and find her that way when you already have an established method of contact (through her mother). Remember, confidence is attractive.
posted by desjardins at 5:31 PM on November 17, 2008

get her phone number from her mom, call her directly and ask her to dinner. that is all.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:14 PM on November 17, 2008

Response by poster: Yep Yep. You guys sure do nail me even over the internet. I wanted to email because I'm fairly shy towards any attractive girl, but emails aren't going to do anything for the confidence like manning up for a call would.

I'll email her mom for the number and that'll be all. Thanks for calling me on it fellow mefites :)
posted by isoman2kx at 7:31 PM on November 17, 2008

And besides, if I needed computer help, I would lean towards the cute person of the opposite sex to hang out with in the first place. This ball may all ready be rolling. (?) Don't know enough of your details to be sure. She did come to you.
posted by captainsohler at 8:05 PM on November 17, 2008

What is it with cyberspace people? Facebook and e-mail don't bring you together. As well illustrated here, they keep you apart. And enable shyness, rather than curing it.

Telephone the house, ask to speak to her, and ask her out. (On preview, congratulations on deciding to do just that.)
posted by JimN2TAW at 6:49 AM on November 18, 2008

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