Better than jello wrestling
October 13, 2008 5:52 PM   Subscribe

NSFW question about having fun with lots of lube.

I recently told my new squeeze a story about a friend in college who, before throwing away his leaky waterbed mattress, had a crazy night on it with his boyfriend and a bottle of baby oil. She wants to do something similar with me (yes, lucky me!). Any thoughts/recommendations on:

1. Best condom-friendly lube for full body use that won't break the bank when bought in large quantities. Extra points for recs on where I can pick some up in NYC.
2. Aside from having a towel handy, anything else I need to think about/anticipate?

I'm not sure this is going to a be a regular part of our routine so I'd like to avoid the common pitfalls. Please help me overthink this sexy plate of beans!

Feel free to answer at:
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (22 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite


Maybe get polyurethane condoms and vegetable oil? Just make sure she has a good wash afterward.
posted by thirteenkiller at 6:29 PM on October 13, 2008

Yeah... don't get it in your eyes. I know this.

Go to a gay leather shop. Seriously... you'll find the best lube and some frank advice.

Water based lube such as 'Wet' is great, but it tends to get tacky. Silicone based lube is great, but it takes forever to wash off. To each his own...

I prefer "Boy Butter". Don't knock it till you've tried it. (ahem)...
posted by matty at 6:33 PM on October 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'd suggest using the (non-latex-friendly) oil, because it's cheap and nicely slippery, and buying some oil-friendly polyurethane condoms (the Avanti ones are available in all my local drugstores; you may have more options where you are). The poly condoms are a bit different feeling than latex, but not bad -- of course, it's probably smart to give them a test-run before hand just in case you really hate them.

Experiment with some different kinds of oil to see what texture you like best -- olive oil is really nice on the skin, for example, though I've never rolled around in a gallon of it. Warm it up to at least room temperature and rub it on your hands, let it come up to body temperature, and see how it feels.

More than a towel, you will want to put down some plastic sheeting or a tarp. You don't want to soak your bed or the carpet in oil, because you will never get it out.

I know I have seen an online how-to tutorial on exactly this subject, but my attempts at searching for it are only pulling up instructions for how to change your car's oil, and videos of topless women being rubbed with oil. Both are fine things, but it will take someone with better Google skills than me to find the actual page I'm thinking of.
posted by Forktine at 6:37 PM on October 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

I vote for silicone based lube. It stays slick, you don't need to apply as much, and requires washing with soap and water to remove, which makes for a nice post-sex shower experience.
posted by hworth at 6:57 PM on October 13, 2008

If you're going to do all-over massage oils, don't go crazy with reapplications. I got overheated (sweat couldn't cool me off) and almost got sick one crazy night. It's a great, sensual feeling, but maybe use the towell (or some heated moist towlettes) between applications. Y'know, "wax on, wax off".

Seconding some kind of sheeting, or regular sheets or blanket you won't mind "losing". That stuff can stain big time. Also, slippery. If you don't have carpet (and maybe even if you do) put something between y'all's feet and the floor.

Maybe end the night with a double shower and throw off the top sheet/blanket cover for some well deserved rest.
posted by lysdexic at 7:06 PM on October 13, 2008

Regarding poly condoms: I've heard many a guy liken Avanti condoms to donning a saran pouch. Just make sure polyurethane is your bag (har) before you embark on Lube Night 2008.

For a more mainstream pit stop, I recommend Babeland in Soho and the LES, where they have an entire wall of lubes. Each store helpfully offers lube samplers so you can sample a few in advance. Check out the water-based organic variety that they website claims is appropriate for both skin and sex.
posted by zoomorphic at 7:09 PM on October 13, 2008

The stuff kmennie mentioned is probably the best volume-of-lube/$ you'll get.

Here's a FAQ for your perusal.
posted by CKmtl at 7:24 PM on October 13, 2008

I'm always so proud of str8 men who will try lube. Most waterbased lubes will get tacky. Silicone lube is a thousand times better, but it can stain. My favorite is Gun Oil. It comes in both silicone and water based.

There is stuff for sale at your neighborhood pharmacy, but it's nothing like you'll find in a sex shop. Spending a little more on lube makes a huge difference.

Don't try vegetable oil, or even baby oil. It's just nasty.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 7:27 PM on October 13, 2008

Logistically speaking, you might want to plan a very safe route from your oil bed of bliss to the shower. Tape down some newspaper in a big path. Open all the doors on the path. Get some bathtub traction stickers.

You'll sort out the lube and safer sex supplies because you're motivated. Just don't forget to plan your escape, as well. You'll be slick, slippery and dazed from the experience. Try not to fall on your ass, break an arm or crack your noggin on your way to the shower.
posted by cior at 7:40 PM on October 13, 2008 [4 favorites]

Many lubes have a reputation for tasting nasty, but that gyno lube may be worse than most because it wasn't developed with sexy inventiveness in mind. Just a thought.
posted by hippugeek at 7:44 PM on October 13, 2008

My heavens, sounds like a fun night!

I prefer "Boy Butter". Don't knock it till you've tried it. (ahem)...

I have tried it and liked it well enough, but it seems like it would be too viscous--and expensive--to roll around in.

The smell and taste of olive oil would be a turn off for me. I like it drizzled on bread but I wouldn't like it doused all over my partner.

Are you going to put the condom on before you roll around in the oil? If not, be careful. I have had a few condoms slide off when I put them over a lubed penis.

You might try buying lube and watering it down to stretch it farther.

P.S. May I have your throwaway email address when you're done with it? ;)
posted by HotPatatta at 7:52 PM on October 13, 2008

Oh man, that ob lube is being sold for inseminating animals. Eghhh. I don't have any tips other than making sure neither of you is allergic to whatever product you choose.
posted by fructose at 8:18 PM on October 13, 2008

Suggestion: use a cheap plastic shower curtain as a "liner" for all of your lube and slippery stuff!

Keep a cooler by the bed with bottled water, maybe some fun messy food stuff to add to your adventure: honey, ice, the old standby whipped cream, etc. I hear Barbasol shaving cream is on sale, too. ; )
posted by misha at 8:22 PM on October 13, 2008

If this is heterosexual (vaginal) play, you want to be very careful with J-Lube. It has sugar (sucrose) in it, and can mess up her natural flora. The FAQ mentioned above doesn't confirm or deny this, but I've heard it from various other sources.

You can get fairly large bottles of condom-safe lube via the Internets not too expensively ($30-$50 range).
posted by printdevil at 8:31 PM on October 13, 2008

Out of all of these choices, try sticking with a non-glycerin lube, as many women are surprised to find out after several frustrating trips to the gyn that glycerin isn't as well-tolerated as it's made out to be.

Liquid Silk is pricey but does the job well and without irritation and is safe for condoms.

Shaving cream and play don't go well together, IME.

As noted above, keep a towel for swabbing off your face and your sweat zones, so that your skin can dump heat.
posted by batmonkey at 8:59 PM on October 13, 2008

It has sugar (sucrose) in it, and can mess up her natural flora.

Good lord, who would make a lube with sucrose in it? That can't be good for any creature.
posted by zippy at 9:02 PM on October 13, 2008

You're gonna need more than 1 towel.
posted by theora55 at 9:36 PM on October 13, 2008 [3 favorites]

Assuming you are going to be using oil-tolerant condoms, anything that works as massage oil will work well for your purposes. As has been mentioned, not everyone likes the smell of olive oil, but there are a bunch of neutral oils that you can buy cheap at your local grocery store. Here's a sample list; the internet is full of directions for mixing in essential oils and scents.

But I think you are getting two sorts of suggestions here: cheap slimy stuff that you can roll around in by the gallon, and expensive slimy stuff that is good for latex but that you probably don't want to smear all over your entire body. (There are reasons why your massage therapist doesn't usually grease you up with silicone- or water-based lube.) The animal lube sort of fits both categories (cheap but ok with latex), but I'd want to sniff it and rub some on my hands before committing to pouring it all over and sliding around.

What you want is stuff that is still nicely slippery after half an hour of sliding around; a lot of the water-based lubes I've tried get sticky and tacky really fast when exposed to air. Oil is really good for this, because it stays, well, oily, even after you've been working around for a while.

Lastly, there is a third approach -- you can grease each other up and do all kinds of sexy stuff, but without vaginal penetration. That avoids worries about doing funny things to internal flora, worrying about condoms slipping off, and all of that, while giving you lots of fun. With a quart or so of oil involved, that's enough lube for other kinds of friction to be really amazing, including just sliding around on top of each other.
posted by Forktine at 9:46 PM on October 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

I actually like the polyurethane condoms, they have good heat transfer. Going with them would allow you to use coconut oil as your lube. You'd want your fun room relatively warm because it solidifies around 70 degrees but otherwise it's a pretty divine lubricant. Slippery, cheap, doesn't dry out, easily washed off, very few people are allergic to it. However baby oil is a different more petroleum feel so YMMV.

A large inflatable kiddy pool would make a good water bed substitute because the sides will restrain fluids. The last one I bought was only $7.

PS: Baby oil is essentially mineral oil and it is both cheap to buy as such and it doesn't have that, IMO, ofensive odour.
posted by Mitheral at 12:05 AM on October 14, 2008

I like Liquid Silk (scroll down a bit). It's water based, easy to clean up, and doesn't get sticky when it tries. It isn't the cheapest stuff though. If I were you, I'd buy a bunch and take the opportunity itself as a chance to figure out which ones you (two) like.
posted by chairface at 10:28 PM on October 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

*Gah* tries => dries.
posted by chairface at 10:29 PM on October 14, 2008

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