Advice on Japanese-style electronic toilets?

September 3, 2004 12:22 PM

Anyone got opinions, advice, stories, or strong feelings about Japanese-style electronic toilets? As I get older I grow more disgusted with the Western tradition of smearing one's feces with toilet paper instead of giving it a proper hygenic washing.
posted by five fresh fish to Home & Garden (21 answers total)

They take a little getting used to, but once you do...it sucks to use a regular toilet. I got a toilet-seat replacement unit from a company called HomeTech for about $500 -- it's a Chinese knock-off of the Japanese units that typically go for $750 and up. I dunno what's available now.
posted by spacewrench at 12:39 PM on September 3, 2004

Slightly OT, but instead of spending $500 on a toilet gizmo, you could always just buy those flushable Cottenelle wipes. It's a nice compromise between convenience and cleanliness.
posted by gokart4xmas at 12:48 PM on September 3, 2004

Response by poster: Well, sure, but the product videos from the site I linked makes it sound like evacuating my bowels in their electronic toilet will be a near-religious experience, and quite possibly better than sex.

Also, it has a remote control.

And, finally, even the Cottonelles are, at the bottom line, just a damp way of smearing one's shit up and down the crack. Plus it's not environmentally sound. And they don't oscillate.

I'm taking a light-hearted approach to this, yes, because it's kind of weird to imagine having a robotic toilet that washes one's poopzone, especially as I've no problems with actually handling my shit, provided I can wash it off afterwards. It's the idea of carrying it around in my buttcrack fulltime that's become a little off-putting, especially if I give it any amount of actual thought.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:06 PM on September 3, 2004

Response by poster: Also, Cottonelles are not flushable. The package says they are, but RotoRooter says they aren't. And RR should know, given they're regularly called out to declog sewer lines blocked by, you guessed it, Cottonelles.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:08 PM on September 3, 2004

Out of curiosity, how does the thingie that shoots water at you stay clean and not say, mingle your shit with your loved ones'?
posted by callmejay at 1:08 PM on September 3, 2004

It's my opinion that if you're still packing poo around in your crack after wiping, a new toilet is probably the least of your worries.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:35 PM on September 3, 2004

For what it's worth, my brother has sworn off toilet paper in favor of one of those squeezable bike bottles alongside the john. I've never inquired as to the efficacy of the bottle, nor the exact methodology, but it may prove to be a less-expensive way to experiment with the hose-it-off methodology prior to purchasing and installing an expensive and complicate Japanese toilet.
posted by stet at 1:40 PM on September 3, 2004

Response by poster: callmejay: the manufacturers claim it does a pre-rinse and post-rinse inside its storage cavity.

crash: even if you're wiping until there's no brown visible on the tissue, there's still feces smeared into your skin. And if you're wiping that much, chances are you're gonna wear yourself a new hole. Ugh.

stet: can't imagine how that's gonna work! Curious idea, though. Maybe I'll make an effort to find a bottle with a flexy-spout. Starting to sound a little obsessive, though. High-tech gadget computer: no problem, I'm a geek. Low-tech potty-hack: verging on weird.

general question: are those european bidets meant for men and women, or just women? My impression has always been the latter.
posted by five fresh fish at 2:18 PM on September 3, 2004

FFF, you'd love the toilets in Thailand. Every seat -- even public toilets in Bangkok and Phuket, IIRC -- comes with its own little spray hose.
posted by brownpau at 2:30 PM on September 3, 2004

five fresh fish I was going to suggest you try a bidet. They aren't common in Canada but they are around.

I've always wanted a Japanese toilet for the heated seat and the sheer gizmosity of the thing. The fact that they cost more than I paid for my car has put me off.
posted by Mitheral at 2:49 PM on September 3, 2004

Want that always fresh feeling, fish? A bidet is unisex and does give the fresh feeling you seek. The problem with a bidet is that it requires additional space which many (standard American) bathrooms simply do not have.
posted by Dick Paris at 3:31 PM on September 3, 2004

i've seen japanese toilets for sale with a variety of features from music that plays during, perfume after and button push controls.
but they're all been in japanese (and the universal language of animated commercials) and i believe there might be some level on conflict in plumbing as well as being in the several thousand dollar range not including shipping.
i think the Saddam models are custom made.
posted by ethylene at 3:34 PM on September 3, 2004

they're ="they've"
eth = gassed
but if i could afford it, i'd get one just because they're so cute.
also, there are toilet attachments which a telescoping plastic sprayer one can get
along with the step in geriatric late night commercial bathtub with seat, like a japanese bath covered by medicare.
watch bbc america at four in the morning.
posted by ethylene at 3:38 PM on September 3, 2004

I got one of these to clean out cloth diapers for my newly-arrived daughter. Turns out it's really made as a poor-man's bidet. For $35, you add essentially a hand-held kitchen sink sprayer to your toilet. And you know... it works quite well.
posted by ewagoner at 5:58 PM on September 3, 2004

Bidets are the shit.
posted by rushmc at 7:30 PM on September 3, 2004

Wait, wait, wait. There's a remote control?! Game over, dude.
posted by ColdChef at 8:29 PM on September 3, 2004

I use three shells.
posted by substrate at 8:35 PM on September 3, 2004 [1 favorite]

Have you considered signing up for a colostomy.

I mean shit... get over it.
posted by FidelDonson at 12:03 AM on September 4, 2004

dampened toilet paper also works.
posted by mecran01 at 4:09 PM on September 4, 2004

ewagoner:

Also a cloth diaperer, I literally attached a hand held kitchen sprayer to my toilet for less than 20. I printed out a picture of the commercial version and the guy at home depot helped me put it together in 5 min. Never thought of bideting (is bidet a verb) with it. With no temp control, that might be very refreshing come winter.
posted by spartacusroosevelt at 6:34 PM on September 4, 2004

Response by poster: Refreshing? Hell, eat a bowl of hot chilis the night before, and you can probably achieve some sort of karmic enlightenment between the ring of fire and the spray of ice.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:45 PM on September 4, 2004