i want to taste a painting

November 8, 2006 8:23 AM

Can I get into trouble for licking a Frank Stella painting that is on display at a gallery if I get caught? The painting is Delta, from 1958.
posted by pissfactory to Law & Government (31 answers total)

Um, might I ask why you'd want to lick it in the first place?
posted by phoenixc at 8:26 AM on November 8, 2006

I sure hope you'd get in trouble.
posted by kickingtheground at 8:27 AM on November 8, 2006

Yes. Even if you don't get caught, the ghost of Frank Stella will surely rise from his peaceful slumber to torment you for the rest of your paint-licking days, so I'd count that as trouble. If you really want to taste a painting make a shitty one of your own and slather it down with your saliva. The quality and value of the piece really has nothing to do with the stimuli you are seeking. I'm assuming this question resulted from a serious session of inhaling paint fumes, and now you're seeking to broaden your palette?
posted by prostyle at 8:31 AM on November 8, 2006

Depending on antiquated, "legacy" laws still intact in many state constitutions and legislation, the punishment could be very severe. The traditional common law punishment is REMOVAL OF THE TONGUE.

So, we really need to know in which state you plan on seducing "Delta".
posted by shownomercy at 8:34 AM on November 8, 2006

It'd most likely be (if you get caught) tampering with goods. Depending on wher you are and how strict they can get, you might have to even pay a fine for any repairs (as menial as they may be) caused by you touching (er, licking) the artwork.

Also, assuming the art is using an oil-based paint, I'd be afraid to get some sort of mild poisoning from the piece itself. Or just looking weird to everyone around you.

Dare I ask why you're licking art?
posted by itchie at 8:34 AM on November 8, 2006

Do you really want to incur the abstract wrath of Zombie Frank Stella?
posted by huskerdont at 8:39 AM on November 8, 2006

Here's hoping the paint is non-toxic...
posted by xvs22 at 8:40 AM on November 8, 2006

Well of course you'll get in trouble; you think they want folks going around licking their paintings? I know someone who licked Stone Henge. He got in a little trouble for that, but he knew he would, and chose to do it anyway.
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:42 AM on November 8, 2006

Prostyle and huskerdont... Do you know something I don't...
Stella is old but NOT dead.
He even did a project with art students at the University of Houston back in 1997. When I was a painting student there.
posted by nimsey lou at 8:45 AM on November 8, 2006

Apparently there was a painter, Robert Natkin, who tried licking a Vemeer painting in order to .. uhhm, gain talents:

He even recalls licking the surface of a Vermeer painting during a visit to New York’s Frick Museum in 1959. Natkin’s literal attempt to “ingest” or “imbibe” Vermeer’s Technique was futile. Deeply disappointed by the unremarkably dry taste of the canvas, Natkin realized that it was through the metaphorical “tongue of the eye” alone that he would be able to absorb Vermeer’s aesthetic mastery.

The article doesn't mention whether or not he got in trouble for it, though.

(P.S. It's amazing what you can find by typing "licking paintings" into Google, though there aren't that many hits. :P)
posted by DrSkrud at 8:49 AM on November 8, 2006

Don't tamper with a seminal work of art. You have no right.
posted by stratastar at 8:50 AM on November 8, 2006

Here's hoping the paint is non-toxic...
Here's hoping it's not.
posted by fish tick at 9:01 AM on November 8, 2006

This is AskMetaFilter guys...

They question of why isn't the issue...

But yea you'd get in trouble if you got caught - and possibly deface the painting...

but I know you weren't asking if you should, only what would happen when you do.
posted by eleongonzales at 9:01 AM on November 8, 2006

Why is this question still here?
posted by caddis at 9:04 AM on November 8, 2006

Perhaps you should get in contact with the poster of this question as an alternative?

How to remove paint from a parquet floor?
posted by garbo at 9:05 AM on November 8, 2006 [1 favorite]

This question is very fishy. The fact that the poster provided no explanation and hasn't come by to provide any in response to repeated requests, combined with the fact that the question as stated is mind-numbingly stupid (can you get in trouble? gee, what do you think?), suggests to me this is a troll. I'll be happy to be proven wrong.
posted by languagehat at 9:07 AM on November 8, 2006

Hahaha! You could get kicked in the nuts for that, from what I know about painters. Have you thought of licking an electric fence, or a hi-speed tungsten carbide drill bit?
posted by Mister_A at 9:18 AM on November 8, 2006

I think you're already in trouble. Now all these people think you're some kind of sick weirdo.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:22 AM on November 8, 2006

I work at an art museum. I occasionally come across high school kids fondling the topless statues up in the galleries. Do you want to be like those kids?
posted by COBRA! at 9:45 AM on November 8, 2006

Answer: Yes, you can get in trouble doing this.
Additional question: Are there not better deltas to lick?
posted by fish tick at 9:59 AM on November 8, 2006

Those of you actually desiring to look at state law might focus on Ohio, since the painting is currently at: Wexner Center for the Arts, Ohio State University, Columbus, Sept. 9-Dec. 31, 2006.
posted by spock at 10:01 AM on November 8, 2006

I decided to ask the administrators at the Wexner Center for the Arts your question. I'll pass along any replies that they might send me.
posted by spock at 10:06 AM on November 8, 2006

I say go ahead and lick it.

But remember...karma is a bitch and Frank is watching.
posted by nineRED at 10:12 AM on November 8, 2006

Why don't you try and find out the composition of the paints used in the piece, mix up a batch with the approximate color ratios in the painting, and lick all you want in the comfort of your own home?
posted by Soliloquy at 10:17 AM on November 8, 2006

Mike, a "Systems Developer/Engineer" and mefi user with your low a number should know better than to:
a) have that much info in your mefi profile
b) ask a non-anonymous question that could be embarrassing or get you into trouble
c) put that much info in your post

Much too easy to track down the current location of the painting and your identity (and location).

I'd recommend finding a different gallery for your painting-licking needs, by the way - preferably one not associated with your employer.
posted by spock at 11:03 AM on November 8, 2006

This question is a testament to the power of ART. When a painted surface can cause this kind of tactile impulse, that's a powerful work of art. You go, Stella!

Oh, and YES, you would get in trouble. Just make sure no one sees you and be prepared to be let down. Paintings taste nasty.
posted by spakto at 11:08 AM on November 8, 2006

Can I get into trouble for licking a Frank Stella painting that is on display at a gallery if I get caught?

Yes. Yes you can.

The painting is Delta, from 1958.

Oh wait. Delta? Why didn't you say so? Lick away!
posted by turaho at 11:13 AM on November 8, 2006

Response by poster: I know Stella isn't Dead. The painting is at the wexner (http://wexarts.org/) - Im a painter and was over looking at seminal works of Stella's from 1958 when the urge (that I won't follow) to lick the painting hit me. So, this is a real question about what one might be charged with and how severe the penalties are for doing such a thing.
posted by pissfactory at 11:16 AM on November 8, 2006

If you don't ask first? Almost certainly.

But what if you asked permission? I work at the National Gallery of Canada, which recently hosted Diane Borsato's 'Museum', 2006.
(http://www.galeriesawgallery.com/borsato_essay_e.html)
She asked and was given permission to come in and lick a painting. And she really *went to town* with it - the photo doesn't do it justice, she was all over that canvas.

BTW, art conservators sometimes use saliva to clean paintings - it's apparently quite good at removing old varnishes.
posted by deadtrouble at 11:38 AM on November 8, 2006

Response by poster: Plus, I'll tell anyone who wants it my identity and location- and I just had this conversation with an art professor while standing in front of the painting about 2 hours ago. Geesh... I'm a painter and lover of art, so I won't, won't, won't fuck up a Stella. I'm simply wondering what crime one would be charged with...

... and yes, the impulse to lick it is driven because these are such sensual, lush works.

Since when can asking questions get you in trouble? And I'm not embarrassed by asking the question.
posted by pissfactory at 11:40 AM on November 8, 2006

Response by poster: deadtrouble, I actually considered asking Frank for permission- since he still owns this work. He was just hear speking in the gallery on his works. This painting is on loan to the national gallery. I don't know. It's just a curiousity. A question.
posted by pissfactory at 11:42 AM on November 8, 2006