Grooming for, uh, down there?

June 24, 2004 11:18 AM

I have a hairy anus (come on inside...)

I am curious as to the best way to manage my man hair in this region? surely some advanced techniques have been developed which promote comfort and hygiene for this little discussed male burden?

also, what is the benefit of my hairy anus from a darwinian/evolutionary point of view?

posted by gravelshoes to health & fitness (40 comments total)

Brazilian wax? link
posted by corpse at 11:29 AM on June 24, 2004

Wax.

Or shove this thing up there if you're feeling adventurous.

(Takes a stronger man than me to broach this question in such a public forum.)
posted by ChasFile at 11:30 AM on June 24, 2004

also, what is the benefit of my hairy anus from a darwinian/evolutionary point of view?

Same as eyelashes, nose hair, cilia of all sorts: traps unwanted particulates.
posted by gleuschk at 11:35 AM on June 24, 2004

You could probably follow the general shaving procedure here.
Although I would just stick with trimming rather than shaving.
posted by milovoo at 11:42 AM on June 24, 2004

Wax? Back, Sack & Crack? Take it from one who knows. Don't. Just live with yer 'airy bum.
posted by punilux at 11:43 AM on June 24, 2004

In the immortal words of those saviors of all that is masculine, the Beastie Boys:

And if you wash your ass then you best use soap.

Or, is this simple practice not working for you?
posted by mischief at 11:44 AM on June 24, 2004

unwanted particulates=dingleberries.

wax, or trim...don't ever shave. also, the whole feeling down there is different when waxed, and weirdish.
posted by amberglow at 11:50 AM on June 24, 2004

Napalm.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:58 AM on June 24, 2004

bless you for having the anus hairy enough to post this question.

also, I would go with some scissors cuz take it from me, you don't want to get clippers in that region.
posted by bob sarabia at 11:58 AM on June 24, 2004

(come on inside...)

No, thanks...
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 12:11 PM on June 24, 2004

I have been known to Nair my entire body, but only for reasons of kinky sex.
posted by mischief at 12:11 PM on June 24, 2004

Or you could always go the (alleged) Lara Flynn Boyle route and bleach it.
posted by thatothrgirl at 12:17 PM on June 24, 2004

Where I come from (Southern Maine), there are a few things a man doesn't do, and shave his asshole is about four of them.

If dingleberries are a problem, buy some Wet Ones and change your diet. Shaving anything but your face (and that creepy shoulder freckle that basically grows a pube) is going to be more maintenance effort than it's worth. If you think butt hair is uncomfortable, butt stubble sounds 400 times worse.
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:50 PM on June 24, 2004 [2 favorites has favorites]

Try the oh-so-appropriately-named Nads Hair Removal Gel.

(I know, I know, the anus is not a nad, it is a nether-region, but it is a nether region in the region of some bona-fide nads)
posted by scarabic at 12:57 PM on June 24, 2004

It is also possible to have the somewhat permanentLaser Hair Removal down there, too.

And that Nad's crap is teh suck.
posted by thatothrgirl at 12:59 PM on June 24, 2004

There have been some hilarious posts on alt.tasteless about this very issue.

The consensus, and I can attest to this, is that if you enjoy the sensation of sweat-lubed butt cheeks sliding around, followed by stubble-induced arse-rash, then by all means, shave your ringpiece.

I can't think what the evolutionary benefits might be, but perhaps hairy bottoms are neutral from a fitness perspective.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:15 PM on June 24, 2004

in my gym's sauna and steam bath, I regularly see a few guys with a completely hairless crotch -- if you PayPal me 10 bucks, I am going to build up the nerve and ask them how do they remove the hair down there
posted by matteo at 1:16 PM on June 24, 2004

Fiber solves most of the problems ass hair causes.
posted by smackfu at 1:39 PM on June 24, 2004

Evolutionary advantage: pheremones hang out amongst the hairs.
posted by Goofyy at 1:41 PM on June 24, 2004

omg
posted by Quartermass at 1:58 PM on June 24, 2004

WTMIfilter
posted by Stoatfarm at 2:06 PM on June 24, 2004

Or you could always go the (alleged) Lara Flynn Boyle route and bleach it.

Speaking of wTMI, I believe the point was not that she bleached the hair, but the skin. Compared to that removing the hair seems almost pedestrian. I suspect we'll never know the truth on that one, and I'm OK with that.
I searched with my eyes closed and here is the first result from my quickly closed google window.

If it were Sherilyn Fenn then perhaps ...
posted by milovoo at 2:22 PM on June 24, 2004

Whatever you do, if you're a judge, don't shave your situation while on the bench.

At least not in Oklahoma.
posted by pomegranate at 2:38 PM on June 24, 2004

Wow. A male problem I'm glad I don't have. My sympathies. I think.
posted by yoga at 3:12 PM on June 24, 2004

Don't do anything but keep it clean.

The message brought to you from the Anti-Deforestation League, saving hair since 1985. (Ear hair exempted)
posted by dame at 3:20 PM on June 24, 2004

the brazilian wax all the girls are doing these days includes an ass wax. that is the absolutely least painful part of the whole ordeal - and it absolutely rules to have that bit of hair gone. regrowth really just isn't that bad. Granted I live in San Francisco - but a lot of the spa's / waxing places around here offer a "manzilian". Could be worth checking out.
Don't use any of the hair removing lotions you can buy at the drug store - they are all full of really awful chemicals that I imagine would really really hurt if put on or around that area.
posted by Wolfie at 3:27 PM on June 24, 2004

did Lara Flynn Boyle have a hairy anus? I shall think about her quite differently from now on.

all this talk of waxing my arse makes me rather queasy. I think I'll just have to learn to love my hairy anus, even if it does mean I'm an evolutionary cul-de-sac. so to speak.

sorry for bringing the whole thing up. now we lost the football, my hairy anus doesn't seem quite so important anymore.
posted by gravelshoes at 3:40 PM on June 24, 2004

Courtney Love said:

Wax My Anus!
posted by matteo at 3:45 PM on June 24, 2004

OMG. Gravelshoes, you got balls!

Here's the skinny I've heard: sugaring. Seems to be promoted as even better than waxing. Based on some allegedly ancient Egyptian practice. Basically it's a soft crack (groan!) sugar mix, of some quantity of granulated sugar and some quantity of lemon juice. I have no idea what the proportions are. There are retail versions available, not sure where.

What I do know is that some female friends of mine swear by it.

Nair sounds absolutely painful to me. Doesn't it say in big bold letters to not let it within ten feet of mucous membranes?
posted by five fresh fish at 3:49 PM on June 24, 2004

OMG! I just realized that you guys are saying LFB bleached her anus. As in, making the winking brown eye a winking normal skin-tone eye.

How. Absolutely. Sick.

The pain would be awful.

My vote: love your anus as it is.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:52 PM on June 24, 2004

Speaking on Nads Hair Removal Gel, my friend once masturbated to Nair when he was 12, because he saw a hot chick using it on TV.
posted by Keyser Soze at 4:11 PM on June 24, 2004

Invest in a bidet.
posted by Blue Stone at 4:43 PM on June 24, 2004

I say just use one of those trimmer things they advertise on TV. You don't need smooth, comfortable closeness here, and frankly I don't think you want to use an actual blade.


posted by XQUZYPHYR at 5:00 PM on June 24, 2004

Masturbated to Nair or masturbated with Nair? God, I hope it was the former.

I just googled for sugaring, and found a dead-easy Nads recipe in the first two links. Should be worth a try. Gotta be better than stubble-causing blades, that's fersure. Although... the actual ripping-out of hair is gonna have to hurt like a bugger.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:27 PM on June 24, 2004

*
posted by emelenjr at 9:37 PM on June 24, 2004

FFF it will hurt far worse than a meer bugger.

Tried some sugar stuff once. Ripped out the roots, complete with blood. Fortunatly, it was not in a delicate area. You don't want to rip anything down there.

What you need is a trimmer and a very close friend with a steady hand. And no obsession with perfection.

Butt: if you have a furry butt, just forget it. You'd look very weird with a trimmed crack and fur all around.
posted by Goofyy at 11:16 PM on June 24, 2004

There was a TV programme on in the UK a year or 2 back that showed someone getting a back, sack and crack wax. Looked exceedingly painful, though not bloody. The bloke involved was doing it for sexual reasons not hygiene though, which might explain why he didnt wipe his arse before having it filmed for national telly.
posted by biffa at 2:22 AM on June 25, 2004

AskMetaFilter: that creepy shoulder freckle that basically grows a pube
posted by MrMoonPie at 6:24 AM on June 25, 2004

This may be the funniest comment I've read in months.
posted by Witty at 6:27 AM on June 25, 2004

OMG! I just realized that you guys are saying LFB bleached her anus. As in, making the winking brown eye a winking normal skin-tone eye.

Perhaps Jack Nicholson is kinkier that we had previously assumed.
(and if you want an even scarier mental image, maybe he got the procedure done as well, eeeaghh!)
posted by milovoo at 11:20 AM on June 25, 2004