A question about butt hair
April 19, 2007 11:10 AM   Subscribe

There's a glut of butt-related questions on here, but I think mine has yet to be asked. If you don't like reading about butt problems, you should stop now.

I have a very hairy butt - cheeks, crack, and hole. I also have a raging case of serious butt itchiness. I know there's at least one hemorrhoid lurking around down there, but I think I have fissures too (I know, I know. Lucky me!). Long story short, it's time to go see the doctor and get back on the road to non-scratchy-anus-ville.

My question is this: will the doctor be able to see the damage through all the hair? I'd hate to be misdiagnosed due to my butt foliage. Should I Nair the hair down there... you know, in my derriere (sorry, I couldn't resist)? I think having the doctor comb through my crack would be a little off-putting.
posted by (bb|[^b]{2}) to Health & Fitness (13 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Nair sounds painful. I'd carefully use those scissors that it's hard to cut yourself with, and then burn them afterwards. Even if you don't though, I'm betting the proctologist has ways to get around your ass-fro.
posted by cashman at 11:17 AM on April 19, 2007

A $15 battery-operated beard trimmer will help you neaten up - just trim, don't try to go bare. You've got enough grief, caustic chemicals are probably the last thing you want down there. Or razor burn.

But yeah, probably the doctor has dealt with this issue before if you'd just rather leave it alone.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:24 AM on April 19, 2007

If you have problems with your butt, don't do anything that is going to irritate it further.

Nair, shaving, and waxing will all irritate the area further. Possibly to an excruciating extent. Possibly in a way that will make it harder for your doctor to diagnose what is going on down there. Leave it alone.

Your doctor should not have a problem navigating through the hair. If they do, they will be able to determine the best way of handling it at that time.
posted by tastybrains at 11:27 AM on April 19, 2007

Don't *even* use a beard trimmer down there. It'll leave the ends of the hairs kinda pointy for a few days, thus irritating your butt even more.
posted by notsnot at 11:36 AM on April 19, 2007

Don't shave that hair.

(Doctors know that people have hairy asses. )
posted by mendel at 11:42 AM on April 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

Before attempting ass hair removal, read this craigslist post:

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted.

If you really want to trim, I thing you should try using electric clippers with at least 1/2" guards on (that's a #4 guard if your barber is helping you out with this). If you are feeling nervous with the clippers, you can practice with your pubes assuming you have no medical issues there to be concerned about.

On preview, beat to the punch!
posted by peeedro at 11:43 AM on April 19, 2007

Au contraire, mon frere, leave the hair where it is down there on your derriere - it's only fair.

Apologies to George Carlin.
posted by DandyRandy at 11:48 AM on April 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

The doctor will be able to manage with the butt hair, it might just involve a pair of gloves and a bit of moving the hair aside.

I used Nair (or some Nair-like product) once - not on my ass though - and got a nice chemical burn as a bonus to the hair removal. This was on skin that wasn't already irritated or sensitive, and it wasn't on any mucosal membrane -ish areas.

Don't put that stuff anywhere near your already irritated, already hemmorhoid-ed, possibly fissure-d, butthole. At best you'll only save the doc the small hassle of pushing / parting the hair to get a good look. At worst, you'll end up having to see the doc for anal burns in addition to everything else.
posted by CKmtl at 12:37 PM on April 19, 2007

Nair will work, but it's going to hurt. A lot.
It turns the skrinch into a grinch!

If the doc has any visibility issues, doc will take measures as needed. (I've come to enjoy the random patchy shavings I get at my doctor's office. A patch here, a patch there)
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 12:38 PM on April 19, 2007

as a fellow member of your particular hair club for men, let me say that not only are doctors used to that kind of thing, but also that they don't look at your asshole if they don't have to. the first things he'll do is ask you to describe what you're feeling and probably diagnose without having to do much probing or scouting.

if he HAS to take a look, he'll be more than capable of getting a nurse to prepare you in whatever way you need to be prepared. you may feel a desire to spare some poor nurse from having to do this for you, but nurses see so much crap in the course of their jobs that this won't faze them. lastly, you never know what you might make worse by messing around back there, and the stubble growing back in could also be a problem so avoid it if at all possible. I mean, stubble in your asshole?! you're trying to get rid of the itch, man!
posted by shmegegge at 1:35 PM on April 19, 2007

I'm going against the grain here, and telling you to give it a trim. Nothing drastic, mind you. Use a beard trimmer set at about a half inch. It'll clean up the mess, and the hair should still be long enough that you won't have stubble and all the associated irritation.
posted by chrisamiller at 6:00 PM on April 19, 2007

It is possible that Pilonidal sini can be caused by a hairy natal cleft. A smooth (upper) crack is advisable to avoid the condition.
posted by hmca at 2:03 AM on April 20, 2007

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