Sex Therapists/Counselors in Seattle?

January 8, 2008 12:31 AM

Short version: sex therapists/counselors in Seattle?, WA [Slightly longer version after the break]

Long version: I have a bigger sex drive than my girlfriend. Not immensely higher, but we have sex, on average, once or twice a week and I would (like many men, I assume) prefer to have sex more often.

I end up associating sex with intimacy and closeness, and whenever we don't have sex (even if it's for a completely rational reason, such as one of us being sick or just not having enough time), I end up feeling rejected. Immensely so. To the point of me lying awake that night in tears, just wanting that sex.

I've come to realize that my attitude is probably damaging to our relationship, in more ways than one. This may ultimately come down to a question of libido (as in, how best to deal with differing sex drives). My girlfriend has been immensely supportive, but at this point she has done all she can and I feel like I need some outside help.

Which brings me to my question: where should I be looking? I'm assuming that this is the kind of thing a sex therapist would deal with, but if there are other resources out there, I'd be glad to look at them. I am open to one-on-one sessions and/or sessions with my girlfriend there. Specific and/or personal recommendations are great [again, for therapists or counselors in the Seattle area].

Finally -- I don't know how these sorts of things work, but I am insured through Premera Blue Cross. Can insurance cover some of the fees associated with this kind of therapy or counseling?

If you prefer not to respond here, email me at [e-mail].

P.S. I realize that this may be a pretty common problem, and it sounds like your garden variety "I want this more than she does" question. I assure you that it's not. Responses that suggest that I find a sexual surrogate, masturbate more often, or DTMFA are not really what I'm looking for.

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (8 answers total)

I end up feeling rejected. Immensely so. To the point of me lying awake that night in tears, just wanting that sex.

I am not a therapist, I am not your therapist, but this sounds like it could be more general anxiety and self-image issues that affect your life most in the context of sex. It seems to me that it would be extremely odd for a person to have the experience you describe and also be healthy and happy in other aspects of their life. To put it another way, it sounds like a symptom of a problem, rather than the whole problem.

I'd see a generalist therapist first, or as well. They're more likely to be covered under health plans (or employer-funded employee counselling plans), and they will be able to recommend a sex and relationships specialist counsellor.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 1:12 AM on January 8, 2008

While it is the sort of think a sex therapist can help you with, I'd start with regular ol' talk therapy. Your emotional needs are tied up too tightly with sex; you can approach it from the sex angle or from the emotional needs angle. I imagine you'll get more traction from the latter.
posted by wemayfreeze at 1:22 AM on January 8, 2008

Yeah, you just need a plain old therapist to start with. If s/he thinks you need a sex therapist, that's where you'll end up. For a lot of insurance plans, you'll need to start with a referral from your GP.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:56 AM on January 8, 2008

This can happen in a healthy relationship but it can also be a sign of a relationship not destined to last. Try getting her to assist you as vanoakenfold says in beating your own drum at bedtime as a together time.
posted by tonci at 8:47 AM on January 8, 2008

definitely less a question of libido, and more of other issues. you sound like a girl in your post, which most certainly means this is a greater emotional issue than some testosterone driven burning in your loins
posted by Salvatorparadise at 9:47 AM on January 8, 2008

Salvatorparadise, read the first lines of the more inside:

I have a bigger sex drive than my girlfriend. Not immensely higher, but we have sex, on average, once or twice a week and I would (like many men, I assume) prefer to have sex more often.
posted by ludwig_van at 10:05 AM on January 8, 2008

The problem is not the disparity in libidos. Very few couples have equal sex drives, and your disparity isn't as bad as some AskMe questions I've seen. The problem is that you feel personally rejected when your partner is not in the mood. Therapy will probably do you a lot of good, and I agree with others in that it needn't be a sex therapist. You should probably also be screened for depression.

Sorry I'm in the wrong part of the world to help you find a therapist, but I wish you luck.
posted by happyturtle at 10:42 AM on January 8, 2008

Not sure about sex therapists, but a few friends see Janet Solan. She's apparently full up but can give recs to others. Hope this helps.
posted by herbaliser at 11:36 AM on January 8, 2008