Late-20s unexpected isolation
December 4, 2007 5:53 PM Subscribe
Late-20s unexpected isolation. Is this common?
posted by StephenF to human relations (58 answers total) 111 users marked this as a favorite
I'm 28, and I've found that over the past year or so I've become quite solitary and isolated, which is not a turn of events I'm happy with.
Most of my friends in the same city as me have girlfriends or boyfriends and are settling down. They make me welcome in their company, but tend to function as independent units - we don't meet up as a group regularly - so when I am with them I am usually the third person, which gets tiresome after a while.
I effectively live alone, as the other person I share an apartment with is rarely home. At work, I have lots of acquaintances but few that I would describe as friends. For a long period I went out with some of them a lot, but that always involves getting drunk, and I found myself drinking more than I was comfortable with so distanced myself from the scene. (I think in retrospect I was drinking so much to avoid feeling what I am feeling now). If I don't make some calls and push to arrange something, I will end up spending the entire weekend alone.
I have a reasonably wide rang of interests, but most of them are solitary - reading and writing are the major two, though I'm open to trying just about anything.
My last serious relationship ended two years ago, and while I have dated on and off since then, and I would certainly like to meet someone new, I don't see a girlfriend as the answer - I want to make myself happier with my own life first. The whole sense of isolation comes home when I think that if I was actually introducing a new girlfriend to my life, there would not be a whole lot to introduce her to.
My question is, is this common? It seems to be that it must be at this age - college is firmly in the past, settling down and having children has arrived as a reality, and increased job seniority means no more sharing houses with multiple people. I think mostly what I am missing is the sense of belonging to a group, of regular nights out, or calling over to other people's places etc, all things that seem to have disappeared as I and my circle have got older. And if this feeling of isolation is common, do late-20s+ MeFites have any advice with how to deal with it?
Thanks in advance.