Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or why not?
November 30, 2007 12:44 AM Subscribe
Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or why not?
This post was deleted for the following reason: This is chatfilter. -- cortex
This really depends on what one defines as love. Many people define love as that feeling of wanting to see the person all the time...their heart racing when they see them or catch a whiff of their cologne...whatever it may be. Personally, I consider that to be infatuation.
Love to me is working through any disagreements you may have with one another because the relationship is that important to you and the person is that important to you. It's making small (or sometimes large) sacrifices for your partner. It's dealing with all the crap and still wanting to be with them; waking up next to them every morning and realizing that no matter how much work it may take, you are the luckiest person in the world because you're with them.
Can you apply that to a near stranger? Probably not.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 1:13 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
Love to me is working through any disagreements you may have with one another because the relationship is that important to you and the person is that important to you. It's making small (or sometimes large) sacrifices for your partner. It's dealing with all the crap and still wanting to be with them; waking up next to them every morning and realizing that no matter how much work it may take, you are the luckiest person in the world because you're with them.
Can you apply that to a near stranger? Probably not.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 1:13 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
I believe in recognizing the potential for love at first sight.
by this I mean I can instantly say whether a person interests me or not. this is not nearly as visual as one might think at this point - I once knew there was a huge interest on my part in a completely unknown person simply because of their shared itunes library on a corporate network. or a voice can do it, which is more 'the first time you heard someone' than about sight.
I do not however think that I can fall in love right away. love builds slowly for me. it takes many different aspects of ones personality and interaction to amount to this. anything less is just a crush, affection or -again- potential. calling just everything love sounds like it cheapens the concept.
in summary: I can say "I knew the first second I could love you" or "I liked you the moment I saw you" but I cannot say "I was in love that first second."
posted by krautland at 1:18 AM on November 30, 2007
by this I mean I can instantly say whether a person interests me or not. this is not nearly as visual as one might think at this point - I once knew there was a huge interest on my part in a completely unknown person simply because of their shared itunes library on a corporate network. or a voice can do it, which is more 'the first time you heard someone' than about sight.
I do not however think that I can fall in love right away. love builds slowly for me. it takes many different aspects of ones personality and interaction to amount to this. anything less is just a crush, affection or -again- potential. calling just everything love sounds like it cheapens the concept.
in summary: I can say "I knew the first second I could love you" or "I liked you the moment I saw you" but I cannot say "I was in love that first second."
posted by krautland at 1:18 AM on November 30, 2007
The 800 ways to define the word will derail this, but personally, I'd have to say that not only does "love at first sight" exist, it's the only kind that counts.
Once time passes and you start thinking about it, you can't really trust that the feeling is pure anymore. Our big brains kick in and it's all rationalization for the next 40 yrs.
You are either certain the moment you meet... or they're not the right person. They might be great and you might be happy together, especially if you (need to) "try" and all that, but still. That wasn't it, sorry, and you can't get a second take on that first moment.
I'll put on my flame suit now.
posted by rokusan at 1:34 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
Once time passes and you start thinking about it, you can't really trust that the feeling is pure anymore. Our big brains kick in and it's all rationalization for the next 40 yrs.
You are either certain the moment you meet... or they're not the right person. They might be great and you might be happy together, especially if you (need to) "try" and all that, but still. That wasn't it, sorry, and you can't get a second take on that first moment.
I'll put on my flame suit now.
posted by rokusan at 1:34 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
chatfilter?
posted by divabat at 1:53 AM on November 30, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by divabat at 1:53 AM on November 30, 2007 [2 favorites]
You are either certain the moment you meet... or they're not the right person.
It's worth pointing out that, even if this is correct, it at least appears to be contradicted by so much experience — mine, that of people I know, people in biographies and memoir and literature and public life — that we can at least conclude that huge numbers of people go through life profoundly fulfilled, happy and at peace without ever meeting this definition of 'being in love'.
But yeah, chatfilter...
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 1:59 AM on November 30, 2007
It's worth pointing out that, even if this is correct, it at least appears to be contradicted by so much experience — mine, that of people I know, people in biographies and memoir and literature and public life — that we can at least conclude that huge numbers of people go through life profoundly fulfilled, happy and at peace without ever meeting this definition of 'being in love'.
But yeah, chatfilter...
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 1:59 AM on November 30, 2007
No.
Love at first sight is usually about falling in love with the idea of a person. It's all about filling in the unknowns with your own ideals. It's about falling in love with a perfect person who only exist for an instant in your head.
I like rokusan's answer though.
posted by Telf at 2:02 AM on November 30, 2007 [3 favorites]
Love at first sight is usually about falling in love with the idea of a person. It's all about filling in the unknowns with your own ideals. It's about falling in love with a perfect person who only exist for an instant in your head.
I like rokusan's answer though.
posted by Telf at 2:02 AM on November 30, 2007 [3 favorites]
Is there an actual issue you're facing, or are you just polling us? (In that case, it's very much chatfilter.)
posted by madman at 2:34 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by madman at 2:34 AM on November 30, 2007
I do. I fell in love at first sight, and have been married to that woman for 16 years. But I understand that's the exception, not the norm.
posted by jbickers at 2:47 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by jbickers at 2:47 AM on November 30, 2007
Surely a mother seeing her child for the first time counts? In which case, yes.
posted by methylsalicylate at 2:57 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by methylsalicylate at 2:57 AM on November 30, 2007
Chatfilter at first sight
posted by fire&wings at 3:27 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by fire&wings at 3:27 AM on November 30, 2007
I believe in love at first sight.
But I think its rather pointless without love at second sight, and love at third sight, not to mention love at...
posted by allkindsoftime at 3:41 AM on November 30, 2007
But I think its rather pointless without love at second sight, and love at third sight, not to mention love at...
posted by allkindsoftime at 3:41 AM on November 30, 2007
If a bumbee stung a bumbee what colour would the bumbee's bum be?
posted by ClanvidHorse at 3:44 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by ClanvidHorse at 3:44 AM on November 30, 2007
Building on what rokusan and jbickers said, I think yes. It worked for me (engaged within a few weeks, married 6 years so far).
But I think the important thing I can add is that in a way, I only realised this retrospectively. I do vividly remember meeting my wife for the first time, but I've got far more vivid memories of being still awake at 3am afterwards, with a vague feeling that the world had just changed for me. It definitely wasn't just about fancying her, although I did, but it didn't feel like love, either. Just something profound that I couldn't pin down. Looking back it was that I'd realised she'd be part of my life. And I'm the last person on earth to blather on about fate or destiny, so from then on I just knew I had to put in the effort to win her over (she reckons she liked me from the start but I grew on her more gradually for the first few weeks - she soon caught up, though).
I do agree that it can get confused with instant lust, though. And bollocks to all the 'chatfilter' snarks, I think this is an interesting question, and not just because I answered 'yes'.
posted by dowcrag at 3:45 AM on November 30, 2007
But I think the important thing I can add is that in a way, I only realised this retrospectively. I do vividly remember meeting my wife for the first time, but I've got far more vivid memories of being still awake at 3am afterwards, with a vague feeling that the world had just changed for me. It definitely wasn't just about fancying her, although I did, but it didn't feel like love, either. Just something profound that I couldn't pin down. Looking back it was that I'd realised she'd be part of my life. And I'm the last person on earth to blather on about fate or destiny, so from then on I just knew I had to put in the effort to win her over (she reckons she liked me from the start but I grew on her more gradually for the first few weeks - she soon caught up, though).
I do agree that it can get confused with instant lust, though. And bollocks to all the 'chatfilter' snarks, I think this is an interesting question, and not just because I answered 'yes'.
posted by dowcrag at 3:45 AM on November 30, 2007
Anyone not expecting some chatfilter didn't click this question. :)
posted by rokusan at 4:01 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by rokusan at 4:01 AM on November 30, 2007
Love at first sight? Probably not. Love in the first 30 seconds of communication? Absolutely.
Note, I didn't say verbal communication.
posted by effugas at 4:25 AM on November 30, 2007
Note, I didn't say verbal communication.
posted by effugas at 4:25 AM on November 30, 2007
Too bad you didn't phrase this differently, because I'll be sad if it gets deleted as chatfilter. (I'd suggest something like, "Is there any evidence about whether love at first sight is real? I'm most interested in any research that, e.g., tracked relationship success of people who did and didn't believe they'd experienced it, but first-hand accounts are also welcome.")
That said, here's what I believe:
-People sometimes meet and instantly feel intense attraction, connection, and excitement.
-It's often possible to know a surprising amount about someone and your connection with them in seconds. Somewhat related -- in Blink, a study is referenced where watching 8 seconds of professors teaching, on video without sound, led to assessments of those teachers that correlated quite well with assessments after a semester of being in their classes. I may be remembering that somewhat wrong -- if so, someone please correct me.
-Through simple statistics, some of the people who feel one or both of the above will go on to have long-term, love relationships.
-Some who feel one or both won't, or will try and find it doesn't work.
-Some who don't feel either of the above will, over time, develop long-term, love relationships.
posted by daisyace at 4:33 AM on November 30, 2007
That said, here's what I believe:
-People sometimes meet and instantly feel intense attraction, connection, and excitement.
-It's often possible to know a surprising amount about someone and your connection with them in seconds. Somewhat related -- in Blink, a study is referenced where watching 8 seconds of professors teaching, on video without sound, led to assessments of those teachers that correlated quite well with assessments after a semester of being in their classes. I may be remembering that somewhat wrong -- if so, someone please correct me.
-Through simple statistics, some of the people who feel one or both of the above will go on to have long-term, love relationships.
-Some who feel one or both won't, or will try and find it doesn't work.
-Some who don't feel either of the above will, over time, develop long-term, love relationships.
posted by daisyace at 4:33 AM on November 30, 2007
I believe in 'like at first sight.' I believe folks can fall 'in like' at first sight, or sound, or some other sensory input. I fell 'in like' with my Spousal Equivalent through a series of witty emails, phone calls and IMs, before I ever met him face-to-face. I knew enough about him to precondition me to be open to falling in love with him. By the time we actually met, I was ready to love him, and I did. I'm still amazed at how well it worked out for us - in May, it'll be four years since that first smartassed email he sent, and I'm finding new reasons to fall in love (and in like) with him every day.
posted by Corky at 4:39 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by Corky at 4:39 AM on November 30, 2007
Yes.
It worked for Mrs Mutant and myself, and it worked both ways.
posted by Mutant at 5:06 AM on November 30, 2007
It worked for Mrs Mutant and myself, and it worked both ways.
posted by Mutant at 5:06 AM on November 30, 2007
Definitely. Holy foxie moxie batman hits the nail on the head.
posted by LN at 5:34 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by LN at 5:34 AM on November 30, 2007
Yup. I looked into her eyes, shook her hand, and something inside me clicked into place. Been seven-plus years now.
posted by rtha at 5:53 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by rtha at 5:53 AM on November 30, 2007
I knew I was going to marry my wife the minute I saw her.
It took a lot longer to convince her, though.
posted by jeffxl at 5:58 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
It took a lot longer to convince her, though.
posted by jeffxl at 5:58 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
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There's a Monty Python home page, and Eric Idle used to have a section on it where he had some stuff he'd written. One of the things that was there was something about how he was at a party in Manhattan at Dan Akroyd's condo, and met a beautiful lady there. By the end of the party the two of them were out in the hall, necking, in between him telling her that they should spend the rest of their lives together.
All of which sounds pretty stupid, except for this: they did get married, and they've been married for 26 years.
So I guess it can happen.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 1:09 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]