How do I keep my mojo and my liver?
October 8, 2007 7:28 PM Subscribe
Normally I am introverted person, after a few drinks I am a gregarious fun loving guy, I dance, tell jokes to strangers and make friends easily, how can I stay sober and still be a "wild and crazy guy"
Coffee seems to put me in a more gregarious mood.
posted by pluckysparrow at 7:40 PM on October 8, 2007
posted by pluckysparrow at 7:40 PM on October 8, 2007
Being introverted doesn't mean you're not necessary gregarious and fun, it just means you can only be "full on" for a short amount of time before needing to slide off and recharge your batteries. I think crewshell has it though, you need to stop caring (as much) what other people think.. how to do that? A bit of acting how you want to act, copying other people who are acting the way you want to, etc, as well as facing your fears right in the face.
posted by wackybrit at 7:55 PM on October 8, 2007
posted by wackybrit at 7:55 PM on October 8, 2007
At a guess, I'd say that alcohol makes you not care about the things that may normally stop you from acting that way. Things like fear of rejection, embarassment, etc. That's true for me, at least.
So perhaps the way ahead is to try it slowly, and accept that those things are possibilities, but possibilities you're willing to risk in order to be ther person you want to be. So try telling a joke, or making friends with a stranger, and accept that it might not work out perfectly. Once you've made your peace with that, then you've overcome the inhibitions that alcohol normall takes care of for you.
posted by twirlypen at 8:01 PM on October 8, 2007
So perhaps the way ahead is to try it slowly, and accept that those things are possibilities, but possibilities you're willing to risk in order to be ther person you want to be. So try telling a joke, or making friends with a stranger, and accept that it might not work out perfectly. Once you've made your peace with that, then you've overcome the inhibitions that alcohol normall takes care of for you.
posted by twirlypen at 8:01 PM on October 8, 2007
Try doing some of those things after the fifth drink, instead of having the sixth, and see how you go. Practise. Once you've got the hang of it, try doing them after the fourth drink instead of having the fifth. Rinse and repeat.
posted by flabdablet at 8:08 PM on October 8, 2007
posted by flabdablet at 8:08 PM on October 8, 2007
Instead of figuring out your issues and addressing them maybe you could leverage what you already can do. Do you have to be actually drunk to be that way? Pay attention to how you feel and think when you are gregarious. See if you put yourself in that mode with, say, one drink instead a couple. Practice that. Then try doing it with a nonalcohlic drink (but same setting, same kind of glass). Now you know that you can do it this party setting, try shifting into that mode in other settings.
posted by metahawk at 8:11 PM on October 8, 2007
posted by metahawk at 8:11 PM on October 8, 2007
This is not a quick-fix, but it worked for me in the long run:
I dedicated an entire week to "being bold". I forced myself into uncomfortable situations and acted upon (almost) every impulsive thought that popped into my head.
It was scary and awkward as hell at times, but it was a really fun experience.
So now, fast forward a few months, whenever I find myself in an uncomfortable situation, I try to rekindle that "fuck it! i'll do what i want" attitude. It helps me think less about what I *should* be doing or what people will think of me, and lets me focus on what I want to do. Plus, since I've already taken the initiative to move *waaaay* outside of my comfort zone, most social situations are a lot more manageable, in comparison.
I hope that makes some sort of sense!
posted by chara at 8:24 PM on October 8, 2007 [4 favorites]
I dedicated an entire week to "being bold". I forced myself into uncomfortable situations and acted upon (almost) every impulsive thought that popped into my head.
It was scary and awkward as hell at times, but it was a really fun experience.
So now, fast forward a few months, whenever I find myself in an uncomfortable situation, I try to rekindle that "fuck it! i'll do what i want" attitude. It helps me think less about what I *should* be doing or what people will think of me, and lets me focus on what I want to do. Plus, since I've already taken the initiative to move *waaaay* outside of my comfort zone, most social situations are a lot more manageable, in comparison.
I hope that makes some sort of sense!
posted by chara at 8:24 PM on October 8, 2007 [4 favorites]
Being introverted doesn't mean you're not necessary gregarious and fun, it just means you can only be "full on" for a short amount of time before needing to slide off and recharge your batteries.
Wackybrit, that is not the classic (i.e. Jungian) definition of being an introvert. Given the buzzwords you're using, you obviously did the Myers-Briggs excercises and are relying on their dubious redefinition of introversion.
I'd even venture that being an extrovert when drunk implies that that is the "real" you underneath, quite the opposite of how Myers-Briggs define introversion.
posted by randomstriker at 9:49 PM on October 8, 2007
Wackybrit, that is not the classic (i.e. Jungian) definition of being an introvert. Given the buzzwords you're using, you obviously did the Myers-Briggs excercises and are relying on their dubious redefinition of introversion.
I'd even venture that being an extrovert when drunk implies that that is the "real" you underneath, quite the opposite of how Myers-Briggs define introversion.
posted by randomstriker at 9:49 PM on October 8, 2007
randomstriker: I'm relying more on the myriad of blog posts and articles that have cropped up lately discussing introversion that try to pull on real life experiences of introverts and extroverts. It is clear the classic definition doesn't go far enough to describe the many introverts who are actually very socially capable, even to the point of appearing extroverted. This "redefinition" definitely seems more practical to me, even if it's not from the pen of the guy who popularized the concept.
posted by wackybrit at 1:27 AM on October 9, 2007
posted by wackybrit at 1:27 AM on October 9, 2007
flabdablet basically has it in hand, from a behavioural perspective.
You're not only battling tht intro/extro in you, but you are also dealing with a long history of state dependent learning.
Simply put, what you've learned to do while drunk, you've not learned to do while sober. It's not an on-off switch, per se, but it can have some pretty dramatic effects on your social life.
So, you need to go through the process of re-learning those things in an increasingly sober/unaffected state.
Good luck.
posted by rubberfish at 4:52 AM on October 9, 2007
You're not only battling tht intro/extro in you, but you are also dealing with a long history of state dependent learning.
Simply put, what you've learned to do while drunk, you've not learned to do while sober. It's not an on-off switch, per se, but it can have some pretty dramatic effects on your social life.
So, you need to go through the process of re-learning those things in an increasingly sober/unaffected state.
Good luck.
posted by rubberfish at 4:52 AM on October 9, 2007
I dont think this is just one issue. There's no magic on/off switch here. I think you need to ask yourself:
1. Are you shy normally? Are you a fun loving person among close friends?
If so then you should consider what relaxation techniques can do for you and work on being more social by habitualizing yourself to insert yourself in conversations or inserting a joke when no one expects it.
2. Do you have trouble making friends? If so you, again, need to spend years habitualizing yourself to be able to do this easier.
3. Do you normally want to dance? If not, why not? Can you see yourself going out more or taking a dance class? If so, why not?
Lastly, your question reminds me of the guy who took ecstacy for a month because he wanted to feel "loving kindness" all the time. Well, if you want to experience something that a drug shows you then you need to work at it. An experienced meditator who focuses on his connection with all things, for example, could feel like the ecstacy kid without the drugs. the same way that being outgoing, friendly, loving, dancing, etc takes experience and effort.
posted by damn dirty ape at 8:30 AM on October 9, 2007
1. Are you shy normally? Are you a fun loving person among close friends?
If so then you should consider what relaxation techniques can do for you and work on being more social by habitualizing yourself to insert yourself in conversations or inserting a joke when no one expects it.
2. Do you have trouble making friends? If so you, again, need to spend years habitualizing yourself to be able to do this easier.
3. Do you normally want to dance? If not, why not? Can you see yourself going out more or taking a dance class? If so, why not?
Lastly, your question reminds me of the guy who took ecstacy for a month because he wanted to feel "loving kindness" all the time. Well, if you want to experience something that a drug shows you then you need to work at it. An experienced meditator who focuses on his connection with all things, for example, could feel like the ecstacy kid without the drugs. the same way that being outgoing, friendly, loving, dancing, etc takes experience and effort.
posted by damn dirty ape at 8:30 AM on October 9, 2007
Seconding coffee (or energy drink), before you go out. Then, when you get there, start talking with people right away, ANY people -- it'll get you in a social mood before you have a chance to retreat into yourself. (Bartenders are particularly easy to talk with; it's their job. But don't focus all your attention on them -- just use them for a warm up unless you're genuinely friends.)
For me, I drink less (get less drunk) when I drink mixed drinks -- rum & coke, vodka & red bull, whatever. I get carried away too easily drinking beer.
Problem: When people are having a good time drinking with you, they will buy you shots. I don't have a good, non-alienating solution to this yet.
posted by LordSludge at 9:53 AM on October 9, 2007
For me, I drink less (get less drunk) when I drink mixed drinks -- rum & coke, vodka & red bull, whatever. I get carried away too easily drinking beer.
Problem: When people are having a good time drinking with you, they will buy you shots. I don't have a good, non-alienating solution to this yet.
posted by LordSludge at 9:53 AM on October 9, 2007
Best answer: i have social phobia, but not many of my friends realise it, because it's so internalised. A few times, when I'm drinking, I've been the "life of the party" type person, and I can usually loosen up enough to be the type of person I want to be.
Of course, when I'm not drinking, the confidence and self-assuredness is gone. There's some crossover, sure, but I can really empathize with the OP.
As time goes by, my confidence is building better and I'm more likely to be "on" all the time or "on" without so much conscious effort, but until then I just have to settle in to the idea that I'm not going to be a totally different person. Being shy and anxious is a part of who I am that I can occasionally ignore.
But I think it's probably possible to train yourself to flick into "party mode" easier. I second coffee/energy drink - they are working well for me, and often I have to drink less. Just watch out for getting in a funk half way through the night when you're coming down off the caffeine, and either have more or tone down your wall-jumping to conserve energy :)
As far as choice of drink goes - I would go with wine, if it suits the occasion. I always thought the idea of getting a different "buzz" off different drinks was crap, until I started drinking wine socially. I found myself in a very cheerful, conversive mood - I still had my brain switched on, it seemed, rather than the drunken slurring and bad jokes that come with spirits or large quantities of beer. YMMV.
The problem for me, and possibly the OP, is getting the extrovert behaviour to transfer to other situations where I'd like to let loose, but drinking isn't really on the cards.
Well, I guess it's a slow process, about building confidence and so on, when it comes down to it.
Hope this helped some!
Oh - for the record, I like the characterization of introverts as needing large "recharge times" after social interaction as compared to extroverts, I think it's a good way to make the fairly arbitrary distinction stick on a particular point.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 4:55 PM on October 9, 2007
Of course, when I'm not drinking, the confidence and self-assuredness is gone. There's some crossover, sure, but I can really empathize with the OP.
As time goes by, my confidence is building better and I'm more likely to be "on" all the time or "on" without so much conscious effort, but until then I just have to settle in to the idea that I'm not going to be a totally different person. Being shy and anxious is a part of who I am that I can occasionally ignore.
But I think it's probably possible to train yourself to flick into "party mode" easier. I second coffee/energy drink - they are working well for me, and often I have to drink less. Just watch out for getting in a funk half way through the night when you're coming down off the caffeine, and either have more or tone down your wall-jumping to conserve energy :)
As far as choice of drink goes - I would go with wine, if it suits the occasion. I always thought the idea of getting a different "buzz" off different drinks was crap, until I started drinking wine socially. I found myself in a very cheerful, conversive mood - I still had my brain switched on, it seemed, rather than the drunken slurring and bad jokes that come with spirits or large quantities of beer. YMMV.
The problem for me, and possibly the OP, is getting the extrovert behaviour to transfer to other situations where I'd like to let loose, but drinking isn't really on the cards.
Well, I guess it's a slow process, about building confidence and so on, when it comes down to it.
Hope this helped some!
Oh - for the record, I like the characterization of introverts as needing large "recharge times" after social interaction as compared to extroverts, I think it's a good way to make the fairly arbitrary distinction stick on a particular point.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 4:55 PM on October 9, 2007
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Is it fear of rejection? Simply being Shy? Is it Nerves holding you back?
I know for me that I am actually not a bad dancer but I'm often cuaght up in what other people think... but if I have a drink or two than I don't so much care what others think anymore and go out hit the floor...
Thats just an example from my life, your mmv
posted by crewshell at 7:37 PM on October 8, 2007