What makes you look twice at a guy?
April 4, 2007 9:44 PM Subscribe
Women/girls; when you look at a guy, what physical features are your triggers?
What do women (some/you) find as a deal-maker (as opposed to a deal-breaker - bonus question; share with us some deal-breakers?)?
Ring finger? Eyes? Face? Shoes? Deltoids? Stomache/Abs? Biceps? Ears? Facial hair? Body hair/lack of body hair? Nose? Lips? Jaw? Tricepts? "General congeniality"? Butt?
What do women (some/you) find as a deal-maker (as opposed to a deal-breaker - bonus question; share with us some deal-breakers?)?
Ring finger? Eyes? Face? Shoes? Deltoids? Stomache/Abs? Biceps? Ears? Facial hair? Body hair/lack of body hair? Nose? Lips? Jaw? Tricepts? "General congeniality"? Butt?
This post was deleted for the following reason: Stumbled out of bed and found chatfilter in my coffee.
This has been discussed before. Catnip to the ladies.
posted by misozaki at 10:01 PM on April 4, 2007
posted by misozaki at 10:01 PM on April 4, 2007
Shoulders.
posted by Methylviolet at 10:21 PM on April 4, 2007
posted by Methylviolet at 10:21 PM on April 4, 2007
Turn-ons
Green eyes.
Not much body hair.
Reserved but not insecure.
Clean-shaven.
Big. Solid--a little heavy is ok.
Their own good smell--I should have cut off the Bosie who was using me when I discovered he smelled very slightly sour; a gay classmate I loved had an intense clean-sweat smell I adored.
Floppy dark hair.
Clean, well-fitting clothes.
Turnoffs:
Facial hair.
Hairy backs
Blond or carrot-red hair
Narrow eyes
Stink
A too eager or desperate demeanor.
Horsey upper lip.
Too long neck.
All of this is rather moot: I've been physically attracted to guys who weren't physically my type. I loved a guy who wasn't much taller than me and had a crush on another who had eyes similar to Richard Gere.
posted by brujita at 10:34 PM on April 4, 2007
Green eyes.
Not much body hair.
Reserved but not insecure.
Clean-shaven.
Big. Solid--a little heavy is ok.
Their own good smell--I should have cut off the Bosie who was using me when I discovered he smelled very slightly sour; a gay classmate I loved had an intense clean-sweat smell I adored.
Floppy dark hair.
Clean, well-fitting clothes.
Turnoffs:
Facial hair.
Hairy backs
Blond or carrot-red hair
Narrow eyes
Stink
A too eager or desperate demeanor.
Horsey upper lip.
Too long neck.
All of this is rather moot: I've been physically attracted to guys who weren't physically my type. I loved a guy who wasn't much taller than me and had a crush on another who had eyes similar to Richard Gere.
posted by brujita at 10:34 PM on April 4, 2007
Smile. Although I thought my husband was a total douche at first glance, but fell for him quickly once I got to know him, so personality and sense of humor go a long way too.
posted by Brittanie at 10:49 PM on April 4, 2007
posted by Brittanie at 10:49 PM on April 4, 2007
Man, you are so looking for consensus where there isn't one.
posted by rhizome at 10:52 PM on April 4, 2007
posted by rhizome at 10:52 PM on April 4, 2007
Definitely big eyes. Upper arms & shoulders (I like broad shoulders). Occasionally a back. Overall I like a little bit of definition, but I like guys with a little bit of weight to them -- as long as it's just in the stomach area. I prefer dark & swarthy to blondes.
On the less physical side, I love me some accents & a good sense of humor. I'm not really big into physical features, but I practically swoon for funny guys or men with accents.
I don't like wild-man beards (I'm not a very big fan of facial hair at all, actually -- way too much room for error, and while stubble looks good it hurts my face), back hair (shudder), or weird/overly large noses. I'm also not a very big fan of smallish eyes -- they don't seem as welcoming to me as bigger eyes. I do not like longer hair -- a guy who's hair is longer than mine is an absolute deal breaker. I can tolerate ear-length, maybe a little longer if it's curly. If it's long enough to tuck behind your ears or put in a ponytail I will not be interested.
I also tend not to look at a guy if he wears a tucked-in button down shirt and he doesn't have any reason to dress up. on the other hand, ratty T-shirts are not particularly nice either -- stains are very bad (just throw the shirt out!), and unless they're really clever & original I shy away from message shirts (the first time I saw a guy wear "Pedro Lacks Political Experience" I laughed out loud; I've seen the "How do you keep an idiot busy" and "I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?" shirts too many times that they're just lame now).
posted by lilac girl at 10:57 PM on April 4, 2007
On the less physical side, I love me some accents & a good sense of humor. I'm not really big into physical features, but I practically swoon for funny guys or men with accents.
I don't like wild-man beards (I'm not a very big fan of facial hair at all, actually -- way too much room for error, and while stubble looks good it hurts my face), back hair (shudder), or weird/overly large noses. I'm also not a very big fan of smallish eyes -- they don't seem as welcoming to me as bigger eyes. I do not like longer hair -- a guy who's hair is longer than mine is an absolute deal breaker. I can tolerate ear-length, maybe a little longer if it's curly. If it's long enough to tuck behind your ears or put in a ponytail I will not be interested.
I also tend not to look at a guy if he wears a tucked-in button down shirt and he doesn't have any reason to dress up. on the other hand, ratty T-shirts are not particularly nice either -- stains are very bad (just throw the shirt out!), and unless they're really clever & original I shy away from message shirts (the first time I saw a guy wear "Pedro Lacks Political Experience" I laughed out loud; I've seen the "How do you keep an idiot busy" and "I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?" shirts too many times that they're just lame now).
posted by lilac girl at 10:57 PM on April 4, 2007
Deal-makers:
Really nice eyes/bright eyes
[stylish] glasses (my little fetish...)
Little-to-no body hair (a little on the chest is ok. On the back? Wax it.)
Clean or light/fresh cologne scent
Nice hands
Well-dressed, clean, clothes that match, etc.
Bright, toothy smile
Deal-breakers:
Stinky/bad cologne/too much cologne
Stupid tattoos (I [heart] MY DUCATI)
FUZZY LIKE YETI
Bad breath
Really weird twitches or things like that (dated a guy who had this weird licking-the-corner-of-his-mouth thing; it was kinda creepy)
No lips
I tend to be physically attracted to guys like Carmine Giovinazzo, or Johnny Depp (thin, medium height, well-dressed guys who look in their late 20's/early 30's), but not so much to guys like Vin Diesel, Maksim Afinogenov and the like (really muscular, beefy guys or guys who look really young).
However, I do think Thomas Vanek is cute, so yeah, my tastes can vary.
posted by Verdandi at 10:58 PM on April 4, 2007
Really nice eyes/bright eyes
[stylish] glasses (my little fetish...)
Little-to-no body hair (a little on the chest is ok. On the back? Wax it.)
Clean or light/fresh cologne scent
Nice hands
Well-dressed, clean, clothes that match, etc.
Bright, toothy smile
Deal-breakers:
Stinky/bad cologne/too much cologne
Stupid tattoos (I [heart] MY DUCATI)
FUZZY LIKE YETI
Bad breath
Really weird twitches or things like that (dated a guy who had this weird licking-the-corner-of-his-mouth thing; it was kinda creepy)
No lips
I tend to be physically attracted to guys like Carmine Giovinazzo, or Johnny Depp (thin, medium height, well-dressed guys who look in their late 20's/early 30's), but not so much to guys like Vin Diesel, Maksim Afinogenov and the like (really muscular, beefy guys or guys who look really young).
However, I do think Thomas Vanek is cute, so yeah, my tastes can vary.
posted by Verdandi at 10:58 PM on April 4, 2007
Tall, dark and handsome.
posted by mustcatchmooseandsquirrel at 11:13 PM on April 4, 2007
posted by mustcatchmooseandsquirrel at 11:13 PM on April 4, 2007
I'm one of those people who thinks most people are generally attractive and then their personality starts to make them more or less attractive to me. I've actually had someone hot turn into someone ugly before my eyes.
On a purely superficial, spying-across-the-room level, I'm most drawn to eyes.
To illustrate that there is no one answer to this question, I happen to love forearms and wrists. A man in a t-shirt who has nice forearms with a big watch just does it for me. I may be the only one.
In general, confidence is sexy to a certain degree [I consider it a physical feature, with most people you really can see confidence].
Deal-breakers, hmmm, that is tough because a good personality can make up for a lot. Long hair with a full beard would be tough for me. Unibrows are close to a deal-breaker. Dental hygiene issues would be a deal-breaker as well.
posted by Mozzie at 11:21 PM on April 4, 2007
On a purely superficial, spying-across-the-room level, I'm most drawn to eyes.
To illustrate that there is no one answer to this question, I happen to love forearms and wrists. A man in a t-shirt who has nice forearms with a big watch just does it for me. I may be the only one.
In general, confidence is sexy to a certain degree [I consider it a physical feature, with most people you really can see confidence].
Deal-breakers, hmmm, that is tough because a good personality can make up for a lot. Long hair with a full beard would be tough for me. Unibrows are close to a deal-breaker. Dental hygiene issues would be a deal-breaker as well.
posted by Mozzie at 11:21 PM on April 4, 2007
Midgets with comb-able back hair.
Oh wait, no. I meant to say: tall, nice eyes, dark hair (not long but not too short either) good butt, strong hands, funny & smart. Guys who make me think/laugh and inspire me to be smart/funny are always good. I also like a man who knows how to dress nice but is not overly fussy. And what really gets me the MOST is when someone is really really freaking talented and confident in something. That is a huge turn on. Which may be why I seem to have a lot of delusionally arrogant ex-boyfriends.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:35 PM on April 4, 2007
Oh wait, no. I meant to say: tall, nice eyes, dark hair (not long but not too short either) good butt, strong hands, funny & smart. Guys who make me think/laugh and inspire me to be smart/funny are always good. I also like a man who knows how to dress nice but is not overly fussy. And what really gets me the MOST is when someone is really really freaking talented and confident in something. That is a huge turn on. Which may be why I seem to have a lot of delusionally arrogant ex-boyfriends.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:35 PM on April 4, 2007
I know you said "for the ladies", and I am not one so I apologize for polluting the sample. But I noticed that most of the responders here have not mentioned one critical characteristic that, perhaps because it's so deeply ingrained, goes without mention: height.
Of course, this is usually a relative construct to the particular woman in question.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:04 AM on April 5, 2007
Of course, this is usually a relative construct to the particular woman in question.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:04 AM on April 5, 2007
Speaking only for myself:
Major turn-ons/eye-catching features would be --
Eyes -- more for a sparkle of intelligence and humor than particular shapes or colors, although I do have a definite fondness for green or blue eyes on a brunet, or really dark eyes.
Hair -- I have a huge weakness for longer hair, bonus if it's dark. I wouldn't call blond or red a turn-off, but I've got a definite preference for brown/black hair, the darker the better. Shaved or close-buzzed hair is a bit of a turnoff unless it's on someone with a really well-shaped skull and amazing bone structure...but even then I'd still rather see long hair.
Smiles.
Hands. I really like looking at men's hands.
Strong facial bones in general -- cheekbones and jawlines and prominent beaky noses really catch my eye, as do slightly long faces.
I really like to see a guy who can dress well -- which doesn't necessarily mean he has to be really dressy-formal or fashion-obsessed, it's more about awareness of how his clothes fit and how colors and styles can look. A guy in a t-shirt and jeans that are a flattering fit and cut and color will look a lot better to me than a guy in a four-figure suit that's a couple sizes too small and a horrible color for his complexion.
Smell. A bit of a well-chosen cologne or aftershave can be nice, as long as he's not soaking in the stuff. But the really big issue is just the natural smell of his skin, that can be a make-or-break thing; some folks just smell right, and some don't.
Tattoos and piercings can be quite appealing, if they're artistic and well-done and carefully placed. Or they can be a turn-off if they're sloppy-looking and poorly-placed or really stupid designs.
Low body hair can be really nice. But some body hair can also be really nice, too -- a nice sprinkling across the chest or a happy trail can look really, really good on the right guy.
Muscles can be nice -- although my eyes go more to lean swimmer/dancer sorts of definition rather than really bulky body-builder types. But skinny boys also have a certain appeal.
Turn-offs would be serious hygiene issues, combovers, unibrows, hairy backs, lots of protruding ear/nose hairs, long/bushy beards. Extreme sloppiness, just never caring if his clothes are ripped and wrinkled and stained and his hair's unkempt, that's not appealing either. It's one thing to have the a few favorite ratty pieces that you wear lounging around the house, but taking that stuff out in public? Uh, no.
For the most part, though, personality and intelligence really trumps the physical stuff; an attractive mind just automatically makes the body it's in much more attractive to me, even if it's a type that wouldn't set me to drooling on first glance.
posted by Smilla's Sense of Snark at 12:06 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
Major turn-ons/eye-catching features would be --
Eyes -- more for a sparkle of intelligence and humor than particular shapes or colors, although I do have a definite fondness for green or blue eyes on a brunet, or really dark eyes.
Hair -- I have a huge weakness for longer hair, bonus if it's dark. I wouldn't call blond or red a turn-off, but I've got a definite preference for brown/black hair, the darker the better. Shaved or close-buzzed hair is a bit of a turnoff unless it's on someone with a really well-shaped skull and amazing bone structure...but even then I'd still rather see long hair.
Smiles.
Hands. I really like looking at men's hands.
Strong facial bones in general -- cheekbones and jawlines and prominent beaky noses really catch my eye, as do slightly long faces.
I really like to see a guy who can dress well -- which doesn't necessarily mean he has to be really dressy-formal or fashion-obsessed, it's more about awareness of how his clothes fit and how colors and styles can look. A guy in a t-shirt and jeans that are a flattering fit and cut and color will look a lot better to me than a guy in a four-figure suit that's a couple sizes too small and a horrible color for his complexion.
Smell. A bit of a well-chosen cologne or aftershave can be nice, as long as he's not soaking in the stuff. But the really big issue is just the natural smell of his skin, that can be a make-or-break thing; some folks just smell right, and some don't.
Tattoos and piercings can be quite appealing, if they're artistic and well-done and carefully placed. Or they can be a turn-off if they're sloppy-looking and poorly-placed or really stupid designs.
Low body hair can be really nice. But some body hair can also be really nice, too -- a nice sprinkling across the chest or a happy trail can look really, really good on the right guy.
Muscles can be nice -- although my eyes go more to lean swimmer/dancer sorts of definition rather than really bulky body-builder types. But skinny boys also have a certain appeal.
Turn-offs would be serious hygiene issues, combovers, unibrows, hairy backs, lots of protruding ear/nose hairs, long/bushy beards. Extreme sloppiness, just never caring if his clothes are ripped and wrinkled and stained and his hair's unkempt, that's not appealing either. It's one thing to have the a few favorite ratty pieces that you wear lounging around the house, but taking that stuff out in public? Uh, no.
For the most part, though, personality and intelligence really trumps the physical stuff; an attractive mind just automatically makes the body it's in much more attractive to me, even if it's a type that wouldn't set me to drooling on first glance.
posted by Smilla's Sense of Snark at 12:06 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
But I noticed that most of the responders here have not mentioned one critical characteristic that, perhaps because it's so deeply ingrained, goes without mention: height.
Also polluting the sample here, because this is one I've never really understood. It could be a very slightly defensive position, because being a 5'10" guy I wouldn't classify as "tall" (although I am personally content with my height), but I frankly cannot understand how people can go out with anybody more than a couple of inches taller or shorter.
I mean, physically - how can you walk with arms around each others' waists? Don't you get a sore neck kissing? Isn't it that much more difficult speaking, especially in crowded places, if you have to get up on tiptoes or stoop to reach your partner's ear? On top of that you could throw various bed issues, as well.
For these kinds of reasons, I am simply puzzled by the idea that height = good. I don't think I've ever gone out with any girls who weren't between about 5'7" & 5'11", and I can't see any real reason why I would ever want to...
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:25 AM on April 5, 2007
Also polluting the sample here, because this is one I've never really understood. It could be a very slightly defensive position, because being a 5'10" guy I wouldn't classify as "tall" (although I am personally content with my height), but I frankly cannot understand how people can go out with anybody more than a couple of inches taller or shorter.
I mean, physically - how can you walk with arms around each others' waists? Don't you get a sore neck kissing? Isn't it that much more difficult speaking, especially in crowded places, if you have to get up on tiptoes or stoop to reach your partner's ear? On top of that you could throw various bed issues, as well.
For these kinds of reasons, I am simply puzzled by the idea that height = good. I don't think I've ever gone out with any girls who weren't between about 5'7" & 5'11", and I can't see any real reason why I would ever want to...
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:25 AM on April 5, 2007
the dark hair/pale skin/green eyes combo is always a knockout.
toned, slim physique ... think guy pearce.
nth to the great smile.
well-fitted clothing that suit the person, but aren't overdone.
the ones that can look good in a couple days' beard growth, a la michael vartan.
can't go wrong with an accent, preferably eastern european (hungarian, slovene, croatian ... )
the one imperfection that gives the face character, like a slightly-too-long nose or crooked incisor.
looking comfortable in their body and surroundings.
after that, it's the little things ... the radial/ulnar arteries that describe the functional musculature beneath, the well-formed hands, the perfect curve of the back of the neck, hip bones that are just noticeable without being prominent, the look of intelligence and capability in the eyes.
posted by the luke parker fiasco at 12:39 AM on April 5, 2007
toned, slim physique ... think guy pearce.
nth to the great smile.
well-fitted clothing that suit the person, but aren't overdone.
the ones that can look good in a couple days' beard growth, a la michael vartan.
can't go wrong with an accent, preferably eastern european (hungarian, slovene, croatian ... )
the one imperfection that gives the face character, like a slightly-too-long nose or crooked incisor.
looking comfortable in their body and surroundings.
after that, it's the little things ... the radial/ulnar arteries that describe the functional musculature beneath, the well-formed hands, the perfect curve of the back of the neck, hip bones that are just noticeable without being prominent, the look of intelligence and capability in the eyes.
posted by the luke parker fiasco at 12:39 AM on April 5, 2007
UbuRoivas: I'm just a smidge over 5'3". The last SO was over six feet tall. The issues you mention are less troublesome than you might think -- bed definitely wasn't a problem, the stooping/tiptoes thing really wasn't more than a minor annoyance, and sitting/lying down really helps negate some of the height difference, and I've been known to stand on a step for a kiss rather than stretch on tiptoes.
And out in public, well, I've got an awful lot of Very Tall Shoes.
posted by Smilla's Sense of Snark at 12:39 AM on April 5, 2007
And out in public, well, I've got an awful lot of Very Tall Shoes.
posted by Smilla's Sense of Snark at 12:39 AM on April 5, 2007
See, I'm about 5'7 or so, and I tend to prefer men who are at least 6'1". For me, I just find that I feel more feminine when I'm with a man who makes me feel somewhat tiny in comparison. Somehow that physical difference can really inspire me to feel girlier in a relationship. It sounds silly, I know. I just don't like dating men that I think I could physically beat up.
Not that I would. Well, unless he had it coming. ;)
posted by miss lynnster at 12:41 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
Not that I would. Well, unless he had it coming. ;)
posted by miss lynnster at 12:41 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
make that "well-fitted clothing that suits the person, but isn't overdone."
(i seem to have a casual relationship with grammar today ...)
posted by the luke parker fiasco at 12:44 AM on April 5, 2007
(i seem to have a casual relationship with grammar today ...)
posted by the luke parker fiasco at 12:44 AM on April 5, 2007
Oh, and I didn't mention height because it just isn't the huge deal-breaker thing for me that it seems to be for some women. Yeah, tall guys do catch my eyes, but I'm short enough that even folks around 5'8" seem rather tall. And my shortest SO was only an inch taller than me.
(And yes, TLPF reminds me, ooh, voices and accents can be a major, major turn-on.)
posted by Smilla's Sense of Snark at 12:44 AM on April 5, 2007
(And yes, TLPF reminds me, ooh, voices and accents can be a major, major turn-on.)
posted by Smilla's Sense of Snark at 12:44 AM on April 5, 2007
Older, clever, bearded. Actually the beard thing isn't a deal breaker. But the old and clever things are.
posted by handee at 1:38 AM on April 5, 2007
posted by handee at 1:38 AM on April 5, 2007
Chatfilter, surely? This is completely subjective and open-ended.
posted by Happy Dave at 1:55 AM on April 5, 2007
posted by Happy Dave at 1:55 AM on April 5, 2007
Oh Lord... accents are my kryptonite. I'm sooo infamous for that. And not so much because I think they sound exotic but because I'm such a freaking travel fiend. If someone has an accent, I know that they have some understanding of life outside of North America... & since only 20% of Americans have a passport, that quality floats my boat. It's especially interesting to me if they've been to places I haven't.
posted by miss lynnster at 2:21 AM on April 5, 2007
posted by miss lynnster at 2:21 AM on April 5, 2007
dealbreaker: dreads
generally looking for: cheekbones
pretty much anything else I can think of an example either way, although I'm pretty short so I don't really look at tall guys too much.
posted by jacalata at 2:23 AM on April 5, 2007
generally looking for: cheekbones
pretty much anything else I can think of an example either way, although I'm pretty short so I don't really look at tall guys too much.
posted by jacalata at 2:23 AM on April 5, 2007
Wait a minute, you ladies seem to be suggesting that visual appeal is subjective. No way! There has to be something that all women are instantly turned on by! Make room for the intelligentsia!
posted by Deathalicious at 3:15 AM on April 5, 2007
posted by Deathalicious at 3:15 AM on April 5, 2007
Height is definitely the first thing I notice. Tall lanky frame is the starting point for me, but with enough muscle so they look like they could lift heavy things if the need arose. I'm really short but a guy doesn't look like he is the appropriate height to me unless he's at least 6'. Irrational, moi?
posted by needled at 4:02 AM on April 5, 2007
posted by needled at 4:02 AM on April 5, 2007
I'm 5'10" and I prefer mens who are between 5'10" and 6'1". No idea why. Otherwise I tend to be attracted to slightly funny-looking men, but I ended up marrying a conventionally handsome man. So who the hell knows.
posted by miss tea at 4:49 AM on April 5, 2007
posted by miss tea at 4:49 AM on April 5, 2007
I like my men androgynous. Heh.
Oh, and my little quirks:
beeauutiful long slender fingers,
leg-to-torso ratio (long legs = better)
big eyes
Not too fussed about body hair unless it's really extreme.
Height-wise, shorter than me is a no no, but other than that I'm flexible.
PS I don't do sex or relationships. I just like to look at them. Hehehe.
posted by ClarissaWAM at 5:15 AM on April 5, 2007
Oh, and my little quirks:
beeauutiful long slender fingers,
leg-to-torso ratio (long legs = better)
big eyes
Not too fussed about body hair unless it's really extreme.
Height-wise, shorter than me is a no no, but other than that I'm flexible.
PS I don't do sex or relationships. I just like to look at them. Hehehe.
posted by ClarissaWAM at 5:15 AM on April 5, 2007
I'm tall (5'10") and have come to accept that the average guy is shorter than I am. Thus, most of the men I date are shorter than me. If they can't deal with dating a tall chick, then they are not worth dating. Then again, I love hairy men, so it seems as though I am not in the majority with my attractions. I just love confident men.
posted by nursegracer at 5:44 AM on April 5, 2007
posted by nursegracer at 5:44 AM on April 5, 2007
Chatfilter.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:01 AM on April 5, 2007
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:01 AM on April 5, 2007
Man, you are so looking for consensus where there isn't one.
posted by rhizome at 1:52 AM on April 5 [+] [!]
Ditto on that point. Look, this is pretty broad and straying onto chatfilter territory.
posted by piratebowling at 6:16 AM on April 5, 2007
posted by rhizome at 1:52 AM on April 5 [+] [!]
Ditto on that point. Look, this is pretty broad and straying onto chatfilter territory.
posted by piratebowling at 6:16 AM on April 5, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
2) Body (abs then chest)
3) Maybe arms
Dealbreaker: Hair where it shouldn't be, i.e. unibrow or back hair.
posted by awesomebrad at 9:58 PM on April 4, 2007