Urban transplant worries.
March 16, 2007 3:18 AM
What do I need to know about moving to the sticks?
I just bought a house in a wee town.
First: what should I renew now to keep for as long as possible in the city? Library cards and parking permits, and what else? We'll be near enough that I don't want to completely cut myself off.
Second -- and more importantly -- how do I/we do this well?
The town hasn't changed since I was a kid, barely at all in a century. I'd rather Mr Commuter and Mrs Pregnant Wife not look like the advance party for thousands of urbanites, if that follows. A suburb it is not, even if one of us will be treating it that way M-F 9-5.
I don't plan on glad-handing with pie, but if that's recommended, I'm listening.
Not entirely sure what I'm worried about; I think it's a combination of feeling conspicuously like a person who thinks they just got a swell deal on a house in lieu of somebody who actually wanted to live in that particular town -- which I did -- and of not quite knowing how much friendly is friendly. Tips on mingling with new neighbours appreciated. There're 2,000 of them, some in the little village itself, and the rest the very rural outside it; I'm told the two get on well.
What am I probably not going to like about this change? I can't say that I completely understand the politics of the area. Any notes on city-country culture shock appreciated.
Final question for those in similar areas: what sorts of useful volunteer work can be done in a town of 2,000?
In case this trepidation makes it all sound bad: I suspect this move might be almost the best thing I've done in my life so far.
I just bought a house in a wee town.
First: what should I renew now to keep for as long as possible in the city? Library cards and parking permits, and what else? We'll be near enough that I don't want to completely cut myself off.
Second -- and more importantly -- how do I/we do this well?
The town hasn't changed since I was a kid, barely at all in a century. I'd rather Mr Commuter and Mrs Pregnant Wife not look like the advance party for thousands of urbanites, if that follows. A suburb it is not, even if one of us will be treating it that way M-F 9-5.
I don't plan on glad-handing with pie, but if that's recommended, I'm listening.
Not entirely sure what I'm worried about; I think it's a combination of feeling conspicuously like a person who thinks they just got a swell deal on a house in lieu of somebody who actually wanted to live in that particular town -- which I did -- and of not quite knowing how much friendly is friendly. Tips on mingling with new neighbours appreciated. There're 2,000 of them, some in the little village itself, and the rest the very rural outside it; I'm told the two get on well.
What am I probably not going to like about this change? I can't say that I completely understand the politics of the area. Any notes on city-country culture shock appreciated.
Final question for those in similar areas: what sorts of useful volunteer work can be done in a town of 2,000?
In case this trepidation makes it all sound bad: I suspect this move might be almost the best thing I've done in my life so far.
Watch out for some guy on the porch playing the banjo, and really watch out for his relatives.
The main thing about small towns is that most people have been there all of their lives, so breaking into the social circle requires more effort than in other places. The good news is that despite the effort required, most people in small towns are pretty friendly. The trick is moving beyond the easy hello to being accepted. Join a group. Make friends with your neighbors even if you have nothing in common. I grew up in a teeny town and watched people both prosper and fail socially when they moved in. It was easy for the kids, but harder for the adults. Some just misread the barrier to acceptance into existing social circles as unfriendliness and they never fit in. Others never let that bother them and they were eventually accepted. Once you are in it can be very comforting, like being a member of family.
posted by caddis at 5:14 AM on March 16, 2007
The main thing about small towns is that most people have been there all of their lives, so breaking into the social circle requires more effort than in other places. The good news is that despite the effort required, most people in small towns are pretty friendly. The trick is moving beyond the easy hello to being accepted. Join a group. Make friends with your neighbors even if you have nothing in common. I grew up in a teeny town and watched people both prosper and fail socially when they moved in. It was easy for the kids, but harder for the adults. Some just misread the barrier to acceptance into existing social circles as unfriendliness and they never fit in. Others never let that bother them and they were eventually accepted. Once you are in it can be very comforting, like being a member of family.
posted by caddis at 5:14 AM on March 16, 2007
Church will provide all your answers.
posted by dragonsi55 at 5:35 AM on March 16, 2007
posted by dragonsi55 at 5:35 AM on March 16, 2007
Having moved to many small towns, I'd say the best advice is to not invite a marching band to announce your arrival. Just move in quietly, go about your business calmly, don't paint your house pink or decorate anything else crazy. Just mow your lawn every weekend and shop at the medium grade grocery store (assuming there is more than one choice in town). After 5 years, people will stop eyeing you like aliens, after 10 they may start inviting you to the real get togethers and after 20 they'll say "those new folks are just like regular people".
posted by DU at 5:37 AM on March 16, 2007
posted by DU at 5:37 AM on March 16, 2007
I think one of the most important things for you to keep in mind is not to think, nor act like you're somehow superior or better than your new neighbors, simply by virtue from moving from the "big city." Don't underestimate the people you'll meet or treat them like they need tutorials in subject X or Y.
Basically, as one person said, move in and go about your business. I wouldn't rush to join every accessible civic committee available either, as I think that'd give off the impression,"Hi! New City Guy is stepping in and trying to change things!" If you do join such organizations, don't try and shake things up, at least not immediately.
If you do attend church, and if the town has a strong church following, that'd be a great way to meet and socialize with everyone and win at least a few points of approval by simply being present. I'd suspect, though, in a town that size, there are probably a number of churches which may confuse the problem. If you want to go, then try and find the church that suits you best and go from there.
Just to recap, you're allowed to be yourself, but don't make a parade over it. While the population is around 2,000, that doesn't mean everyone knows everyone (though, some individuals may know a majority of everyone else). The pace of the town is probably slower than what you're used to, but neither are horses and buggies going to the main sight on the main drag. Basically, and most importantly, stop thinking of it as "the sticks." Its a small community, but they probably visit larger urban areas more often than you expect, have access to the same television shows you watched in the city, and some may write as many emails a day as you.
posted by Atreides at 5:56 AM on March 16, 2007
Basically, as one person said, move in and go about your business. I wouldn't rush to join every accessible civic committee available either, as I think that'd give off the impression,"Hi! New City Guy is stepping in and trying to change things!" If you do join such organizations, don't try and shake things up, at least not immediately.
If you do attend church, and if the town has a strong church following, that'd be a great way to meet and socialize with everyone and win at least a few points of approval by simply being present. I'd suspect, though, in a town that size, there are probably a number of churches which may confuse the problem. If you want to go, then try and find the church that suits you best and go from there.
Just to recap, you're allowed to be yourself, but don't make a parade over it. While the population is around 2,000, that doesn't mean everyone knows everyone (though, some individuals may know a majority of everyone else). The pace of the town is probably slower than what you're used to, but neither are horses and buggies going to the main sight on the main drag. Basically, and most importantly, stop thinking of it as "the sticks." Its a small community, but they probably visit larger urban areas more often than you expect, have access to the same television shows you watched in the city, and some may write as many emails a day as you.
posted by Atreides at 5:56 AM on March 16, 2007
I am from a small town. I now live in a city and do lots of traingings and workshops in small towns.
Here are some things to be careful of:
Small towns are quick to think someone or something may be threatening to change their way of life. This may come at unexpected times, so don't try to join the city council or anything for a while, don't preface things with "In the city, we..."
They will be more protective of land right issues.
They will assume you don't know "what it's like", so don't pretend to for a while.
Even if you are not religious, go to church. This is where you will meet people and get to eat lots of good food. For some reason small town people are fond of church volunteering, but can be skeptical of other forms of volunteer work. Think "Protestant Ethic".
Remember, many of the kinds of people that city folks are snobby about are the nicest, most generous people, don't forget to be nice and kind. Take a plate of cookies to your neigbhors. Wave when you are both out in the yard together. Well, you might be in more of men nod to each other town, but you will find out which you have soon enough.
posted by stormygrey at 6:04 AM on March 16, 2007
Here are some things to be careful of:
Small towns are quick to think someone or something may be threatening to change their way of life. This may come at unexpected times, so don't try to join the city council or anything for a while, don't preface things with "In the city, we..."
They will be more protective of land right issues.
They will assume you don't know "what it's like", so don't pretend to for a while.
Even if you are not religious, go to church. This is where you will meet people and get to eat lots of good food. For some reason small town people are fond of church volunteering, but can be skeptical of other forms of volunteer work. Think "Protestant Ethic".
Remember, many of the kinds of people that city folks are snobby about are the nicest, most generous people, don't forget to be nice and kind. Take a plate of cookies to your neigbhors. Wave when you are both out in the yard together. Well, you might be in more of men nod to each other town, but you will find out which you have soon enough.
posted by stormygrey at 6:04 AM on March 16, 2007
Ha, on preview Atreides and I said pretty much the exact same thing.
posted by stormygrey at 6:05 AM on March 16, 2007
posted by stormygrey at 6:05 AM on March 16, 2007
My grandparents made a move like this when they retired maybe 10, 15 years ago. They already had one relative in the small town they were moving to, but they were still treated like strangers for a good while. Like others have been saying, treated like strangers in a small town is still very pleasant, but it took a lot of work for them to move beyond that.
They do happen to be churchgoers, but I think they got the most mileage out of non-church volunteer work. Grandpa got involved with the Lion's Club, Grandma started volunteering at the medical center, and both walked a fine line for a while to balance getting involved against seeming pushy. Eventually they wound up with a good deal of responsibility and influence, but I get the impression that if they'd gotten it right away there'd have been resentment. From what I saw, the concept of paying your dues may be useful here.
In their town, the way you tell locals from out-of-towners is that the locals will wave to you from their car when you pass by in yours. Sometimes it's subtle — just one or two fingers off the steering wheel. I always feel a little ridiculous doing it when I visit — and because I'm from away, it's usually up to me to initiate the waving — but apparently if I don't my grandparents will hear complaints about those ill-mannered grandchildren of theirs. I guess what I'm trying to say is, the little points of etiquette vary from place to place. What matters are the particular details where you wind up, not some general concept of "how small-town people act."
Stormygrey's right about land rights. That's not just ownership, either — city rules about what you can do on your land (burn trash, dig new wells, build out your house, raise animals, etc.) are hot-button issues. My grandparents are on an island, so well-digging, water use and sewage disposal are very, very important topics that people can sit and discuss for hours. People there are also concerned with keeping property values low — to keep their taxes down, and also to keep down the temptation for locals to sell their land to out-of-towners. That came as a surprise to me, since I'm used to people who plan on selling in five or ten years anyway and just want prices to go up.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:41 AM on March 16, 2007
They do happen to be churchgoers, but I think they got the most mileage out of non-church volunteer work. Grandpa got involved with the Lion's Club, Grandma started volunteering at the medical center, and both walked a fine line for a while to balance getting involved against seeming pushy. Eventually they wound up with a good deal of responsibility and influence, but I get the impression that if they'd gotten it right away there'd have been resentment. From what I saw, the concept of paying your dues may be useful here.
In their town, the way you tell locals from out-of-towners is that the locals will wave to you from their car when you pass by in yours. Sometimes it's subtle — just one or two fingers off the steering wheel. I always feel a little ridiculous doing it when I visit — and because I'm from away, it's usually up to me to initiate the waving — but apparently if I don't my grandparents will hear complaints about those ill-mannered grandchildren of theirs. I guess what I'm trying to say is, the little points of etiquette vary from place to place. What matters are the particular details where you wind up, not some general concept of "how small-town people act."
Stormygrey's right about land rights. That's not just ownership, either — city rules about what you can do on your land (burn trash, dig new wells, build out your house, raise animals, etc.) are hot-button issues. My grandparents are on an island, so well-digging, water use and sewage disposal are very, very important topics that people can sit and discuss for hours. People there are also concerned with keeping property values low — to keep their taxes down, and also to keep down the temptation for locals to sell their land to out-of-towners. That came as a surprise to me, since I'm used to people who plan on selling in five or ten years anyway and just want prices to go up.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:41 AM on March 16, 2007
And if you ever write about moving to a small town, Glad-handing with pie would make a great title.
posted by JaredSeth at 6:42 AM on March 16, 2007
posted by JaredSeth at 6:42 AM on March 16, 2007
Having grown up in a town one-tenth the size of yours, I say you should...glad-hand with pie. Find out local groups that do food-based fundraisers (church dinners, bake sales, firehouse pancake days, whatever) and offer to provide a couple of pies or whatever would be useful. This is the kind of small charity that most transplants overlook, so it'll help it seem like you're in it for the long haul.
Also, local groups may be starved for volunteers, so be careful that you don't overcommit. What seem like major limitations in the rest of the world are often overlooked when resources are scarce. That's how my quite Catholic mother ended up teaching Methodist Sunday school.
posted by backupjesus at 6:43 AM on March 16, 2007
Also, local groups may be starved for volunteers, so be careful that you don't overcommit. What seem like major limitations in the rest of the world are often overlooked when resources are scarce. That's how my quite Catholic mother ended up teaching Methodist Sunday school.
posted by backupjesus at 6:43 AM on March 16, 2007
What I like about a small town is the community. I spent most of my adulthood with none of my friends as neighbors. Now, most of my friends are my neighbors.
We moved from DC to semi-rural Vermont. The 'town' is around 2000, probably less than half of those in the 4 villages of the town. The village we moved to has a strong community spirit, and is very accepting of newcomers (who don't try to tell others what to do). Shortly after we arrived, there was a major community fund raising event that involved many, many people, and we joined in. This really got us 'into' the community very quickly. Find out something that needs to be done and ask to help. While you probably shouldn't run for mayor right away, every town has dozens of committees or commissions that need volunteers- find something interesting to you and ask to help.
As far as politics goes, don't judge the town by one website. My town has people who completely support the president and people who think he was directly involved in blowing up the WTC, and everything in between. There are probably many people with views similar to your own. You will meet them.
Once you feel comfortable in your community and see how things are done there, you might see something you could start that others would appreciate- a book club, a chess club, a sewing circle, kickboxing... something you can contribute to the community. I am organizing something for this coming weekend that probably would never have happened before I got here, but I did it last year and it got a good response, so it might be a tradition soon.
posted by MtDewd at 8:02 AM on March 16, 2007
We moved from DC to semi-rural Vermont. The 'town' is around 2000, probably less than half of those in the 4 villages of the town. The village we moved to has a strong community spirit, and is very accepting of newcomers (who don't try to tell others what to do). Shortly after we arrived, there was a major community fund raising event that involved many, many people, and we joined in. This really got us 'into' the community very quickly. Find out something that needs to be done and ask to help. While you probably shouldn't run for mayor right away, every town has dozens of committees or commissions that need volunteers- find something interesting to you and ask to help.
As far as politics goes, don't judge the town by one website. My town has people who completely support the president and people who think he was directly involved in blowing up the WTC, and everything in between. There are probably many people with views similar to your own. You will meet them.
Once you feel comfortable in your community and see how things are done there, you might see something you could start that others would appreciate- a book club, a chess club, a sewing circle, kickboxing... something you can contribute to the community. I am organizing something for this coming weekend that probably would never have happened before I got here, but I did it last year and it got a good response, so it might be a tradition soon.
posted by MtDewd at 8:02 AM on March 16, 2007
I grew up in a small town.
I'd say the most important thing to remember is that everything you do will be a topic of conversation when you're not around. Try to have a sense of humor about it.
posted by winna at 8:23 AM on March 16, 2007
I'd say the most important thing to remember is that everything you do will be a topic of conversation when you're not around. Try to have a sense of humor about it.
posted by winna at 8:23 AM on March 16, 2007
If you are a drinker (and maybe even if you aren't) become a regular at the local tavern. Follow the dress code, drink something available on tap, and be friendly. Eventually you'll get to know a good percentage of the town residents.
posted by pantarhei at 8:32 AM on March 16, 2007
posted by pantarhei at 8:32 AM on March 16, 2007
I recently moved to a town of 2000ish people out in the middle of the Oregon Coast Range. It has taken some getting used to, but now my husband and I love it.
When I called to turn on our power, the lady said to me "wow, such a big house for not having any children", HUH? When I called to turn on the other utilities, that lady said "I just LOVE your kitchen"..WTF? It took me some getting used to, but now that I live here I love the fact that your neighbors and your town really do watch out for you and have your best interest in heart. One advice I would give you, be really nice to your neighbors, I am not usually a social person, but I wave and make small chat and pet the neighborhood dog anyways. We had a yard sale to make ourselves known, now the locals know us, the business's don’t ask to see our ID, and we get discounts on pizza, cause we gave the pizza shop owner a deal on our old truck hitch. This next year we plan to integrate ourselves more by going to some of the high school sporting games and to some of the various parades and festivals (this town has a parade for EVERYTHING). We do the majority of our grocery shopping in the city, but we make sure to do it in our town as well, and give patronage to the little businesses, even though it might be somewhat cheaper in town.
Also, to make your life easier don’t piss off the local PD. Do NOT speed through town, don’t let your tags expire or your headlights burn out, go slow through the school zone and don’t do anything that needs to cops to do anything to you. They will pull you over and write you crazy tickets (or just pull you over to chat and welcome you to the neighborhood, while eyeing you suspiciously)…if you involve police in anything, it will end up in the local small town paper, your neighbors will know, they will knock on your doors to give you advice, they will get their panties in a bunch. My husband and I have managed to avoid getting pulled over, but all of our visitors seem to keep getting tickets. And when I called the police over mail I thought was missing (turns out a friendly neighbor saw it on my doorstep, took it inside his house so it would be safe, and promptly forgot), the whole neighborhood freaked out thinking the new people (us) were the devil.
posted by Jenny is Crafty at 10:48 AM on March 16, 2007
When I called to turn on our power, the lady said to me "wow, such a big house for not having any children", HUH? When I called to turn on the other utilities, that lady said "I just LOVE your kitchen"..WTF? It took me some getting used to, but now that I live here I love the fact that your neighbors and your town really do watch out for you and have your best interest in heart. One advice I would give you, be really nice to your neighbors, I am not usually a social person, but I wave and make small chat and pet the neighborhood dog anyways. We had a yard sale to make ourselves known, now the locals know us, the business's don’t ask to see our ID, and we get discounts on pizza, cause we gave the pizza shop owner a deal on our old truck hitch. This next year we plan to integrate ourselves more by going to some of the high school sporting games and to some of the various parades and festivals (this town has a parade for EVERYTHING). We do the majority of our grocery shopping in the city, but we make sure to do it in our town as well, and give patronage to the little businesses, even though it might be somewhat cheaper in town.
Also, to make your life easier don’t piss off the local PD. Do NOT speed through town, don’t let your tags expire or your headlights burn out, go slow through the school zone and don’t do anything that needs to cops to do anything to you. They will pull you over and write you crazy tickets (or just pull you over to chat and welcome you to the neighborhood, while eyeing you suspiciously)…if you involve police in anything, it will end up in the local small town paper, your neighbors will know, they will knock on your doors to give you advice, they will get their panties in a bunch. My husband and I have managed to avoid getting pulled over, but all of our visitors seem to keep getting tickets. And when I called the police over mail I thought was missing (turns out a friendly neighbor saw it on my doorstep, took it inside his house so it would be safe, and promptly forgot), the whole neighborhood freaked out thinking the new people (us) were the devil.
posted by Jenny is Crafty at 10:48 AM on March 16, 2007
Be yourself. Don't be a snob (sounds like you aren't). You may be surprised to find that people have more sophistication, in many areas, than you expect. Be open about loving the town and its values.
When people move to my not-too-small town, the thing that bugs me is "We had X in the city" where X may be 24 Chinese food delivery, or a great Italian street festival, or a huge well-funded library, etc. It's not a big city. If you weren't prepared to do without big city amenities, you shouldn't have come here. It has many benefits, plenty of annoyances, and you knew what you were getting into.
And when you have the baby, you'll get involved with other families, and you'll really start feeling at home. It looks like a great house - Mazel tov!
posted by theora55 at 10:52 AM on March 16, 2007
When people move to my not-too-small town, the thing that bugs me is "We had X in the city" where X may be 24 Chinese food delivery, or a great Italian street festival, or a huge well-funded library, etc. It's not a big city. If you weren't prepared to do without big city amenities, you shouldn't have come here. It has many benefits, plenty of annoyances, and you knew what you were getting into.
And when you have the baby, you'll get involved with other families, and you'll really start feeling at home. It looks like a great house - Mazel tov!
posted by theora55 at 10:52 AM on March 16, 2007
When I lived in a small town, the groceries were much cheaper, but I couldn't find half the things I was used to buying. Brie cheese, for example. Unusual vegetables or fruits. It was annoying to have to travel 20 miles to buy shoes or see a movies, and all the driving to do anything or go anywhere was annoying. Plus: good food? Any food other than "down home," Mexican, pizza or fast? Not gonna happen unless you good it yourself.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 11:46 AM on March 16, 2007
posted by croutonsupafreak at 11:46 AM on March 16, 2007
MtDewd lives a bit north of wher I am and my town is about the same size. The town I live in is near a school and so gets a semi-regular ebb and flow of law students from the school and so is a little used to them. The trick where I am is to differentiate myself from just a three year tourist.
The biggest things for me to get used to moving here from Seattle -- even though I grew up in a town about this size -- were these.
- not going to church does seem a little weird to people. I decided not to do it personally but if you even slightly lean that way, it's a great way to get to know people in a community. If you don't go to the church, feel free to go to the church suppers. I go to a lot of these and they're a fun way to meet neighbors and not, in my experience, any real prostyletizing event.
- people like to stand and talk a lot. So, if you're home when the meter reader comes by, or when the wood guy makes his delivery, coming outside to pass the time for a bit is somewhere between appreciated and expected. Rushing off like you have someplace to be is more of a city person indicator.
- people talk to each other about you and you should probably expect this. The lady from the post office knows how much mail I get and roughly from where and I sort of assume other people in town do too. I'm always amused by how much people seem to know about me, I'm not a private person particularly, but having a lot of close-in neighbors, even if they're not your best buddies, just means people sort of know about you.
- People don't have curtains over their downstairs windows see above) and if you do, or if you're excesively private -- heading into the house with groceries when your neighbor is sitting outside on his porch and not saying hi -- people will think it's a little odd.
- the news is in the newspaper! Seriously, where I'm at there is very little web penetration and besides talking to my neighbors, I learn about what's going on by reading the local paper pretty regularly. This is also where I figure out what is going on in the big cities nearby
In my town there are a lot of little groups ranging from the Rotary/Kiwanis people to the beautification committee, town government committees, the local business committee and the planning committee. There are also the local Red Cross volunteers, the library volunteers, the people who drive older people to doctors appointments volunteers and volunteer fire fighters. I assume there are people who help out at the school and various other similar jobs.
The surefire way to get pegged as an outsider is to move to your new place and complain that it's not like your old place, or to get caught in that "what do people around here do for FUN??" trap. If you don't seem like you're coming to the small town to just change things, people should get along with you just fine.
posted by jessamyn at 12:46 PM on March 16, 2007
The biggest things for me to get used to moving here from Seattle -- even though I grew up in a town about this size -- were these.
- not going to church does seem a little weird to people. I decided not to do it personally but if you even slightly lean that way, it's a great way to get to know people in a community. If you don't go to the church, feel free to go to the church suppers. I go to a lot of these and they're a fun way to meet neighbors and not, in my experience, any real prostyletizing event.
- people like to stand and talk a lot. So, if you're home when the meter reader comes by, or when the wood guy makes his delivery, coming outside to pass the time for a bit is somewhere between appreciated and expected. Rushing off like you have someplace to be is more of a city person indicator.
- people talk to each other about you and you should probably expect this. The lady from the post office knows how much mail I get and roughly from where and I sort of assume other people in town do too. I'm always amused by how much people seem to know about me, I'm not a private person particularly, but having a lot of close-in neighbors, even if they're not your best buddies, just means people sort of know about you.
- People don't have curtains over their downstairs windows see above) and if you do, or if you're excesively private -- heading into the house with groceries when your neighbor is sitting outside on his porch and not saying hi -- people will think it's a little odd.
- the news is in the newspaper! Seriously, where I'm at there is very little web penetration and besides talking to my neighbors, I learn about what's going on by reading the local paper pretty regularly. This is also where I figure out what is going on in the big cities nearby
In my town there are a lot of little groups ranging from the Rotary/Kiwanis people to the beautification committee, town government committees, the local business committee and the planning committee. There are also the local Red Cross volunteers, the library volunteers, the people who drive older people to doctors appointments volunteers and volunteer fire fighters. I assume there are people who help out at the school and various other similar jobs.
The surefire way to get pegged as an outsider is to move to your new place and complain that it's not like your old place, or to get caught in that "what do people around here do for FUN??" trap. If you don't seem like you're coming to the small town to just change things, people should get along with you just fine.
posted by jessamyn at 12:46 PM on March 16, 2007
I grew up in a village of 300 in rural Ontario, and now I live in downtown Toronto.
The biggest difference I've noticed is one of personal space.
In Toronto, I see more people in five minutes in Bloor Station than I would see in a whole week back home. I don't look at all of them, because it's impossible to process that many people. When friends from home are with me in Bloor Station, they find those five minutes absolutely exhausting—information overload! Back home, when I bike past someone's house and they're on their front porch, they say hi to me. They will notice you a lot more because there are fewer people there and they have time. You aren't just a face in a crowd—crowds don't exist there like they do in the city. You are not anonymous.
When my friends and I have moved back and forth between home and the city, we have noticed that people fresh from the city are more aggressive in a lot of ways. They are more aggressive drivers, more likely to cut you off, more likely to move your grocery cart because it's in their way. Country folk are more likely to wave to you from their cars, honk to say a friendly hello, and value your personal space more than their time constraints (it is more rude to move someone's cart without asking than to block the aisle).
I'm not sure how Pakenham is, but my village (between Kingston and Ottawa) is very strict about who is from there and who is an outsider. My parents have lived in the village for 25 years, and still aren't considered 'from there.' Gossip abounds. The flip side of this is that there is great community support. During the Ice Storm of '98, we all instinctively went to the Legion Hall because it was general knowledge that people would gather there. We knew where all the elderly people lived, so they were automatically taken care of.
Don't be surprised if you are meeting people after a few weeks and they already know where you live and that you're pregnant—people talk! Feel free to ask people advice about local doctors, where to get baby stuff, etc. Nothing will get you into local circles faster than having a few well-connected women taking you under their wings.
posted by heatherann at 12:47 PM on March 16, 2007
The biggest difference I've noticed is one of personal space.
In Toronto, I see more people in five minutes in Bloor Station than I would see in a whole week back home. I don't look at all of them, because it's impossible to process that many people. When friends from home are with me in Bloor Station, they find those five minutes absolutely exhausting—information overload! Back home, when I bike past someone's house and they're on their front porch, they say hi to me. They will notice you a lot more because there are fewer people there and they have time. You aren't just a face in a crowd—crowds don't exist there like they do in the city. You are not anonymous.
When my friends and I have moved back and forth between home and the city, we have noticed that people fresh from the city are more aggressive in a lot of ways. They are more aggressive drivers, more likely to cut you off, more likely to move your grocery cart because it's in their way. Country folk are more likely to wave to you from their cars, honk to say a friendly hello, and value your personal space more than their time constraints (it is more rude to move someone's cart without asking than to block the aisle).
I'm not sure how Pakenham is, but my village (between Kingston and Ottawa) is very strict about who is from there and who is an outsider. My parents have lived in the village for 25 years, and still aren't considered 'from there.' Gossip abounds. The flip side of this is that there is great community support. During the Ice Storm of '98, we all instinctively went to the Legion Hall because it was general knowledge that people would gather there. We knew where all the elderly people lived, so they were automatically taken care of.
Don't be surprised if you are meeting people after a few weeks and they already know where you live and that you're pregnant—people talk! Feel free to ask people advice about local doctors, where to get baby stuff, etc. Nothing will get you into local circles faster than having a few well-connected women taking you under their wings.
posted by heatherann at 12:47 PM on March 16, 2007
The thing that amazed me about living in a small town was how everyone was related and everyone knew each other. Until your kids marry their kids, you'll always be the new guy, but that doesn't mean you're a stranger. Church is a good answer, as is the library.
Surely they have a community center or town hall, get in line at the next spaghetti dinner, and strike up a conversation with the people that serve you. There will be bulletin boards at the library, hockey arena, church and community center, pick what interests you and become active.
Get out and walk to your neighbours, tell them that you're new in town, ask for advice about getting wood for the fire place, mild delivery, snow plowing, and if they might be willing to keep an eye on your place when your out of town.
Bring some stuff to the thrift shop and give it to them, and buy something while you are there.
posted by furtive at 3:09 PM on March 16, 2007
Surely they have a community center or town hall, get in line at the next spaghetti dinner, and strike up a conversation with the people that serve you. There will be bulletin boards at the library, hockey arena, church and community center, pick what interests you and become active.
Get out and walk to your neighbours, tell them that you're new in town, ask for advice about getting wood for the fire place, mild delivery, snow plowing, and if they might be willing to keep an eye on your place when your out of town.
Bring some stuff to the thrift shop and give it to them, and buy something while you are there.
posted by furtive at 3:09 PM on March 16, 2007
croutonsupafreak: It was annoying to have to travel 20 miles to buy shoes or see a movies, and all the driving to do anything or go anywhere was annoying.
City kid, right? 20 miles to buy shoes/see a movie/etc is pretty good, afaic. I do that now. If that driving bothers you, move back to the city, 'cause you ain't ever gonna be comfortable in a small town.
The small town we live outside of isn't as closely knit as many I've been in, but there's still a certain amount of neighborly curiousity. You may have neighbors stopping by during the first couple of weeks you're there -- most people will wait a couple of days to let you get the big stuff settled and the kitchen going. Don't rush off unless you really do have an appointment. Within a month, people will know that the new people in the "red house on the hill" (which may still be called by the names of the family who lived there 40 years ago) moved from [wherever], he works "in the city", she's pregnant. They may even know when you're due.
posted by jlkr at 4:02 PM on March 16, 2007
City kid, right? 20 miles to buy shoes/see a movie/etc is pretty good, afaic. I do that now. If that driving bothers you, move back to the city, 'cause you ain't ever gonna be comfortable in a small town.
The small town we live outside of isn't as closely knit as many I've been in, but there's still a certain amount of neighborly curiousity. You may have neighbors stopping by during the first couple of weeks you're there -- most people will wait a couple of days to let you get the big stuff settled and the kitchen going. Don't rush off unless you really do have an appointment. Within a month, people will know that the new people in the "red house on the hill" (which may still be called by the names of the family who lived there 40 years ago) moved from [wherever], he works "in the city", she's pregnant. They may even know when you're due.
posted by jlkr at 4:02 PM on March 16, 2007
If that driving bothers you, move back to the city, 'cause you ain't ever gonna be comfortable in a small town.
Haha, did that a few months ago. It takes all kinds, right?
posted by croutonsupafreak at 6:53 PM on March 16, 2007
Haha, did that a few months ago. It takes all kinds, right?
posted by croutonsupafreak at 6:53 PM on March 16, 2007
sniff
You're all best answerers, every one!
ask for advice about... mild delivery
I grant that a home birth might cause a little talk, especially if it's in the middle of the night, but I don't know that I want to be quite THAT friendly right off the bat...
posted by kmennie at 5:59 AM on March 17, 2007
You're all best answerers, every one!
ask for advice about... mild delivery
I grant that a home birth might cause a little talk, especially if it's in the middle of the night, but I don't know that I want to be quite THAT friendly right off the bat...
posted by kmennie at 5:59 AM on March 17, 2007
Marry a local.
I moved from "the big city" (one of top 10 metro areas in US) to a small farm in a township of 1200 people of whom 200 live in the village 2 miles from us. My bride's a native and her family on both sides goes back about 10 generations here, so she knows just about everyone she's not related to. Her father was a prominent political figure in this county years ago. All this has given me a bit of entree.
Still, it's important to follow the wise advice offered in other answers. I'd emphasize that people in such areas a) really do pay close attention to what you do and how you act, even though they may not seem to; and b) word gets around - FAST. Unlike in the big city, you can't just assume you're invisible. There's no such thing as invisible here.
One thing I am resolute about is doing business as much as humanly possible with local merchants (gas station, grocery, bank, etc.). One day I went into the post office to mail 50 letters and the sole clerk - who is also the postmaster - asked me where I bought the stamps. Oblivious, I answered that I'd bought them down in the city last time I was there. Very kindly she requested that I buy my stamps from her so the revenues of her tiny post office stay up. I've done that ever since. Though the tiny grocery here is not the greatest in the world, and their prices are high, we still do all our routine business there.
I think this is another kind of thing that people notice, and word gets around. If you want to be part of the community, really be part of it.
There's much more casual social interaction here - as people have commented: the greeting, the waving, the idle chat. Talks with anyone you don't know generally begin with polite exploration as to "who you know" and "who you're related to" and when these bona fides have been clarified, everyone is comfortable. It can seem kind of comical, the extent to which these exercises can go, but this is how it is here, this is how things work.
I never volunteer that I'm from the city (don't have to) and I never, EVER, in word, deed, or otherwise, project any sort of impression that I consider myself smarter or better in any way. This is just human relations common sense, I think.
All that said, I've never been treated with anything but kindness, respect, and acceptance. Since my grandfather wasn't from here I'll never be thought of as a native, but that's all right. I wouldn't give this place up for anything.
posted by charris5005 at 9:25 AM on March 17, 2007
I moved from "the big city" (one of top 10 metro areas in US) to a small farm in a township of 1200 people of whom 200 live in the village 2 miles from us. My bride's a native and her family on both sides goes back about 10 generations here, so she knows just about everyone she's not related to. Her father was a prominent political figure in this county years ago. All this has given me a bit of entree.
Still, it's important to follow the wise advice offered in other answers. I'd emphasize that people in such areas a) really do pay close attention to what you do and how you act, even though they may not seem to; and b) word gets around - FAST. Unlike in the big city, you can't just assume you're invisible. There's no such thing as invisible here.
One thing I am resolute about is doing business as much as humanly possible with local merchants (gas station, grocery, bank, etc.). One day I went into the post office to mail 50 letters and the sole clerk - who is also the postmaster - asked me where I bought the stamps. Oblivious, I answered that I'd bought them down in the city last time I was there. Very kindly she requested that I buy my stamps from her so the revenues of her tiny post office stay up. I've done that ever since. Though the tiny grocery here is not the greatest in the world, and their prices are high, we still do all our routine business there.
I think this is another kind of thing that people notice, and word gets around. If you want to be part of the community, really be part of it.
There's much more casual social interaction here - as people have commented: the greeting, the waving, the idle chat. Talks with anyone you don't know generally begin with polite exploration as to "who you know" and "who you're related to" and when these bona fides have been clarified, everyone is comfortable. It can seem kind of comical, the extent to which these exercises can go, but this is how it is here, this is how things work.
I never volunteer that I'm from the city (don't have to) and I never, EVER, in word, deed, or otherwise, project any sort of impression that I consider myself smarter or better in any way. This is just human relations common sense, I think.
All that said, I've never been treated with anything but kindness, respect, and acceptance. Since my grandfather wasn't from here I'll never be thought of as a native, but that's all right. I wouldn't give this place up for anything.
posted by charris5005 at 9:25 AM on March 17, 2007
I concur with pretty much all of the above. I married a man who grew up in a town where the population was (and still is) less than 300. His folks still live there, and over the years I've learned to stop saying things like "what would the board of health have to say about that?" when I see a barefoot person at the local grocery/convenience store. And even though my in-laws live in a rural area, and their house is situated on 1,000+ acres, away from general view, there is still the local neighbor who keeps her eye on everything. When Mr. Adams and I were staying with my MIL for a week (she has Alzheimer's) while FIL went on a fishing trip, Miss Neighbor called us on the second day to ask if everything was OK. She hadn't seen Mr. John's truck drive past her house in three days and was worried about him. In the past, I would've thought of her as a nosy busybody, but now I know in that rural of an area, that kind of inquisitiveness can sometimes save a life.
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:05 AM on March 17, 2007
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:05 AM on March 17, 2007
a home birth might cause a little talk
You don't know the half of it. When I was growing up, the people who lived in the other side of the two-family house had a kid at home. It was planned, with a midwife and everything, but the local rules said that you had to have notified (I think?) the local ambulance company in case there was a problem. SO the ambulance came to wait in our driveway, just in case. And then, because it was a slow night, the cop came by, lights a-flashing and then for good measure the fire truck as well. So, we had all of Boxboro's finest, in our driveway with their lights on while some nice lady tried to have her baby in peace next door. It was all around school by the next morning, of course.
posted by jessamyn at 12:27 PM on March 17, 2007
You don't know the half of it. When I was growing up, the people who lived in the other side of the two-family house had a kid at home. It was planned, with a midwife and everything, but the local rules said that you had to have notified (I think?) the local ambulance company in case there was a problem. SO the ambulance came to wait in our driveway, just in case. And then, because it was a slow night, the cop came by, lights a-flashing and then for good measure the fire truck as well. So, we had all of Boxboro's finest, in our driveway with their lights on while some nice lady tried to have her baby in peace next door. It was all around school by the next morning, of course.
posted by jessamyn at 12:27 PM on March 17, 2007
I grew up in Ottawa, and I'm a bit familiar with small town Ontario. I now live in a city in Alberta of 15000. I wouldn't expect it to be as conservative as some of the above posts suggest, nor necessarily as religious. Church is often community though in small towns. You could probably do a home birth or homeschooling without too much fuss. Pakenham has good x-c skiing, so enjoy. It also seems to me that there's a feminist group that I seem to remember being from there, but I can't place it.
I find that after living in large cities, and now in a small city that you just do more of what's available locally, using local services maximally, whereas in the city there's far more there, but you can't necessarily access it all (or in such short time).
My step mom who lived for years in Smiths' falls, not far away from there, told me that a good rule to go by is that when someone gives you something in a container (or lends you a container), that you should never return the container empty. I've done well by that one, and by that approach.
posted by kch at 10:25 PM on March 18, 2007
I find that after living in large cities, and now in a small city that you just do more of what's available locally, using local services maximally, whereas in the city there's far more there, but you can't necessarily access it all (or in such short time).
My step mom who lived for years in Smiths' falls, not far away from there, told me that a good rule to go by is that when someone gives you something in a container (or lends you a container), that you should never return the container empty. I've done well by that one, and by that approach.
posted by kch at 10:25 PM on March 18, 2007
that when someone gives you something in a container (or lends you a container), that you should never return the container empty
That's gold. Thank you.
posted by kmennie at 6:51 PM on March 19, 2007
That's gold. Thank you.
posted by kmennie at 6:51 PM on March 19, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
I can't tell you much about culture shock, seeing as the largest town I've actually lived in is about 7500 permanent residents (college town, and not as a student). I currently live 5 miles outside of a town of about 2K, 30 miles from a city of about 110K.
Volunteer work: Library. Historical society (surely there is one). Animal shelter/rescue. Is there a festival or fair in town? -- volunteer to be on the board. Senior center/services.
posted by jlkr at 4:17 AM on March 16, 2007