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February 15, 2007 11:44 AM Subscribe
Why do waiters at "fine dining" establishments have all the same affectations?
Is it just me or do they all seem to speak with these foppish intonations, saccharine enthusiasm and hyperactive hand-waving? How does such a culture propagate? Is it "taught" in culinary schools, or is it just part and parcel of the trade?
Do they think it's "refined" or something? Excuse my rant.
Is it just me or do they all seem to speak with these foppish intonations, saccharine enthusiasm and hyperactive hand-waving? How does such a culture propagate? Is it "taught" in culinary schools, or is it just part and parcel of the trade?
Do they think it's "refined" or something? Excuse my rant.
This post was deleted for the following reason: XYZ sucks AMIRITE
And yeah, it's my understanding that the behavior at the mega-chains is part of the training. Like in Office Space.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:53 AM on February 15, 2007
posted by mr_roboto at 11:53 AM on February 15, 2007
Might be the case in the US, but it's not my experience here in the UK where such an affectation probably kicked off (think butlers). It seems like a generalism to me, rather like assuming all gay people talk with a camp accent, etc, but it's not really true.
posted by wackybrit at 11:53 AM on February 15, 2007
posted by wackybrit at 11:53 AM on February 15, 2007
The cliche of the flouncy waiter is probably contributing to confirmation bias.
In other words, it's just you.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:54 AM on February 15, 2007
In other words, it's just you.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:54 AM on February 15, 2007
I say add some more info lest this get swept into the chatfilterbin. Where are you? Which restaurants? Which genders of waitfolks? Eh, you may be screwed anyway.
posted by wemayfreeze at 11:54 AM on February 15, 2007
posted by wemayfreeze at 11:54 AM on February 15, 2007
I don't know how to say this without sounding patronizing, so I hope you'll forgive me:
Perhaps it's the difference between "fine dining" and fine dining. Are you going to corporate restaurants that describe themselves as "fine dining", or are you going to truly good restaurants?
posted by o2b at 11:57 AM on February 15, 2007
Perhaps it's the difference between "fine dining" and fine dining. Are you going to corporate restaurants that describe themselves as "fine dining", or are you going to truly good restaurants?
posted by o2b at 11:57 AM on February 15, 2007
Ask metafiler: It's just confirmation bias.
posted by oxford blue at 11:57 AM on February 15, 2007
posted by oxford blue at 11:57 AM on February 15, 2007
luriete writes "At the high-end chains you get that kind of ridiculous behavior..."
I wouldn't even say the high-end chains... I've had good service at Il Fornaio, which is a chain that is at least at the border of the high-end. This is something I associate with the Cheesecake Factory or TGIFriday's.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:58 AM on February 15, 2007
I wouldn't even say the high-end chains... I've had good service at Il Fornaio, which is a chain that is at least at the border of the high-end. This is something I associate with the Cheesecake Factory or TGIFriday's.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:58 AM on February 15, 2007
I've eaten at some of the best restaurants in NYC and never had that kind of service. Where are you and what do you mean by "fine dining" establishments?
posted by languagehat at 12:12 PM on February 15, 2007
posted by languagehat at 12:12 PM on February 15, 2007
Waiters often behave unnaturally in order to encourage you to give them a larger tip when you come to pay.
posted by welephant at 12:28 PM on February 15, 2007
posted by welephant at 12:28 PM on February 15, 2007
Best answer:
Full disclosure: I work for a restaurant chain named in this thread.
There's a lot of stuff that goes into this kind of serving behavior, and training (as previously speculated) is the biggest part of it. When you go through corporate restaurant training, you are frequently told that when you are on the floor, you are performing. The people in your section (the tables you work for the night), as well as the guests in the restaurant, are out to enjoy a social experience, and to be entertained, and the stuff mentioned in the post is frequently encouraged as part of the "entertainment" aspect of your job (especially if there are kids at the table).
So now you're wondering, "Why do they do this? It seems embarassing or absurd." But a lot of people really respond to it. They're coming out to have a good time, and the energy and enthusiasm that you display to your guests, from greet to thank you, is reciprocated both to you and to your establishment. The restaurant industry in this country is huge, and many good/career/professional servers understand that repeat business is the best way to have a good, consistent income living off of tips. And so, in an industry that is so crowded, the best way to build consistent, repeat business is to be memorable and personable, and not simply robotic.
I've worked across the spectrum in the restaurant business, from chains to "casual fine dining", and I feel that the more restrained attitude is much more appropriate to my personality- I'd rather distinguish myself to my guests through quality service. But some people come in and you can read their expectations just in their faces. Some people definitely expect the behavior you're describing, and the first rule of being a server is give people what they want. By the same token, it's easy to tell when people do not respond to that kind of demeanor, and when I notice this I tone it down.
So really, the way that you are treated by a server is all in how they read you when they greet your table. If you sit down for lunch in a suit with a folder/Blackberry/etc on the table, any waiter worth their salt will use sparse language and leave you the fuck alone. If you respond somewhat coldly, or don't smile, when you are greeted, they'll probably apply some sales techniques- but not too far. On the other hand, if you smile back, give them some sincere appreciation, introduce yourself to them (I love it when people do this), or generally reciprocate, then they're going to turn it up on you.
I'm not saying you should be mean to your server if you don't like this kind of behavior. Rather, when you sit down tell your server, "Hi, my name is, I'm easy to take care of and I know what I want." Simple, concise, and it gets the point across. When people tell me this kind of stuff, I know that I'm not expected to "perform" for them, and I'll give them as much space as they want and answer their questions without over elaborating. Conversely, if you want to be entertained, you can make that very clear by asking about featured drinks, the server's preference on drinks and food, and speaking energetically.
The bottom line is that a good server is trying to help you have a good time, and s/he understands that in order to do that they need to serve you on the level that you desire. If I may be permitted a musical metaphor- each table I have resonates like a chord. They give off certain over/undertones, and my job is to find the chord that will create harmony between us. If I fail in this, I create dischord. If you send clear signals to your server they will adjust their service to you, and if they don't then they suck.
People go out to places where they have fun. You may not think that the behavior you describe creates a fun atmosphere, but a lot of people do.
posted by baphomet at 12:35 PM on February 15, 2007 [4 favorites]
Full disclosure: I work for a restaurant chain named in this thread.
There's a lot of stuff that goes into this kind of serving behavior, and training (as previously speculated) is the biggest part of it. When you go through corporate restaurant training, you are frequently told that when you are on the floor, you are performing. The people in your section (the tables you work for the night), as well as the guests in the restaurant, are out to enjoy a social experience, and to be entertained, and the stuff mentioned in the post is frequently encouraged as part of the "entertainment" aspect of your job (especially if there are kids at the table).
So now you're wondering, "Why do they do this? It seems embarassing or absurd." But a lot of people really respond to it. They're coming out to have a good time, and the energy and enthusiasm that you display to your guests, from greet to thank you, is reciprocated both to you and to your establishment. The restaurant industry in this country is huge, and many good/career/professional servers understand that repeat business is the best way to have a good, consistent income living off of tips. And so, in an industry that is so crowded, the best way to build consistent, repeat business is to be memorable and personable, and not simply robotic.
I've worked across the spectrum in the restaurant business, from chains to "casual fine dining", and I feel that the more restrained attitude is much more appropriate to my personality- I'd rather distinguish myself to my guests through quality service. But some people come in and you can read their expectations just in their faces. Some people definitely expect the behavior you're describing, and the first rule of being a server is give people what they want. By the same token, it's easy to tell when people do not respond to that kind of demeanor, and when I notice this I tone it down.
So really, the way that you are treated by a server is all in how they read you when they greet your table. If you sit down for lunch in a suit with a folder/Blackberry/etc on the table, any waiter worth their salt will use sparse language and leave you the fuck alone. If you respond somewhat coldly, or don't smile, when you are greeted, they'll probably apply some sales techniques- but not too far. On the other hand, if you smile back, give them some sincere appreciation, introduce yourself to them (I love it when people do this), or generally reciprocate, then they're going to turn it up on you.
I'm not saying you should be mean to your server if you don't like this kind of behavior. Rather, when you sit down tell your server, "Hi, my name is
The bottom line is that a good server is trying to help you have a good time, and s/he understands that in order to do that they need to serve you on the level that you desire. If I may be permitted a musical metaphor- each table I have resonates like a chord. They give off certain over/undertones, and my job is to find the chord that will create harmony between us. If I fail in this, I create dischord. If you send clear signals to your server they will adjust their service to you, and if they don't then they suck.
People go out to places where they have fun. You may not think that the behavior you describe creates a fun atmosphere, but a lot of people do.
posted by baphomet at 12:35 PM on February 15, 2007 [4 favorites]
I don't think waiters go to culinary school in order to be waiters... unless they're waiting tables part-time to help pay for school.
The "fine dining" waiters are propably trained to be peppy, because that's what the clientele expects. And if the customers expect a saccharine hyperactive fop, they'd (generally) be less likely to tip a reserved waiter. A good portion of the waiters probably despise it and die a little inside with every fake "HiiiIIIiiiIIIiii!!"
Try some better, possibly smaller, restaurants.
posted by CKmtl at 12:35 PM on February 15, 2007
The "fine dining" waiters are propably trained to be peppy, because that's what the clientele expects. And if the customers expect a saccharine hyperactive fop, they'd (generally) be less likely to tip a reserved waiter. A good portion of the waiters probably despise it and die a little inside with every fake "HiiiIIIiiiIIIiii!!"
Try some better, possibly smaller, restaurants.
posted by CKmtl at 12:35 PM on February 15, 2007
I haven't noticed the behavior you're describing. I'm in NYC, and I've eaten at some higher-end restaurants (e.g. Le Cirque, Jean Georges, Le Bernardin, etc.), and I've always been pleased with the service.
So, I guess my answer to the question is "they don't."
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 12:49 PM on February 15, 2007
So, I guess my answer to the question is "they don't."
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 12:49 PM on February 15, 2007
I'm going to agree with the "fine dining" versus fine dining point. This weekend I went to a high end chain restaurant (Fleming's Steakhouse). The steak was lovely, the waiter was young and enthusiastic, and obviously performing for his tip. It felt like I was being served by one of the greeters at the front of the Disney Store. "Hi and welcome to the disney store! Ya'll have a nice day!" [accompanied by over-acting and expansive gestures].
By contrast, any independent restaurant that prides itself on good service and excellent food usually has much more restrained, pleasant, invisible-until-you-need-them type service.
Also, excellent post Baphomet. Please be my waiter some day! :)
posted by Joh at 12:51 PM on February 15, 2007
By contrast, any independent restaurant that prides itself on good service and excellent food usually has much more restrained, pleasant, invisible-until-you-need-them type service.
Also, excellent post Baphomet. Please be my waiter some day! :)
posted by Joh at 12:51 PM on February 15, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
In my part of the world, the affectations you describe are mostly limited to gaudy mega-chains. Generally, I get restrained, professional service at nicer independent restaurants.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:52 AM on February 15, 2007