GET OFF THE COUCH
February 15, 2007 7:52 AM Subscribe
Does my roommate need help, or do I?
posted by BE ADEQUITE to human relations (35 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I'm living in a 4 bedroom apartment, two boys and two girls all around 23 years old.
My roommate B quit his job a couple of months ago. At first he looked around for new jobs, but didn't find anything that met his standards. After barely coming through with the rent and expenses, he finally admitted defeat and called his parents for money. They aren't rich, but have been sending him money to help him out while he looks for work.
The trouble is, now that he's getting money from them, he's not looking for work at all. I know none of that is my business, as long as the bills are paid, but as friends and roommates we have grown concerned as the months have started to roll by.
The biggest problem is that he literally hasn't left the house in two weeks. He spends every day in front of the TV waiting for the rest of us to get home, and in the evening he gets wasted with whoever happens to be around. He doesn't seem depressed or too concerned about what comes next-- he's cheerful and mostly the same as ever-- but in the meantime he is ALWAYS underfoot. In a four-roommate-household I had grown to treasure the occasions when I had the house to myself, getting small amounts of privacy that I've begun to count on for my own sanity. Now that's impossible, because B is around 24/7 and always eager to hang out together. I don't know how to let him know that this is inappropriate conduct in a crowded house, because I am not sure whether I'm being reasonable. Either way, I work a lot and without time alone to relax, I'm starting to feel a build-up of anxiety and resentment.
So far we've held off on saying anything judgmental, waiting for this phase to pass. Now, with no end in sight and my patience fraying, I'm afraid that if anything IS said about it, my frustration will show through and he will feel attacked. We showed him lots of sympathy at first, helping him buy stuff and scouting for jobs and helping him fill the empty time with fun stuff so he wouldn't get depressed about being unemployed. All that has worn off and now I feel like there's no way out of this without a lot of hurt feelings.
My other roommates are also aggravated, but even less willing to rock the boat than I've been. What can we do to fix this?