How to be better at remembering birthdays

September 23, 2024 6:27 AM

I have friends' and family's birthdays in my Google Calendar, but I ALWAYS forget to wish people happy birthday! How can I become better at remembering people's birthdays?

I'm generally good with besties' or very close family members' birthdays because they are so embedded in my memory that as we enter a particular month I will associate it with that person's birthday. I always associate e.g. November with my mother so I would never forget her birthday.

But with friends and extended family, I have all their birthdays noted down in my Google calendar (with a different colour so in theory they should stand out) but even though I look at my calendar on my phone everyday, I don't really register birthdays - probably because my focus gets taken up with other calendar entries like doctor appointments, social engagements etc. So the birthday reminders tend to get lost.

I'm sure there are apps, etc, but I'm interested in ways to remember birthdays that have actually worked for you.

posted by unicorn chaser to Grab Bag (18 answers total)

Put them on your calendar as a recurring appointment at 8 am instead of an all-day appointment.
posted by notjustthefish at 6:31 AM on September 23

Spend a cosy half day between your winter holiday and New Year's writing birthday email messages to all your special people. Put them on 'schedule send' through gMail to arrive the morning of each respective birthday. You can always add or change a message through the year if something comes up, but you've got the main birthday wish handled.
posted by cocoagirl at 6:44 AM on September 23

How about a calendar item that alerts you at a specific time of day when you know you have attention to give (e.g., lunch break) that says specifically "Wish notjustthefish Happy Birthday!" Then it's more like a to-do and not so much a reminder.
posted by archimago at 6:45 AM on September 23

> Put them on your calendar as a recurring appointment at 8 am instead of an all-day appointment.

This! And in addition, add notifications to go off 1 day in advance and/or 1 week in advance so that you have a reminder to write out a happy birthday email/text on the 1-day-prior mark which you can then schedule to send at midnight, and you have time to mail a card/present at the one-week-prior mark.
posted by MiraK at 6:47 AM on September 23

Do you have a task management app? You could make them recurring annual tasks that have to be checked off once completed.
posted by Jacqueline at 6:50 AM on September 23

I have birthdays and anniversaries as reminders (recurring) rather than calendar events and that seems to make me more likely to action the reminders.
posted by ellieBOA at 6:52 AM on September 23

I have an in-law who is very good at sending birthday cards. On the first of the month she writes out all her birthday cards for the coming month, puts them in envelopes and addresses them. In the corner where the stamp will go she makes a little notation of the date she should put the card in the mail. She keeps the cards sorted chronologically.

When a card's date comes up she puts a stamp on it and puts it in the mail. Easy peasy and she is in touch with a lifetime of friends. She's the one person I know I'll always get a card from.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 6:54 AM on September 23

You can add reminders to Google Calendar events, including email. They don't have to be day-of. Try slapping a "three days before" (or whatever would work for you) email reminder on everyone you want to send well-wishes or a card to.
posted by The Master and Margarita Mix at 7:06 AM on September 23

Which part of the process do you feel is not working for you right now?

Do you wish that after a few yrs of seeing the calendar events you wouldn't need the calendar anymore? Personally that is not possible for me, so I'm resigned to using the calendar forever and I'm ok with that, it doesn't mean I don't value that person highly.

Or do you want to take some action - send a card, message them on socials - but the calendar events are not enough to prompt you to do that?

If it is about the corresponding action:

• Set the event to recur annually
• dd a reminder notification to the calendar events, a few days beforehand
• Make sure the reminder notification is set to go off during the time of day that you can actually take action. For example for me, 8am on a weekday will not work at all, I am in the thick of meetings at work and will just dismiss any non-urgent reminders at that time. But 4pm on weekdays would work, things are calm and I have the time to actually do something about it.
• Take advantage of delayed/scheduled send options on messaging platforms. A lot of them nowadays will let you write a message and schedule when it will be received (day & time). This is the electronic version of writing all your cards in advance but mailing them close to the date.
• If you use some other planning/to-do list system that you do follow through on, then don't write the card/send the message when you get that reminder notification. Instead, make it a reminder to move it to your existing to-do list. This needs a longer runway to send messages so they don't arrive late, but the point is to incorporate it into a system that you already use and your brain respects.

posted by tinydancer at 7:37 AM on September 23

I have birthdays on a list that lives in my tickler file. At the beginning of the month I can scan to see if there any that I want to take action on in the coming month.
posted by bluesky78987 at 9:24 AM on September 23

I use Outlook reminders for stuff at work and I get the reminders I set without fail, but I don't use it for a lot of personal stuff other than reminders of appointments that occur during work time. For personal stuff, Google calendar seems hit or miss... somehow I seem to miss a lot of reminders (this may be a me problem, but for whatever reason it isn't helping me.)

So I have a Clock app on my phone that I use to set alarms for various things. I always set one alarm a few days in advance of the thing I want to remember, so I'm not caught off guard by just being reminded of the thing on the day of. Then I have a second alarm set for the morning of the day of, which I will then snooze or reset until I actually do the thing.

Also, I am active on Facebook as are most of my friends & family, so Facebook tells me the morning of that "Fred Smith's birthday is today!" and I can post a Facebook message on his timeline. This is useful to me, as I am on Facebook for at least a few minutes every day. I think there may be a setting for FB to send you notifications of birthdays via email or text, but I don't know for sure if that's a thing.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 9:25 AM on September 23

Try making your calendar notation actionable: instead of the all-day "Beauregard's birthday," set it as an appointment to "Text Beauregard happy birthday" (or call or whatever, I don't know Beauregard's life). Do the same thing with your phone's reminders, so that the prompt that pops up is to do a thing instead of just giving you information.
posted by wormtales at 9:26 AM on September 23

I purchased a 2 yr American Greeting subscription for $20/year which has really helped me in my 'sending a card' game b/c now I don't have to actually send a card and it's fun to pick out a little digital card and there aren't so many options that it takes very long. But you can also schedule the digital cards ahead of time if you wanted to ensure your person got a note from you on their day.

I really like wormtales suggestion of making thing more actionable than just documenting the bday on the calendar. Seeing that call to action very def helps my brain go do the thing when I'm looking at my various lists of todos.
posted by snowymorninblues at 12:37 PM on September 23

Go into each contact and add their birthday! This will give you a second point of failure. If you use Apple, it will also highlight their birthdays in other apps if you have them marked in your calendar. For instance, iMessage will have a reminder in it on the actual birthday for that contact.
posted by dobbs at 1:18 PM on September 23

Try setting up a punishment/reward system for missing/remembering those dates. When you miss a date, make a moderate donation (say $20.00) to a good well known charity such as Doctors Without Borders or Save the Children. When you remember a date, treat yourself to something you like but wouldn't get for your self normally, such as a special recording that you have been putting off purchasing or a nice meal at a new restaurant. I would suggest that the value of your reward sit below the value of your charitable gift, just sayin'

No cheating.
posted by leafwoman at 4:08 PM on September 23

Make birthdays all the SAME colour so you know it’s a birthday. (And don’t make anything else that colour. I nominate purple)
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:08 PM on September 23

You can set an email notification so the birthday event goes in your inbox as early or on the date you want. Assuming you use your inbox sort of like a todo list, which I do, this could help.
posted by like_neon at 4:37 AM on September 25

This is dumb but... you could make a habit to check your calendar / social media, and text daily happy birthday messages... every time you poop?
posted by nouvelle-personne at 3:42 PM on October 3