Amuse my dad! Remote joint activities
September 11, 2024 6:27 AM
My dad is retired and kind of bored and lonely. What can we do jointly but remotely? We do read books together.
My dad is a smart guy and has always been used to being busy. He's also not a really social person, so "join a local group" or "volunteer" are probably non-starters - he might do something like that if he found exactly the right thing on his own, but he's not really going to be interested in volunteering just for the sake of something to do.
He's very physically active and mentally sharp, reads a lot, does some puzzles, etc. He is on a budget, so "buy ingredients for a fancy recipe that you will each cook" or "purchase several streaming subscriptions" aren't going to go over big, but modest expenses might fly.
What are things that we could both do or things that would have some connection element? I feel like "let's jointly do this" is going to be an easier sell than "you would have fun doing this".
Also, he is really depressed by the current state of politics and the world in general and can get very down over it, so nothing like "let's read and discuss a news magazine". My goal is to have him not fall into thinking about Gaza, climate change, etc.
My dad is a smart guy and has always been used to being busy. He's also not a really social person, so "join a local group" or "volunteer" are probably non-starters - he might do something like that if he found exactly the right thing on his own, but he's not really going to be interested in volunteering just for the sake of something to do.
He's very physically active and mentally sharp, reads a lot, does some puzzles, etc. He is on a budget, so "buy ingredients for a fancy recipe that you will each cook" or "purchase several streaming subscriptions" aren't going to go over big, but modest expenses might fly.
What are things that we could both do or things that would have some connection element? I feel like "let's jointly do this" is going to be an easier sell than "you would have fun doing this".
Also, he is really depressed by the current state of politics and the world in general and can get very down over it, so nothing like "let's read and discuss a news magazine". My goal is to have him not fall into thinking about Gaza, climate change, etc.
(Things we can do literally together online are good, but things that we can also do in the same week and discuss would also work. I think he likes crosswords - I'm terrible at them, so this could be a growth experience!)
posted by Frowner at 6:34 AM on September 11
posted by Frowner at 6:34 AM on September 11
There’s a moderate up front cost but I often play golf and mini-golf with my friends in VR.
It’s nothing like being there together, but it is a significant improvement over both of us staring at a television in different rooms.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:45 AM on September 11
It’s nothing like being there together, but it is a significant improvement over both of us staring at a television in different rooms.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:45 AM on September 11
I played this puzzle game with a friend during 2020 lockdown. It's basically a virtual escape room designed to be played over Zoom. It's a one time thing, obviously, but it was very fun!
posted by mrphancy at 6:47 AM on September 11
posted by mrphancy at 6:47 AM on September 11
I'm trying to get into chess and there are lot of great resources. Lichess is free!
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 6:50 AM on September 11
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 6:50 AM on September 11
Write a book or a story together. Take turns writing a chapter or a passage, send it to the other and they continue. Can be used to write a family history or a fiction story or pretty much anything.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:58 AM on September 11
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:58 AM on September 11
For another thing you can do online together, try Board Game Arena? The free tier already lets you play lots of games and the premium tier (which only one player needs to access the full library) is only about $6/mo.
When I play with my friends we're usually playing on our laptops/PCs while video calling on our phone to the side, so it feels more like we're in the same room.
On another note, since you already read books together maybe you can find some longform blogs and discuss the posts there? My recommendations tend towards ancient and medieval history which is better terms of avoiding current events but they do make connections to contemporary politics often, so you might want to do some screening:
A Collection of Unmitigated Pedantry
Pasts Imperfect
Going Medieval
Ex Urbe
posted by coolname at 7:02 AM on September 11
When I play with my friends we're usually playing on our laptops/PCs while video calling on our phone to the side, so it feels more like we're in the same room.
On another note, since you already read books together maybe you can find some longform blogs and discuss the posts there? My recommendations tend towards ancient and medieval history which is better terms of avoiding current events but they do make connections to contemporary politics often, so you might want to do some screening:
A Collection of Unmitigated Pedantry
Pasts Imperfect
Going Medieval
Ex Urbe
posted by coolname at 7:02 AM on September 11
I've been able to get my father telling stories about his childhood a few times, which has been absolutely fascinating. I think he enjoys it. This depends on his childhood being interesting and not traumatic, of course! (My dad grew up on a farm in the Canadian prairies, so he and his siblings had a lot of interesting experiences that are totally alien to my life as a software engineer).
For bonus points, record so you can hear it again later/share with others in your family. I haven't done this yet and I regret not doing it sooner.
posted by Alterscape at 7:08 AM on September 11
For bonus points, record so you can hear it again later/share with others in your family. I haven't done this yet and I regret not doing it sooner.
posted by Alterscape at 7:08 AM on September 11
Does he enjoy travel?
Planning a vacation (for me) is fun and time consuming.
Can you plan a trip with him once or twice a year? Or, have him doing the planning? Even a weekend away.
posted by beccaj at 7:21 AM on September 11
Planning a vacation (for me) is fun and time consuming.
Can you plan a trip with him once or twice a year? Or, have him doing the planning? Even a weekend away.
posted by beccaj at 7:21 AM on September 11
The NYT games - Wordle, Connections, Strands - are all good for this and have easily-shared results that you can text back and forth. I imagine there are non-NYT clones out there, as well, and there are plenty of similar games that are fun; Minute Cryptic, for example. You can probably find something that caters to his particular puzzle tastes.
posted by sagc at 7:30 AM on September 11
posted by sagc at 7:30 AM on September 11
To pull my homebound dad out of a politics despair spiral in 2020, I got my dad an Economist subscription (I have one too, which is frankly kind of pricey for me, but worth it), and we regularly talk about current events in parts of the world we previously knew next nothing about. The physical magazine really helps, and of the magazines I got him that's the only one he asked to keep post pandemic.
I call it my dad homework, it means he and I have better conversations, and we both have learned a lot about the world. You obviously don't need to do the Economist, but I could see popular mechanics working or the Martha Stewart magazine or stuff that has a nice mix of long and short form. I find my parents don't want to read novels as much, and a magazine is lower stakes. My parents had depressing and hard childhoods and really don't want to talk about them, so for us, talking about the past is very non productive.
posted by larthegreat at 7:32 AM on September 11
I call it my dad homework, it means he and I have better conversations, and we both have learned a lot about the world. You obviously don't need to do the Economist, but I could see popular mechanics working or the Martha Stewart magazine or stuff that has a nice mix of long and short form. I find my parents don't want to read novels as much, and a magazine is lower stakes. My parents had depressing and hard childhoods and really don't want to talk about them, so for us, talking about the past is very non productive.
posted by larthegreat at 7:32 AM on September 11
There are several escape room-style games that are meant to be played by two people in different places (e.g., Tick Tock: A Tale for Two or Alone Together).
posted by praemunire at 7:46 AM on September 11
posted by praemunire at 7:46 AM on September 11
Also on review, please ignore my economist suggestion and maybe lean into the gardening or popular science magazine route. Just wanted to share that actually giving my dad the space and time to discuss politics meant he didn't ruminate as much on it the rest of the time. He's allowed one weekly rant with me, which he doesn't always take the option of, but knowing some one will listen to him for a set amount of time was very important. (Also helps other family members who just can't deal)
posted by larthegreat at 7:59 AM on September 11
posted by larthegreat at 7:59 AM on September 11
bird watch challenge to see who can ID the most birds/the most unique birds in a day/week/month, maybe using eBird/Merlin to track or work off a life list
participate in the Christmas Day Bird Count and/or Great Backyard Bird Count
find and join a different citizen science initiative and talk about your experience each time your work on the project
walking challenge: can set up by length of time or distance or maybe a challenge to walk every street in your city/the whole length of a bike trail first. can track by app or report to each other
seconding chess: you can play online as suggested above or teach yourselves how to play traditional postal correspondence chess. bonus: your father may get interested enough that he plays other people at chess either online, through the mail, or in person (libraries often have chess boards/chess meet ups)
posted by carrioncomfort at 8:01 AM on September 11
participate in the Christmas Day Bird Count and/or Great Backyard Bird Count
find and join a different citizen science initiative and talk about your experience each time your work on the project
walking challenge: can set up by length of time or distance or maybe a challenge to walk every street in your city/the whole length of a bike trail first. can track by app or report to each other
seconding chess: you can play online as suggested above or teach yourselves how to play traditional postal correspondence chess. bonus: your father may get interested enough that he plays other people at chess either online, through the mail, or in person (libraries often have chess boards/chess meet ups)
posted by carrioncomfort at 8:01 AM on September 11
Consider getting Switches and playing a world-building game, like animal crossing or similar. It's fun and esp. fun to do with a friend. Not super cheap, device is now @ 270, you need Nintendo subscriptions @ /month to connect with others, and games, but helped me and many others thru covid.
If he's an early riser, there are groups of Old Guys at McDonalds and other spots, drinking coffee reading the newspaper, etc.
There are so many volunteer options; the old guys at ReStore seem to be having fun.
posted by theora55 at 8:34 AM on September 11
If he's an early riser, there are groups of Old Guys at McDonalds and other spots, drinking coffee reading the newspaper, etc.
There are so many volunteer options; the old guys at ReStore seem to be having fun.
posted by theora55 at 8:34 AM on September 11
There are distributed editing projects (e.g., Project Gutenberg) that would benefit others, and also expose you to new texts that you can talk about on a call.
Or ask him to tell you a story based on a prompt you provide ("favorite pet" or "first date with Mom" or "first travel alone"), and you also tell a story. Over the next week, each one of you draws or writes a short poem about it or some other creative thing -- and on your next call you share the thing you created. collect these into a document for your family.
Ask him questions about his travel and then put the resulting dates and places into Custom Google Map. I did this with my dad and we were both surprised at how much of the world he's seen!
posted by wenestvedt at 9:06 AM on September 11
Or ask him to tell you a story based on a prompt you provide ("favorite pet" or "first date with Mom" or "first travel alone"), and you also tell a story. Over the next week, each one of you draws or writes a short poem about it or some other creative thing -- and on your next call you share the thing you created. collect these into a document for your family.
Ask him questions about his travel and then put the resulting dates and places into Custom Google Map. I did this with my dad and we were both surprised at how much of the world he's seen!
posted by wenestvedt at 9:06 AM on September 11
See the same movie at roughly the same time then have a coffee phone call date afterwards to discuss.
I mean in theater. I’ve done this with my sister. It’s really fun!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:06 AM on September 11
I mean in theater. I’ve done this with my sister. It’s really fun!
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:06 AM on September 11
What about watching movies and sharing your thoughts? You could go through the AFI Top 100 or the past year’s Best Picture Oscar nominees.
For a free alternative, you could pick an educational or fun non-political YouTube channel to go through together, maybe something like Tom Scott?
posted by capricorn at 9:20 AM on September 11
For a free alternative, you could pick an educational or fun non-political YouTube channel to go through together, maybe something like Tom Scott?
posted by capricorn at 9:20 AM on September 11
Would he like drawing? You could set yourselves a drawing challenge each week and discuss it. I'm on the train on the way back from a drawing session with my father, and we use My Year in Small Drawings: Notice, Draw, Appreciate by Matilda Tristram. It suggests categories of things to draw - house plants, lost or discarded things, doors, food packaging - and gives you a couple of pages of boxes a few cm square to draw in. So it feels as low pressure as you can get.
posted by paduasoy at 9:28 AM on September 11
posted by paduasoy at 9:28 AM on September 11
Maybe look into what non-book items his local library offers and see if you could outfit yourself similarly even if not so nicely? For example, mine has great "birding backpacks" and I could imagine someone's adult child being able to remotely participate in trying out the hobby with cheaper binoculars and a free app.
posted by teremala at 9:50 AM on September 11
posted by teremala at 9:50 AM on September 11
I'm going to take a different approach and suggest no games or entertainment at all. You didn't mention where you are located, so in case you are in the U.S., here is my best advice.
Many people are finding that the best antidote to despair over current news/politics is to take meaningful action. And for introverts with spare time looking to make a positive difference in the country, fighting voter suppression is what's called for at this very moment. Take a look at Vote Forward and see if this might appeal to you and your dad. You can co-work to write letters to voters in swing states, and feel very productive no matter how many you do. You can even turn it into a friendly competition if you'd like.
If you're wondering if this method really works, check out this page about their randomized controlled trials.
posted by oxisos at 9:58 AM on September 11
Many people are finding that the best antidote to despair over current news/politics is to take meaningful action. And for introverts with spare time looking to make a positive difference in the country, fighting voter suppression is what's called for at this very moment. Take a look at Vote Forward and see if this might appeal to you and your dad. You can co-work to write letters to voters in swing states, and feel very productive no matter how many you do. You can even turn it into a friendly competition if you'd like.
If you're wondering if this method really works, check out this page about their randomized controlled trials.
posted by oxisos at 9:58 AM on September 11
If he has a computer, you could play Minecraft together. It's not just for 12-year olds. ;)
posted by bluesky78987 at 10:56 AM on September 11
posted by bluesky78987 at 10:56 AM on September 11
You both may enjoy courses live online courses at Smithsonian Associates. You can watch them together and have conversations about various topics. Lectures cover "The Quest for Cosmic Life" to "Renaissance Rivalries:The Artistic Feuds of Rome" to "Feasting with Royalty: Dinner with Alexander the Great". Each course is fairly low cost and taught by experts in the field. The program is part of the Smithsonian Museum so has high credibility.
posted by ichimunki at 11:19 AM on September 11
posted by ichimunki at 11:19 AM on September 11
If the two of you are baseball fans, I highly recommend the daily contest at www.immaculategrid.com
posted by AJaffe at 11:55 AM on September 11
posted by AJaffe at 11:55 AM on September 11
Seconding Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes, unless a (cooperative) game about dismantling a time bomb would be too depressing.
The whole point of the game is working together when you can't see what the other person sees, so it feels rather appropriate. You'd really be relying on each other, so I think it could give a strong sense of togetherness.
(Only one person needs to buy the game, and you can replay it basically until you end up memorizing things.)
posted by demi-octopus at 2:59 PM on September 11
The whole point of the game is working together when you can't see what the other person sees, so it feels rather appropriate. You'd really be relying on each other, so I think it could give a strong sense of togetherness.
(Only one person needs to buy the game, and you can replay it basically until you end up memorizing things.)
posted by demi-octopus at 2:59 PM on September 11
You can also play Minecraft on a phone or tablet (ios and android).
posted by love2potato at 7:59 AM on September 12
posted by love2potato at 7:59 AM on September 12
I got my dad listening to A History of Rock Music in 500 Songs, and I really enjoy discussing it with him after new episodes. The podcast is more of a cultural history that uses the songs as starting points than straight up nostalgia and it is meticulously researched.
I just throw this suggestion out because it’s what’s worked for me and my dad, but the whole world of more academic podcasts that you can listen to together or separately may be worth exploring. If the cultural history of rock isn’t his thing, maybe something like The BBC’s In Our Time would be.
posted by ActionPopulated at 7:57 PM on September 13
I just throw this suggestion out because it’s what’s worked for me and my dad, but the whole world of more academic podcasts that you can listen to together or separately may be worth exploring. If the cultural history of rock isn’t his thing, maybe something like The BBC’s In Our Time would be.
posted by ActionPopulated at 7:57 PM on September 13
« Older Infomercial products that are actually good? | Should I buy a fixer upper condo as a first time... Newer »
You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments
https://multicrosser.chriszetter.com
Or you can just do crosswords together on zoom with screen sharing, or even just by looking at the same one simultaneously.
posted by knobknosher at 6:29 AM on September 11