Easing back into healthier habits
July 28, 2024 2:32 AM
I'd like to ease back into a healthier way of life, but I seem to have a psychological block around some basic self-care things. I'm working with a therapist on this. I'd like to supplement that by crowdsourcing some advice about how to ease back into healthier habits. Right now it all feels really overwhelming.
I've posted on AskMe before about my terrible couple of years spent firefighting numerous family physical and mental health crises, as well as financial issues, and what has felt like keeping my family from imploding.
I feel like my family has reached a fragile equilibrium for the past 6 months or so, although it feels quite precarious.
Anyway this question is not about that. I've found that since then, my self-care has just... bottomed and I feel completely overwhelmed by the amount of work it would take for me to get back to an acceptable level of wellbeing.
My therapist feels that I am still in a state of exhaustion having dealt with intense family stuff for a couple of years. I know she's right, but I would feel better if I could start to make some progress out of this hole.
My main issues are:
I only eat fast food. I don't do any exercise now and my body feels bad, like, all the time. I don't sleep well at night but then get exhausted during the day and sleep at random times, thus leading to another bad night's sleep.
My work is flexible so often I'll spend all day at home stuck to a chair frantically working, only to realise at 7pm I've not moved from my chair all day. Despite that, I'll be exhausted, and will head to the sofa for a quick shut-eye only to open my eyes again at 1am. My night's sleep will be shot, but the next day I have to be up and functioning at work. (My job is challenging, but good; I love it, but it takes every spare ounce of energy I have to work at the level that is expected of me.)
On days that I don't need to go out, I won't even shower. I work from home in my pyjamas. I never eat proper food unless I go out to eat. I subsist on takeout, and usually really unhealthy takeout like KFC. I have this block now about cooking because I just know I don't have the energy to cook and then clean up. Those meal kits everyone raves about are a waste for me: it generates so much waste and always feels like too much work and not enough food.
My only physical exercise consists of going into the office a couple of times a week. I've noticed a steep downturn in what I am able to do comfortably. Years ago, I used to attend classes, and over the pandemic, I did zoom exercise classes - although I have a complicated relationship with exercise and my body, these were good for me; but I feel like I am not at a level to even do the most basic of exercise now. My body aches when I walk or stand for too long. I live in a busy city, and something about the traffic and the roads and the loud noises really gets to me in a way it didn't when I was younger. A few weeks ago I went to visit a friend in the country and walked for longer there than I have in ages, and it felt so good to be somewhere quiet and green. But I don't see how I can relocate somewhere like that, especially not in the short term.
Things are slightly better for me in the autumn and winter, but very bad in the summer. The bright sunshine keeps me indoors, but then I also feel worse.
Other things: I have annual check-ups. No major health issues identified.
I am very messy by nature but hire a cleaner a couple of times a month. This keeps the worst of it at bay.
What are some concrete steps I can do to get to a better place? Please be kind and don't judge. I feel pretty bad about letting things get to this state.
I've posted on AskMe before about my terrible couple of years spent firefighting numerous family physical and mental health crises, as well as financial issues, and what has felt like keeping my family from imploding.
I feel like my family has reached a fragile equilibrium for the past 6 months or so, although it feels quite precarious.
Anyway this question is not about that. I've found that since then, my self-care has just... bottomed and I feel completely overwhelmed by the amount of work it would take for me to get back to an acceptable level of wellbeing.
My therapist feels that I am still in a state of exhaustion having dealt with intense family stuff for a couple of years. I know she's right, but I would feel better if I could start to make some progress out of this hole.
My main issues are:
I only eat fast food. I don't do any exercise now and my body feels bad, like, all the time. I don't sleep well at night but then get exhausted during the day and sleep at random times, thus leading to another bad night's sleep.
My work is flexible so often I'll spend all day at home stuck to a chair frantically working, only to realise at 7pm I've not moved from my chair all day. Despite that, I'll be exhausted, and will head to the sofa for a quick shut-eye only to open my eyes again at 1am. My night's sleep will be shot, but the next day I have to be up and functioning at work. (My job is challenging, but good; I love it, but it takes every spare ounce of energy I have to work at the level that is expected of me.)
On days that I don't need to go out, I won't even shower. I work from home in my pyjamas. I never eat proper food unless I go out to eat. I subsist on takeout, and usually really unhealthy takeout like KFC. I have this block now about cooking because I just know I don't have the energy to cook and then clean up. Those meal kits everyone raves about are a waste for me: it generates so much waste and always feels like too much work and not enough food.
My only physical exercise consists of going into the office a couple of times a week. I've noticed a steep downturn in what I am able to do comfortably. Years ago, I used to attend classes, and over the pandemic, I did zoom exercise classes - although I have a complicated relationship with exercise and my body, these were good for me; but I feel like I am not at a level to even do the most basic of exercise now. My body aches when I walk or stand for too long. I live in a busy city, and something about the traffic and the roads and the loud noises really gets to me in a way it didn't when I was younger. A few weeks ago I went to visit a friend in the country and walked for longer there than I have in ages, and it felt so good to be somewhere quiet and green. But I don't see how I can relocate somewhere like that, especially not in the short term.
Things are slightly better for me in the autumn and winter, but very bad in the summer. The bright sunshine keeps me indoors, but then I also feel worse.
Other things: I have annual check-ups. No major health issues identified.
I am very messy by nature but hire a cleaner a couple of times a month. This keeps the worst of it at bay.
What are some concrete steps I can do to get to a better place? Please be kind and don't judge. I feel pretty bad about letting things get to this state.
I ate mostly take out/delivery for about a year. I couldn’t handle more food preparation and honestly, that was fine. It’s what I needed/could do at the time. It’s not something I’m going to beat myself up over.
Be realistic about healthier food to eat. Could you get 2 semi prepared family meals from a catering company/Costco/local super market/whatever and eat those rather than KFC? Use paper plates for less clean up? Kind of ease yourself back in? It seems a recipe for failure to jump in to think you have the time and energy to jump back in to make all your meals homemade.
posted by raccoon409 at 3:15 AM on July 28
Be realistic about healthier food to eat. Could you get 2 semi prepared family meals from a catering company/Costco/local super market/whatever and eat those rather than KFC? Use paper plates for less clean up? Kind of ease yourself back in? It seems a recipe for failure to jump in to think you have the time and energy to jump back in to make all your meals homemade.
posted by raccoon409 at 3:15 AM on July 28
Oh and on the shower front. I know every article and suggestion about working from home includes “go on a walk around the block before you start work! Shower and get dressed in real clothes to start the day!” I’ve been working from home for 4 years now. It’s not happening for me. BUT, I do take a lunch shower and try to take a lunch walk (harder in the blazing summer heat). It’s ok to also just take a shower at the end of work. I also realized I hate the bright bathrooms lights and like showering a lot more with some battery operated twinkle lights I got. I didn’t think I was a big “sensory” person, but it seemed to really make a difference for me
posted by raccoon409 at 3:20 AM on July 28
posted by raccoon409 at 3:20 AM on July 28
I have this block now about cooking because I just know I don't have the energy to cook and then clean up.
This is a problem a lot of people with chronic energy-sapping conditions like CFS and depression have, and there are definitely workarounds. Maybe post a separate question listing your food preferences (or just note them here) to get tailored suggestions, but:
no-cooking approaches:
- Grazing on foods is a time honored approach: cheese, nuts, fruits and vegetables you don't have to prepare much (e.g. cherry tomatoes vs regular tomatoes that need to be chopped), etc. That can be a perfectly respectable way of handling meals.
- Paying someone to cook for you: depends on your finances, but if you're already paying for takeout and delivery then look into people in your area who come over and cook a week's worth of meals, or who cook at home and bring you a week's worth of meals. I know there are also larger services that do this but don't know anything about them.
- Frozen, canned, and jarred meals: probably less healthy than cooking yourself, but definitely more healthy than KFC. Having them easily accessible at home makes them even easier energy-wise than ordering out.
- Takeout: a wealth of options healthier than KFC. I'm guessing the junk food is partly about emotional satisfaction; are there other kinds of foods that can do that for you?
Cooking but minimal cleaning:
- Frozen vegetables and herbs mean no washing or cutting, no cutting board and knife to clean, etc.
- Disposable dishes, utensils, and baking pans/trays means no dishwashing. You said you didn't like the waste involved with meal kits, but using disposable stuff for home-made meals still generates less waste than takeout containers.
- Unattended cooking: slow cookers are nice because you put things in and generally don't have to deal with them until they're ready. The downside is that the inserts do need to be cleaned and are heavy. One alternative is disposable baking pans (the kind made of foil): you dump things in there, cover with foil, and let cook in the oven for a few hours. There are a lot of things you can cook that way that most people don't usually make in the oven: rice, other grains, legumes, etc. - I like to dump in some combination of the above with frozen vegetables and some water, let cook, and then mix in oils/spices/sauces after it's out of the oven, but that's just me. Another alternative is lining a baking sheet with foil or parchment, dumping a bunch of things on it, adding some oil and spices and stirring so things get coated, and letting it all roast; only cleanup is to throw out the lining. A third alternative is cooking in the microwave: still some cleanup, but usually only a bowl or plate as opposed to pots and pans. And there are other alternatives like using a rice cooker instead of a slow cooker (the insert is lighter and easier to clean), using other devices I have no experience with, etc.
For the above I'd look around for resources aimed at people who have no energy - there are probably lots of recipes and youtube videos on these techniques. I've seen a bunch of questions here too on how to feed yourself when you have no energy.
If you do end up using non-disposable dishes, utensils, pots and pans, and so on, and have a terror of running out of energy and letting dirty dishes pile up, even descending into a state of mold and so forth - I'd recommend putting away 90% of your equipment and leaving yourself only, like, one pan, 3 bowls, 3 plates, 2 sets of utensils, etc. That way there's a limit to how bad things can get and also washing dishes is never going to take more than 2-3 minutes, so it's easier to deal with emotionally than a full sink.
Whatever you do, I think your approach of "easing back in" is right. Don't aim for optimal, don't beat yourself up for generating some waste or buying prepared food or whatever.
Please be kind and don't judge. I feel pretty bad about letting things get to this state.
It's really really not just you.
posted by trig at 3:23 AM on July 28
This is a problem a lot of people with chronic energy-sapping conditions like CFS and depression have, and there are definitely workarounds. Maybe post a separate question listing your food preferences (or just note them here) to get tailored suggestions, but:
no-cooking approaches:
- Grazing on foods is a time honored approach: cheese, nuts, fruits and vegetables you don't have to prepare much (e.g. cherry tomatoes vs regular tomatoes that need to be chopped), etc. That can be a perfectly respectable way of handling meals.
- Paying someone to cook for you: depends on your finances, but if you're already paying for takeout and delivery then look into people in your area who come over and cook a week's worth of meals, or who cook at home and bring you a week's worth of meals. I know there are also larger services that do this but don't know anything about them.
- Frozen, canned, and jarred meals: probably less healthy than cooking yourself, but definitely more healthy than KFC. Having them easily accessible at home makes them even easier energy-wise than ordering out.
- Takeout: a wealth of options healthier than KFC. I'm guessing the junk food is partly about emotional satisfaction; are there other kinds of foods that can do that for you?
Cooking but minimal cleaning:
- Frozen vegetables and herbs mean no washing or cutting, no cutting board and knife to clean, etc.
- Disposable dishes, utensils, and baking pans/trays means no dishwashing. You said you didn't like the waste involved with meal kits, but using disposable stuff for home-made meals still generates less waste than takeout containers.
- Unattended cooking: slow cookers are nice because you put things in and generally don't have to deal with them until they're ready. The downside is that the inserts do need to be cleaned and are heavy. One alternative is disposable baking pans (the kind made of foil): you dump things in there, cover with foil, and let cook in the oven for a few hours. There are a lot of things you can cook that way that most people don't usually make in the oven: rice, other grains, legumes, etc. - I like to dump in some combination of the above with frozen vegetables and some water, let cook, and then mix in oils/spices/sauces after it's out of the oven, but that's just me. Another alternative is lining a baking sheet with foil or parchment, dumping a bunch of things on it, adding some oil and spices and stirring so things get coated, and letting it all roast; only cleanup is to throw out the lining. A third alternative is cooking in the microwave: still some cleanup, but usually only a bowl or plate as opposed to pots and pans. And there are other alternatives like using a rice cooker instead of a slow cooker (the insert is lighter and easier to clean), using other devices I have no experience with, etc.
For the above I'd look around for resources aimed at people who have no energy - there are probably lots of recipes and youtube videos on these techniques. I've seen a bunch of questions here too on how to feed yourself when you have no energy.
If you do end up using non-disposable dishes, utensils, pots and pans, and so on, and have a terror of running out of energy and letting dirty dishes pile up, even descending into a state of mold and so forth - I'd recommend putting away 90% of your equipment and leaving yourself only, like, one pan, 3 bowls, 3 plates, 2 sets of utensils, etc. That way there's a limit to how bad things can get and also washing dishes is never going to take more than 2-3 minutes, so it's easier to deal with emotionally than a full sink.
Whatever you do, I think your approach of "easing back in" is right. Don't aim for optimal, don't beat yourself up for generating some waste or buying prepared food or whatever.
Please be kind and don't judge. I feel pretty bad about letting things get to this state.
It's really really not just you.
posted by trig at 3:23 AM on July 28
You mention you live in a "busy city" but that could be anywhere :-) Given the mention of KFC, it's probably the US.
It will benefit you immensely if you tackle your diet as one of your first moves, God willing. And I'm NOT going to suggest you start cooking right away.
Take advantage of food and grocery delivery services for a while. That's how I got by on my last tech job, where I had a three hour commute every day and was in the middle of autistic burnout.
Breakfast
Try this smoothie, with ingredients all of which should be available through delivery via PeaPod and other services. You can use an immersion blender and the jar that usually comes with it to whip it up.
* One 25-g scoop of protein powder of any kind, preferably unflavored and unsweetened, but do what you can. Hemp is an excellent noninflammatory choice for this.
* Avocado, 1/2 large
* Oats soaked overnight in the fridge. Try about 1/2 cup of oats to start.
* Apple, pear, plum, banana, or other fresh fruit. Or, if you have the energy to bake sweet potatoes, those are great in smoothies too.
* Chia seed, about a teaspoon
* A pinch of spirulina
* Spices of your choice. I use cardamom powder and caraway seed, but I like my smoothies savory.
* A pinch of salt
Lunch (again, should be orderable via PeaPod etc.)
* Turkey breast or other non-pork cold cuts
* Cheese of your choice
* Sourdough bread. Healthiest option available by far. If you can't find that, go for pita bread instead.
* Baby carrots or other precut veg
* Berries, thawed from frozen (cheaper than fresh)
Dinner
Many large cities in the US offer healthy meal delivery services. Many times, they'll arrive frozen. Then you can take them out, nuke them, and eat them during the week.
One example in the Boston area: Tough Cookies, which offers keto and paleo meal delivery.
posted by rabia.elizabeth at 3:23 AM on July 28
It will benefit you immensely if you tackle your diet as one of your first moves, God willing. And I'm NOT going to suggest you start cooking right away.
Take advantage of food and grocery delivery services for a while. That's how I got by on my last tech job, where I had a three hour commute every day and was in the middle of autistic burnout.
Breakfast
Try this smoothie, with ingredients all of which should be available through delivery via PeaPod and other services. You can use an immersion blender and the jar that usually comes with it to whip it up.
* One 25-g scoop of protein powder of any kind, preferably unflavored and unsweetened, but do what you can. Hemp is an excellent noninflammatory choice for this.
* Avocado, 1/2 large
* Oats soaked overnight in the fridge. Try about 1/2 cup of oats to start.
* Apple, pear, plum, banana, or other fresh fruit. Or, if you have the energy to bake sweet potatoes, those are great in smoothies too.
* Chia seed, about a teaspoon
* A pinch of spirulina
* Spices of your choice. I use cardamom powder and caraway seed, but I like my smoothies savory.
* A pinch of salt
Lunch (again, should be orderable via PeaPod etc.)
* Turkey breast or other non-pork cold cuts
* Cheese of your choice
* Sourdough bread. Healthiest option available by far. If you can't find that, go for pita bread instead.
* Baby carrots or other precut veg
* Berries, thawed from frozen (cheaper than fresh)
Dinner
Many large cities in the US offer healthy meal delivery services. Many times, they'll arrive frozen. Then you can take them out, nuke them, and eat them during the week.
One example in the Boston area: Tough Cookies, which offers keto and paleo meal delivery.
posted by rabia.elizabeth at 3:23 AM on July 28
I think fixing your sleep is the thing that will let you build up to making all the other changes you want to make - using willpower to change habits when you're already exhausted is just too much for most of us. Depending on if you're a rules for yourself person or not, either setting a bedtime and sticking to it or just convincing yourself that the only place you're allowed to sleep is in bed (even if it's weird hours) will probably solve at least some of the exhaustion and aches. Then I'd add some light exercise (nice walks or a video workout if there are some you remember finding fun from when you used to do them) to make it easier to sleep well, then worry about your diet and take the good suggestions for no or super-low prep healthy snacks and meals here.
posted by snaw at 3:56 AM on July 28
posted by snaw at 3:56 AM on July 28
I live in a busy city, and something about the traffic and the roads and the loud noises really gets to me in a way it didn't when I was younger.
I've noticed the same. For me it started around the pandemic, though - like I got out of the habit of it all. I've been trying to just build up tolerance again.
That said, light ear plugs that just dampen sound but still let a lot through can help. If you have any in-ear earphones they'll probably work for this, and there are some earplug brands like Loop and various knockoffs. Listening to music when you're out an about can also help.
A few weeks ago I went to visit a friend in the country and walked for longer there than I have in ages, and it felt so good to be somewhere quiet and green. But I don't see how I can relocate somewhere like that, especially not in the short term.
Does your city have any big parks, rivers, other bits of nature? Don't knock them.
Do you have any friends who would be up for a standing date to go stroll about a park once a week? If not, there's probably someone in the neighborhood who'd be into that, and possibly already existing groups to join. A lot of people are looking for very low key stuff - not everyone wants marathons and cross-fit.
The bright sunshine keeps me indoors
Because of heat or light?
I've recently discovered UV umbrellas - they really make a difference heatwise. For brightness, do sunglasses help?
That said, aim for either early morning or afternoon or later.
My body aches when I walk or stand for too long.
Chances are this is about deconditioning or depression, but it's not impossible there's also something else going on. Pay attention to what happens after you do more physical activity than usual, like in the hours and day or two afterwards: do you feel like it's made you slightly stronger or more energetic, or do you feel like it consistently makes things worse?
I'll be exhausted, and will head to the sofa for a quick shut-eye only to open my eyes again at 1am. My night's sleep will be shot
What do you do after you wake up at 1am?
I agree with the advice above to head to the bed instead of the sofa for said shut-eye. At minimum it'll be better for your back. Also, if you really don't want to go to sleep that early and this is a regular occurrence, what about setting a daily alarm for around 8pm? That way you can stumble towards your shut-eye as usual knowing it'll just be a short nap. YMMV though regarding your ability to wake up to an alarm (I need a few alarms...) and what this does to your night's sleep.
Sometimes if I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall asleep again, I'll use that time to do some stretching (in bed) and (if I have enough energy) relaxation exercises. Sometimes earplugs, eye masks, relaxing music, or books I'm too tired to actually focus on also help fall back asleep. I also have one of those led lamps that can put out very dim yellow light and even red light, which help me sort of stay in night-mode even if I need to turn the light on.
If you're waking up because the lights are on throughout the apartment, look into having them automatically turn off, either using smart bulbs or just old-fashioned outlet timers.
My job is challenging, but good; I love it, but it takes every spare ounce of energy I have to work at the level that is expected of me.
Can you take a bit of time off (even a half-day here and there) or has it all been used up?
In the meantime, there are things you can install on your computer that will flash reminders (and maybe even lock the screen) throughout the day to remind you to get up and move around for a few minutes.
I am very messy by nature but hire a cleaner a couple of times a month. This keeps the worst of it at bay.
That's great and a smart move.
Think about other things you might be able to direct money at in this way (if you can afford it): home cooking, at-home physical therapy or massage, etc. My health insurance offers discounted services like having a personal trainer come over to your home some number of times. Maybe yours does? That doesn't have to imply anything strenuous - a lot of the people who use this service are older adults who aren't able to get to or keep up with classes.
posted by trig at 4:04 AM on July 28
I've noticed the same. For me it started around the pandemic, though - like I got out of the habit of it all. I've been trying to just build up tolerance again.
That said, light ear plugs that just dampen sound but still let a lot through can help. If you have any in-ear earphones they'll probably work for this, and there are some earplug brands like Loop and various knockoffs. Listening to music when you're out an about can also help.
A few weeks ago I went to visit a friend in the country and walked for longer there than I have in ages, and it felt so good to be somewhere quiet and green. But I don't see how I can relocate somewhere like that, especially not in the short term.
Does your city have any big parks, rivers, other bits of nature? Don't knock them.
Do you have any friends who would be up for a standing date to go stroll about a park once a week? If not, there's probably someone in the neighborhood who'd be into that, and possibly already existing groups to join. A lot of people are looking for very low key stuff - not everyone wants marathons and cross-fit.
The bright sunshine keeps me indoors
Because of heat or light?
I've recently discovered UV umbrellas - they really make a difference heatwise. For brightness, do sunglasses help?
That said, aim for either early morning or afternoon or later.
My body aches when I walk or stand for too long.
Chances are this is about deconditioning or depression, but it's not impossible there's also something else going on. Pay attention to what happens after you do more physical activity than usual, like in the hours and day or two afterwards: do you feel like it's made you slightly stronger or more energetic, or do you feel like it consistently makes things worse?
I'll be exhausted, and will head to the sofa for a quick shut-eye only to open my eyes again at 1am. My night's sleep will be shot
What do you do after you wake up at 1am?
I agree with the advice above to head to the bed instead of the sofa for said shut-eye. At minimum it'll be better for your back. Also, if you really don't want to go to sleep that early and this is a regular occurrence, what about setting a daily alarm for around 8pm? That way you can stumble towards your shut-eye as usual knowing it'll just be a short nap. YMMV though regarding your ability to wake up to an alarm (I need a few alarms...) and what this does to your night's sleep.
Sometimes if I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall asleep again, I'll use that time to do some stretching (in bed) and (if I have enough energy) relaxation exercises. Sometimes earplugs, eye masks, relaxing music, or books I'm too tired to actually focus on also help fall back asleep. I also have one of those led lamps that can put out very dim yellow light and even red light, which help me sort of stay in night-mode even if I need to turn the light on.
If you're waking up because the lights are on throughout the apartment, look into having them automatically turn off, either using smart bulbs or just old-fashioned outlet timers.
My job is challenging, but good; I love it, but it takes every spare ounce of energy I have to work at the level that is expected of me.
Can you take a bit of time off (even a half-day here and there) or has it all been used up?
In the meantime, there are things you can install on your computer that will flash reminders (and maybe even lock the screen) throughout the day to remind you to get up and move around for a few minutes.
I am very messy by nature but hire a cleaner a couple of times a month. This keeps the worst of it at bay.
That's great and a smart move.
Think about other things you might be able to direct money at in this way (if you can afford it): home cooking, at-home physical therapy or massage, etc. My health insurance offers discounted services like having a personal trainer come over to your home some number of times. Maybe yours does? That doesn't have to imply anything strenuous - a lot of the people who use this service are older adults who aren't able to get to or keep up with classes.
posted by trig at 4:04 AM on July 28
What are your weekends or day off like?
I would start there. If you aren’t taking one day off a week, that’s what I would target.
On that day I recommend:
- sleeping in
- a class (video or in person) that is gentle. If you only make it for the first 10 minutes that’s ok! Go for 11 the next week.
- prep two healthy meals, one for this day and one for the next. My recommendation is to start with a rotisserie chicken from the store and a couple of bagged salads plus some nice rolls or wraps. You can have chicken and salad, and then a chicken wrap the next day. Agreed on the healthy snacks too.
- go out and move somewhere pleasant like an art gallery or a museum; you could get a pass and use this year as your year to explore
Once you’ve established that one day as a kind of anchor, then I recommend choosing one thing to change every few weeks. Can you work from a coffee shop on Friday afternoons? Pick one that you walk to at like, 2 pm. It will force you to look up more often and be a bit more aware. Then can you add another exercise class on Saturday as well as Sunday. Then go for one more fast-food free day. Just keep scaffolding a single change (other than your “me weekend day”) each time.
You’ve got this.
posted by warriorqueen at 4:24 AM on July 28
I would start there. If you aren’t taking one day off a week, that’s what I would target.
On that day I recommend:
- sleeping in
- a class (video or in person) that is gentle. If you only make it for the first 10 minutes that’s ok! Go for 11 the next week.
- prep two healthy meals, one for this day and one for the next. My recommendation is to start with a rotisserie chicken from the store and a couple of bagged salads plus some nice rolls or wraps. You can have chicken and salad, and then a chicken wrap the next day. Agreed on the healthy snacks too.
- go out and move somewhere pleasant like an art gallery or a museum; you could get a pass and use this year as your year to explore
Once you’ve established that one day as a kind of anchor, then I recommend choosing one thing to change every few weeks. Can you work from a coffee shop on Friday afternoons? Pick one that you walk to at like, 2 pm. It will force you to look up more often and be a bit more aware. Then can you add another exercise class on Saturday as well as Sunday. Then go for one more fast-food free day. Just keep scaffolding a single change (other than your “me weekend day”) each time.
You’ve got this.
posted by warriorqueen at 4:24 AM on July 28
This is the exact condition in which people used to get a prescription to go to the Waters. Honestly I'd take advantage of the fact you appear to be in a country with reasonable labour regulations and either take time off or work with a GP to sign you off for a week for exhaustion and change your scenery. Check into a room somewhere that isn't touristy but is close to nature (I know, hard to do on a budget in summer), with at least two meals provided if possible, but absolutely minimal lodging - single room in a hostel would be ideal. No remote working, no deadlines, and don't take a computer - make it so that staying in your room will be boring and give yourself permission to sit under whatever the nearest tree is to pootle around on your phone and feel the rain, wind or whatever weather is around. It sounds like you're basically in need of rest most of all.
For the body disconnect, bodywork really helps. Massages to start with, then making something like yoga or pilates a non negotiable part of your schedule for a period of time. If funds allow, a quick retreat of the "three practices per day" kind is a great reset (plus they come with healthy food), but even taking advantage of pay what you can yoga in the park is better than nothing. But that can wait until you can actually get some rest.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 4:37 AM on July 28
For the body disconnect, bodywork really helps. Massages to start with, then making something like yoga or pilates a non negotiable part of your schedule for a period of time. If funds allow, a quick retreat of the "three practices per day" kind is a great reset (plus they come with healthy food), but even taking advantage of pay what you can yoga in the park is better than nothing. But that can wait until you can actually get some rest.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 4:37 AM on July 28
Your description identifies three main areas where you want change:
- physical activity
- nutrition
- work/life balance
You don't mention the state of your social life and support network - how is that currently?
Have you explored this with your therapist/friends: "it takes every spare ounce of energy I have to work at the level that is expected of me"? It's either/both a toxic for you workplace or faulty thinking. Figuring out how much of which and how to create boundaries for yourself would be a Very Good Thing.
Of those things, what's your ranking of how important each is to you, and how interested/hopeful you feel about making changes?
Pick one thing you want for yourself and break it down into steps for getting there. Break the steps down into smaller steps. Break the steps down into what will seem like ridiculously small steps. Do one until you can do it fairly consistently ad feel it's in your capacity to expand it or add another tiny item.
If you want to add another thing, add some activity that brings you joy, delight, pleasure.
Good luck. The black hole energy suck of being exhausted/burnt out will one day be a thing of the past. Visualize that radiant, future you often and love your current self up with patience and compassion.
posted by concinnity at 4:58 AM on July 28
- physical activity
- nutrition
- work/life balance
You don't mention the state of your social life and support network - how is that currently?
Have you explored this with your therapist/friends: "it takes every spare ounce of energy I have to work at the level that is expected of me"? It's either/both a toxic for you workplace or faulty thinking. Figuring out how much of which and how to create boundaries for yourself would be a Very Good Thing.
Of those things, what's your ranking of how important each is to you, and how interested/hopeful you feel about making changes?
Pick one thing you want for yourself and break it down into steps for getting there. Break the steps down into smaller steps. Break the steps down into what will seem like ridiculously small steps. Do one until you can do it fairly consistently ad feel it's in your capacity to expand it or add another tiny item.
If you want to add another thing, add some activity that brings you joy, delight, pleasure.
Good luck. The black hole energy suck of being exhausted/burnt out will one day be a thing of the past. Visualize that radiant, future you often and love your current self up with patience and compassion.
posted by concinnity at 4:58 AM on July 28
I've found that brown noise or super deep red noise works better than white noise for blocking out city noises. You can find lots of different colors of noise on YouTube. Alexa also has a skill called Brown Noise, which I usually keep running 24/7 except when on the phone or watching TV or listening to music.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:04 AM on July 28
posted by Jacqueline at 5:04 AM on July 28
The first two words of your question says it all. "Easing back... " You're exhausted. You've s***-kicked your body while dealing with the crisis, and you are tapped out for executive functioning and physical resources. The amount of spare energy and planning you've got available for looking after yourself is so meager as to look like a bank account with a balance of $1.27 in it. To use the spoons metaphor, your collection of daily spoons for self care is down to one demitasse which is badly bent and made out of silver that tastes strongly of egg-tarnish.
But once you start looking after yourself the anxiety will lift and the executive functioning will come back. Getting started on a health program will make your anxiety drop, and make your body feel better, and that will give you the space to expand the program into a bigger one. But you have to start small and not let yourself fail, because failure will raise your anxiety. You can't afford to bend that little demitasse spoon any farther.
The first thing I am going to suggest is that you plan to start your health program on Saturday, two weeks from yesterday, but commit to a program of preparing to start, today. And during those two weeks you achieve some micro-goals that will set up for success.
The first goal is to get some healthy food into the house. This will require a trip to a real grocery store, or farmers market. I want you to get some healthy food - fruit, like apples, bananas and grapes, a ready to go starch that doesn't require any cooking, such as an appealing nutrient dense twelve grain bread, and some healthy vegetables, like baby carrots, radishes, celery - all healthy stuff that can be eaten standing up in the kitchen, without needing a plate. Don't save it for when you start the health program, start eating it now, to make you used to the idea of grabbing an apple. See if you can get yourself to eat at least one healthy item a day.
The second goal is to get you moving. You mention being awake at one AM? That's a really good time to go outside and get exercise in a big city, in the summer. It will be cooler, quieter and less crowded. So one of your preliminary exercises is to commit to throwing on some scruffy out door clothes if you find yourself awake in the middle of the night, and step outside of your home. Just go out of the door and walk a few steps - Not a real walk. Down to the end of the block and back is fine, but so is twenty steps getting you to the sidewalk and back. When you are out there look around and try to spot in what direction there might be some grass or trees you can walk by. Even stunted sidewalk saplings will count.
If one AM doesn't happen, aim for doing this first thing in the morning, if you are not in a rush to log in before you are late, and doing last thing at night before you brush your teeth and prepare for bed at whatever time that happens. Also figure out when there is shade on which side of your building, and try to just step outside on that side of the building when it's the middle of your day. See if you can get out once every day for just those few bare moments.
Another tool to get you moving is your timer. Those day long sessions in the chair need to be broken. If you will heed it, you can actually set a timer, but even better than that, your bladder is your timer. When you need to pee you will get up, and that is when you add a few seconds of extra activity to your day. Things you can do during your pee breaks include: Doing a circuit of your home. Going up and down one flight of stairs if it is available. Doing one squat. Doing one stretch of any kind. Lifting a weight. Flattening up against a door frame to improve you posture slightly. Try to do something slightly active, just for a few seconds, every time you get up from work. You need to experiment because you are working out what type of daily, in house activity you can incorporate and what you need so that you can get into a daily program. Maybe you need to do laundry to get some sweats you can wear to run out of the house. Maybe you need to pick up a couple of three pound weights so that you can do some forearm exercises. Maybe you need to move some chairs and push a table back so you have room to throw a yoga mat on the floor, or so that you can stand in front of a monitor while you move to an exercise video. Maybe you need to make up a playlist of music.
Then there is the bathing self care: If you can't shower, or don't shower, see if you can handle sticking your head under the hot water tap and running nice comforting hot water over it without taking your clothes off. All you need is a sink with enough room to stick your head under the tap, and a towel. In the hot summer soaking your head will often make you feel much better.
So, those are your activities for the first two weeks - not trying to replace the fast food, but trying to bring some health choices into your diet, and get into the routine of grabbing them, and manage to start going to the grocery store at all. There are tons of healthy things you can buy that take little to no prep. You mention that the healthy stuff doesn't feel like enough food - which is no wonder if you are basically substituting a fresh box meal of lettuce, argula and sweet peppers for KFC. So don't go hungry, just start adding more and more healthy food. What about frozen precooked shrimp? You can put the bag in the fridge to defrost and eat it cold. What about nuts? A handful of walnuts every day is a way to add Omega 3 to your diet, and better than taking an Omega 3 supplement. What about a healthy breakfast cereal and milk? Look for stuff that is filling, won't go bad, and can he eaten before the fast food order even leaves the restaurant. It's not a matter of never ordering KFC again, it's a matter of not having the room to eat the entire box of KFC because you had a baked potato made in the micro, and a sliced tomato, and six radishes while you were waiting for it to arrive.
(And if you do go out for KFC, don't use the drive through, park and walk around for ten minutes while you are out to pick it up. )
During the two weeks jot down what you do so you have a record of what you have managed. If you can do it, create a long list of brief, highly simply things: Stretched, went out on balcony, attempted a squat, moved chair into a better position so I can use it to help me squat, bought tomatoes and celery and grapes. Ate grapes. Brushed teeth. You can include any healthy things you are already doing. The idea is to get a list that shows you you are doing something - anything - and are on the right track, to build your morale. Put those little things on there. If you stretch on six different occasions, list them all separately. Aim for a longer list with more micro-increments.
And only then after you do your two weeks and have set up the right mental attitude can you can commit to serious training, but still do that only in single bites. If you want to work out to some video for an hour five times, go ahead. But don't set a goal of doing it five times and then disappoint yourself into quitting when you only do it four times, or if you don't do it at all. Set single daily goals only for awhile, ones that feel like they are in your capacity. Worked out to one video for twenty minutes. Roasted a chicken and cleaned up after it. Walked around the block. Went to the grocery store. You'll have gotten the basics lined up, you'll have a record of your progress already set up, and you won't need a bunch of new executive functioning to actually do any of this stuff. You'll know exactly which video to put on when you don't feel up to raising your heart rate "Dreamtime Yoga" and which one to put on when you want to move "Kickbox Killers". Your sweatpants will be clean and waiting for you. You'll know that celery didn't work, but that you'll happily go through two sweet peppers a day. And you'll be able to look at this progress and build on it.
Remember to only count successes not failures. It's "I walked twice this week" rather than "I missed walking five days". If you must set yourself daily goals, remember that you get catch up days. If you don't walk on Monday, you can walk twice on Wednesday and still get in seven walks this week and it counts, and in fact is even better than if you did a daily walk. Remember to cut yourself some slack - getting 80% on a project like this is optimal. Higher will mean you are pushing it and not so much doing it to get healthy, but because you feel anxious if you don't meet hard metrics. You're not training for a marathon, you are improving your quality of life. You want it to feel good, and not to be more stressful goals and a feeling of failure if you don't perform to a high standard. The end goal is to feel that you have cherished yourself and deserve the effort you put in, that your health and well being and happiness is a priority.
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:26 AM on July 28
But once you start looking after yourself the anxiety will lift and the executive functioning will come back. Getting started on a health program will make your anxiety drop, and make your body feel better, and that will give you the space to expand the program into a bigger one. But you have to start small and not let yourself fail, because failure will raise your anxiety. You can't afford to bend that little demitasse spoon any farther.
The first thing I am going to suggest is that you plan to start your health program on Saturday, two weeks from yesterday, but commit to a program of preparing to start, today. And during those two weeks you achieve some micro-goals that will set up for success.
The first goal is to get some healthy food into the house. This will require a trip to a real grocery store, or farmers market. I want you to get some healthy food - fruit, like apples, bananas and grapes, a ready to go starch that doesn't require any cooking, such as an appealing nutrient dense twelve grain bread, and some healthy vegetables, like baby carrots, radishes, celery - all healthy stuff that can be eaten standing up in the kitchen, without needing a plate. Don't save it for when you start the health program, start eating it now, to make you used to the idea of grabbing an apple. See if you can get yourself to eat at least one healthy item a day.
The second goal is to get you moving. You mention being awake at one AM? That's a really good time to go outside and get exercise in a big city, in the summer. It will be cooler, quieter and less crowded. So one of your preliminary exercises is to commit to throwing on some scruffy out door clothes if you find yourself awake in the middle of the night, and step outside of your home. Just go out of the door and walk a few steps - Not a real walk. Down to the end of the block and back is fine, but so is twenty steps getting you to the sidewalk and back. When you are out there look around and try to spot in what direction there might be some grass or trees you can walk by. Even stunted sidewalk saplings will count.
If one AM doesn't happen, aim for doing this first thing in the morning, if you are not in a rush to log in before you are late, and doing last thing at night before you brush your teeth and prepare for bed at whatever time that happens. Also figure out when there is shade on which side of your building, and try to just step outside on that side of the building when it's the middle of your day. See if you can get out once every day for just those few bare moments.
Another tool to get you moving is your timer. Those day long sessions in the chair need to be broken. If you will heed it, you can actually set a timer, but even better than that, your bladder is your timer. When you need to pee you will get up, and that is when you add a few seconds of extra activity to your day. Things you can do during your pee breaks include: Doing a circuit of your home. Going up and down one flight of stairs if it is available. Doing one squat. Doing one stretch of any kind. Lifting a weight. Flattening up against a door frame to improve you posture slightly. Try to do something slightly active, just for a few seconds, every time you get up from work. You need to experiment because you are working out what type of daily, in house activity you can incorporate and what you need so that you can get into a daily program. Maybe you need to do laundry to get some sweats you can wear to run out of the house. Maybe you need to pick up a couple of three pound weights so that you can do some forearm exercises. Maybe you need to move some chairs and push a table back so you have room to throw a yoga mat on the floor, or so that you can stand in front of a monitor while you move to an exercise video. Maybe you need to make up a playlist of music.
Then there is the bathing self care: If you can't shower, or don't shower, see if you can handle sticking your head under the hot water tap and running nice comforting hot water over it without taking your clothes off. All you need is a sink with enough room to stick your head under the tap, and a towel. In the hot summer soaking your head will often make you feel much better.
So, those are your activities for the first two weeks - not trying to replace the fast food, but trying to bring some health choices into your diet, and get into the routine of grabbing them, and manage to start going to the grocery store at all. There are tons of healthy things you can buy that take little to no prep. You mention that the healthy stuff doesn't feel like enough food - which is no wonder if you are basically substituting a fresh box meal of lettuce, argula and sweet peppers for KFC. So don't go hungry, just start adding more and more healthy food. What about frozen precooked shrimp? You can put the bag in the fridge to defrost and eat it cold. What about nuts? A handful of walnuts every day is a way to add Omega 3 to your diet, and better than taking an Omega 3 supplement. What about a healthy breakfast cereal and milk? Look for stuff that is filling, won't go bad, and can he eaten before the fast food order even leaves the restaurant. It's not a matter of never ordering KFC again, it's a matter of not having the room to eat the entire box of KFC because you had a baked potato made in the micro, and a sliced tomato, and six radishes while you were waiting for it to arrive.
(And if you do go out for KFC, don't use the drive through, park and walk around for ten minutes while you are out to pick it up. )
During the two weeks jot down what you do so you have a record of what you have managed. If you can do it, create a long list of brief, highly simply things: Stretched, went out on balcony, attempted a squat, moved chair into a better position so I can use it to help me squat, bought tomatoes and celery and grapes. Ate grapes. Brushed teeth. You can include any healthy things you are already doing. The idea is to get a list that shows you you are doing something - anything - and are on the right track, to build your morale. Put those little things on there. If you stretch on six different occasions, list them all separately. Aim for a longer list with more micro-increments.
And only then after you do your two weeks and have set up the right mental attitude can you can commit to serious training, but still do that only in single bites. If you want to work out to some video for an hour five times, go ahead. But don't set a goal of doing it five times and then disappoint yourself into quitting when you only do it four times, or if you don't do it at all. Set single daily goals only for awhile, ones that feel like they are in your capacity. Worked out to one video for twenty minutes. Roasted a chicken and cleaned up after it. Walked around the block. Went to the grocery store. You'll have gotten the basics lined up, you'll have a record of your progress already set up, and you won't need a bunch of new executive functioning to actually do any of this stuff. You'll know exactly which video to put on when you don't feel up to raising your heart rate "Dreamtime Yoga" and which one to put on when you want to move "Kickbox Killers". Your sweatpants will be clean and waiting for you. You'll know that celery didn't work, but that you'll happily go through two sweet peppers a day. And you'll be able to look at this progress and build on it.
Remember to only count successes not failures. It's "I walked twice this week" rather than "I missed walking five days". If you must set yourself daily goals, remember that you get catch up days. If you don't walk on Monday, you can walk twice on Wednesday and still get in seven walks this week and it counts, and in fact is even better than if you did a daily walk. Remember to cut yourself some slack - getting 80% on a project like this is optimal. Higher will mean you are pushing it and not so much doing it to get healthy, but because you feel anxious if you don't meet hard metrics. You're not training for a marathon, you are improving your quality of life. You want it to feel good, and not to be more stressful goals and a feeling of failure if you don't perform to a high standard. The end goal is to feel that you have cherished yourself and deserve the effort you put in, that your health and well being and happiness is a priority.
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:26 AM on July 28
Just in case (m)any of these suggestions seem too small to make a difference: in the past it's helped me to angrily decide to prove such things insufficient by trying each and watching it fail. "You people think a bag of apples is going to fix anything?? FINE, look at me eating this damned apple and still being exhausted. I'll do this for two weeks and you'll see, nothing will be better." (Except sometimes it is.)
posted by teremala at 5:41 AM on July 28
posted by teremala at 5:41 AM on July 28
Yeah, to avoid the common "it's not working so I give up" thing, look at this as a long-term project. If you fall asleep on the sofa again, or eat junk food again, or what have you, it's not the end of the world or a sign that you'll never get out of this rut. It's just a day in a string of days, and your long term goal is to gradually increase the ratio of days where you manage to do some healthy things.
posted by trig at 5:55 AM on July 28
posted by trig at 5:55 AM on July 28
Try a 5 or 10 minute YouTube dance video every morning. Dancing is a proven antidepressant and these are easy low pressure ways to get moving. If the moves they do feel challenging just do a step touch until that section is over. You sound super burnt out so I’m glad you’re asking this question!!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 6:21 AM on July 28
posted by nouvelle-personne at 6:21 AM on July 28
For exercise, the New York Times 7-minute workout is pretty great. There are lots of articles and apps about it, but because it's only 7 minutes long, it's (theoretically) easy to fit into your day and hard to justify skipping. Personally, though, it took me years of trying before I succeeded in making it a daily habit. New habits are tough to reinforce. Anything you can do to trick yourself into wanting to do it will help. Once you find yourself doing it daily, you can try doing a second round. It's high-intensity exercise, so it will be difficult. I didn't think I could do it, but once I started doing it twice, I realized I could do it 3 times in a row every day, and that's 21 minutes of caring about myself in a way I never did before. I've gone from dreading it to looking forward to it, and I've found that it's really true what they say: overall, exercise has really seemed to help my mood, my sleep, my energy level, etc.
All you need is a mat and a chair. If some of the exercises are too hard for you, or strain part of your body too much, find an alternative. If you skip a day or a week, don't beat yourself up--just keep coming back to it. Keep trying. I'm way too lazy to join a gym or learn how to use machines, but when it's right there and only takes 7 minutes...you can do it!
posted by rikschell at 6:53 AM on July 28
All you need is a mat and a chair. If some of the exercises are too hard for you, or strain part of your body too much, find an alternative. If you skip a day or a week, don't beat yourself up--just keep coming back to it. Keep trying. I'm way too lazy to join a gym or learn how to use machines, but when it's right there and only takes 7 minutes...you can do it!
posted by rikschell at 6:53 AM on July 28
We've had several rounds of executive function collapse in this house in the past 4 years (and are currently living somewhere with no grocery stores so we're kind of back on this) and for food we use Factor (ready-to-heat meals) and Hungryroot, but we stick to the easy, 5- or 10-minute, more assembly-style Hungryroot recipes, like this "Gingery Poké Salmon + Crisp Cucumber Bowl":
And if you've got it in you to plan the grocery order, you can produce healthy "bowl" type meals from the grocery store instead of shipped, with primarily just a microwave, for cheaper per-meal than KFC. Your grocery store (assuming you have one, unlike us right now) has a variety of packaged cooked meats and plant-based meat that at most need to go in the microwave or air fryer, they also have a deli with a hot bar that probably has meatloaf, meatballs, grilled fish, grilled chicken, and possibly also BBQ; the butcher department will steam seafood for you. They've got ready rice (I recommend the brown Minute Rice, which you can also make from the box in the microwave in about 8 minutes) and frozen vegetables (plus probably several kinds of bagged ready-to-microwave fresh veg, and don't forget bagged cabbage), they have canned beans and lentils. They have all the sauces.
Just try it. Place a grocery order for:
- Frozen Fully Cooked Grilled Chicken Breast Strips (around 22oz)
- 2 packages Minute Ready to Serve Brown Rice (so 4 total servings)
- 2 Frozen California blend Vegetables (10-12ish ounce bag)
- 1 Frozen brussels sprouts - if your store has them, get the "Birds Eye Steamfresh Sea Salt & Cracked Pepper Brussels Sprouts"
- Jar/bottle of peanut sauce, teriyaki sauce, or if you have a Kroger-owned chain they have a jarred pad thai sauce that's really good. Or if that flavor profile doesn't suit you, there's BBQ sauce, sesame-ginger dressing, green goddess or greek dressing, tomato-based pasta sauce, alfredo sauce.
- Set of 4-5 3-cup food storage containers.
- Dawn powerspray
Split out everything - still frozen - between 4 bowls. I leave the sauce until after I cook a bowl, but when I'm packing up the bowls I'll pour like an ounce (a shot glass, 2 tablespoons) of water over the contents to make some extra steam when microwaved. Fridge the bowls until ready to use. If you cook a bowl while everything's still frozen it could take 5-7 minutes, pausing to stir a couple times. Thawed, 3 is usually enough, and either way let them sit 3-5 minutes to self-steam a bit after cooking. Sauce and eat. Put your dirty bowl in the sink and spray with the Dawn spray. Later (20 minutes to several hours) give it a run around with a dish brush and water, rinse, and put upside down on a towel to dry.
There are youtube videos for walking workouts, and/or you could get an under-desk pedal exerciser and then later maybe upgrade to a walking pad.
I think the important thing to remember here is: every little bit helps. Progress not perfection. Any activity you can generate this week that you didn't last week is progress, and it racks up. Eating one of those bowls I suggested each day for 4 days is that much less KFC you're eating. Eating a bowl of All Bran Buds (the gastroenterologist's choice!) with berry kefir or yogurt for breakfast every day is delicious and keeps the trains running on time, so to speak. Setting a stand-up timer for every hour will improve your back and your work productivity. Stopping twice during the workday to wiggle around to one 3-minute high-energy pop song is exercise and standing and improving your focus.
You do need to fix your sleep, and you likely need more sleep than you're getting, and nothing else quite falls into place as long as your sleep is broken, but the lack of activity (and fiber) may well be part of the problem with your sleep.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:12 AM on July 28
Cook time: 5 minutesIf you have an air fryer, they've got a number of recipes a little more complex than above but you're just roasting a vegetable.
Tear corner of rice packet to vent pouch and microwave for 1 min until warm; add to bowls
Thinly slice 3 cucumbers; add to bowls
Divide salmon between bowls + drizzle on 1-2 tbsp sauce per bowl
And if you've got it in you to plan the grocery order, you can produce healthy "bowl" type meals from the grocery store instead of shipped, with primarily just a microwave, for cheaper per-meal than KFC. Your grocery store (assuming you have one, unlike us right now) has a variety of packaged cooked meats and plant-based meat that at most need to go in the microwave or air fryer, they also have a deli with a hot bar that probably has meatloaf, meatballs, grilled fish, grilled chicken, and possibly also BBQ; the butcher department will steam seafood for you. They've got ready rice (I recommend the brown Minute Rice, which you can also make from the box in the microwave in about 8 minutes) and frozen vegetables (plus probably several kinds of bagged ready-to-microwave fresh veg, and don't forget bagged cabbage), they have canned beans and lentils. They have all the sauces.
Just try it. Place a grocery order for:
- Frozen Fully Cooked Grilled Chicken Breast Strips (around 22oz)
- 2 packages Minute Ready to Serve Brown Rice (so 4 total servings)
- 2 Frozen California blend Vegetables (10-12ish ounce bag)
- 1 Frozen brussels sprouts - if your store has them, get the "Birds Eye Steamfresh Sea Salt & Cracked Pepper Brussels Sprouts"
- Jar/bottle of peanut sauce, teriyaki sauce, or if you have a Kroger-owned chain they have a jarred pad thai sauce that's really good. Or if that flavor profile doesn't suit you, there's BBQ sauce, sesame-ginger dressing, green goddess or greek dressing, tomato-based pasta sauce, alfredo sauce.
- Set of 4-5 3-cup food storage containers.
- Dawn powerspray
Split out everything - still frozen - between 4 bowls. I leave the sauce until after I cook a bowl, but when I'm packing up the bowls I'll pour like an ounce (a shot glass, 2 tablespoons) of water over the contents to make some extra steam when microwaved. Fridge the bowls until ready to use. If you cook a bowl while everything's still frozen it could take 5-7 minutes, pausing to stir a couple times. Thawed, 3 is usually enough, and either way let them sit 3-5 minutes to self-steam a bit after cooking. Sauce and eat. Put your dirty bowl in the sink and spray with the Dawn spray. Later (20 minutes to several hours) give it a run around with a dish brush and water, rinse, and put upside down on a towel to dry.
There are youtube videos for walking workouts, and/or you could get an under-desk pedal exerciser and then later maybe upgrade to a walking pad.
I think the important thing to remember here is: every little bit helps. Progress not perfection. Any activity you can generate this week that you didn't last week is progress, and it racks up. Eating one of those bowls I suggested each day for 4 days is that much less KFC you're eating. Eating a bowl of All Bran Buds (the gastroenterologist's choice!) with berry kefir or yogurt for breakfast every day is delicious and keeps the trains running on time, so to speak. Setting a stand-up timer for every hour will improve your back and your work productivity. Stopping twice during the workday to wiggle around to one 3-minute high-energy pop song is exercise and standing and improving your focus.
You do need to fix your sleep, and you likely need more sleep than you're getting, and nothing else quite falls into place as long as your sleep is broken, but the lack of activity (and fiber) may well be part of the problem with your sleep.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:12 AM on July 28
Have you looked into FMLA? Is anyone on your care team willing to write you a note for medical leave? Can you use that time to go to an IOP/PHP?
You are deep in burnout (extremely understandable!) and if you took medical leave and attended a partial hospitalization program for depression** you could possibly use that time to re-regulate.
The programs im talking about aren’t as scary as they sound. They are often kind of like “mental health school” where they put you in classes for a half day to work on CBT, DBT, and other mental health skills. They provide meals on site (usually medium healthy - better than KFC but not like nutritionally amazing). It’s very routine and the classes are with other people struggling with the same conditions. There’s a lot of emphasis on peer advice / support so the classes crowdsource good solutions for common symptoms.
** I’m not assuming your actual mental health / condition, just thinking what would be easiest for your provider to rubber stamp) for 2-4 weeks or more. It can buy you time to dig out of burnout. It pays you some or all of your income while you’re on leave as well. And can re-regulate your routines.
Also, while you would have to accept a certain amount of waste, it wouldn’t be any more than KFC generates - Factor microwave premade meals. Infinitely easier than hello fresh, more realistic than where you’re at. requires just as little executive function as KFC.
posted by seemoorglass at 8:19 AM on July 28
You are deep in burnout (extremely understandable!) and if you took medical leave and attended a partial hospitalization program for depression** you could possibly use that time to re-regulate.
The programs im talking about aren’t as scary as they sound. They are often kind of like “mental health school” where they put you in classes for a half day to work on CBT, DBT, and other mental health skills. They provide meals on site (usually medium healthy - better than KFC but not like nutritionally amazing). It’s very routine and the classes are with other people struggling with the same conditions. There’s a lot of emphasis on peer advice / support so the classes crowdsource good solutions for common symptoms.
** I’m not assuming your actual mental health / condition, just thinking what would be easiest for your provider to rubber stamp) for 2-4 weeks or more. It can buy you time to dig out of burnout. It pays you some or all of your income while you’re on leave as well. And can re-regulate your routines.
Also, while you would have to accept a certain amount of waste, it wouldn’t be any more than KFC generates - Factor microwave premade meals. Infinitely easier than hello fresh, more realistic than where you’re at. requires just as little executive function as KFC.
posted by seemoorglass at 8:19 AM on July 28
When my diet goes to shit because cooking is overwhelming, I go on the human kibble plan. Pick one breakfast and one lunch that feel satisfying and good to you. Eat those every day. Dinner is whatever you want, this is your chance to try dietary changes because you know you’ll get two meals you like again tomorrow so the stakes are low. I like bean and cheese quesadillas on whole wheat or corn tortillas - with canned refried beans, everything is pretty shelf stable and it’s not messy to cook. Lunch has been Caesar salad or fried rice (can buy this in bags from the frozen food aisle). The important thing is to pick something you’re happy about eating that you don’t have to think too much about.
posted by momus_window at 8:24 AM on July 28
posted by momus_window at 8:24 AM on July 28
You've been doing so much caretaking that you may have some reasonable resentment and refusal to do any right now. Lower barriers as much as possible. Reward yourself for self care. No blame, shame, or guilt.
Keep reminding yourself that eating better will help you feel much better. Get a grocery order with bran muffins (too sweet, but you sound like you need fiber badly), dried apricots, apples, bagged salads, deli cole slaw or potato salad, applesauce, orange juice, Lean cuisine, Indian packet meals(often have beans and veg), frozen vegetable dishes, any foods that have vegetables and maybe not so much meat or tons of cheese. Get frozen meals like beef with broccoli, and add extra frozen broccoli, or Mongolian beef, and add frozen green beans. I love squash, so I get frozen pureed squash, great with butter, salt, pepper, or frozen spinach with some vinegar. Just make sure you can get vegetables fast and easy.
When you're hungry, eat salad or vegetables 1st. If you order takeout, emphasize vegetables, Chinese food can be great for this. I love kimchi, it keeps ages, and is great with leftover rice, scrambled eggs, etc.
Put yourself in situations where walking a bit would be pleasant. Go to a coffee shop near a nice place to walk or window shop. Take the stairs if they're an option. Borrow a friend's dog and play.
Print a calendar page for August. Every time you do self-care, put a dot on the calendar. You can do rewards, too, they're powerful at enabling progress, but just seeing progress is encouraging.
Keep reminding yourself that self-care is a gift to yourself, will make you feel better, happier, help you sleep, and you deserve to feel better. If you can take time off, even if it gets called sick time, hang out, watch the Olympics or movies, eat healthy, take some walks. Come back and tell us what worked, how you're doing, etc.
posted by theora55 at 9:58 AM on July 28
Keep reminding yourself that eating better will help you feel much better. Get a grocery order with bran muffins (too sweet, but you sound like you need fiber badly), dried apricots, apples, bagged salads, deli cole slaw or potato salad, applesauce, orange juice, Lean cuisine, Indian packet meals(often have beans and veg), frozen vegetable dishes, any foods that have vegetables and maybe not so much meat or tons of cheese. Get frozen meals like beef with broccoli, and add extra frozen broccoli, or Mongolian beef, and add frozen green beans. I love squash, so I get frozen pureed squash, great with butter, salt, pepper, or frozen spinach with some vinegar. Just make sure you can get vegetables fast and easy.
When you're hungry, eat salad or vegetables 1st. If you order takeout, emphasize vegetables, Chinese food can be great for this. I love kimchi, it keeps ages, and is great with leftover rice, scrambled eggs, etc.
Put yourself in situations where walking a bit would be pleasant. Go to a coffee shop near a nice place to walk or window shop. Take the stairs if they're an option. Borrow a friend's dog and play.
Print a calendar page for August. Every time you do self-care, put a dot on the calendar. You can do rewards, too, they're powerful at enabling progress, but just seeing progress is encouraging.
Keep reminding yourself that self-care is a gift to yourself, will make you feel better, happier, help you sleep, and you deserve to feel better. If you can take time off, even if it gets called sick time, hang out, watch the Olympics or movies, eat healthy, take some walks. Come back and tell us what worked, how you're doing, etc.
posted by theora55 at 9:58 AM on July 28
If you can’t take time off work, consider going somewhere green and working remotely so you have opportunities to walk in nature for a week.
I notice you put a lot more work on your plate (food, exercise, sleep hygiene) but no fun. Fun should be somewhere high on your list, and probably higher than 100% habit remediation. A good goal would be to get out of your house every day and do something that you enjoy - walk in the park, buy a coffee, meet a friend, sit under a tree, take a class, garden, whatever. The most important thing about this exercise is thinking about things that you like to do - you may have forgotten. Taking time to enjoy being human again might provide motivation to continue with healthy habits.
I found scheduled items after work at least once a week helpful - either in person or virtual- to help me get back on track as a human. For example an art class, yoga, parenting group. A time-limited meeting series where all participants commit to the series helps with attendance.
Get healthy pre-made or snack food delivered, I agree with this. Consider fun as your next step, to help motivate you to continue.
posted by shock muppet at 10:00 AM on July 28
I notice you put a lot more work on your plate (food, exercise, sleep hygiene) but no fun. Fun should be somewhere high on your list, and probably higher than 100% habit remediation. A good goal would be to get out of your house every day and do something that you enjoy - walk in the park, buy a coffee, meet a friend, sit under a tree, take a class, garden, whatever. The most important thing about this exercise is thinking about things that you like to do - you may have forgotten. Taking time to enjoy being human again might provide motivation to continue with healthy habits.
I found scheduled items after work at least once a week helpful - either in person or virtual- to help me get back on track as a human. For example an art class, yoga, parenting group. A time-limited meeting series where all participants commit to the series helps with attendance.
Get healthy pre-made or snack food delivered, I agree with this. Consider fun as your next step, to help motivate you to continue.
posted by shock muppet at 10:00 AM on July 28
Sleep, exercise, and diet are all interconnected, and will all affect each other. So what it means is it doesn't matter which one you start to tackle first, the other two will be easier once you've taken the step on any one of them. Whatever seems least daunting to change, start with that one.
My own experience is that even though I'm aware exercise makes me feel better and helps regulate my other issues, I still prefer to lie in bed being sad than initiating a task. So I shelled out the money to hire a trainer to actually make me exercise and it's been worth it. It's also nice to have a person take an individualized approach based on my goals and the pace I'm comfortable with. Exercise gave me some structure and made me tired at night, and it was easier to sleep. And more sleep led to less giving-in to the craving for junk food.
posted by Jon_Evil at 10:30 AM on July 28
My own experience is that even though I'm aware exercise makes me feel better and helps regulate my other issues, I still prefer to lie in bed being sad than initiating a task. So I shelled out the money to hire a trainer to actually make me exercise and it's been worth it. It's also nice to have a person take an individualized approach based on my goals and the pace I'm comfortable with. Exercise gave me some structure and made me tired at night, and it was easier to sleep. And more sleep led to less giving-in to the craving for junk food.
posted by Jon_Evil at 10:30 AM on July 28
Breakfast and lunch are probably pretty easy here; my simple solution to healthy no-effort dinner is that 90% of the time I eat a dinner from Amy's Frozen Foods, it's all organic, you just microwave them, and if you're eating takeout instead, this is much cheaper. Also they have every kind of option from pizza to Indian, to burritos, to pasta. I always have a half dozen in my freezer and I never have to think about dinner if I don't want to.
posted by mmf at 10:57 AM on July 28
posted by mmf at 10:57 AM on July 28
Also adding that hiring a personal trainer (even if just 2x week, and even if at first you just walk on a treadmill next to them) keeps you accountable to show up, and the achievement of showing up makes you feel better, then the exercise makes you feel better, and so on!
posted by mmf at 10:59 AM on July 28
posted by mmf at 10:59 AM on July 28
When I was completely sedentary and I could not bear the idea of "exercise," the thing that got me to move my body was something that sounded fun -- ice skating. So I just went to a rink and rented skates and skated for maybe 10 minutes. Was thoroughly exhausted by that...but I went back. It was the babiest of baby steps. Over the course of a verrrrry slow couple of years I then took an adult beginner skating class, took another class, took a private class, etc. I'm talking a couple of years at minimum. At each step, advancing would just knock me out physically -- toward the beginning I was so exhausted once that I almost fainted.
Skipping ahead about 7 years: I am now a weightlifter. Every single thing I've achieved started with that basic idea of "what can I do to move my body that doesn't sound unbearable?" So if you can think of anything that might fit this for you, do it. It doesn't have to be "exercise"! Do you want to go bowling? Jump on a trampoline? Walk someone's dog as a favor? Or just decide to walk one block, and then later walk two blocks? Try an archery class? Park at the rear of the supermarket parking lot so you're forced to walk a bit farther? Take not just a baby step, but what would be a baby step for an ant. The tiniest possible increment.
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:06 AM on July 28
Skipping ahead about 7 years: I am now a weightlifter. Every single thing I've achieved started with that basic idea of "what can I do to move my body that doesn't sound unbearable?" So if you can think of anything that might fit this for you, do it. It doesn't have to be "exercise"! Do you want to go bowling? Jump on a trampoline? Walk someone's dog as a favor? Or just decide to walk one block, and then later walk two blocks? Try an archery class? Park at the rear of the supermarket parking lot so you're forced to walk a bit farther? Take not just a baby step, but what would be a baby step for an ant. The tiniest possible increment.
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:06 AM on July 28
Also going to suggest a personal trainer. One reason is that a professional will be familiar with strategies to help someone trying to get back into shape accomplish that goal safely. Another reason is that when you have to show up to a specific place at a specific time to see someone it’s a lot harder to just let it go and not show up.
If you had to pick just one thing to start with I’d say getting more physical activity would be the way to go since it will help with sleep, stress management, and energy levels.
posted by forkisbetter at 12:03 PM on July 28
If you had to pick just one thing to start with I’d say getting more physical activity would be the way to go since it will help with sleep, stress management, and energy levels.
posted by forkisbetter at 12:03 PM on July 28
Start small. Like tiny small. Aim to walk around the block one day a week. Assemble one meal (and by that I mean, putting some extra protein or whatever on a bagged salad which is what I did tonight) a week. Change out of your pajamas (it can be other pajamas/loungewear) one day a week. Etc.
And then when that works, aim for two days. Then three/etc. And don't be hard on yourself if you don't make it sometimes. It's OK!
The sleep stuff is harder, but I think once you start on these other things, that will follow.
Also, in terms of food, take shortcuts. Buy pre-chopped veggies! Buy frozen veggies! Rely on cans and jars! Also, some cheese, crackers/bread, some fruit and maybe a bit of mustard on a plate is 100% dinner. Some instant mashed potatoes, thawed frozen peas & a protein (like frozen chicken nuggets) is 100% dinner. Spaghetti with a jarred sauce is 100% a dinner. You see my point,
If you generally shower in the morning, try showering at night instead (or the other way around). I personally like showering in the evenings (like post-dinenr, pre-settling in for the night) because it's a nice transition. But sometimes I'm like, eh, I'll shower in the morning (and then I do, sometimes). Despite a lot of internet discourse, you don't need to shower every day and a lot of people don't.
Is there a creative pursuit you're interested in trying? You can probaly find some low-cost supplies and some online tutorials. I personally find having some kind of outlet helps but sometimes it takes a while to find something you want to stick with. But to me, trying things out is part of the fun.
You're not alone in struggling with these things. I think a lot more people do than you realize! I definitely do! (I've had chats about the no showering thing with friends, as well as the bagged salad kit stuff). I just allow myself some kindness. Yes, I do try to change out of what I slept in into something resembling "clothes" but some mornings, I can't bother and that's OK! I'll try again tomorrow. And maybe I'm too tired to walk a mile but I can walk a little bit.
I'm rooting for you!
posted by edencosmic at 3:39 PM on July 28
And then when that works, aim for two days. Then three/etc. And don't be hard on yourself if you don't make it sometimes. It's OK!
The sleep stuff is harder, but I think once you start on these other things, that will follow.
Also, in terms of food, take shortcuts. Buy pre-chopped veggies! Buy frozen veggies! Rely on cans and jars! Also, some cheese, crackers/bread, some fruit and maybe a bit of mustard on a plate is 100% dinner. Some instant mashed potatoes, thawed frozen peas & a protein (like frozen chicken nuggets) is 100% dinner. Spaghetti with a jarred sauce is 100% a dinner. You see my point,
If you generally shower in the morning, try showering at night instead (or the other way around). I personally like showering in the evenings (like post-dinenr, pre-settling in for the night) because it's a nice transition. But sometimes I'm like, eh, I'll shower in the morning (and then I do, sometimes). Despite a lot of internet discourse, you don't need to shower every day and a lot of people don't.
Is there a creative pursuit you're interested in trying? You can probaly find some low-cost supplies and some online tutorials. I personally find having some kind of outlet helps but sometimes it takes a while to find something you want to stick with. But to me, trying things out is part of the fun.
You're not alone in struggling with these things. I think a lot more people do than you realize! I definitely do! (I've had chats about the no showering thing with friends, as well as the bagged salad kit stuff). I just allow myself some kindness. Yes, I do try to change out of what I slept in into something resembling "clothes" but some mornings, I can't bother and that's OK! I'll try again tomorrow. And maybe I'm too tired to walk a mile but I can walk a little bit.
I'm rooting for you!
posted by edencosmic at 3:39 PM on July 28
You need to do a lot less at your job. Saying it's expected of you is a lie made up by your brain. Scale back, do less, log off earlier, start saying no. Take time off, at least two weeks, preferably more if feasible.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 6:40 PM on July 28
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 6:40 PM on July 28
I like free yoga with Adriene online when I’m feeling blech. I feel like it helps my body in a gentle way and also helps me focus my mind and tends to help my sleep She has a lot of one month themed series to try out, you could do a few and then if you like it, do a 30 day series in August.
posted by vunder at 6:46 PM on July 28
posted by vunder at 6:46 PM on July 28
I am kinda doing something similar right now. And I am using a three week vacation to reset all the things. You should first try to get yourself signed off sick but if that doesn’t work, take time off work. After a long period of over extending yourself, just scaling back hrs to a normal working week and sleeping in at the weekend is not enough to recover. You need actual time off.
I decided to go on a three week trip. The first few days, I focused on chilling out and sleeping and seeking out semi indulgent but nutritious food I did not have to cook.
As of tomorrow, I will add light movement- walks, short (10-15mins), gentle yoga videos to stretch my tight muscles, that kind of thing. I am also staying in self catered accommodation this week and bought some fruit and veg I can just eat without prep, some oats and nut butter for porridge as breakfast and a rotisserie chicken, some pasta and pesto. The goal being low effort but moderately nutritious food.
Plan for week three is to keep doing these things but also figure out what needs to happen for me to sustain better self care at home and set myself up for success there.
For example, how do I eat better at home. I was considering meal kits but the problem is not buying food, it is that the food then has to be prepared. For me, it all goes wrong at that point. So I came across a service that will cook and deliver the finished meals for you to reheat, I.e. one step beyond the meal kit. Considering the amount of food I buy and throw out because I don’t prepare it, this has got to be more cost effective. That’s at least the main meals taken care of. That leaves breakfast and lunch.
My home is full of semi finished DIY. That renders my kitchen partially unusable. The projects are around storage so there isn’t just the still flat packed furniture that is meant to store things, there are also boxes full of stuff that is meant to go in the furniture … so I’ll spend a chunk of week three finding people I can pay to take stuff away, to finish the projects and give my place a deep clean at the end.
Then we re-evaluate what has worked and what hasn’t and adjust. I am giving myself until the end of September to do all that. I have a friend visiting me mid September so the home has got to be done by then. But I am sure some of the new habits around sleep/food/movement will need re visiting, when they had a chance to collide with the reality of working life.
posted by koahiatamadl at 8:00 PM on July 28
I decided to go on a three week trip. The first few days, I focused on chilling out and sleeping and seeking out semi indulgent but nutritious food I did not have to cook.
As of tomorrow, I will add light movement- walks, short (10-15mins), gentle yoga videos to stretch my tight muscles, that kind of thing. I am also staying in self catered accommodation this week and bought some fruit and veg I can just eat without prep, some oats and nut butter for porridge as breakfast and a rotisserie chicken, some pasta and pesto. The goal being low effort but moderately nutritious food.
Plan for week three is to keep doing these things but also figure out what needs to happen for me to sustain better self care at home and set myself up for success there.
For example, how do I eat better at home. I was considering meal kits but the problem is not buying food, it is that the food then has to be prepared. For me, it all goes wrong at that point. So I came across a service that will cook and deliver the finished meals for you to reheat, I.e. one step beyond the meal kit. Considering the amount of food I buy and throw out because I don’t prepare it, this has got to be more cost effective. That’s at least the main meals taken care of. That leaves breakfast and lunch.
My home is full of semi finished DIY. That renders my kitchen partially unusable. The projects are around storage so there isn’t just the still flat packed furniture that is meant to store things, there are also boxes full of stuff that is meant to go in the furniture … so I’ll spend a chunk of week three finding people I can pay to take stuff away, to finish the projects and give my place a deep clean at the end.
Then we re-evaluate what has worked and what hasn’t and adjust. I am giving myself until the end of September to do all that. I have a friend visiting me mid September so the home has got to be done by then. But I am sure some of the new habits around sleep/food/movement will need re visiting, when they had a chance to collide with the reality of working life.
posted by koahiatamadl at 8:00 PM on July 28
Here is a small thing:
often I'll spend all day at home stuck to a chair frantically working, only to realise at 7pm I've not moved from my chair all day.
If you have an iPhone, the Stand Up! app will remind you to get up from the desk every so often, with parameters of your choosing. I have it set to remind me every twenty minutes, between 9am and 6pm, Monday - Friday, when I'm at home. It literally just tells you to stand up, but I use it as a trigger to walk away from the desk: I go downstairs and come back up, which gives my eyes a short break from the screen and my body a break from its fixed position, plus a tiny bit of exercise.
(I find I'm more likely to pay attention to it when I have my desk configured as a standing desk, so that all I have to do is walk away, rather than having to stand up first. So I suppose that's another suggestion - perhaps you'd benefit from swapping your desk out for a sit-stand one. But that's a bit more of a change.)
If you don't have an iPhone - I don't think that particular app is available for Android, but I'm sure there's something equivalent.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 2:24 AM on July 29
often I'll spend all day at home stuck to a chair frantically working, only to realise at 7pm I've not moved from my chair all day.
If you have an iPhone, the Stand Up! app will remind you to get up from the desk every so often, with parameters of your choosing. I have it set to remind me every twenty minutes, between 9am and 6pm, Monday - Friday, when I'm at home. It literally just tells you to stand up, but I use it as a trigger to walk away from the desk: I go downstairs and come back up, which gives my eyes a short break from the screen and my body a break from its fixed position, plus a tiny bit of exercise.
(I find I'm more likely to pay attention to it when I have my desk configured as a standing desk, so that all I have to do is walk away, rather than having to stand up first. So I suppose that's another suggestion - perhaps you'd benefit from swapping your desk out for a sit-stand one. But that's a bit more of a change.)
If you don't have an iPhone - I don't think that particular app is available for Android, but I'm sure there's something equivalent.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 2:24 AM on July 29
I have a special method to avoid sitting at the computer too long. It's kind of crazy, but it works.
I make sure to have a glass of water at my desk. When I need to go to the bathroom, if the glass isn't empty yet, I drink whatever is left. I go to the bathroom and refill my glass. This maintains a cycle of emptying my bladder, filling my cup, emptying the cup, which fills up the bladder, etc.
Unlike phone alarms, needing to go to the bathroom is non-negotiable, so this gets me moving multiple times a day.
posted by demi-octopus at 2:36 PM on July 29
I make sure to have a glass of water at my desk. When I need to go to the bathroom, if the glass isn't empty yet, I drink whatever is left. I go to the bathroom and refill my glass. This maintains a cycle of emptying my bladder, filling my cup, emptying the cup, which fills up the bladder, etc.
Unlike phone alarms, needing to go to the bathroom is non-negotiable, so this gets me moving multiple times a day.
posted by demi-octopus at 2:36 PM on July 29
It would be reasonable for your body to have become depressed after all this. Antidepressants can be useful when you run out of steam and your body needs a little help with serotonin
posted by theora55 at 5:04 PM on July 29
posted by theora55 at 5:04 PM on July 29
Your title says it all "Easing back in..." Start with one small thing - I'd recommend doing this short (7 minute) routine every morning first thing at least four days a week (but more if you feel like it): - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDLad2vOHkU
Force yourself to do it for a month. Then keep doing it and ad on one more small thing. Repeat.
posted by lrm at 12:04 PM on July 30
Force yourself to do it for a month. Then keep doing it and ad on one more small thing. Repeat.
posted by lrm at 12:04 PM on July 30
Do you have an air conditioner? Invest in one if not. Sleep has to be #1 and if it’s too hot it can’t happen properly.
Caregiving? Get assistance with that. You need a break.
Seems like the acute stressor making things impossible is work actually. Do you agree?
posted by cotton dress sock at 1:25 PM on July 30
Caregiving? Get assistance with that. You need a break.
Seems like the acute stressor making things impossible is work actually. Do you agree?
posted by cotton dress sock at 1:25 PM on July 30
I laughed (in recognition!!) of your shower/clothes/cleaning description. I, uh, resemble some of those statements.
You'll also laugh that my first thought was omg, water, just start with that! Figure out a hydration you can deal with and power-drink whenever you walk away from the computer (bathroom). This will make you need to pee more often, increasing the 'tiny break' habit.
Yep, then I'd go after sleep, that's the hardest one in my experience. You know yourself the best so do what you think you need - sharing Mt experience in case you find similar.
I am absolutely fucked if I don't get up at the same time every day. Every. Day. No vacations, no breaks, no 'just while I'm sick', whatever (note I'm allowed to get up and then go back to bed/nap if I'm sick, but I need to achieve an awake brain on a dead-unchanging schedule).
I'm currently digging my way back to that right now because I had covid last week and slept for most of the week. I did not stick to my alarms and now I'm trying desperately to get back to it - it sucks and I hate it. I can't get my "to bed" time under control without the solid wakeup time :(
After that I think whatever you want - I'm with you on the sun and heat omg! Are you an early or late person? Is there a nearby destination you like/have an excuse to go to (ie when I get xyz done I'll get a cookie from the bakery). How far is the nearest park? Is it safe to walk in noise-isolating headphones? They help me immensely!
I'd also second the instapot *if* you like that kind of food and especially texture. I think of crunchy and salty with kfc, which are my fav too. Sugar peas are snappy, sweet, and cool. You can eat a lot of good shit very simply on tortilla chips (salsa beans cheese avocado olives etc). Other than cheese, those are all shelf-stable plus chips.
I also like chia seeds in yougart, smoothies, etc if you find that soothing, it's an easy source of crunch (hemp also good for that but a different kind of crunch, less sharp). I have a big container of plain and add spoonfuls of jam - fig is delicious crunch.
Vietnamese bun (salad noodle) bowls could be advanced prep but they stab that salty-cruncy-fresh button pretty hard for me. They aren't low-dishes, but may be worth trying if the flavors appeal to you on takeout?
Anyway, don't worry about any of those, just let em sit in the back of your head and you'll remember when you're ready for them. For now, hell getting through the day sounds like an accomplishment to me! Seriously, what you're doing is hard and you're doing it - that's huge!
You're doing a lot better than many of us and I and others are right there with you on much of it!
posted by esoteric things at 11:39 PM on July 30
You'll also laugh that my first thought was omg, water, just start with that! Figure out a hydration you can deal with and power-drink whenever you walk away from the computer (bathroom). This will make you need to pee more often, increasing the 'tiny break' habit.
Yep, then I'd go after sleep, that's the hardest one in my experience. You know yourself the best so do what you think you need - sharing Mt experience in case you find similar.
I am absolutely fucked if I don't get up at the same time every day. Every. Day. No vacations, no breaks, no 'just while I'm sick', whatever (note I'm allowed to get up and then go back to bed/nap if I'm sick, but I need to achieve an awake brain on a dead-unchanging schedule).
I'm currently digging my way back to that right now because I had covid last week and slept for most of the week. I did not stick to my alarms and now I'm trying desperately to get back to it - it sucks and I hate it. I can't get my "to bed" time under control without the solid wakeup time :(
After that I think whatever you want - I'm with you on the sun and heat omg! Are you an early or late person? Is there a nearby destination you like/have an excuse to go to (ie when I get xyz done I'll get a cookie from the bakery). How far is the nearest park? Is it safe to walk in noise-isolating headphones? They help me immensely!
I'd also second the instapot *if* you like that kind of food and especially texture. I think of crunchy and salty with kfc, which are my fav too. Sugar peas are snappy, sweet, and cool. You can eat a lot of good shit very simply on tortilla chips (salsa beans cheese avocado olives etc). Other than cheese, those are all shelf-stable plus chips.
I also like chia seeds in yougart, smoothies, etc if you find that soothing, it's an easy source of crunch (hemp also good for that but a different kind of crunch, less sharp). I have a big container of plain and add spoonfuls of jam - fig is delicious crunch.
Vietnamese bun (salad noodle) bowls could be advanced prep but they stab that salty-cruncy-fresh button pretty hard for me. They aren't low-dishes, but may be worth trying if the flavors appeal to you on takeout?
Anyway, don't worry about any of those, just let em sit in the back of your head and you'll remember when you're ready for them. For now, hell getting through the day sounds like an accomplishment to me! Seriously, what you're doing is hard and you're doing it - that's huge!
You're doing a lot better than many of us and I and others are right there with you on much of it!
posted by esoteric things at 11:39 PM on July 30
Oh! I second Jane The Brown - keep an 'I did' list - it sounds stupid (or did to me before I tried it) but when I'm really burnt out and feel like I'm doing 'nothing' or am only treading water, writing down shit I did (vs crossing off anything from my 3 miles of to do list) surprises me every time with how much I've actually done, even though my brain says "it's nothing".
I loathe phone calls - leaving voice mail goes on the list. Same for shower, laundry, and my personal nemesis - dishes (I like to cook, so it's cleanup I dislike).
Anything that requires executive function is what I aim to record, so prioritizing some list or scheduling something, though minor, take effort - and I 'get credit' for them. It helps me - I hope it does for you too!
posted by esoteric things at 12:00 AM on July 31
I loathe phone calls - leaving voice mail goes on the list. Same for shower, laundry, and my personal nemesis - dishes (I like to cook, so it's cleanup I dislike).
Anything that requires executive function is what I aim to record, so prioritizing some list or scheduling something, though minor, take effort - and I 'get credit' for them. It helps me - I hope it does for you too!
posted by esoteric things at 12:00 AM on July 31
Others have recommended the Finch app in the past. The last time I went through a funk, it definitely helped.
posted by kathrynm at 7:21 AM on July 31
posted by kathrynm at 7:21 AM on July 31
Guys, guys, I haven't had any takeout in 3 weeks!!!!!! Thank you for the advice and the inspo. I realise I have a long way to go, but I needed the solid advice on how to even start the journey.
posted by unicorn chaser at 3:32 AM on August 15
posted by unicorn chaser at 3:32 AM on August 15
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Your therapist is right, and also the way to make progress is to enable as much rest as possible! I know it doesn’t seem like you’re doing anything when you’re resting but you are in fact doing the most important thing.
To address your specific points…
It’s totally fine to stay in pajamas and not shower on days when you’re staying home. It’s also fine to not shower on days you need to be out and about, as long as you keep your skin and hair healthy and you smell relatively fresh. If you find a different type of bathing to be more relaxing, do that when you have the time, like baths or washcloth wipe downs. It’s okay to pop on clean clothes over your unwashed self to go do an errand. It’s also okay to stay in pajamas, or change from pjs into other, different pjs. Loungewear took off in an extremely big way in 2020 and it hasn’t gone away - perhaps acquire some sets of loungewear that you feel okay being seen in but are just as comfy as pajamas, so you have less of a barrier if you want to go out and about. I highly suggest soft leggings and sweater dresses, or wide leg flowy pants and a knit blazer on top of a tank top.
Eating fast food is not ideal but there is a huge spectrum between a Big Mac for every meal and homemade plant based hyperlocal blah de blah all the time. Look into frozen meals, there are a lot these days that are much tastier and better than ye olde lean cuisine. There’s also stuff like canned, jarred or even boxed soups in the heat & eat category.
You could also set up a recurring grocery delivery of better-for-you snacks, like prepped veggies and hummus, pretzels, nuts and popcorn, bananas or easily peeled mandarins or crispy apples, etc that require no cooking and you can graze on throughout the day or make a plate and eat like a discrete meal. Once the delivery is set up, you don’t have to think about it or make decisions unless you want to cancel or add more items. Start with just a couple of your favorite things to make sure you’ll eat them and go from there, maybe. Absolute minimal cleanup can be achieved with disposable dish ware, which you can find in compostable versions these days.
Start little. Try some restaurants that have slightly more menu variety, like Panera or corner bakery or your local equivalent. Try some of the more fiber rich choices from classic fast food joints, get a side salad or the coleslaw, keep a water bottle in your car and skip the soda. Little things. You can order online and do in person pickup at a ton of places that don’t do drive through if you don’t want to eat in the establishment. Aim for like, three meals a week from your pantry and fridge and celebrate the achievement. One step at a time, whichever is least exhausting.
I would also suggest skipping the couch entirely when you are trying to rest. If you’re sleepy early in the evening, cut your losses, brush your teeth, and snuggle in to bed. Sure, you’ll wake up in the wee hours. But if you get lucky you might fall back asleep, or you can get up and have a quiet, slow breakfast. Couch naps are a sure fire way to fuck up your spine and you must prioritize rest.
posted by Mizu at 3:11 AM on July 28