Is this a scam?
June 30, 2024 3:23 PM
I just got a text from a friend's phone number which seems fishy. Trying to assess the situation and would appreciation any help.
In it they say they've checked into a mental health facility several states away. To my knowledge they have no ties in this location. They have a young child and a husband. Is it a typical thing to seek mental health treatment thousands of miles from home?
They mention a recent thing we did together but in a way that's a bit off. Actually none of the writing feels right but this could be explained by a mental health crisis?
Didn't use the nicknames they usually use for me. Again, possibly due to mental state.
I have spent a lot of time with this person recently and they've shown absolutely zero signs of having severe mental health issues. They seemed to be doing very well. They have typically been very open about mental health struggles and have said nothing to me recently. Of course I'm no mental health professional and people can mask well, but this is quite a jolt.
There's no ask, which makes me question myself. All I can think is that I'm being set up for a (scam) ask along the lines of "I left the facility and lost my wallet, please send money."
I'm afraid to reply which might be silly. I tried to call but no pick up. I messaged them on another platform and plan to contact a family member if that doesn't pan out.
In it they say they've checked into a mental health facility several states away. To my knowledge they have no ties in this location. They have a young child and a husband. Is it a typical thing to seek mental health treatment thousands of miles from home?
They mention a recent thing we did together but in a way that's a bit off. Actually none of the writing feels right but this could be explained by a mental health crisis?
Didn't use the nicknames they usually use for me. Again, possibly due to mental state.
I have spent a lot of time with this person recently and they've shown absolutely zero signs of having severe mental health issues. They seemed to be doing very well. They have typically been very open about mental health struggles and have said nothing to me recently. Of course I'm no mental health professional and people can mask well, but this is quite a jolt.
There's no ask, which makes me question myself. All I can think is that I'm being set up for a (scam) ask along the lines of "I left the facility and lost my wallet, please send money."
I'm afraid to reply which might be silly. I tried to call but no pick up. I messaged them on another platform and plan to contact a family member if that doesn't pan out.
I engage these types of scammers. I act nice, interested, and oblivious, let them waste their time on me.
No harm in treating them (a bit) like it IS your friend, ask what you can do, etc.
I always say something wrong like "Oh I haven't seen you since Florida" or "How's Tatum's broken leg?" similarly totally fictitious to see the reaction.
posted by ReluctantViking at 3:27 PM on June 30
No harm in treating them (a bit) like it IS your friend, ask what you can do, etc.
I always say something wrong like "Oh I haven't seen you since Florida" or "How's Tatum's broken leg?" similarly totally fictitious to see the reaction.
posted by ReluctantViking at 3:27 PM on June 30
ReluctantViking's approach is what I use too .. it quickly becomes obvious that it's a scammer and not the person they're trying to impersonate.
You could of course call your friend ...
posted by anadem at 3:30 PM on June 30
You could of course call your friend ...
posted by anadem at 3:30 PM on June 30
I think your instinct to be on your guard, and to contact them through other means such as phonecall or some other messaging platform is just right. I think you're doing fine. Like you I suspect this is the start of a scam, but it sounds like you're not going to fall for it!
posted by fritley at 3:31 PM on June 30
posted by fritley at 3:31 PM on June 30
got a text from a friend's phone number
As in, the number you have for them saved in your phone? I would not assume it's a scam. But yes, phone scams are perfectly safe to reply to - you have to give out your personal/bank info to get scammed.
posted by coffeecat at 3:36 PM on June 30
As in, the number you have for them saved in your phone? I would not assume it's a scam. But yes, phone scams are perfectly safe to reply to - you have to give out your personal/bank info to get scammed.
posted by coffeecat at 3:36 PM on June 30
Be wary of inadvertently providing them with coaching on how to better pretend to be your friend.
posted by funkaspuck at 3:47 PM on June 30
posted by funkaspuck at 3:47 PM on June 30
You could confirm some of this information by:
-checking if the institution mentioned actually exists
-checking in with the husband unless the message specifically indicated not to
-attempting to contact your friend via an alternative means
-connecting with a mutual friend to see if they received a similar message
One possibility is that your friend’s phone got lost or was stolen and someone looked through the texts and is trying to make a quick buck. This would explain the knowing about things you did recently but getting details completely wrong.
posted by donut_princess at 3:49 PM on June 30
-checking if the institution mentioned actually exists
-checking in with the husband unless the message specifically indicated not to
-attempting to contact your friend via an alternative means
-connecting with a mutual friend to see if they received a similar message
One possibility is that your friend’s phone got lost or was stolen and someone looked through the texts and is trying to make a quick buck. This would explain the knowing about things you did recently but getting details completely wrong.
posted by donut_princess at 3:49 PM on June 30
Have you not contacted the husband and asked about the supposed mental health hospitalization? Seems like that would be the quickest way to clear this up.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:54 PM on June 30
posted by Thorzdad at 3:54 PM on June 30
In it they say they've checked into a mental health facility several states away.
This is not unusual for specialist treatment for OCD, eating disorders, PTSD, and the like. Many of the individuals at the facility I work at come from across the country because there are so few programs addressing these things specifically at a residential level. Some of these conditions can be entirely invisible even to good friends.
I would engage in a normal conversation (being aware of not revealing your or their personal information, just in case) via text. If they respond quickly and consistently this would be a flag for me as most facilities either do not allow mobile phones at all or only allow use during specific times. Your friend not answering your phone call or other platform messages could align with this.
The plan to contact a family member is likely the best one. You could call the facility and say you would like to speak to your friend. They will not be able to confirm if they are there, but if they are the staff will give your information to your friend so that they can call you through a facility phone.
Obviously if you engage in conversation and a request follows then insist on talking by voice. There is no (non-correctional) mental health facility that will not allow patients to contact friends and family outside (though it may be during restricted times).
My read is that it could be a scam but I have had enough patients at my facility in a situation that fits this description that I wouldn’t write it off out of hand.
posted by brook horse at 4:32 PM on June 30
This is not unusual for specialist treatment for OCD, eating disorders, PTSD, and the like. Many of the individuals at the facility I work at come from across the country because there are so few programs addressing these things specifically at a residential level. Some of these conditions can be entirely invisible even to good friends.
I would engage in a normal conversation (being aware of not revealing your or their personal information, just in case) via text. If they respond quickly and consistently this would be a flag for me as most facilities either do not allow mobile phones at all or only allow use during specific times. Your friend not answering your phone call or other platform messages could align with this.
The plan to contact a family member is likely the best one. You could call the facility and say you would like to speak to your friend. They will not be able to confirm if they are there, but if they are the staff will give your information to your friend so that they can call you through a facility phone.
Obviously if you engage in conversation and a request follows then insist on talking by voice. There is no (non-correctional) mental health facility that will not allow patients to contact friends and family outside (though it may be during restricted times).
My read is that it could be a scam but I have had enough patients at my facility in a situation that fits this description that I wouldn’t write it off out of hand.
posted by brook horse at 4:32 PM on June 30
The worst thing that can happen if you reply is your number gets sold on as "good" to other scammers or spammers. Annoying, but it's not going to empty your bank account or anything.
I'd contact another family member asap, as one of the bigger risks here is a) their device has been stolen or spoofed and the thief is attempting scams b) they've got a compromised device, and the sooner they know they need to take action the better.
If you don't want to give away details, I would just say to the family member "I got a message from them that could be real and important or could be a virus or similar, is there something unusual going on they'd be texting me about or is everything normal as far as you know? Can you reach them now if you're not aware of anything going on?" That gives them the opportunity to say "ah, yeah, there's stuff going on so the message you got was probably legit" and you can say "like, they're currently 'away from home', is that accurate?" and they can say "that's correct; they're safe right now." And nobody has told anybody anything they didn't know, no gossip has gossipped, no shit has been talked.
Or otherwise they're like "uh, we're watching Real Housewives together right now??" and you can then advise them to contact their provider/check their devices.
posted by Lyn Never at 4:42 PM on June 30
I'd contact another family member asap, as one of the bigger risks here is a) their device has been stolen or spoofed and the thief is attempting scams b) they've got a compromised device, and the sooner they know they need to take action the better.
If you don't want to give away details, I would just say to the family member "I got a message from them that could be real and important or could be a virus or similar, is there something unusual going on they'd be texting me about or is everything normal as far as you know? Can you reach them now if you're not aware of anything going on?" That gives them the opportunity to say "ah, yeah, there's stuff going on so the message you got was probably legit" and you can say "like, they're currently 'away from home', is that accurate?" and they can say "that's correct; they're safe right now." And nobody has told anybody anything they didn't know, no gossip has gossipped, no shit has been talked.
Or otherwise they're like "uh, we're watching Real Housewives together right now??" and you can then advise them to contact their provider/check their devices.
posted by Lyn Never at 4:42 PM on June 30
Thank you all.
So far I haven’t received any responses on my verification attempts.
posted by bunderful at 4:43 PM on June 30
So far I haven’t received any responses on my verification attempts.
posted by bunderful at 4:43 PM on June 30
Sorry to hear your friend is struggling but glad they are getting help. NAMI has a resource for friends and family members of individuals hospitalized for psychiatric care that might be helpful. Best wishes to you and your friend and their family.
posted by brook horse at 6:24 PM on June 30
posted by brook horse at 6:24 PM on June 30
Brook horse, thank you for your help and kind words. I truly appreciate it.
posted by bunderful at 6:49 PM on June 30
posted by bunderful at 6:49 PM on June 30
Sorry to hear it's a real crisis for your friend, but I want to emphasize that your reaction was perfectly correct, these scams are very common and it is good to let these dual worries (friend is in trouble/friend is being impersonated) drive a humane and helpful response. You didn't doubt them - you worried about and for them! Just in case you (as I would) are experiencing guilty feelings about that.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 1:05 PM on July 1
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 1:05 PM on July 1
Thank you. I’m still half disbelieving but really worried for my friend and wondering what I missed.
posted by bunderful at 5:29 PM on July 1
posted by bunderful at 5:29 PM on July 1
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posted by bunderful at 3:25 PM on June 30