My Money Or My Life

January 19, 2024 8:00 AM

A past employer has asked me to come back for a one-year contract for a specific project, and offered me a significant amount of money to do so (not win-the-lottery money, but definitely pay-off-my-mortgage money). The catch is that I would have to relocate back near their head office to work in person for the duration, effectively putting the rest of my life on hold to go live temporarily in a place that I find, at best, "meh". Should I do it? Is there a way to reframe the decision more positively/palatably?

There is no practical reason holding me back - I'm single with no dependents, I'm already unhappy with my current job and thinking of quitting in the near future anyway, I have a stable housing situation that will continue to be there when I return (yes, I took into account the fact that I'd be paying for 2 separate homes while I'm gone when considering the financial benefit). It'll make filing my taxes incredibly annoying for the next two years, but that's the only logistical drawback I can think of (yes, I took taxes into account when considering the financial benefit).

And yet... I left Past Employer in Past City after 5 years there, not because I was unhappy with the job, but specifically because I couldn't see myself living there in the long term, despite my best efforts. Past City is not an objectively bad place! Many people live there and love/like/tolerate it, it is just somehow not for me. I really like where I live now and have been looking forward to making friends and building a community here. A year sounds simultaneously short in the grand scheme of things, but also a long time to feel "stuck". Past City and Current Town are far enough away that visits would require air travel, which is too impractical/annoying/environmentally bad to do frequently.

At the same time, I realize how fortunate I am to even be in this situation - plenty of people have to move when they don't particularly want to, just to find A job, it feels a little rich for me to be complaining. I wonder if there is a way to reframe it into, I don't know, some sort of grand adventure to embark on, rather than just staring at a wall watching time pass for 12 months? Maybe I'll be able to better appreciate Past City for its own virtues if I know my time there is limited? Or am I just trying to talk myself into unhappiness for the sake of money? Any advice appreciated.

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (20 answers total)

Could you frame it as an incredible gift to Future You? "Pay off the mortgage" money is nothing to sneeze at and I think most people would consider it well worth a single year of less-than-ideal living. Make a list of the things you could do when you don't have a mortgage to pay, and spend your year planning for them.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 8:16 AM on January 19

Just like you can't step in the same river twice, you're a different person now, and Past City is a different city. Think about what you like to do in your down time and find out how you can do that in Past City. Go there with a positive attitude, or some clear personal goals that you want to do (I'll learn to kayak! I'll do life drawing classes!) and it would probably seem a much better deal for the cash.
posted by el_presidente at 8:17 AM on January 19

I would probably go for it. I wouldn’t for a bad employer, but if the job is good and the location just meh, and it’s just a year, the pros would outweigh the cons for me.

Make sure it’s really just a year, and do you have a plan for afterwards? What if you can’t find a job right away? When are you going to start applying for the next gig?

I would pre-plan some fun breaks into the year so you have something to look forward to. A small vacation or long weekend away every few months? Longer one half way through?

Also research some fun things to get involved in in the meh city. There’s gotta be something - classes, activities, whatever - that you would enjoy that would help the time go by faster.
posted by sillysally at 8:18 AM on January 19

I wonder if there is a way to reframe it into, I don't know, some sort of grand adventure to embark on

I think so, yes - or at least a mini adventure. A year goes by pretty fast.

I've found I have a very different approach to places or even situations I don't love when I know there's a definite end date and I have zero worries about being stuck there. YMMV but it makes a huge difference for me.

Also this could be a good time for hobbies, for local travel, (for flings?), for trying on new interests/personas, for taking a break...

And it sounds like it's not truly putting your life on hold - it's focusing specifically on one aspect of your life (money) so that you'll be in a position to do more and focus more on other things when you get back home.
posted by trig at 8:19 AM on January 19

Filing taxes for two states is incredibly easy and probably easier than how they classify you (employee vs contractor).

Plenty of people do this. Can you do three weeks on then one week at home? You shouldn’t look at it as being two homes. Look up executive housing that comes in 3, 6 and one year increments. It should be included in your expenses and should be treated as a an expense.

I have done this a lot and acclimate to cities quickly by making friends with people in a similar situation. You don’t describe what it is you’re going to be missing by “putting your life on hold.” Dating? Friend groups? You’d be surprised how much you can keep in touch and come back and it’s like you never left.
posted by geoff. at 8:25 AM on January 19

I would be apprehensive only if I had a big network of friends and family in Current City, and no one in Past City - like this would be a difficult decision for me if it meant leaving a thriving social life to go live a FOMO-ridden life of loneliness. But even then I would be heavily considering it, since it sounds like a moderately life-changing amount of money that could make your future better, and there is an actual light at the end of the tunnel to return to your Current City.

Do you have a thriving and vibrant social life and network of friends and family in Current City? If the answer is on the spectrum between "no, not really" and "eh, sort of", I'd split for a year without question. If the answer is a resounding "yes, I do actually"...I'd probably still go - I would just be kind of bummed about it, and would plan 3 or 4 trips back home to look forward to.
posted by windbox at 8:26 AM on January 19

Folk do this all the time in industry, like deep sea diving, petroleum mining, anthropology, merchant marine, whatever. They all do an unpleasant thing for a fixed amount of time while the bucks roll in then go home and enjoy the proceeds. And those are shit locations with no social life or cultural cache at all. You're talking about an entire city at hand, even if it's not one you love. If I was in your situation with a "mortgage pay off" amount of money on offer I'd do it even with a family, but I'd definitely visit home regularly.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:33 AM on January 19

A single year of work in a city that was "meh" but not terrible leading to a paid-off mortgage (or equivalent money in your investment accounts) seems worth it to me, unless your remaining mortgage is so small you'd be paying it off in the next year or two anyway. That's not quite winning the lottery, but it would be life-changing for most people.

And yes, I think reframing it as an adventure could help, including looking at all your housing options in case there was something that helped in that -- living in a specific neighborhood, or in a way that might be fun for a year but not what you'd want in the long run.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:42 AM on January 19

I think I could get jazzed about this idea by letting myself think about being a different "me" for the year. I'm not saying you have to reinvent yourself entirely, but if you think it could be fun to live an alternate life for on year, what does alternate you do? Maybe in your regular life, you're more of a homebody, so alt-you makes it a point to go out 3-5x a week. Maybe current you does a certain type of fitness, does alt-you instead go swimming every day? Take up karate? Become a cross-fitter? A rock-climber? Perhaps current you has never been to a music festival, but alt-you travels to musical festivals every other week for a year. Maybe current you has never meditated, but alt you does so every morning. You get the idea. I think it's fun to have a time-bound opportunity to play with your identity a little bit, and it could really be neat to explore the paths not traveled in your current life by saying, it's just for a year, I can try it.

Adding just a little more to say, if you need to spice up the idea without thinking about alt you, you could make a commitment to get really good at something during the year, whether work-related or outside work. Maybe it's a hobby/skill you already have, or one you have wanted to start. "My year of learning X" (and working at old company in old city) feels exciting to me.
posted by luzdeluna at 8:51 AM on January 19

You ask if you should do it, but it's hard to give an objective answer without knowing your other likely options, in addition to staying at your current job. If you'd like to leave your current job, what do other potential job options look like, do they look better or worse than the one you are currently considering? Are they better or worse in ways that are meaningful to you?

How meaningful is that money to you, how much better off will you be for having it? Have you considered that you will still need to job hunt again in a year? Will your ability to network and find jobs in your preferred living location be significantly harder by relocating away for a year? These are all questions that are worth personally exploring.

You say it's just a year, but it also means, in some ways, a year away from the life you want to be building. What are your longer term priorities?

There are certain personal costs that more money can't directly make up for, such as when working for more money costs you in terms of your mental health, connections, and time. Looking at whether anything you consider to be high priority will meaningfully suffer will help you make a more informed decision!
posted by Goblin Barbarian at 9:22 AM on January 19

+1 to We Put Our Faith in Blast Hardcheese.

Also, you will not be "stuck." You'll be taking a detour. It might not be an adventure, exactly, but it is an opportunity to shake your life up a little.
posted by adamrice at 9:55 AM on January 19

Do it. In ten years, that short year will have gone so fast it will be as nothing. Paying off a mortgage is a Big Deal, and the freedom and opportunities it will offer you will be numerous. As suggested, plan for things that will entertain you, amuse you, and keep you working as contentedly as possible. If you sit and stew, it will seem like more than a year. If you have goals and plans, it will pass quickly.
posted by BlueHorse at 10:29 AM on January 19

It sounds like you'd be making enough money that you wouldn't have to spend every weekend in Past City. Use it as an opportunity to get out and see parts of the country that you otherwise might not.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 11:02 AM on January 19

a paid-off mortgage (or equivalent money in your investment accounts)

Just to expand slightly on the above point; you should do some very careful financial planning with this money -- don't just throw it into paying off a mortgage without having considered the consequences of doing so. You may find it is substantially better to invest the funds instead, even if all you did was put the money in a Bogleheads-type three fund strategy.

This is a tangent, I realize, and largely based on a throwaway comment about the scale of money involved but I felt it would be somewhat irresponsible if I didn't mention it. You could shorten your retirement horizon noticeably if you're careful, or else garner sufficient additional investment income as to upgrade your lifestyle permanently.
posted by aramaic at 12:01 PM on January 19

I'm basically taking this deal in reverse right now, to move away from the starting city. Many, many friends have taken deals like this entirely as a bet against themselves for their own future. This is very common, and i don't really know anyone who regrets doing it. A year goes by real fast.

I second the idea of investing, or splitting up the use of the money. Could you reward yourself with an interesting trip or adventure at the end of the year?
posted by emptythought at 3:04 PM on January 19

I guess I have a few questions for you to think about:

1. How financially comfortable are you right now? Like, if you didn't take this job, would it be a big negative towards your current situation or life goals, or are you not particularly financially worried at this point?

2. I know you said it's pay-off-mortgage level money, but really: how much do you need this money? That's related to #1, I guess. If your life is going fine right now, if you can meet your financial obligations as is (including saving for retirement) and you want to build a life where you are, that's something to consider.

3. How old are you? If you're young-ish (under 35 or so?), it's probably easier to take a year and do something else than if you're close to or over 40, particularly if you're trying to build a life in your current place.

I guess for me, I'd rather stay where I'm happy than go where I was bored/meh/unhappy, if the only reason to go to Boring Town was for money. If you have the luxury of not needing this job for the money, it may be worth considering staying where you are and building your life, including finding a better job for you in a place you prefer to live, rather than spending a year thinking "I can suck it up" and then just, as you say, staring at the walls while you're not staring at your work computer (or whatever it is you would be staring at while you work).

A paid off mortgage certainly isn't nothing (I'd love one!) but it's also not the be-all end-all of existence, if achieving it requires you to be somewhere you're unhappy. Life should be (and is!) about more than pursuing a perfect credit score or a financial benefit. If you want to build a life where you are, and you're financially OK-off enough to do that, that's what I'd do. But I'm also more of a nester than a lot of people, so I value the place I live and the network I have (IRL) more than maybe a lot of people do.
posted by pdb at 5:34 PM on January 19

Should I do it?

Yes.
posted by chasles at 7:14 PM on January 19

Sounds like a great opportunity! You temporarily move to a city that you are "meh" about (not one that you actively hate) in exchange for a sizable compensation at a known company. With a one year contract, it is less likely that you would get complacent since your stay would have a definite end point. Moreover, you are unhappy with your current position and job hunting is fun said no one ever. This job found you!

In addition, was your experience in this city pre or during covid? I don't want to put words in your mouth, but is it possible that current you would experience old city in a different way than pre-pandemic you? Or if you were in old city earlier in the pandemic, there is probably a new normal now.
posted by oceano at 9:30 PM on January 19

Not only will you have a bunch of money in a period when income taxes are pretty darn low, you'll have a big resume boost. You will have credentials as a serious consultant in this space. Tell them you need at least 20 vacation days in addition to sick days and holidays, so you can take time off to do non-meh trips. In addition to the work, use the year to learn something new, maybe take classes if there's a good uni, or start singing, bicycling, knitting, speaking French, whatever.
posted by theora55 at 7:03 AM on January 20

I mean, the way to reframe this is as minimum suckage for maximal benefit. It's a year, people can do anything for a year.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:17 PM on January 20