Executive function / inattentiveness / distractedness resources
December 3, 2023 6:36 AM Subscribe
My ADHD-ishness and executive function problems are starting to get out of hand, which has prompted me to see a doctor.
In the meantime, I am looking for YouTube channels, books or any other useful resources that will help me to cope.
Things I already know about: pomodoro.
Things I already know about: pomodoro.
how to adhd is a good channel that might help.
posted by DrumsIntheDeep at 7:34 AM on December 3, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by DrumsIntheDeep at 7:34 AM on December 3, 2023 [6 favorites]
Yes, How to ADHD is a great channel for educating yourself about the condition, a key strategy! I've also found Huberman Lab helpful for learning about behavior modifications (exercise, sunlight, breathing exercises, considering supplements such as fish oil, etc). Don't be discouraged by the bro aesthetic, it takes an evidence-based approach.
Other tools: Focus@Will (music that can support flow states), background noise feature built into Mac and iOS, Focusmate (body doubling), therapy with self-compassion elements.
posted by mysh at 7:57 AM on December 3, 2023 [6 favorites]
Other tools: Focus@Will (music that can support flow states), background noise feature built into Mac and iOS, Focusmate (body doubling), therapy with self-compassion elements.
posted by mysh at 7:57 AM on December 3, 2023 [6 favorites]
What do you mean by "cope"? What symptoms do you need help with, and for what purpose?
e.g.
- do you need help remaining focused on what people are saying in work meetings because you tend to zone out and this symptom is threatening your ability to keep your job?
- Or do you need solutions to compensate for your diminished working memory function because you keep forgetting to take your umbrella with you when leaving the office/restaurants and your new umbrella budget is ballooning out of control?
- Or do you need help with prioritizing tasks at the start of each day because you are currently freezing up from the anxiety of not knowing which thing to tackle first?
-Or do you need help with ADHD-induced depression that comes from self-blame, so that you can stop feeling bad about yourself?
-... etc.?
ADHD symptoms are so diverse and the consequences of the symptoms on our lives are individualized and unique. You need to narrow down your focus and ask for SPECIFIC help. Otherwise, we're all going to recommend a bunch of random generalized resources, and it is all too easy for your ADHD monkey-brain to fall into random research holes and waste all your time watching videos that have little relevance to your actual problems.
posted by MiraK at 9:11 AM on December 3, 2023 [8 favorites]
e.g.
- do you need help remaining focused on what people are saying in work meetings because you tend to zone out and this symptom is threatening your ability to keep your job?
- Or do you need solutions to compensate for your diminished working memory function because you keep forgetting to take your umbrella with you when leaving the office/restaurants and your new umbrella budget is ballooning out of control?
- Or do you need help with prioritizing tasks at the start of each day because you are currently freezing up from the anxiety of not knowing which thing to tackle first?
-Or do you need help with ADHD-induced depression that comes from self-blame, so that you can stop feeling bad about yourself?
-... etc.?
ADHD symptoms are so diverse and the consequences of the symptoms on our lives are individualized and unique. You need to narrow down your focus and ask for SPECIFIC help. Otherwise, we're all going to recommend a bunch of random generalized resources, and it is all too easy for your ADHD monkey-brain to fall into random research holes and waste all your time watching videos that have little relevance to your actual problems.
posted by MiraK at 9:11 AM on December 3, 2023 [8 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks for the answers so far! I will check out the How to ADHD channel. Had heard of Huberman lab before but the long episodes put me off. Will see if there are summaries somewhere.
Good point MiraK about being more specific -- my main problem is that if I have a certain task to do and I don't find it fun, my brain will do anything not to have to do it.
I will open up my task, put my pomodoro and focus music on, and then spend the whole time refreshing my inbox, compulsively checking social media or new sites, or just blankly staring at the screen.
I think prioritizing tasks is also an issue, and tips on not feeling bad about myself would also be welcome.
posted by iamsuper at 9:36 AM on December 3, 2023 [4 favorites]
Good point MiraK about being more specific -- my main problem is that if I have a certain task to do and I don't find it fun, my brain will do anything not to have to do it.
I will open up my task, put my pomodoro and focus music on, and then spend the whole time refreshing my inbox, compulsively checking social media or new sites, or just blankly staring at the screen.
I think prioritizing tasks is also an issue, and tips on not feeling bad about myself would also be welcome.
posted by iamsuper at 9:36 AM on December 3, 2023 [4 favorites]
> I will open up my task, put my pomodoro and focus music on, and then spend the whole time refreshing my inbox, compulsively checking social media or new sites, or just blankly staring at the screen.
Aha! This is the problem I have spent most of my life trying to combat. I share your disgust and contempt for pomodoro timers (at best they interrupt my flow of work! and at worst I completely ignore the fucking timer and stay in bed scrolling). Other tricks that have not worked for me include promising myself a reward afterwards (fuck you I'll have my reward now and there's nothing anyone can do about it), or external accountability partners who are my friends or strangers (I am utterly unashamed to tell such people that I wasted my time and did not accomplish anything).
What DOES work for me:
1. having accountability partners who actually have the power to hold me accountable, e.g. I schedule extra check-ins with my boss to "go over some questions" about a particular task in order to ensure I make regular progress on it (mixed results because most tasks don't have outside accountability built in)
2. a "real" deadline e.g. throwing a party at a certain date and time in order to force myself to clean my house by then (mixed results; I end up with closets stuffed full of junk which are hidden from view long enough to throw the party)
3. rewarding myself DURING the task, not after it. For example, I listen to autiobooks/ podcasts or "watch" long youtube videos while cleaning my kitchen - or while working out, or while folding laundry, etc. This is actually a very successful strategy because I literally *cannot* watch or listen to media unless I am also doing something else, THANKS TO ADHD. So I'm essentially solving two problems at once, using one problem as the solution to the other problem.
4. changing my self-talk - instead of telling myself "do the fucking thing, damn it, what is wrong with you, just stop this bullshit and do the task", I try telling myself "well, what if I just do it for like 10 minutes and then I'll get back to scrolling mindlessly? 10 minutes isn't so bad, ooh, I bet it would feel nice to stand up and stretch for a minute and take 10 minutes away from stupid scrolling..." Sometimes I play-act like I'm negotiating with a big bad jail warden inside my head to wheedle 10 minutes from them. Sort of flipping the script on the pouty spoiled child in my head who acts like the actual task is ~LiTeRaLlY sLaVeRy~ and OMG SO OPPRESSIVE and mindless scrolling is the only way to stick it to the man. (mixed results, doesn't always work, but when it does, hey, it works!)
Underlying all of these tactics is a staunch refusal to blame myself or put myself down for my behaviors. It's okay. I'm okay. We will all be okay. Paradoxically, what helps me do my work is calming the anxiety inside me that I am shit and everything is shit and I am responsible for everything turning into shit oh god what will become of me.
In the beginning, I used to find it easier to give myself permission not to hate myself because that was the best way to help myself get the task done (and get to a place where I could more honestly stop hating myself). The nice thing is, it does become a habit. Several years into my journey and I truly don't hate myself anymore. So... fake it till ya make it. :)
posted by MiraK at 9:53 AM on December 3, 2023 [13 favorites]
Aha! This is the problem I have spent most of my life trying to combat. I share your disgust and contempt for pomodoro timers (at best they interrupt my flow of work! and at worst I completely ignore the fucking timer and stay in bed scrolling). Other tricks that have not worked for me include promising myself a reward afterwards (fuck you I'll have my reward now and there's nothing anyone can do about it), or external accountability partners who are my friends or strangers (I am utterly unashamed to tell such people that I wasted my time and did not accomplish anything).
What DOES work for me:
1. having accountability partners who actually have the power to hold me accountable, e.g. I schedule extra check-ins with my boss to "go over some questions" about a particular task in order to ensure I make regular progress on it (mixed results because most tasks don't have outside accountability built in)
2. a "real" deadline e.g. throwing a party at a certain date and time in order to force myself to clean my house by then (mixed results; I end up with closets stuffed full of junk which are hidden from view long enough to throw the party)
3. rewarding myself DURING the task, not after it. For example, I listen to autiobooks/ podcasts or "watch" long youtube videos while cleaning my kitchen - or while working out, or while folding laundry, etc. This is actually a very successful strategy because I literally *cannot* watch or listen to media unless I am also doing something else, THANKS TO ADHD. So I'm essentially solving two problems at once, using one problem as the solution to the other problem.
4. changing my self-talk - instead of telling myself "do the fucking thing, damn it, what is wrong with you, just stop this bullshit and do the task", I try telling myself "well, what if I just do it for like 10 minutes and then I'll get back to scrolling mindlessly? 10 minutes isn't so bad, ooh, I bet it would feel nice to stand up and stretch for a minute and take 10 minutes away from stupid scrolling..." Sometimes I play-act like I'm negotiating with a big bad jail warden inside my head to wheedle 10 minutes from them. Sort of flipping the script on the pouty spoiled child in my head who acts like the actual task is ~LiTeRaLlY sLaVeRy~ and OMG SO OPPRESSIVE and mindless scrolling is the only way to stick it to the man. (mixed results, doesn't always work, but when it does, hey, it works!)
Underlying all of these tactics is a staunch refusal to blame myself or put myself down for my behaviors. It's okay. I'm okay. We will all be okay. Paradoxically, what helps me do my work is calming the anxiety inside me that I am shit and everything is shit and I am responsible for everything turning into shit oh god what will become of me.
In the beginning, I used to find it easier to give myself permission not to hate myself because that was the best way to help myself get the task done (and get to a place where I could more honestly stop hating myself). The nice thing is, it does become a habit. Several years into my journey and I truly don't hate myself anymore. So... fake it till ya make it. :)
posted by MiraK at 9:53 AM on December 3, 2023 [13 favorites]
You might find you have some luck with the empty room method. The basic method is that you assign a short chunk of time to work on the task - say twenty minutes. The one restriction is that you have to pick between doing the task or doing nothing at all. You literally have succeeded if you sit there and stare at the wall and daydream. No checking mail, not doodling, no reading, no research, no talking to anyone, no humming, no internet, no music with words or podcasts - just you, waiting it out.
You might need to start with a chunk of time smaller than twenty minutes, maybe even two minutes if the idea of sitting in silence for twenty minutes causes you significant distress.
After a session or two most people get bored enough to stare at the task, and that leads to being desensitized to the anxiety that may be flooding your brain and making you unable to think about the task, and maybe even starting to think of the steps required to make some progress.
Spending twenty minutes without actually doing any work should reduce the anxiety a little bit, because after the twenty minutes are up you can accept that you did indeed spend twenty minutes on it which is more time than you devoted to it yesterday. You'll know you are not avoiding the task, you are still in the stage of letting the next first step percolate up to the the level of a plan and action.
posted by Jane the Brown at 10:55 AM on December 3, 2023 [5 favorites]
You might need to start with a chunk of time smaller than twenty minutes, maybe even two minutes if the idea of sitting in silence for twenty minutes causes you significant distress.
After a session or two most people get bored enough to stare at the task, and that leads to being desensitized to the anxiety that may be flooding your brain and making you unable to think about the task, and maybe even starting to think of the steps required to make some progress.
Spending twenty minutes without actually doing any work should reduce the anxiety a little bit, because after the twenty minutes are up you can accept that you did indeed spend twenty minutes on it which is more time than you devoted to it yesterday. You'll know you are not avoiding the task, you are still in the stage of letting the next first step percolate up to the the level of a plan and action.
posted by Jane the Brown at 10:55 AM on December 3, 2023 [5 favorites]
The novelist Rebecca Makkai just had two helpful posts about how she's dealt with her ADHD that can be applied to anything you have to get done.
posted by carrienation at 10:55 AM on December 3, 2023 [12 favorites]
posted by carrienation at 10:55 AM on December 3, 2023 [12 favorites]
The thing that most reliably helps me do things I don't want to do is body doubling, i.e. working alongside another person who is also focussed but doing their own thing. Usually I use focusmate for this.
posted by Cheese Monster at 12:30 PM on December 3, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Cheese Monster at 12:30 PM on December 3, 2023 [4 favorites]
How to Keep House While Drowning! A book by KC Davis
which I skimmed really fast the night before it got automatically returned to the library (ebooks are a godsend for avoiding library fines)
I found at least some of the ideas applicable to non-household tasks. One I particularly liked was "easier on-ramps". Sometimes I can really keep going once I'm going, so the idea of a longer, less steep metaphoric highway on-ramp spoke to me.
Functionally, it's basically "tell yourself you only have to do five minutes of Thing" but that rarely worked for me because I knew I was trying to trick myself into doing Thing for way longer than five minutes. And that put my back up.... at myself? "I need a long, easy on-ramp to start doing this" doesn't involve me lying to my own face, so I feel okay with telling myself stuff like "I'm going to put literally one cup away and see how I feel about that". She explains it waaaaay better than I can, I recommend the book (and put in a hold for it at my library again myself) but I wanted to give some context about my brain thoughts because if nothing in here resonates with you, maybe this strategy won't be a help.
It's good to go into strategy farming & testing knowing that a LOT of suggestions won't work for you right now. If a strategy doesn't help, that's okay, that's info. Think of it as a science experiment, or as giving a lot of options trial periods to evaluate their performance.
My kickass ADHD therapist who has ADHD himself told me this, so it's not just a rando saying it. Just want to preemptively tell you because I know how many of us are about getting self judgy.
Another great source of strategies is The Anti-Planner by Dani Donovan (twitter link). It's literally not a planner, it's a book full of strategies sorted by mood (eg unmotivated, disorganized). it's not a book libraries typically have, but she has example pages on Twitter iirc. You can also DM me, I own the book and can list a few specific strategies if that might help!
posted by Baethan at 12:32 PM on December 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
which I skimmed really fast the night before it got automatically returned to the library (ebooks are a godsend for avoiding library fines)
I found at least some of the ideas applicable to non-household tasks. One I particularly liked was "easier on-ramps". Sometimes I can really keep going once I'm going, so the idea of a longer, less steep metaphoric highway on-ramp spoke to me.
Functionally, it's basically "tell yourself you only have to do five minutes of Thing" but that rarely worked for me because I knew I was trying to trick myself into doing Thing for way longer than five minutes. And that put my back up.... at myself? "I need a long, easy on-ramp to start doing this" doesn't involve me lying to my own face, so I feel okay with telling myself stuff like "I'm going to put literally one cup away and see how I feel about that". She explains it waaaaay better than I can, I recommend the book (and put in a hold for it at my library again myself) but I wanted to give some context about my brain thoughts because if nothing in here resonates with you, maybe this strategy won't be a help.
It's good to go into strategy farming & testing knowing that a LOT of suggestions won't work for you right now. If a strategy doesn't help, that's okay, that's info. Think of it as a science experiment, or as giving a lot of options trial periods to evaluate their performance.
My kickass ADHD therapist who has ADHD himself told me this, so it's not just a rando saying it. Just want to preemptively tell you because I know how many of us are about getting self judgy.
Another great source of strategies is The Anti-Planner by Dani Donovan (twitter link). It's literally not a planner, it's a book full of strategies sorted by mood (eg unmotivated, disorganized). it's not a book libraries typically have, but she has example pages on Twitter iirc. You can also DM me, I own the book and can list a few specific strategies if that might help!
posted by Baethan at 12:32 PM on December 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
MiraK has good advice. It helped me when I realised I need entertainment in order to be able to get anything done, there’s no ‘reward’ system that works for me, the entertainment is what’s keeping me afloat by providing an influx of whatever brain chemicals I’m lacking that is just enough to get me through the task.
For work what’s helped me most has been - noise cancelling headphones (with entertainment as required), standing desk (being able to encorporate tiny bits of movement into my office work has been a gamechanger, I didn’t realise I had the ‘hyperactive’ part until I saw what a difference that made. I’ve heard some people get similar results with under desk pedal things or sitting on an exercise ball), basket of different fidget toys on my desk, going for a walk at lunchtime, giving myself permission to get up from my desk a bunch. Checking over work I’ve done while necessarily distracted after getting up and walking away from my desk for five minutes to reduce mistakes. Working from home really helps with all that. In terms of cleaning which is my personal other biggest issue, working in 20 minute increments with a podcast on before a 10 minute rest is the only way I can do it. Also ‘body doubling’ - getting someone else to be physically (or virtually) with me to keep me on task is very helpful.
posted by chives at 12:43 PM on December 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
For work what’s helped me most has been - noise cancelling headphones (with entertainment as required), standing desk (being able to encorporate tiny bits of movement into my office work has been a gamechanger, I didn’t realise I had the ‘hyperactive’ part until I saw what a difference that made. I’ve heard some people get similar results with under desk pedal things or sitting on an exercise ball), basket of different fidget toys on my desk, going for a walk at lunchtime, giving myself permission to get up from my desk a bunch. Checking over work I’ve done while necessarily distracted after getting up and walking away from my desk for five minutes to reduce mistakes. Working from home really helps with all that. In terms of cleaning which is my personal other biggest issue, working in 20 minute increments with a podcast on before a 10 minute rest is the only way I can do it. Also ‘body doubling’ - getting someone else to be physically (or virtually) with me to keep me on task is very helpful.
posted by chives at 12:43 PM on December 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
I have three main tips, I think.
1. Take in the tips that help you, ignore the ones that don't. Different things work for different people. So many times I have tried to have one big todo list, I never have managed it and I still live in a sort of chaos where I still mostly get the tasks done that are truly crucial. But it was actually much worse when I was beating myself up about not having a good task system. So take everything with a grain of salt. Especially take advice from a neurotypical perspective with many grains of salt.
2. Think about dopamine and stimulation. ADHD is typically characterized by problems with not enough dopamine (very roughly speaking). We need dopamine to do things. So a lot of my strategies have to do with ramping up to a task a couple hours before. Podcasts and music help me a lot along the way.
3. Be kind to yourself as much as possible. More than you think you should.
I hope you are able to find some helpful things. If in the future you come back and post some more details about the issues you are having, I'm sure people might have some ideas for targeted strategies.
Last recommendation is the Something Shiny podcast, probably most influential on my thinking.
posted by lookoutbelow at 7:24 PM on December 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
1. Take in the tips that help you, ignore the ones that don't. Different things work for different people. So many times I have tried to have one big todo list, I never have managed it and I still live in a sort of chaos where I still mostly get the tasks done that are truly crucial. But it was actually much worse when I was beating myself up about not having a good task system. So take everything with a grain of salt. Especially take advice from a neurotypical perspective with many grains of salt.
2. Think about dopamine and stimulation. ADHD is typically characterized by problems with not enough dopamine (very roughly speaking). We need dopamine to do things. So a lot of my strategies have to do with ramping up to a task a couple hours before. Podcasts and music help me a lot along the way.
3. Be kind to yourself as much as possible. More than you think you should.
I hope you are able to find some helpful things. If in the future you come back and post some more details about the issues you are having, I'm sure people might have some ideas for targeted strategies.
Last recommendation is the Something Shiny podcast, probably most influential on my thinking.
posted by lookoutbelow at 7:24 PM on December 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
To her credit, my doctor did not feel qualified to diagnose ADHD in an adult. The sorts of psychological testing centers that do this have long waiting lists in my area. Eventually I went to a private psychologist who did not take my insurance, but the process was very useful for me (and, eventually, my doctor).
I was already in therapy, but as soon as this psychologist wrote her report about me, I felt so much more understood than I ever had been before, I switched to her for therapy (despite the cost).
posted by secretseasons at 7:39 PM on December 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
I was already in therapy, but as soon as this psychologist wrote her report about me, I felt so much more understood than I ever had been before, I switched to her for therapy (despite the cost).
posted by secretseasons at 7:39 PM on December 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
The tips above are pretty great.
Two ADHD centered youtube channels I am finding helpful: Caren Magill and HealthyGamerGG. The latter is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist but he can be a bit bro-y.
Huberman Labs has timestamps, so you can listen in short increments, and his content is really well-organized which helps a lot.
posted by maggiemaggie at 11:46 AM on December 17, 2023
Two ADHD centered youtube channels I am finding helpful: Caren Magill and HealthyGamerGG. The latter is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist but he can be a bit bro-y.
Huberman Labs has timestamps, so you can listen in short increments, and his content is really well-organized which helps a lot.
posted by maggiemaggie at 11:46 AM on December 17, 2023
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posted by Lady Li at 7:19 AM on December 3, 2023 [4 favorites]