Heart vs. wallet
September 24, 2023 8:57 AM Subscribe
I've got a job offer. I'm torn about accepting it. Or rejecting it.
I'm freelancing right now after leaving a job for typical reasons. I'd prefer not to be self-employed, but I also don't want to take the wrong job, especially since I'm at the stage in my life when the end of my career is much, much closer than the beginning.
Rather than talking widgets or teapots, I'm going to frame this question in slightly more glamorous or relatable terms, not because it's what I do but because I think it better illustrates why I'm so unsure about what to do.
Let's pretend I wanted to be a filmmaker and make it big in Hollywood writing and directing big-budget movies. I've got all of the qualifications. I've got the temperament (the drive, the ambition, the work ethic, the talent, etc.). But all of that doesn't guarantee you'll make it big in Hollywood, just as it doesn't offer the same guarantees in my industry.
In this pretend scenario, I've managed to make a career as a filmmaker, but let's say it's been making short documentaries for the educational market (or something like that). I've done good work--work that has won me both national and international recognition in this very niche field. I've learned a lot working in this part of the industry, but it's not what I set out to do when I envisioned my career. It's not what drove me into this industry. And I always promised myself that if I had a shot at big-budget filmmaking, I'd take it.
I've got my shot now, but the dreamer in me is having a fight with the realist.
Despite being the big leagues (maybe I should have used a sports analogy instead), the job pays roughly 20 per cent less than my previous job (and that's after I negotiated it up from an even lower figure). It also comes with considerably more expenses mainly related to a hellishly long (multiple hours every day) and hard commute (that's considering both public-transit options and commuting by car--just trust me on this there is no good option, and the job doesn't pay enough to move from where I am to an area with a considerably higher cost of living and an even tighter housing market).
There is a red flag to the money situation, where I've been told the base salary but given no details about benefits. I'm just working under the assumption there will be none or they will be the bare minimum.
The job is going to be considerably more work--or maybe not more work, but a constant and steady stream of work compared with more project-based cycles of my previous job (or the never-ending flow of a river compared with the ebb and flow of ocean tides).
Not only is the job to directly a big-budget movie, but it's a movie in a particularly hot genre right now. If I do a good job, this has the potential to boost my profile significantly and open all kinds of doors to me that have been previously closed. If this position had been offered to me earlier in my career--even if it had been offered to me five years ago, I wouldn't have thought twice about saying yes.
When it comes to my career, I've made myself two promises: one is that I wouldn't work for less than I was previously making and the other is that if offered the opportunity to direct a big-budget movie, I wouldn't turn it down.
I know a common response to Ask questions it to say "whatever the Asker wrote last is what they want" but that's not the case when it came to listing these two promises. I can literally flip a coin, land on heads or tails between the two and feel equally conflicted. I can see the pros and the cons to each. I don't feel worse or better about either option. My main feeling is that it's just not fair having to decide between the two, especially since I can't guarantee a similar offer will come around again as the element of luck, or at least good luck, has never been part of my career and I've had to fight long and hard for every opportunity I've made for myself, including earning salary I did, which I'd describe as livable. (Yes, I'd feel the reduction of income and the increase of expenses.)
I've already bought myself as much time as I could to make this decision (which they originally wanted much sooner) and I need to give my answer tomorrow.
I'm freelancing right now after leaving a job for typical reasons. I'd prefer not to be self-employed, but I also don't want to take the wrong job, especially since I'm at the stage in my life when the end of my career is much, much closer than the beginning.
Rather than talking widgets or teapots, I'm going to frame this question in slightly more glamorous or relatable terms, not because it's what I do but because I think it better illustrates why I'm so unsure about what to do.
Let's pretend I wanted to be a filmmaker and make it big in Hollywood writing and directing big-budget movies. I've got all of the qualifications. I've got the temperament (the drive, the ambition, the work ethic, the talent, etc.). But all of that doesn't guarantee you'll make it big in Hollywood, just as it doesn't offer the same guarantees in my industry.
In this pretend scenario, I've managed to make a career as a filmmaker, but let's say it's been making short documentaries for the educational market (or something like that). I've done good work--work that has won me both national and international recognition in this very niche field. I've learned a lot working in this part of the industry, but it's not what I set out to do when I envisioned my career. It's not what drove me into this industry. And I always promised myself that if I had a shot at big-budget filmmaking, I'd take it.
I've got my shot now, but the dreamer in me is having a fight with the realist.
Despite being the big leagues (maybe I should have used a sports analogy instead), the job pays roughly 20 per cent less than my previous job (and that's after I negotiated it up from an even lower figure). It also comes with considerably more expenses mainly related to a hellishly long (multiple hours every day) and hard commute (that's considering both public-transit options and commuting by car--just trust me on this there is no good option, and the job doesn't pay enough to move from where I am to an area with a considerably higher cost of living and an even tighter housing market).
There is a red flag to the money situation, where I've been told the base salary but given no details about benefits. I'm just working under the assumption there will be none or they will be the bare minimum.
The job is going to be considerably more work--or maybe not more work, but a constant and steady stream of work compared with more project-based cycles of my previous job (or the never-ending flow of a river compared with the ebb and flow of ocean tides).
Not only is the job to directly a big-budget movie, but it's a movie in a particularly hot genre right now. If I do a good job, this has the potential to boost my profile significantly and open all kinds of doors to me that have been previously closed. If this position had been offered to me earlier in my career--even if it had been offered to me five years ago, I wouldn't have thought twice about saying yes.
When it comes to my career, I've made myself two promises: one is that I wouldn't work for less than I was previously making and the other is that if offered the opportunity to direct a big-budget movie, I wouldn't turn it down.
I know a common response to Ask questions it to say "whatever the Asker wrote last is what they want" but that's not the case when it came to listing these two promises. I can literally flip a coin, land on heads or tails between the two and feel equally conflicted. I can see the pros and the cons to each. I don't feel worse or better about either option. My main feeling is that it's just not fair having to decide between the two, especially since I can't guarantee a similar offer will come around again as the element of luck, or at least good luck, has never been part of my career and I've had to fight long and hard for every opportunity I've made for myself, including earning salary I did, which I'd describe as livable. (Yes, I'd feel the reduction of income and the increase of expenses.)
I've already bought myself as much time as I could to make this decision (which they originally wanted much sooner) and I need to give my answer tomorrow.
Best answer: Here’s what I would think through:
1. Can you do your best work while dealing with the commute and the pay gap? Will the commute be an issue for networking etc.
2. If you’re closer to the end of your career than the start, how are your retirement savings/plans going? 20% is a lot less
3. How long would it take in this job to position you for the next, reputationally and experience-wise? A year or two might be fine and 5 might not
posted by warriorqueen at 9:07 AM on September 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
1. Can you do your best work while dealing with the commute and the pay gap? Will the commute be an issue for networking etc.
2. If you’re closer to the end of your career than the start, how are your retirement savings/plans going? 20% is a lot less
3. How long would it take in this job to position you for the next, reputationally and experience-wise? A year or two might be fine and 5 might not
posted by warriorqueen at 9:07 AM on September 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
The thing about a movie job is that it's temporary. I had an answer all thought out based on it actually being entertainment, in which that job would be maybe a one or two year commitment and then you can go back. But if your career is something else, then you're looking at a permanent decrease. So my questions are all around whether this is a foot-in-the-door offer, or just the new standard?
Like, is this the price you pay to get into the big leagues, and then you start climbing the big leagues pay ladder? Or is this like selling your first novel, where now you'd be giving up a steady technical writer salary to sell your novels and only if you end up being the next James Patterson do you ever get really comfortable on it? If you do this rough commute for a year, and you then qualified for jobs that exist in other places or for higher salaries that will bring you back to your level of comfort you're living at now?
The fact that the suffer-through/payoff graph looks different in your 20s and your 40s is nothing to be upset about. Promises you made yourself years ago might not apply now, and that's okay. For me, the answer would be that I would make a one or two year commitment to struggling for my dream, but no more than that. If you don't see the clear way to stability on that path, I wouldn't take it.
And if the way to stability is to go do it for a year and come back to your mid-range job, that's great too. The answer then would depend on whether you could come back to this branch in your career--would you be able to get hired at the equivalent of your old job?
This is a really tough one. I hope this helps a little.
posted by gideonfrog at 10:19 AM on September 24, 2023 [8 favorites]
Like, is this the price you pay to get into the big leagues, and then you start climbing the big leagues pay ladder? Or is this like selling your first novel, where now you'd be giving up a steady technical writer salary to sell your novels and only if you end up being the next James Patterson do you ever get really comfortable on it? If you do this rough commute for a year, and you then qualified for jobs that exist in other places or for higher salaries that will bring you back to your level of comfort you're living at now?
The fact that the suffer-through/payoff graph looks different in your 20s and your 40s is nothing to be upset about. Promises you made yourself years ago might not apply now, and that's okay. For me, the answer would be that I would make a one or two year commitment to struggling for my dream, but no more than that. If you don't see the clear way to stability on that path, I wouldn't take it.
And if the way to stability is to go do it for a year and come back to your mid-range job, that's great too. The answer then would depend on whether you could come back to this branch in your career--would you be able to get hired at the equivalent of your old job?
This is a really tough one. I hope this helps a little.
posted by gideonfrog at 10:19 AM on September 24, 2023 [8 favorites]
When the coin flip decision aid doesn't work, I like to do some reversies.
Imagine you are in the big hollywood role. Would you take the educational short film job-more pay, shorter commute, probably less stress-or would you hold out for your big break?
posted by Narrow Harbor at 10:22 AM on September 24, 2023 [7 favorites]
Imagine you are in the big hollywood role. Would you take the educational short film job-more pay, shorter commute, probably less stress-or would you hold out for your big break?
posted by Narrow Harbor at 10:22 AM on September 24, 2023 [7 favorites]
Best answer: Who or what else is in your life that might be affected by this decision? Do you have children, a partner, elders, friends, pets, or even a garden that you will see a whole less of? Are you willing to trade them off to take this role?
posted by shock muppet at 10:29 AM on September 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by shock muppet at 10:29 AM on September 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
"Never work for less" seems to me like it should encompass more than just actual money, and be something that naturally contains a bunch of hidden caveats potentially triggered under various life circumstances. If you were making big money in one place but another place far away could treat your terrible medical condition, would you accept a lower-paying position to be able to move and dramatically improve the quality of your life? Maybe not, I guess, but I would. Here, the directorship has a chance of changing everything, right? What's that worth to you? This particular opportunity is something you'd have to pay for, essentially. If someone said, "being the director of [big project] will cost X% of your salary for Y years," would that be worth it? If it's too expensive, considering everything, that's okay. Your other promise doesn't have to mean "I'll accept it at any cost, even if it ruins my life."
posted by teremala at 10:56 AM on September 24, 2023
posted by teremala at 10:56 AM on September 24, 2023
What are the failure states of each option (i.e. worst that can happen)? Which one is worse? What are the success states of each option? What is most likely to happen? If you needed to exit the option, how would you do so and what is the impact (i.e. if you took the big gig and hated it, could you quit without burning too many bridges)?
Let's say you were advising a friend. What would you advise them to do? If you have a role model in the field, what would they do?
Let's say you took the big gig, tell yourself a story of what a path to wild success looks like. (It's sometimes too easy to tell a pessimistic story.)
If you have two more days, pretend that you wake up tomorrow having already made the decision. How does that feel? And then the following day, pretend you made the other decision. Compare feelings.
posted by ellerhodes at 10:57 AM on September 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
Let's say you were advising a friend. What would you advise them to do? If you have a role model in the field, what would they do?
Let's say you took the big gig, tell yourself a story of what a path to wild success looks like. (It's sometimes too easy to tell a pessimistic story.)
If you have two more days, pretend that you wake up tomorrow having already made the decision. How does that feel? And then the following day, pretend you made the other decision. Compare feelings.
posted by ellerhodes at 10:57 AM on September 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
If you can't talk to the decision coach, this article might at least help.
My best guess on this is, is this job better/worse than freelancing indefinitely? Honestly, it sounds like a shit ton of possibly super cool work for less money/benefits, but I don't know if intermittent money without the commute issues and presumably no benefits(?) is any better that steady "cool" job with a regular if smaller paycheck and still no benefits.
Or alternately, if you never get this "movie" offer again and your life continues as it is now, will you regret not trying it? You could always take the job, try it, hate it and quit it, and then go back to freelancing, but this is a one-shot deal, it sounds like.
I think if it were me, I'd take it if it's something you've always wanted to do and promised yourself you'd do--and you can presumably quit and go back to freelancing if it's awful, right? You're not quitting a steady benefit job for this one.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:09 AM on September 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
My best guess on this is, is this job better/worse than freelancing indefinitely? Honestly, it sounds like a shit ton of possibly super cool work for less money/benefits, but I don't know if intermittent money without the commute issues and presumably no benefits(?) is any better that steady "cool" job with a regular if smaller paycheck and still no benefits.
Or alternately, if you never get this "movie" offer again and your life continues as it is now, will you regret not trying it? You could always take the job, try it, hate it and quit it, and then go back to freelancing, but this is a one-shot deal, it sounds like.
I think if it were me, I'd take it if it's something you've always wanted to do and promised yourself you'd do--and you can presumably quit and go back to freelancing if it's awful, right? You're not quitting a steady benefit job for this one.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:09 AM on September 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
I think the best movie directors don't direct "a" big Hollywood movie.
They pay their dues, as it sounds that you have, and then they find "THE" movie that speaks to them, and that they can pour themselves wholly into.
Then the movie itself is the reward, and often the director's specific vision is the most important part of the result. Then, other productions want the director to do the same thing -- which is, not the same thing, but the same kind of effort that serves the director's unique imagination and process.
They also, often, go out and look for the movie they want to direct.
posted by amtho at 12:00 PM on September 24, 2023
They pay their dues, as it sounds that you have, and then they find "THE" movie that speaks to them, and that they can pour themselves wholly into.
Then the movie itself is the reward, and often the director's specific vision is the most important part of the result. Then, other productions want the director to do the same thing -- which is, not the same thing, but the same kind of effort that serves the director's unique imagination and process.
They also, often, go out and look for the movie they want to direct.
posted by amtho at 12:00 PM on September 24, 2023
It sounds like this has been your goal and your dream for a long time. If you don't take the chance now, how likely is it that a better opportunity will come around again in the future? There's a reason the safe boring option is paid better. It's safe and boring! If you want job security more than you want to fulfill your career goals, stick with the educational videos. If you want to find out if you ever had what it takes to be really really good, take the opportunity being offered to you now.
And while you are at it, maybe do a bit of soul-searching: Are you afraid that if you took up this opportunity you might fail? Is there a part of you that thinks it's better to always strive for a dream that's out of reach, than to discover you don't have what it takes? In other words, are you framing this as a problem of benefits and money when it's actually about courage and self-doubt?
In twenty years time what will you regret more: not having the courage to take the chance when you had it, or a period of temporary lower income that you were eventually able to recover from.
posted by EllaEm at 12:44 PM on September 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
And while you are at it, maybe do a bit of soul-searching: Are you afraid that if you took up this opportunity you might fail? Is there a part of you that thinks it's better to always strive for a dream that's out of reach, than to discover you don't have what it takes? In other words, are you framing this as a problem of benefits and money when it's actually about courage and self-doubt?
In twenty years time what will you regret more: not having the courage to take the chance when you had it, or a period of temporary lower income that you were eventually able to recover from.
posted by EllaEm at 12:44 PM on September 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Honestly, I keep getting hung up on the commute aspect which might seem silly but has a HUGE impact on your quality of life and happiness. If this is a temporary thing that could lead to bigger and better things, then maybe worth it. But signing up for a daily commute that you describe as "hellish" for the long term sounds like a great way to make yourself miserable.
posted by nixxon at 1:33 PM on September 24, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by nixxon at 1:33 PM on September 24, 2023 [9 favorites]
I think it has to do with how finite the period of hellish commute is likely to be.
Like if you make this jump into the Dream Field, and pay your dues at the hell-commute job for a year or two, will the doors that open let you continue doing Dream Work at some other role without the hell commute? Could you move, if you achieve the success you're hoping for? What about the other elements of a livable life (wages, stress etc) -- once you pay your dues will those be likely to fall into place?
And are you at an age where the doors that open are likely to improve your life's circumstances for the rest of your working years? Or just make it more interesting?
posted by fingersandtoes at 3:34 PM on September 24, 2023 [5 favorites]
Like if you make this jump into the Dream Field, and pay your dues at the hell-commute job for a year or two, will the doors that open let you continue doing Dream Work at some other role without the hell commute? Could you move, if you achieve the success you're hoping for? What about the other elements of a livable life (wages, stress etc) -- once you pay your dues will those be likely to fall into place?
And are you at an age where the doors that open are likely to improve your life's circumstances for the rest of your working years? Or just make it more interesting?
posted by fingersandtoes at 3:34 PM on September 24, 2023 [5 favorites]
Go for it.
BUT. If you live anywhere like I do, make sure that commute doesn’t have a seriously unreliable - or scary - leg to it, if you’re taking transit. And if you do take transit, go for a longer, more reliable journey with <2>
Get enough sleep to make it bearable, too.
But do it! I think you’d regret it if you didn’t.
posted by cotton dress sock at 5:11 PM on September 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
BUT. If you live anywhere like I do, make sure that commute doesn’t have a seriously unreliable - or scary - leg to it, if you’re taking transit. And if you do take transit, go for a longer, more reliable journey with <2>
Get enough sleep to make it bearable, too.
But do it! I think you’d regret it if you didn’t.
posted by cotton dress sock at 5:11 PM on September 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
A vote for heart, here.
Also, are you sure the pay is low? Maybe this is the current going rate.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 5:33 PM on September 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
Also, are you sure the pay is low? Maybe this is the current going rate.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 5:33 PM on September 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
I am in kind of a similar career and I would take the directing job in a heartbeat even with a paycut.
posted by hermanubis at 5:39 PM on September 24, 2023
posted by hermanubis at 5:39 PM on September 24, 2023
You're freelancing now, so worst case I see is that dream job doesn't live up to expectations, or the commute is unbearable, or is otherwise a disaster -- and you go back to freelancing. But you won't know until you try, and you're going to regret it if you don't. Take the dream job and see what happens. Just be willing to cut it loose if it ends up doing more harm than good!
posted by cgg at 5:53 PM on September 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by cgg at 5:53 PM on September 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
Apologies, not sure what happened with the formatting there
> And if you do take transit, go for a longer, more reliable journey with <2>
Two or fewer changes, vs any more than that even if the trip is nominally shorter.
posted by cotton dress sock at 6:25 PM on September 24, 2023
> And if you do take transit, go for a longer, more reliable journey with <2>
Two or fewer changes, vs any more than that even if the trip is nominally shorter.
posted by cotton dress sock at 6:25 PM on September 24, 2023
I think if you don't take it, you'll always wonder what if. It's not possible to know the outcome in advance, but I think you have at least a reasonable chance that this step will open doors (and more pay) for you in the future. I'd take the leap knowing that you can always decide it wasn't what you thought it would be and look for something else.
posted by summerstorm at 7:55 PM on September 24, 2023
posted by summerstorm at 7:55 PM on September 24, 2023
If this is something like a temporary position with a tolerable timeframe, say yes. It will be worth it — for your resume, for the experience, etc.
If this is a permanent move with a pay cut and a bunch of other shitty detractors, and your heart sinks when you think about those downsides, don’t do it.
There are pros and cons to both. If it truly will vault your career forward I think some discomfort is totally normal and you can push through. If it’s just ‘well, this is my life now! But I will be uniquely fulfilled by this work!’ I would trust your gut on passing.
I’ve taken a project like this and also turned down a project that at any other point in my life I would have been totally over the moon about and I stand by both choices! Does this job get you somewhere else you want to go?
posted by caitcadieux at 8:13 PM on September 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
If this is a permanent move with a pay cut and a bunch of other shitty detractors, and your heart sinks when you think about those downsides, don’t do it.
There are pros and cons to both. If it truly will vault your career forward I think some discomfort is totally normal and you can push through. If it’s just ‘well, this is my life now! But I will be uniquely fulfilled by this work!’ I would trust your gut on passing.
I’ve taken a project like this and also turned down a project that at any other point in my life I would have been totally over the moon about and I stand by both choices! Does this job get you somewhere else you want to go?
posted by caitcadieux at 8:13 PM on September 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
I would take it. From the sounds of it, if it doesn’t work out you can always go back to freelancing and if you do pull it off, the sky is the limit and you’ll never have to wonder what if…
posted by Jubey at 1:21 AM on September 25, 2023
posted by Jubey at 1:21 AM on September 25, 2023
When you're really torn between two options, it usually means there isn't a right answer and relatedly, there also isn't a wrong answer. Whatever you pick, once you've made your choice go for it and don't look back.
posted by plonkee at 5:48 AM on September 25, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by plonkee at 5:48 AM on September 25, 2023 [5 favorites]
A commute can become much less hellish if you can get a car with good lane keeping assist and adaptive cruise control that works in stop and go traffic.
posted by MattD at 6:41 AM on September 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by MattD at 6:41 AM on September 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
Just saw this question! I think... take it! It sounds like a big opportunity, and those just don't come around very often.
If you can commit to giving it your best shot for a specific timeframe (4 months? 6 months?), it might help you get through the worst of the commuting and other downsides. And by then you will have adjusted to the commute - maybe you'll discover some tricks that make it bearable. (I had a 45-minute commute for nearly 10 years - audiobooks served me well.)
Congratulations on the offer, by the way! Even if you decide(d) not to take it, it's nice that people in your industry recognize your value and credentials.
posted by Glinn at 10:47 AM on September 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
If you can commit to giving it your best shot for a specific timeframe (4 months? 6 months?), it might help you get through the worst of the commuting and other downsides. And by then you will have adjusted to the commute - maybe you'll discover some tricks that make it bearable. (I had a 45-minute commute for nearly 10 years - audiobooks served me well.)
Congratulations on the offer, by the way! Even if you decide(d) not to take it, it's nice that people in your industry recognize your value and credentials.
posted by Glinn at 10:47 AM on September 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: 💔
After a lot of very hard and long deliberation, I decided the commute was too much. Even if I could do it for the short-term, the long-term prospect of it wasn't good. While I can do long commutes and have done so in the past, this one was just too onerous and would not have lead to a healthy life or me being able to give the job my all.
posted by sardonyx at 5:19 PM on September 28, 2023
After a lot of very hard and long deliberation, I decided the commute was too much. Even if I could do it for the short-term, the long-term prospect of it wasn't good. While I can do long commutes and have done so in the past, this one was just too onerous and would not have lead to a healthy life or me being able to give the job my all.
posted by sardonyx at 5:19 PM on September 28, 2023
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I think you should take the pay cut and try the thing. Can you return to your current career reasonably easily?
I recently took a year away from my main career to try something else for a bit, and then returned, upskilled and fancier, and slipping my old career back on with the addition of higher pay and more cred has been simpler than I expected. So you can always go back to what you were doing before...?
posted by stray at 9:03 AM on September 24, 2023 [7 favorites]