The Great Depresh
August 13, 2023 7:59 AM Subscribe
Your experience with numbness or anger in depression?
I am currently writing lyrics for a song about depression. I can of course write about my own experience and how I reacted to depression (hyperactivity). I understand that there are other ways it manifests itself, e.g. numbness or anger. What can you tell me about your experience with these?
I am currently writing lyrics for a song about depression. I can of course write about my own experience and how I reacted to depression (hyperactivity). I understand that there are other ways it manifests itself, e.g. numbness or anger. What can you tell me about your experience with these?
Best answer: Anhedonia is a common symptom of depression. It pretty much defines my life. For me, anyway, anger is rare, but I can see how it could become addictive, to feel something in place of the endless nothing of existence.
posted by SPrintF at 9:33 AM on August 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by SPrintF at 9:33 AM on August 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Getting out of bed is so, so hard. It shouldn't be this hard, but it is a struggle every time. Not physically, but with a mountain of fog pressing down on all the possible reasons to want to get up and do things. Everything takes more time and energy than it should, for less rewards.
Sleep is freedom.
posted by Jacen at 11:39 AM on August 13, 2023 [5 favorites]
Sleep is freedom.
posted by Jacen at 11:39 AM on August 13, 2023 [5 favorites]
Best answer: I'm definitely the angry type of depressed person. Pretty much everything feels like a threat, and you want to start fights over nothing.
Of course, it doesn't feel like nothing, it feels like a threat to your very existence when someone does something small that irritates you. It's easy to find a justification for getting that angry. It feels like everyone is out to get you, everyone is being unfair, and nobody cares about your safety or well-being.
posted by wheatlets at 11:53 AM on August 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
Of course, it doesn't feel like nothing, it feels like a threat to your very existence when someone does something small that irritates you. It's easy to find a justification for getting that angry. It feels like everyone is out to get you, everyone is being unfair, and nobody cares about your safety or well-being.
posted by wheatlets at 11:53 AM on August 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I experience two distinct types of depression which I call top-down and bottom-up.
Top-down (which I tend to think of psychological) comes from some external event and results in me fixating on it in a "the world is terrible and I will never recover from ______". It is susceptible to distraction and I'm just low energy until it plays out. Numb, if you like.
Bottom-up (which I tend to think of as physical) is driven from inside and is entirely indiscriminate when it comes to fixation. Absolutely anything I can think of is immediately cast as a tragedy of epic proportion, so distraction is impossible. It is a crushing pressure experiencing intolerable feelings with no possible escape. That pushes into rhythmic hand movements, body rocking, and occasionally causing myself pain to get a few seconds of relief.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:12 PM on August 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
Top-down (which I tend to think of psychological) comes from some external event and results in me fixating on it in a "the world is terrible and I will never recover from ______". It is susceptible to distraction and I'm just low energy until it plays out. Numb, if you like.
Bottom-up (which I tend to think of as physical) is driven from inside and is entirely indiscriminate when it comes to fixation. Absolutely anything I can think of is immediately cast as a tragedy of epic proportion, so distraction is impossible. It is a crushing pressure experiencing intolerable feelings with no possible escape. That pushes into rhythmic hand movements, body rocking, and occasionally causing myself pain to get a few seconds of relief.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:12 PM on August 13, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I lose the ability to notice that things are nice.
Food just tastes like... meh. It's hard to feed myself because nothing sounds good. I don't crave anything. My favorite foods are not even tempting. Even when I feel physical symptoms of hunger, food is just a means to stop the uncomfortable rumblings and maybe fight fatigue, not a source of satisfaction or pleasure. I forget to drink anything (while normally I like to geek out over tea and coffee, and I am kind of strangely obsessed with ice water), and when I do drink something, the nice feeling of slaking my thirst isn't there, either.
It can be a beautiful day, sunny and breezy, perfect temperature, low humidity, and I just don't notice. I walk a ton, and when my brain is healthy I really enjoy moving my body outdoors and basking in pleasant conditions. When my brain is in the dumps, people say, "It's such a nice day," and I agree that, objectively, it is a nice day, but I walked through that nice weather all day and never even noticed it.
My friend suffers from worse depression than I do, and she says that when her depression is really bad, she can't even see the sunshine. The world just seems dim and gray to her.
posted by BrashTech at 2:49 PM on August 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
Food just tastes like... meh. It's hard to feed myself because nothing sounds good. I don't crave anything. My favorite foods are not even tempting. Even when I feel physical symptoms of hunger, food is just a means to stop the uncomfortable rumblings and maybe fight fatigue, not a source of satisfaction or pleasure. I forget to drink anything (while normally I like to geek out over tea and coffee, and I am kind of strangely obsessed with ice water), and when I do drink something, the nice feeling of slaking my thirst isn't there, either.
It can be a beautiful day, sunny and breezy, perfect temperature, low humidity, and I just don't notice. I walk a ton, and when my brain is healthy I really enjoy moving my body outdoors and basking in pleasant conditions. When my brain is in the dumps, people say, "It's such a nice day," and I agree that, objectively, it is a nice day, but I walked through that nice weather all day and never even noticed it.
My friend suffers from worse depression than I do, and she says that when her depression is really bad, she can't even see the sunshine. The world just seems dim and gray to her.
posted by BrashTech at 2:49 PM on August 13, 2023 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you all for your responses. I am humbled by your honesty and frankness.
posted by falsedmitri at 4:18 PM on August 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by falsedmitri at 4:18 PM on August 13, 2023 [1 favorite]
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You feel separated from humanity and also unable to make meaningful, authentic connection that would help.
Nothing really seems to matter or have any meaning.
You don’t want to die, not really, but staying alive seems completely pointless.
posted by bunderful at 8:06 AM on August 13, 2023 [10 favorites]