Decluttering with kids
July 29, 2023 4:56 PM Subscribe
We're trying to clean up our house and we have FAR too many kids' toys and things. (Example: One PJ Mask tower is too many, but we inherited a second.) The kids are VERY opposed to giving or throwing anything away. Is this a "do it while they're at daycare" thing or is there some decluttering influencer with a game-changing strategy for getting them on board?
The kids in question are 4 and 7, with the 7yo particularly opposed even for toys he hasn't played with for years (but that are recently back in the living room due to the 4yo's interest). Our storage is somewhat limited so we have limited ability to have a "put it away for a month then give it away if they don't notice" staging strategy. I'd prefer to hold a garage sale but then there'd be no way around them seeing it going away. Ideas?
The kids in question are 4 and 7, with the 7yo particularly opposed even for toys he hasn't played with for years (but that are recently back in the living room due to the 4yo's interest). Our storage is somewhat limited so we have limited ability to have a "put it away for a month then give it away if they don't notice" staging strategy. I'd prefer to hold a garage sale but then there'd be no way around them seeing it going away. Ideas?
My 7 and 8 year old just spent the last 6 months replaying with every single toy from the cellar, even the pj masks stuffed toys got a week of being thrown off the balcony in June. I was shocked. Just as a data point to when the 7 year old might be done and how strongly they might really feel. It might still be valid.
posted by flink at 5:14 PM on July 29, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by flink at 5:14 PM on July 29, 2023 [5 favorites]
For the same reason, I also couldn't pull off a garage sale when my kid was little, but did do a lot of clean-out without him knowing just because the clutter situation was growing unbearable. You could have a stealth campaign of just getting rid of a couple things at a time, or you could do a gigantic reorganization -- pulling everything out, rejiggering the way their stuff is arranged, etc., and use that to surreptitiously get rid of a bunch of stuff at once...which they mostly won't notice since *all* their stuff is now going to be stored differently than it was before.
When my kid got older he was able to help me with the clean-outs, for practical reasons -- he wanted more room in his bedroom, and also wanted it to seem less babyish/little kiddish. So then I introduced the concept of an unseen "forever box" which is where he can put toys, books, or items of clothing that he's no longer using, but he wants to keep for the future. He gives me the items, and I put maybe 10% of that in an actual storage box in the garage -- stuff that's high quality, super nostalgic, or special in some way. For example, his Thomas trains, which are high quality and expensive and can absolutely be used 10, 20 or 30 years from now. Lego are keepers. Plastic crap, dried-out Play-Doh, clothing that's been destroyed, etc., gets tossed or donated. And the rest goes to Goodwill (without him seeing).
posted by BlahLaLa at 5:29 PM on July 29, 2023 [9 favorites]
When my kid got older he was able to help me with the clean-outs, for practical reasons -- he wanted more room in his bedroom, and also wanted it to seem less babyish/little kiddish. So then I introduced the concept of an unseen "forever box" which is where he can put toys, books, or items of clothing that he's no longer using, but he wants to keep for the future. He gives me the items, and I put maybe 10% of that in an actual storage box in the garage -- stuff that's high quality, super nostalgic, or special in some way. For example, his Thomas trains, which are high quality and expensive and can absolutely be used 10, 20 or 30 years from now. Lego are keepers. Plastic crap, dried-out Play-Doh, clothing that's been destroyed, etc., gets tossed or donated. And the rest goes to Goodwill (without him seeing).
posted by BlahLaLa at 5:29 PM on July 29, 2023 [9 favorites]
I'd advocate for a staged approach - while kids are at daycare put extra stuff they don't play with in boxes/bags out of sight and throw away broken/trash stuff. If they ask for a "missing" toy within a few weeks you can bring it out (since you may or may not be 100% on what they think is important, this gives you some buffer). Then after time passes with no ill effects, you can donate all of it without compunction. If it comes up later, you can feign ignorance - "I don't know! Should we go look for it? Wait, let's have popsicles first."
If crunched for time, you can go straight to the "donate without compunction, then feign ignorance" step.
posted by nkknkk at 5:39 PM on July 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
If crunched for time, you can go straight to the "donate without compunction, then feign ignorance" step.
posted by nkknkk at 5:39 PM on July 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
Had a friend who would take things surreptitiously and put them in a 3rd location where the kids didn't go. Then he'd wait, like, a month. If the kid asked about whatever, he'd say, "Oh, I think I saw it somewhere," and he'd go get it. But if the kid hadn't asked, it was donated. I've done the same thing in a more casual sense and it works well.
On preview, nkknkk had the same idea. It's a good 'un!
posted by AbelMelveny at 5:39 PM on July 29, 2023 [7 favorites]
On preview, nkknkk had the same idea. It's a good 'un!
posted by AbelMelveny at 5:39 PM on July 29, 2023 [7 favorites]
Best answer: We have a thing in our family where every Saturday we each declutter/through out 1 thing for each of our years (so 4 for the 4 yo, 7 for the 7 yo.) tiny bits of plastic were accepted at the start. As the kids got used to it they did bigger things.
Garage sales were too hard - the stuff stayed and watching it get laid out and test played with wasn’t helpful.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:41 PM on July 29, 2023 [12 favorites]
Garage sales were too hard - the stuff stayed and watching it get laid out and test played with wasn’t helpful.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:41 PM on July 29, 2023 [12 favorites]
Best answer: Oh just to note - the adults too. The difference in quantities made it funny for the kids, especially when we pretended it was so. Hard. to find item 43.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:45 PM on July 29, 2023 [17 favorites]
posted by warriorqueen at 5:45 PM on July 29, 2023 [17 favorites]
The woman with the most cluttered house as well as most toys owned by an adult I ever saw had a mom who got rid of her stuff behind her back.
I personally would not get rid of kids’ stuff without them knowing. You never can tell what they’ll remember. And it could really mess up their sense of trust.
When they were a little older, my kids were happy to sell things at garage sales and keep the money.
posted by FencingGal at 6:40 PM on July 29, 2023 [46 favorites]
I personally would not get rid of kids’ stuff without them knowing. You never can tell what they’ll remember. And it could really mess up their sense of trust.
When they were a little older, my kids were happy to sell things at garage sales and keep the money.
posted by FencingGal at 6:40 PM on July 29, 2023 [46 favorites]
As someone who moved a lot as a kid, I much preferred having a say in what toys got pared. What I had the most emotional attachment to wasn’t always what I used the most. I like the idea of tying acquisition of new toys to decluttering of old toys - it gives a kid an understandable, non-contrived reason for why they are forced to choose toys to get rid of (similar to moving).
posted by eviemath at 6:44 PM on July 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by eviemath at 6:44 PM on July 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
What FencingGal said. Whatever you do, be honest with the kids about it, especially the 7 year old.
posted by Pallas Athena at 6:47 PM on July 29, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by Pallas Athena at 6:47 PM on July 29, 2023 [9 favorites]
What worked for me was saying we would “keep the toys for a future sib” and then storing them for about five years then asking again to pare down.
posted by corb at 6:55 PM on July 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by corb at 6:55 PM on July 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Still salty about my Mom giving all the vintage Barbies to a church rummage sale and giving the Breyer horses to a friend's kid. My son's room was kept somewhat organized with buckets of action figures and toy cars, etc. I would sometimes remove toys that weren't seeing action and get out other toys because they lose appeal and are enjoyed more when they come back. Kids have huge quantities of toys now and it's a storage and organizational challenge.
I'd give your kids a specific allotment of space for keeping old toys, explain that space is not unlimited, and they are allowed to keep as much as will reasonably fit. You get to choose some things to keep, too. 1st son could keep a few things that don't get handed down, but should relinquish some toys to younger siblings. Talk about what's fair, make a plan. This is a learning opportunity - decision-making, organizing, sharing, etc.
When we moved, my son and I went through the books. Ones he wanted to keep, ones I wanted to keep. So interesting and sometimes surprising to see which books he really loved.
posted by theora55 at 7:15 PM on July 29, 2023 [10 favorites]
I'd give your kids a specific allotment of space for keeping old toys, explain that space is not unlimited, and they are allowed to keep as much as will reasonably fit. You get to choose some things to keep, too. 1st son could keep a few things that don't get handed down, but should relinquish some toys to younger siblings. Talk about what's fair, make a plan. This is a learning opportunity - decision-making, organizing, sharing, etc.
When we moved, my son and I went through the books. Ones he wanted to keep, ones I wanted to keep. So interesting and sometimes surprising to see which books he really loved.
posted by theora55 at 7:15 PM on July 29, 2023 [10 favorites]
I'm sure plenty of kids have stuff thrown away behind their backs and it's fine, but I would not go down that route.
posted by the primroses were over at 7:35 PM on July 29, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by the primroses were over at 7:35 PM on July 29, 2023 [5 favorites]
The best thing for us (kiddo aged 5-7) has been doing a big clean-out with the kid involved. Explain the need to make room for new things, that everything needs a place, and that means some things have to go away. We make a ceremony out of it, saying "Thank you and good-bye" to the things we treasured but whose time is now done. We take pictures of most artwork. Some art that we parents especially like, we will put aside ourselves to save. I think we must have borrowed this from Marie Kondo.
Also, like others, I have a big box in the garage labeled "Purgatory" that is meant to be the holding area for stuff I secretly "trashed" but haven't actually thrown out, in case things are missed.
Kiddo has never made a fuss about anything going missing. There was a crappy plastic toy sewing machine she never played with that got the Purgatory treatment like a year ago. But today she said "oh, I used to have a sewing machine. I lost it, and all the things I made with it." So.... Yeah, just because they don't mention stuff going missing, doesn't mean they don't notice and maybe are still distressed by it. I'd err on the side of doing this out in the open, even if it's harder in the moment.
posted by hovey at 7:43 PM on July 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
Also, like others, I have a big box in the garage labeled "Purgatory" that is meant to be the holding area for stuff I secretly "trashed" but haven't actually thrown out, in case things are missed.
Kiddo has never made a fuss about anything going missing. There was a crappy plastic toy sewing machine she never played with that got the Purgatory treatment like a year ago. But today she said "oh, I used to have a sewing machine. I lost it, and all the things I made with it." So.... Yeah, just because they don't mention stuff going missing, doesn't mean they don't notice and maybe are still distressed by it. I'd err on the side of doing this out in the open, even if it's harder in the moment.
posted by hovey at 7:43 PM on July 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Oh also, to cull books: all books come off the shelves into a pile. We give our kid a big stack of pennies or other token. Parents get to choose some precious books that stay for "free", and so does the kid. There's a bit of fun negotiating about whether a book should really be in this classic tier or not. Then the rest of the books, kid needs to spend a penny/token for it to go back on the shelf. Anything that doesn't make the cut gets donated.
posted by hovey at 7:52 PM on July 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by hovey at 7:52 PM on July 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
I’m on team honesty. There’s some trauma speaking there.
posted by matildaben at 7:53 PM on July 29, 2023 [17 favorites]
posted by matildaben at 7:53 PM on July 29, 2023 [17 favorites]
A friend of mine had his Dad give away his toys without asking him - he's in his 50s and he's still sad about it. It made him feel like his house wasn't safe, like anything he loved could be gone with no warning. As an adult his house is FULL of toys.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 8:19 PM on July 29, 2023 [13 favorites]
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 8:19 PM on July 29, 2023 [13 favorites]
Best answer: We just cleaned out our basement and storage with our 5 year old, which was filled with toys and stuff from the past 6 years. What helped was having them see the adults declutter their stuff too. We started with a small box of my books and their books. Together, we donated it to an organization that needed it for refugee families. We talked about this as we cleaned and they helped drop off the box. Then I did some of my clothes and they did their clothes. They were more eager the second time to help bring the box into the building. Then I cleaned out some exercise and misc items, and they did their toys. Etc.
posted by inevitability at 8:56 PM on July 29, 2023 [11 favorites]
posted by inevitability at 8:56 PM on July 29, 2023 [11 favorites]
Best answer: Isn’t great how you can specifically rule out a strategy due to specific reasons in the text of your question and yet that strategy is repeatedly suggested as the way to go? Oh AskMe, you’ll never change. Since you say you have limited space to do the staging strategy, I would ask you to please include your kids in making choices and stay honest with them, however you can. I’ve seen what having toys being thrown out secretly can do to a kid as they grow up and move out and clutter their own homes.
Have you explored all options for storage? Consider putting in extra shelves high in a closet or along a less used wall for bin storage filled with toys the kids choose to be done with until a particular date, like “until Christmas” or “my in between birthday”. Then take the bins down, they go a little wild going through it, and stuff they don’t pull out with interest gets put into a crate for transport to the thrift store by the door for a couple days. They then refill the bins with different toys and can refer to the crate to reclaim stuff until it’s time for them to go away. This, I acknowledge, is still the storage until forget strategy, just with some tweaks. But kids are short, and there may be high up storage you aren’t seeing from their perspective.
Definitely try making a game out of finding homes for their things. If a home can’t be found for a toy (ie the kid can’t fit it on a shelf or in a basket or drawer or hung on the wall or in the closet) then they need to go to the store where other kids will be able to give them homes. Since the 7yo is taller, they will be able to access more storage spots, and keep more things.
Do try to get them used to getting rid of items. Start with borrowing books and other physical media from the library. I think that having access to digital media is throwing kids out of whack when it comes to conceptualizing a fun time that needs to be borrowed for only a short amount of time. I have seen this with the children of friends who went from absolutely not being able to handle a library book being returned to a few months later excitedly gathering books to return so they can fit new ones on their shelf. Also, kids freaking love cassette tapes.
Be sure to model good behaviors for editing your own clutter. Make a show of thanking an oft-used object for being good at its job but now it’s broken/too stained/needs to be given to someone else. If you do a craft and have a stash of materials for it, spread it out and ruthlessly cull the stash while they play nearby. Don’t lie and secretly keep the stash in your car or whatever, actually get rid of stuff. If, in the process of modeling this desired behavior, you are having a ton of trouble with it, perhaps your kids’ refusal to let go of things is stemming partially from you, and you can all work on it together.
posted by Mizu at 9:13 PM on July 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
Have you explored all options for storage? Consider putting in extra shelves high in a closet or along a less used wall for bin storage filled with toys the kids choose to be done with until a particular date, like “until Christmas” or “my in between birthday”. Then take the bins down, they go a little wild going through it, and stuff they don’t pull out with interest gets put into a crate for transport to the thrift store by the door for a couple days. They then refill the bins with different toys and can refer to the crate to reclaim stuff until it’s time for them to go away. This, I acknowledge, is still the storage until forget strategy, just with some tweaks. But kids are short, and there may be high up storage you aren’t seeing from their perspective.
Definitely try making a game out of finding homes for their things. If a home can’t be found for a toy (ie the kid can’t fit it on a shelf or in a basket or drawer or hung on the wall or in the closet) then they need to go to the store where other kids will be able to give them homes. Since the 7yo is taller, they will be able to access more storage spots, and keep more things.
Do try to get them used to getting rid of items. Start with borrowing books and other physical media from the library. I think that having access to digital media is throwing kids out of whack when it comes to conceptualizing a fun time that needs to be borrowed for only a short amount of time. I have seen this with the children of friends who went from absolutely not being able to handle a library book being returned to a few months later excitedly gathering books to return so they can fit new ones on their shelf. Also, kids freaking love cassette tapes.
Be sure to model good behaviors for editing your own clutter. Make a show of thanking an oft-used object for being good at its job but now it’s broken/too stained/needs to be given to someone else. If you do a craft and have a stash of materials for it, spread it out and ruthlessly cull the stash while they play nearby. Don’t lie and secretly keep the stash in your car or whatever, actually get rid of stuff. If, in the process of modeling this desired behavior, you are having a ton of trouble with it, perhaps your kids’ refusal to let go of things is stemming partially from you, and you can all work on it together.
posted by Mizu at 9:13 PM on July 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: Well, thanks - I'm really sympathetic to the concerns about not doing it against their will, which we haven't been doing, and it's good to verify that we haven't been complete "pushovers" or something for deferring to their desire to hang onto things. That said, we have too much! So I am especially appreciating some of the strategies people have used for including kids in the decluttering process and marked a few that I can specifically use as best answers. But this entire discussion has been really beneficial for me.
I especially like the idea of clearly defining the shelf or storage space and letting them choose what goes there -- I think we may not have been defined enough about that and that this could really help. I also like some of these games - saving things for your future self, or giving away a # of things matched to your age - and hadn't considered that we might get some momentum if we repeated the exercise and helped them see that it was donations to actual people. Thanks!
Any other strategies you have along those lines or things that worked with your own families would be especially great to hear, but all of this has been really helpful -- thank you!
posted by Spokane at 11:56 PM on July 29, 2023
I especially like the idea of clearly defining the shelf or storage space and letting them choose what goes there -- I think we may not have been defined enough about that and that this could really help. I also like some of these games - saving things for your future self, or giving away a # of things matched to your age - and hadn't considered that we might get some momentum if we repeated the exercise and helped them see that it was donations to actual people. Thanks!
Any other strategies you have along those lines or things that worked with your own families would be especially great to hear, but all of this has been really helpful -- thank you!
posted by Spokane at 11:56 PM on July 29, 2023
Some kids (and even older people) have trouble getting rid of dolls and stuffies and action figures because they responsible for them and protective, the way you hope they would feel about their pets or siblings.
If your kids are like this, and have personified the toys and feel guilty about letting them go, you can first figure out which dolls and figures they don't still play with or love, and then act out a scene where the toys are eager to go find new owners. A cardboard box is the bus, the dolls squeal about who will get to sit where "I get to sit on Bear's lap!" and clamber into the box with happy excitement. They yell "Good bye! Goodbye!" at the kids, and assert how they are ready to belong to new kids, "I'm going to belong to a collector and get my own display shelf!" and "I want to comfort a little kid that is scared of the dark!" "My new owner is going to take me to the park, and I'm gunna run away and live under a tree in a real bear's den!"
You basically show the kid that the dolls and toys are happy to be moving on. It's silly, but it makes giving up the toys fun, and makes a world of a difference to some more anxious, imaginative kids.
posted by Jane the Brown at 12:17 AM on July 30, 2023 [7 favorites]
If your kids are like this, and have personified the toys and feel guilty about letting them go, you can first figure out which dolls and figures they don't still play with or love, and then act out a scene where the toys are eager to go find new owners. A cardboard box is the bus, the dolls squeal about who will get to sit where "I get to sit on Bear's lap!" and clamber into the box with happy excitement. They yell "Good bye! Goodbye!" at the kids, and assert how they are ready to belong to new kids, "I'm going to belong to a collector and get my own display shelf!" and "I want to comfort a little kid that is scared of the dark!" "My new owner is going to take me to the park, and I'm gunna run away and live under a tree in a real bear's den!"
You basically show the kid that the dolls and toys are happy to be moving on. It's silly, but it makes giving up the toys fun, and makes a world of a difference to some more anxious, imaginative kids.
posted by Jane the Brown at 12:17 AM on July 30, 2023 [7 favorites]
I think this may be a case of "suffer two more years while they mature". Having a younger sibling will certainly make it harder for 7 yo to part with toys he might otherwise find too "babyish". Seeing other kids play with stuff makes it automatically more desirable.
My kids (now 9 and 12) were always quite pragmatical about throwing out stuff, so I don't know how useful this is, but here are my strategies:
At least twice a year (before birthdays and Christmas) we would sit down together and go through the shelves/toy chest. I told them they would get tons of new presents by Oma and Opa (I would make comical faces about what a hardship this was for me - they loved that). And I said we would need to make room for their new toys by throwing out stuff they did not need anymore.
There would be a keep pile and a throw away pile. Any one of us could veto any decision. Once, to their amusement, I found myself rescuing the baby books 4 yo wanted to toss. Sentimental reasons count! I would explain my thought process why this or that item wasn't needed anymore, to help them decide.
If it was too hard for them, I would say that one thing, one little thing, was all they needed to toss. This is what I woukd suggest to you. But we usually ended up with a small pile.
These day, all I need to say is "keep or toss?" and they are really good at making that split second decision.
I do throw away things without asking: broken stuff, old balloons and such.
posted by Omnomnom at 12:20 AM on July 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
My kids (now 9 and 12) were always quite pragmatical about throwing out stuff, so I don't know how useful this is, but here are my strategies:
At least twice a year (before birthdays and Christmas) we would sit down together and go through the shelves/toy chest. I told them they would get tons of new presents by Oma and Opa (I would make comical faces about what a hardship this was for me - they loved that). And I said we would need to make room for their new toys by throwing out stuff they did not need anymore.
There would be a keep pile and a throw away pile. Any one of us could veto any decision. Once, to their amusement, I found myself rescuing the baby books 4 yo wanted to toss. Sentimental reasons count! I would explain my thought process why this or that item wasn't needed anymore, to help them decide.
If it was too hard for them, I would say that one thing, one little thing, was all they needed to toss. This is what I woukd suggest to you. But we usually ended up with a small pile.
These day, all I need to say is "keep or toss?" and they are really good at making that split second decision.
I do throw away things without asking: broken stuff, old balloons and such.
posted by Omnomnom at 12:20 AM on July 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
I read a story by a mom in a decluttering book once that might be useful to you. I was hoping to find it online, but no, so I'll write it out as well as I can remember.
Mom sat down with kid and toys, pulled out one toy the child really loved and talked about how loved it was and how the child would definitely want to keep it. Put that to one side. Then picked out two pink bunnies that the kid didn't play with. Talked about how kid liked the pink bunnies OK, but didn't really love them and would probably be OK with getting rid of them. Kid agreed. After that, kid was asked to look for other "pink bunnies" and that became their term for things that weren't that important and could go. I think family language like that can be really fun and useful.
Of course, kid could immediately decide that pink bunnies are their favorite toy in the world, so maybe then ask to find something not loved? Anyway, this may or may not be helpful, but could spark other ideas for you. I do really like the idea of asking them to think about their toys going to someone who doesn't have as many.
I also want to say that I think that people can just be wired differently when it comes to attachment to things. I get very attached, and I don't understand how people can think taking a picture of something and getting rid of it is any kind of substitute, though apparently it's really helpful for some people. My kids, on the other hand, have very little sentimental attachment to things. So a lot is going to depend on how your kids are wired.
posted by FencingGal at 5:11 AM on July 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
Mom sat down with kid and toys, pulled out one toy the child really loved and talked about how loved it was and how the child would definitely want to keep it. Put that to one side. Then picked out two pink bunnies that the kid didn't play with. Talked about how kid liked the pink bunnies OK, but didn't really love them and would probably be OK with getting rid of them. Kid agreed. After that, kid was asked to look for other "pink bunnies" and that became their term for things that weren't that important and could go. I think family language like that can be really fun and useful.
Of course, kid could immediately decide that pink bunnies are their favorite toy in the world, so maybe then ask to find something not loved? Anyway, this may or may not be helpful, but could spark other ideas for you. I do really like the idea of asking them to think about their toys going to someone who doesn't have as many.
I also want to say that I think that people can just be wired differently when it comes to attachment to things. I get very attached, and I don't understand how people can think taking a picture of something and getting rid of it is any kind of substitute, though apparently it's really helpful for some people. My kids, on the other hand, have very little sentimental attachment to things. So a lot is going to depend on how your kids are wired.
posted by FencingGal at 5:11 AM on July 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
My kids got into a garage sale when I told them they could keep all the money.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:48 AM on July 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:48 AM on July 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
Our four year old is a lot better at this when the thing being disposed of is going to someone else, preferably, though not necessarily, someone they know. I had said kid when I was near 40, so we continue to be handed a heap of hand me downs from friends, being able to frame it as things continuing on to another kid works well.
posted by deadwax at 6:18 AM on July 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by deadwax at 6:18 AM on July 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
Involve the kids. Myself and many others I know are still a teensy bit upset about the disappearing toys act our parents did without giving us a chance to properly say goodbye or let go. I think it's key to involve them in these choices...it helps later in life because they'll always have to make those choices with many many of their own objects one day.
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:27 AM on July 30, 2023
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:27 AM on July 30, 2023
"we don't have room for more toys so you won't get any new ones for birthdays/Christmas/whatever unless we make space" has worked for us. We combined it with "we can donate these so that children who don't play with them".
posted by EndsOfInvention at 6:29 AM on July 30, 2023
posted by EndsOfInvention at 6:29 AM on July 30, 2023
Nth-ing to not throw away anything secretly at their age.
posted by knownassociate at 8:33 AM on July 30, 2023
posted by knownassociate at 8:33 AM on July 30, 2023
That's a good point. Throwing things away without asking doesn't trigger hoarding. Humans do have to learn to get rid of objects in a healthy way though, and secretly without them knowing isn't helping that at all.
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:15 AM on July 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:15 AM on July 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
Depending on your space, you might adopt my Mom's strategy. It's similar to some of what others have mentioned, I bet, but I haven't seen this _exact_ combination (although I have to admit to skimming to save time).
We had shelves and/or storage benches in our rooms (2 boys to a room) for our stuff. Anything Mom found on the floor when she was tidying went to a box in the attic. If we wanted something from the attic box, we had to trade something of ours from our room. It worked pretty well for 5 boys of varying ages.
posted by TimHare at 12:33 PM on July 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
We had shelves and/or storage benches in our rooms (2 boys to a room) for our stuff. Anything Mom found on the floor when she was tidying went to a box in the attic. If we wanted something from the attic box, we had to trade something of ours from our room. It worked pretty well for 5 boys of varying ages.
posted by TimHare at 12:33 PM on July 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
I think this may be a case of "suffer two more years while they mature".
Nth-ing to not throw away anything secretly at their age.
Yes, if you are most interested in being kind. This stage (for toys) sucks because they are growing so fast and also don't bear any costs of storage, they don't understand costs of storage (because they don't understand money), and they don't care if the room or their home is clean.
On the other hand, if you are good with 1000+ questions (throw away or keep) for every single part of every single toy, go with the 'ask a kid' route.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:50 AM on July 31, 2023
Nth-ing to not throw away anything secretly at their age.
Yes, if you are most interested in being kind. This stage (for toys) sucks because they are growing so fast and also don't bear any costs of storage, they don't understand costs of storage (because they don't understand money), and they don't care if the room or their home is clean.
On the other hand, if you are good with 1000+ questions (throw away or keep) for every single part of every single toy, go with the 'ask a kid' route.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:50 AM on July 31, 2023
You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments
If you’re not pressed for time, I’d institute a 1-in-3-out policy for new toys and let them make the hard choices. We did something similar at one point, and my oldest was a lot less sentimental about older toys when keeping them meant no new ones.
posted by skewed at 5:08 PM on July 29, 2023 [11 favorites]