Looking for marriage counselor

June 7, 2023 5:14 AM

Can anyone recommend an effective online marriage counselor for couples in long-distance relationships?

Hello, friends. My partner and I are both physicians - we got married before residency started, and have been long-distance during our respective fellowships. My partner has now unilaterally made a decision that may require further time doing the long distance thing (in different states) and I am having trouble getting past this. I would like recommendations for 1: specific (online) therapists if anyone has any; 2: advice on finding therapists who would do online sessions 3: any other general or specific advice also appreciated.
My insurance is Blue Cross Blue Shield (MA), but will pay out of pocket if needed.

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (3 answers total)

I think you'll need to find a counselor who is licensed in the same state as the residence of the person who is the primary insurance holder. I believe that's how it works in the US at least, where it's not possible for therapists to work with anyone outside the states that are licensed in but as long as one person in the couple
or family is "within bounds" it's fine.

Look on psychologytoday.com to find therapists who take your insurance and is licensed in your state. You have one of the better insurances that most professionals are likely to accept, because this provider sets good reimbursement rates and easy for a therapist to work with in general. Since the pandemic, restrictions around telehealth have been eased considerably and a lot of therapists offer long distance therapy where few did before. This allows you to look for any therapist in your state and not just someone in your locality. All in all you've got no major barriers to finding a therapist - good luck with this!

If I may add one caveat - please don't go with TalkSpace or BetterHelp or whatever. These corporations don't provide psychotherapy, period (they are legally not allowed to claim that they do). They sell your confidential data and keep TRANSCRIPTS of your sessions in their databases forever. It is horrifying and unethical. It doesn't serve patients and it exploits professionals too.

BTW my therapist specializes in marriage and family therapy. I'd recommend him to anyone in a heartbeat. DM me and I'll share his contact info with you.
posted by MiraK at 7:02 AM on June 7, 2023

Seconding MiraK’s excellent advice and adding a couple recommendations:

Jalieh Shepard and Jessica Lahens (Lahens Counseling) are both based in MA, take BCBS, and work with couples. I’m on my phone so can’t link to their websites but they are both findable on Psychology Today.

Feel free to DM me as well if you want more recs!
posted by sleepingwithcats at 8:14 AM on June 7, 2023

By law, the therapist needs to have a license to practice in the state where the patient is physically located during the session. So if this is couples therapy, the therapist needs to be legally able to practice in both states. Depending on the particular combination, this could be easy or impossible to find. Some states will allow any therapist with a proper license to do telehealth in their state by just filing a form. Other states, the therapist would have to jump through quite a few hoops. In some areas it is easy to find folks who are licensed in adjacent states or who moved from one state to a new one and still has their old license. In any case I think this will your first and biggest hurdle. (If the therapist says it doesn't matter, they only need to be licensed in state of the person identified as the patient, you would have to decide for yourself if that attitude felt like a red flag for you.)
posted by metahawk at 10:53 AM on June 8, 2023