Buying a salad instead of getting a housekeeper
April 30, 2023 7:08 PM Subscribe
I'm in a position where I can work more consulting hours and make more, or work less consulting hours and get paid less. I've been thinking about whether my ideal lifestyle includes getting a housekeeper and therefore having more time to work, or continuing to do a lot ourselves. Now that I understand that I'd like to avoid getting a housekeeper for specific reasons, I'm looking for hacks to get more time anyway.
I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old. IYKYK. We have no time.
We do have cleaners come every two weeks to do the heavy cleaning.
The housework we do mostly consists of: tons of laundry, dishes, trash disposal, and cooking. Plus all of the endless toddler care work. They are in preschool from around 8:30-2:45, during which time I do some consulting work.
I realized that, while getting a housekeeper would allow me a lot more mental space and hours to do more consulting work, and I'd make more than the cost with the additional hours, I don't want to get one. After some reflection, I've realized there's a specific reason for this.
I want my kids to see both my husband and I do housework together. I want them to see role models for being self-reliant and for sharing housework and childcare as a team (even if I do a bit more childcare and a bit less career work, overall balance is even and we both have a relatively equivalent load). I don't want them to become entitled brats that later have time holding down jobs, etc. There's a lot more here - some cautionary tales in the family - and I realize that this is a bit overblown in my head. But it's still important to me.
So I had this "epiphany" that I could let myself indulge in a $10 salad every day, and feel like I've been spoiled a bit, and it would cost less than the ingredients plus cost of a housekeeper to prep it. The kids wouldn't see me eating it and therefore would not so easily start thinking we can eat at restaurants every day, even if that's what I myself am essentially doing. I can work another hour of work and come out ahead.
What other hacks can I do, where sure I'm spending more than I have to, but less than what a housekeeper would cost?
Not interested in meal kits, or laundry services.
I live in DC. I am tired. LOL.
I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old. IYKYK. We have no time.
We do have cleaners come every two weeks to do the heavy cleaning.
The housework we do mostly consists of: tons of laundry, dishes, trash disposal, and cooking. Plus all of the endless toddler care work. They are in preschool from around 8:30-2:45, during which time I do some consulting work.
I realized that, while getting a housekeeper would allow me a lot more mental space and hours to do more consulting work, and I'd make more than the cost with the additional hours, I don't want to get one. After some reflection, I've realized there's a specific reason for this.
I want my kids to see both my husband and I do housework together. I want them to see role models for being self-reliant and for sharing housework and childcare as a team (even if I do a bit more childcare and a bit less career work, overall balance is even and we both have a relatively equivalent load). I don't want them to become entitled brats that later have time holding down jobs, etc. There's a lot more here - some cautionary tales in the family - and I realize that this is a bit overblown in my head. But it's still important to me.
So I had this "epiphany" that I could let myself indulge in a $10 salad every day, and feel like I've been spoiled a bit, and it would cost less than the ingredients plus cost of a housekeeper to prep it. The kids wouldn't see me eating it and therefore would not so easily start thinking we can eat at restaurants every day, even if that's what I myself am essentially doing. I can work another hour of work and come out ahead.
What other hacks can I do, where sure I'm spending more than I have to, but less than what a housekeeper would cost?
Not interested in meal kits, or laundry services.
I live in DC. I am tired. LOL.
Is there a reason why your husband can work full time with you as childcare, but you cannot work fulltime with the help of additional childcare or household help?
posted by haptic_avenger at 7:22 PM on April 30, 2023 [16 favorites]
posted by haptic_avenger at 7:22 PM on April 30, 2023 [16 favorites]
You could get your salad delivered by Vegetable and Butcher. It’s not a meal kit, they drop off fresh prepared salads etc. at your house twice a week. For us, also working parents in DC, it has been wonderful to get fresh healthy meals every day and not have to think about it.
posted by sizeable beetle at 7:23 PM on April 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by sizeable beetle at 7:23 PM on April 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: Does it count as thread-sitting if you are answering questions? @haptic_avenger, this is all based on personal preference. I prefer to do more hours of childcare, I don't have to. I'd prefer not to get a housekeeper, but find other ways to make my life better or manage housework besides getting a housekeeper. While we have a budget, that's not the reason these choices are being made because I know I can work more hours and cover the cost of having extra help in other areas. Hubs is not expecting me to not get help.
posted by cacao at 7:40 PM on April 30, 2023
posted by cacao at 7:40 PM on April 30, 2023
Send out the laundry! This alone will save you so much time.
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:48 PM on April 30, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:48 PM on April 30, 2023 [8 favorites]
Food is the big one in my experience, so you've tapped into that already. Another one to consider might be better cleaning tools. If you're using a vacuum you dislike or a dishwasher you have to fight with—especially the dishwasher, if the dishwasher is not your reliable and low-maintenance best friend you don't have the right dishwasher—you might be spending more time than you need on those chores. (My experience is that nobody I meet has as uncomplicated a relationship with their dishwasher as I do—they're always scraping food off, or doing dishes in the sink that they could just toss in there, or waiting to do a completely full load when they could just run a half-load and still come out ahead water-wise, etc.)
Re: the vacuum, Dyson-style cordless vacuums are not (in my opinion) as good as good bagged vacuums for overall vacuuming duty, but they're another good "luxury" item anyway; a small mess happens, you immediately deal with it, entropy fought back for another hour or so. (I have a Hoover OnePWR model that I like quite a bit and is much cheaper than a Dyson.)
Robot vacuums should do that too, but I admit ours doesn't quite feel like it's reducing the amount of work I personally do; I think it's because I don't keep the house uncluttered enough normally, so I'm always moving wires around and picking up charging cables and clothes so that it doesn't try sucking them up and bringing down a floor lamp while I'm gone. In the end, because I am not good at fighting back the clutter, it just doesn't run very much. If you're cleaner than me having one or two on regular duty might be a game-changer.
posted by Polycarp at 7:53 PM on April 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
Re: the vacuum, Dyson-style cordless vacuums are not (in my opinion) as good as good bagged vacuums for overall vacuuming duty, but they're another good "luxury" item anyway; a small mess happens, you immediately deal with it, entropy fought back for another hour or so. (I have a Hoover OnePWR model that I like quite a bit and is much cheaper than a Dyson.)
Robot vacuums should do that too, but I admit ours doesn't quite feel like it's reducing the amount of work I personally do; I think it's because I don't keep the house uncluttered enough normally, so I'm always moving wires around and picking up charging cables and clothes so that it doesn't try sucking them up and bringing down a floor lamp while I'm gone. In the end, because I am not good at fighting back the clutter, it just doesn't run very much. If you're cleaner than me having one or two on regular duty might be a game-changer.
posted by Polycarp at 7:53 PM on April 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
As a busy parent of two, it's amazing how much easier it's made my life to have a home cook come by once a week in the mornings to prep a few meals for the week, which I then freeze. Feeding children is basically a full time job, and being able to pull out healthy meals that I heat/fry/warm saves a lot of time and kitchen mess.
posted by MFZ at 8:15 PM on April 30, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by MFZ at 8:15 PM on April 30, 2023 [7 favorites]
Do you have a comfortable bed (and bedding) for a good night's sleep? How about really nice & non frustrating cleaning supplies and appliances? What about suitable storage? Do you have the right amount of clothes & bedding for the cadence you do laundry and the space you have? Do you have the right amount of toys for your family's capacity to pick up toys and the space you have?
Can you do less or further optimize house hold chores? E.g. do the kids' play / school clothes really need to be folded? Can you change your household routine/rules so that kids help put their toys away each evening? Or can you limit your kids to a subset of toys right after school, for example, to help prevent toy chaos?
Can your kids help you with family meal prep/ chore time on weekends? Maybe get them some child friendly tools?
Also consider that it's harder for the house to get messy if folks aren't home. So maybe on the occasional rainy day it's worth taking the kiddos to an indoor play space.
posted by oceano at 8:15 PM on April 30, 2023
Can you do less or further optimize house hold chores? E.g. do the kids' play / school clothes really need to be folded? Can you change your household routine/rules so that kids help put their toys away each evening? Or can you limit your kids to a subset of toys right after school, for example, to help prevent toy chaos?
Can your kids help you with family meal prep/ chore time on weekends? Maybe get them some child friendly tools?
Also consider that it's harder for the house to get messy if folks aren't home. So maybe on the occasional rainy day it's worth taking the kiddos to an indoor play space.
posted by oceano at 8:15 PM on April 30, 2023
Don't fold underwear.
As much as possible, get all matching socks for each person. Then you can skip mating and folding socks.
posted by NotLost at 8:39 PM on April 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
As much as possible, get all matching socks for each person. Then you can skip mating and folding socks.
posted by NotLost at 8:39 PM on April 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: A latte a day keeps the blues away. (To go.)
Also one morning a month while the kids are in preschool go get a massage.
posted by rainy day girl at 8:39 PM on April 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
Also one morning a month while the kids are in preschool go get a massage.
posted by rainy day girl at 8:39 PM on April 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
I strongly encourage you to get your children into the Montessori method of toy rotation - only a few toys out on shelves and only one toy at a time is played with and that after children are done playing with that item it gets put away into it's proper place.
Toddlers are not too young to be doing this and it will help teach them to take care of their things, contribute to keeping the house tidy, and make it easier for you to introduce more complex chores later on.
posted by brookeb at 8:41 PM on April 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
Toddlers are not too young to be doing this and it will help teach them to take care of their things, contribute to keeping the house tidy, and make it easier for you to introduce more complex chores later on.
posted by brookeb at 8:41 PM on April 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
Virtual assistant services such as Aim2Assist to help with administrative household work such as researching professional services, vacation choices, medical care, etc. and manage paperwork.
posted by brainwane at 8:59 PM on April 30, 2023
posted by brainwane at 8:59 PM on April 30, 2023
Best answer: You could occasionally work in the Kogod Courtyard at the National Portrait Gallery for free and pick up lunch at a nearby Chipotle or somewhere similar. While you'd lose time traveling there and it may be hard to focus, it'd feel special and different and that could be nice!
posted by smorgasbord at 9:00 PM on April 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by smorgasbord at 9:00 PM on April 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
It sounds like one of your values is "I want my children to understand that housekeeping is labor and it's everyone's shared responsibility." That's awesome! Your kids might be just about old enough to understand a chore chart, which seems like a great way to make that labor visible to them. "This week Mom is in charge of laundry and Dad is in charge of the dishes. Kid 1 is in charge of sweeping and Kid 2 is in charge of helping with the laundry. Next week we trade chores. When we finish our chores we get a sticker."
I also like the idea of being honest and non-judgmental to yourself and your kids about the labor you outsource. "Keeping things clean and having fresh veggies to eat are important for our health. Sometimes we pay professionals with professional tools to do those things for us, and we make sure they're paid fairly to do that work."
posted by doift at 9:06 PM on April 30, 2023 [13 favorites]
I also like the idea of being honest and non-judgmental to yourself and your kids about the labor you outsource. "Keeping things clean and having fresh veggies to eat are important for our health. Sometimes we pay professionals with professional tools to do those things for us, and we make sure they're paid fairly to do that work."
posted by doift at 9:06 PM on April 30, 2023 [13 favorites]
Not sure how you currently obtain groceries but spending the extra money for delivery (fee + tip) can be a pretty big time-saver.
posted by staggernation at 9:56 PM on April 30, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by staggernation at 9:56 PM on April 30, 2023 [9 favorites]
In my life, which doesn’t include kids but does include slowly socializing a partner to contribute to household upkeep, one of the best ways for me to spend money is on organizing solutions. None of these in and of themselves will save an hour of your time, but they make switching to, completing, and switching back away from household tasks quicker, which saves time and mental load in the long run.
Does everyone have laundry baskets? My toddler niblings are beginning to learn to throw diapers in the trash - fun laundry baskets could become a helping-game for their clothes, too. Are there surfaces near your washer/dryer for sorting? Drying racks or nets? Delicates bags? Could you get a heavy-duty pump dispenser for your favorite detergent, so you don’t have to risk soapy hands or drips that need to be cleaned up? Shelves for staging laundry as it needs to be done/taken up, storage for supplies?
Would it help to have good, deep bins in the kitchen to sequester dishes while they wait to be loaded? Do you have all the nonslip drying pads and racks you need for your handwashables? Good-sized, foot-openable garbage/recycling bins, with a quality bag brand you like?
Do you have a kickass pair of wireless headphones to listen to music while you do chores, and a nice watch with easily-settable alarms? (I want nothing to do with activity tracking, but I have a FitBit Charge 4 for sleep/heart rate tracking, and the timer on my wrist is AWESOME for laundry.)
I love the idea of lunches and lattes, and + many to grocery delivery with a generous tip.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 10:03 PM on April 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
Does everyone have laundry baskets? My toddler niblings are beginning to learn to throw diapers in the trash - fun laundry baskets could become a helping-game for their clothes, too. Are there surfaces near your washer/dryer for sorting? Drying racks or nets? Delicates bags? Could you get a heavy-duty pump dispenser for your favorite detergent, so you don’t have to risk soapy hands or drips that need to be cleaned up? Shelves for staging laundry as it needs to be done/taken up, storage for supplies?
Would it help to have good, deep bins in the kitchen to sequester dishes while they wait to be loaded? Do you have all the nonslip drying pads and racks you need for your handwashables? Good-sized, foot-openable garbage/recycling bins, with a quality bag brand you like?
Do you have a kickass pair of wireless headphones to listen to music while you do chores, and a nice watch with easily-settable alarms? (I want nothing to do with activity tracking, but I have a FitBit Charge 4 for sleep/heart rate tracking, and the timer on my wrist is AWESOME for laundry.)
I love the idea of lunches and lattes, and + many to grocery delivery with a generous tip.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 10:03 PM on April 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
Some gentle pushback on your reason for not paying for a housekeeper:
You don’t need to continue employing someone in this position for your children’s whole lives. Having someone to help in these crunch years before they are in school part of the day and then stepping back their hours (discussed way ahead of time so they know it’s not a permanent gig) as your time not doing childcare increases seems entirely reasonable. You would be able to talk about the housekeeper and the important jobs they are doing while you spend time with your kids, and in a few years you will be able to take the excellent structure brought by the housekeeper into a chore schedule for your family. There will be many years for your kids to see their parents working as a team and those years don’t have to be when they are toddlers.
Think of it in another scenario: you don’t need to employ a nanny for your children’s entire lives. There are plenty of people who employ a nanny for a few years when their kids are very young, but that doesn’t mean the parents are absent or uninvolved during those years. You could hire a nanny to help with childcare and then do all those housekeeping tasks yourself, too. It’s all about communicating and treating others respectfully. Is there some history with your family treating workers like crap that makes you think you would repeat that in your home?
Anyway. To answer your actual question, get season tickets to something. Either you or your partner can attend with a friend, or you can go together if you can arrange childcare. On nights when you can’t make it you can resell your seat or share with friends. Having a series of nice outings to look forward to makes a huge difference in outlook. If you both like sports, season tickets to a local team’s games can be amazing and a good way to make new friends. Season tickets to the opera, symphony, or ballet make for amazing dates but also since you’re in DC you would be attending some of the best in the world which is an incredible opportunity. Also good for making friends. There are lots of event spaces and groups that do deals similar to season tickets. Find something you both have an interest in.
posted by Mizu at 10:28 PM on April 30, 2023 [25 favorites]
You don’t need to continue employing someone in this position for your children’s whole lives. Having someone to help in these crunch years before they are in school part of the day and then stepping back their hours (discussed way ahead of time so they know it’s not a permanent gig) as your time not doing childcare increases seems entirely reasonable. You would be able to talk about the housekeeper and the important jobs they are doing while you spend time with your kids, and in a few years you will be able to take the excellent structure brought by the housekeeper into a chore schedule for your family. There will be many years for your kids to see their parents working as a team and those years don’t have to be when they are toddlers.
Think of it in another scenario: you don’t need to employ a nanny for your children’s entire lives. There are plenty of people who employ a nanny for a few years when their kids are very young, but that doesn’t mean the parents are absent or uninvolved during those years. You could hire a nanny to help with childcare and then do all those housekeeping tasks yourself, too. It’s all about communicating and treating others respectfully. Is there some history with your family treating workers like crap that makes you think you would repeat that in your home?
Anyway. To answer your actual question, get season tickets to something. Either you or your partner can attend with a friend, or you can go together if you can arrange childcare. On nights when you can’t make it you can resell your seat or share with friends. Having a series of nice outings to look forward to makes a huge difference in outlook. If you both like sports, season tickets to a local team’s games can be amazing and a good way to make new friends. Season tickets to the opera, symphony, or ballet make for amazing dates but also since you’re in DC you would be attending some of the best in the world which is an incredible opportunity. Also good for making friends. There are lots of event spaces and groups that do deals similar to season tickets. Find something you both have an interest in.
posted by Mizu at 10:28 PM on April 30, 2023 [25 favorites]
Best answer: My "hack" is that my kid (4) pitches in with the chores, and has since she was two. Young children don't distinguish between work and play, so my philosophy is, "May as well have them work."
Young children can do a lot more than they are given credit for. They can cut vegetables (there are ceramic toddler knives), sort beans, load a slow cooker, stir food, and they love salad spinners.
My kid loves the dustbuster. She also "folds" laundry and puts it away, wipes counters, and the other week I had her detail the interior of my car. (She especially loved the "blue goo" we used to pull crumbs out of the cup holders.)
If my husband disappears to do a project in the yard, she chases him down with her own set of little garden tools. She also has a set of indoor cleaning tools from Melissa and Doug, they're wood and the quality is very nice.
When I make a grocery list, she follows with her own pad and paper. She notices that we're low on fruit.
Doing chores with kids underfoot takes forever and can be completely frustrating, I'm not going to lie to you about that.
But my kid learns everything involved in running a household, and I'm not tearing around after bedtime scrubbing toilets. When she goes to bed, I go to bed.
posted by champers at 3:18 AM on May 1, 2023 [11 favorites]
Young children can do a lot more than they are given credit for. They can cut vegetables (there are ceramic toddler knives), sort beans, load a slow cooker, stir food, and they love salad spinners.
My kid loves the dustbuster. She also "folds" laundry and puts it away, wipes counters, and the other week I had her detail the interior of my car. (She especially loved the "blue goo" we used to pull crumbs out of the cup holders.)
If my husband disappears to do a project in the yard, she chases him down with her own set of little garden tools. She also has a set of indoor cleaning tools from Melissa and Doug, they're wood and the quality is very nice.
When I make a grocery list, she follows with her own pad and paper. She notices that we're low on fruit.
Doing chores with kids underfoot takes forever and can be completely frustrating, I'm not going to lie to you about that.
But my kid learns everything involved in running a household, and I'm not tearing around after bedtime scrubbing toilets. When she goes to bed, I go to bed.
posted by champers at 3:18 AM on May 1, 2023 [11 favorites]
Not sure how you currently obtain groceries but spending the extra money for delivery (fee + tip) can be a pretty big time-saver.
I've been working insane hours lately, and this is what I've been doing. I use Doordash because while it is more expensive, it allows me to get things delivered as needed without having to plan a day ahead which always fucks me up when I want delivery or pickup from my local grocery. But you're probably better organized than me (most people are... lol.) I do keep a running grocery list of things we're getting low on and then make a grocery order when needed.
One thing I have done in the past is to have a rotating 14-day menu. You have 14 days of meals planned ahead, which saves on constant meal planning and also allows you to have a pre-set list of ingredients you need for each week which makes it easier to shop. Both Doordash and my grocery store website show me "buy it again" lists of things I buy regularly which makes it even quicker to do my order.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:02 AM on May 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
I've been working insane hours lately, and this is what I've been doing. I use Doordash because while it is more expensive, it allows me to get things delivered as needed without having to plan a day ahead which always fucks me up when I want delivery or pickup from my local grocery. But you're probably better organized than me (most people are... lol.) I do keep a running grocery list of things we're getting low on and then make a grocery order when needed.
One thing I have done in the past is to have a rotating 14-day menu. You have 14 days of meals planned ahead, which saves on constant meal planning and also allows you to have a pre-set list of ingredients you need for each week which makes it easier to shop. Both Doordash and my grocery store website show me "buy it again" lists of things I buy regularly which makes it even quicker to do my order.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:02 AM on May 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
East more lentils and beans. Any bean/soup dish you make can be easily doubled or tripled and half of it frozen for meals at a later date. You get 2-4 meals for the effort of 1-1.5 and it’s also healthy, high protein, better for the environment than most things you could eat, and cheap. There’s a reason daal is a staple of South Asian cooking.
To make giant pots of beans easier, you may want to pick up a big dutch oven/stock pot or instant pot/pressure cooker for cooking and a bunch of stackable, matching freezable Tupperware for storage. Matching Tupperware in the right, larger sizes (no more searching for mismatched lids!) changed my life.
And you can teach your kids that sometimes we do things today that are a little bit harder to make future life easier for us. Delayed gratification is always a good lesson.
posted by A Blue Moon at 6:55 AM on May 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
To make giant pots of beans easier, you may want to pick up a big dutch oven/stock pot or instant pot/pressure cooker for cooking and a bunch of stackable, matching freezable Tupperware for storage. Matching Tupperware in the right, larger sizes (no more searching for mismatched lids!) changed my life.
And you can teach your kids that sometimes we do things today that are a little bit harder to make future life easier for us. Delayed gratification is always a good lesson.
posted by A Blue Moon at 6:55 AM on May 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
You don’t need to continue employing someone in this position for your children’s whole lives.
Agree with this. Your kids are 2 and 3, so they don't understand working for labor, or labor divisions at all. Mine are 10 and 12, and are just starting to understand money. So you can have a housekeeper at this age if you are not personally against it. I'd say you can have one until the youngest is 5, then you can start them on chores and will feel less overwhelmed simply because they are older.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:49 AM on May 1, 2023 [6 favorites]
Agree with this. Your kids are 2 and 3, so they don't understand working for labor, or labor divisions at all. Mine are 10 and 12, and are just starting to understand money. So you can have a housekeeper at this age if you are not personally against it. I'd say you can have one until the youngest is 5, then you can start them on chores and will feel less overwhelmed simply because they are older.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:49 AM on May 1, 2023 [6 favorites]
Best answer: I noticed that what you are looking for is life hacks to save time, but your example was more the feeling you got from a luxurious salad rather than the time saved from making it. I am just noting that because when you're in the toddler/little-kid trenches, sometimes we all say we want time when what we need is a break/help.
That said, time savers:
#1 for us was a radical declutter, and this is something you can hire help for(organizer, 1-800-got-junk, storage space, helper, etc.). We took all our knick knacks, party ware, extra clothes, hobby materials we didn't have time for, hand me downs, etc. etc. and boxed it and put it away-away (garage and basement area.) As I write this, we gradually put all that stuff back as my kids got older and my fond memories are making me think I should do it again. We also kept clothing to a minimum so that it stored easily and putting laundry away was easy.
#2: Agreed that keeping the number of toys out helps a lot, although we always had a toy storage area in all the common rooms (we had expedit with bins we could flip around) so that our kids could play where they wanted to be (where we were) and then it was a quick tidy, not having to drag things from floor to floor etc.
#3 Picnics. We ate on our deck as much as possible, because it was so easy to clean up (food on trays, quick sweep off the edge) and also because somehow it was more relaxing for everyone, and the kids could run around.
#4 Concept of meals got really simple. The beans hack above is real.
#5 Routines. It's hard to believe now in the trenches of adolescent room messes, but I used to make sure the kids tidied their whole room before bed every night so there were never piles of things in the morning. We "swish and swiped" the bathroom every night, swept and steam mopped every day, tided the common areas before dinner, etc. Then the cognitive load goes down a lot.
#6 Autopay everything you can, have savings/taxes/etc moved into account automatically, etc.
#7 Do things like freezer meals, baking parties, etc. with friends.
Also just a philosophical note...at ages 2 & 3 I get why you feel like you are laying the groundwork. But the intense parenting time is right now, and truly, there is a wealth of time ahead for your kids to develop their relationship with the world and class issues and all of those things. It is just fine to have more help now and reduce it around 6-7, when the work of the child becomes more tuned to those things.
I'm a very Calvinist person when it comes to chores - we don't hire help much because I do kind of come at it like we should own what we can manage and the whole Zen thing about washing the rice, etc. But even I look back at the times I had kids your age and I wish I had been kinder to myself and more trusting that there was time ahead.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:52 AM on May 1, 2023 [5 favorites]
That said, time savers:
#1 for us was a radical declutter, and this is something you can hire help for(organizer, 1-800-got-junk, storage space, helper, etc.). We took all our knick knacks, party ware, extra clothes, hobby materials we didn't have time for, hand me downs, etc. etc. and boxed it and put it away-away (garage and basement area.) As I write this, we gradually put all that stuff back as my kids got older and my fond memories are making me think I should do it again. We also kept clothing to a minimum so that it stored easily and putting laundry away was easy.
#2: Agreed that keeping the number of toys out helps a lot, although we always had a toy storage area in all the common rooms (we had expedit with bins we could flip around) so that our kids could play where they wanted to be (where we were) and then it was a quick tidy, not having to drag things from floor to floor etc.
#3 Picnics. We ate on our deck as much as possible, because it was so easy to clean up (food on trays, quick sweep off the edge) and also because somehow it was more relaxing for everyone, and the kids could run around.
#4 Concept of meals got really simple. The beans hack above is real.
#5 Routines. It's hard to believe now in the trenches of adolescent room messes, but I used to make sure the kids tidied their whole room before bed every night so there were never piles of things in the morning. We "swish and swiped" the bathroom every night, swept and steam mopped every day, tided the common areas before dinner, etc. Then the cognitive load goes down a lot.
#6 Autopay everything you can, have savings/taxes/etc moved into account automatically, etc.
#7 Do things like freezer meals, baking parties, etc. with friends.
Also just a philosophical note...at ages 2 & 3 I get why you feel like you are laying the groundwork. But the intense parenting time is right now, and truly, there is a wealth of time ahead for your kids to develop their relationship with the world and class issues and all of those things. It is just fine to have more help now and reduce it around 6-7, when the work of the child becomes more tuned to those things.
I'm a very Calvinist person when it comes to chores - we don't hire help much because I do kind of come at it like we should own what we can manage and the whole Zen thing about washing the rice, etc. But even I look back at the times I had kids your age and I wish I had been kinder to myself and more trusting that there was time ahead.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:52 AM on May 1, 2023 [5 favorites]
Best answer: What saves time and is indulgent?
Have the cleaners come every week and make it a family activity the night before where everyone helps to prepare the house for the cleaners.
Have the cleaners clean out the fridge of all leftovers (unless you put a post-it on it saying not to) and clean/wipe the fridge.
Weekly family restaurant treat or meal delivery on cleaning day since fridge is empty. Pizza maybe if that feels too expensive. This is a reward for working together to prep the house for the cleaners the day before.
Weekly grocery delivery the day after weekly cleaning day. Assign the tasks of making the grocery list each week, 2 days before the delivery day. This includes a list of meals that can be made from the list.
Food - you don't want meal kits but don't say if you or your husband like to cook. There is a significant amount of mental (planning, listing, keeping refrigerator and pantry inventory in head, leftover maintenance, recipe finding and keeping) and physical (putting groceries away, prepping food, cleaning up, putting away leftovers, throwing away leftovers) work in addition to actually just cooking the meal. If you or your husband like this, great. If not, find a way to save time by indulging in buying prepped foods fresh or frozen or at least prepped ingredients such as chopped onions. In DC, there must be a ton of prepared foods or prepped ingredients at the grocery stores.
What tasks can be bulked weekly to save time? What else can be done by you and your husband on Sundays to prep for the week so you aren't doing that all yourself every morning and after school? Sunday - prep out as much as possible the breakfasts, school snacks and lunches, outfits for the week. Make and freeze those peanut butter sandwiches for school or after school snacks, buy individual milks for after school saving the time to fill the glasses and then wash them afterwards. Buy individual snack packs (spending a little extra to be indulgent) instead of making individual baggies/cups. 10 yogurts and granola bars on a shelf for breakfast. Buy extras of anything (indulgent) that would make this easier and save time - is there space for 10 lunch bags to be mostly packed for the week so you just grab two each morning?
There's more than household work as well. Just managing the communications with the school - is it wear your favorite T-shirt day? We bring the snacks week? Buy teachers a gift time of year? Wear purple day (oops, must order or go buy). What sizes are the children wearing and what are they growing out of and needing? I hope this work is also shared.
Indulgences - make sure you do something by yourself at least once a week that you like to do. Hire a babysitter at least once a week to do something with your husband just the two of you even if it is a long walk and coffee or ice cream. Plan an adventure at least once a month even if it is going to sleep in a local hotel with a really cool pool (every other month, husband plans the other every other month).
(PS - I wish someone had told me this very gently. This is just a stage. Just like sleeping through the night, the concerns in 6 months will be different than now. As soon as you solve one thing, the problems will be different. That's ok. It will feel like chaos for years, decades even as far as I am experiencing.)
(PPS - Even a chicken cobb salad from Panera is over $12 and is not a darn indulgence. Eating lunch out every day is not a big indulgence for many people who work.)
(Last note - I heard this interesting story about sharing responsibilities in a family where if a family shares responsibility for everything then everyone has too much to do (everything) with the idea being that each task needs to have one person responsible. Example, grocery list needs to be done every week - rather than have both people add to it and be responsible for the final list, have one person be ultimately responsible. Otherwise, it is too hard to tell who is responsible for what and perhaps one person ends up with the additional task of reminding the 2nd person to help.)
posted by RoadScholar at 8:44 AM on May 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
Have the cleaners come every week and make it a family activity the night before where everyone helps to prepare the house for the cleaners.
Have the cleaners clean out the fridge of all leftovers (unless you put a post-it on it saying not to) and clean/wipe the fridge.
Weekly family restaurant treat or meal delivery on cleaning day since fridge is empty. Pizza maybe if that feels too expensive. This is a reward for working together to prep the house for the cleaners the day before.
Weekly grocery delivery the day after weekly cleaning day. Assign the tasks of making the grocery list each week, 2 days before the delivery day. This includes a list of meals that can be made from the list.
Food - you don't want meal kits but don't say if you or your husband like to cook. There is a significant amount of mental (planning, listing, keeping refrigerator and pantry inventory in head, leftover maintenance, recipe finding and keeping) and physical (putting groceries away, prepping food, cleaning up, putting away leftovers, throwing away leftovers) work in addition to actually just cooking the meal. If you or your husband like this, great. If not, find a way to save time by indulging in buying prepped foods fresh or frozen or at least prepped ingredients such as chopped onions. In DC, there must be a ton of prepared foods or prepped ingredients at the grocery stores.
What tasks can be bulked weekly to save time? What else can be done by you and your husband on Sundays to prep for the week so you aren't doing that all yourself every morning and after school? Sunday - prep out as much as possible the breakfasts, school snacks and lunches, outfits for the week. Make and freeze those peanut butter sandwiches for school or after school snacks, buy individual milks for after school saving the time to fill the glasses and then wash them afterwards. Buy individual snack packs (spending a little extra to be indulgent) instead of making individual baggies/cups. 10 yogurts and granola bars on a shelf for breakfast. Buy extras of anything (indulgent) that would make this easier and save time - is there space for 10 lunch bags to be mostly packed for the week so you just grab two each morning?
There's more than household work as well. Just managing the communications with the school - is it wear your favorite T-shirt day? We bring the snacks week? Buy teachers a gift time of year? Wear purple day (oops, must order or go buy). What sizes are the children wearing and what are they growing out of and needing? I hope this work is also shared.
Indulgences - make sure you do something by yourself at least once a week that you like to do. Hire a babysitter at least once a week to do something with your husband just the two of you even if it is a long walk and coffee or ice cream. Plan an adventure at least once a month even if it is going to sleep in a local hotel with a really cool pool (every other month, husband plans the other every other month).
(PS - I wish someone had told me this very gently. This is just a stage. Just like sleeping through the night, the concerns in 6 months will be different than now. As soon as you solve one thing, the problems will be different. That's ok. It will feel like chaos for years, decades even as far as I am experiencing.)
(PPS - Even a chicken cobb salad from Panera is over $12 and is not a darn indulgence. Eating lunch out every day is not a big indulgence for many people who work.)
(Last note - I heard this interesting story about sharing responsibilities in a family where if a family shares responsibility for everything then everyone has too much to do (everything) with the idea being that each task needs to have one person responsible. Example, grocery list needs to be done every week - rather than have both people add to it and be responsible for the final list, have one person be ultimately responsible. Otherwise, it is too hard to tell who is responsible for what and perhaps one person ends up with the additional task of reminding the 2nd person to help.)
posted by RoadScholar at 8:44 AM on May 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
I have a 3 and nearly-2 year old. While we don’t have a housekeeper, I am a stay at home parent, which I think is about equivalent morally to having a housekeeper. I’d like to echo the comments from others that having a housekeeper while your children is under 5 is not in conflict with your stated values.
As far as time-saving shortcuts: I meal plan using CookSmarts. We schedule a babysitter every-other Friday so that my husband and I can have fun as adults and skip kid-dinner-bedtime chaos jointly. (This is cheaper and imho nearly as effective as marriage counseling for us, as having time as a couple somehow means we bicker less) grocery pickup using instacart, or target. I also started biking my kids to daycare drop off, which incorporates some extra joy and exercise in my life - it doesn’t save time, but it doesn’t add much time and it does add a lot of benefits.
posted by samthemander at 9:35 AM on May 1, 2023
As far as time-saving shortcuts: I meal plan using CookSmarts. We schedule a babysitter every-other Friday so that my husband and I can have fun as adults and skip kid-dinner-bedtime chaos jointly. (This is cheaper and imho nearly as effective as marriage counseling for us, as having time as a couple somehow means we bicker less) grocery pickup using instacart, or target. I also started biking my kids to daycare drop off, which incorporates some extra joy and exercise in my life - it doesn’t save time, but it doesn’t add much time and it does add a lot of benefits.
posted by samthemander at 9:35 AM on May 1, 2023
You want to help your kids grow up into capable, independent adults. Think about the challenges that arise when kids become adults who think they "should" be able to keep up with an amount of housework that two working parents simply can't comfortably do. Based on my observations of peers, loved ones, and clients, I believe that--at least in the parts of the US where I've lived (New England, Midwest, Mountain West, and PNW), and among mostly white, generally middle class people--it's extremely hard to maintain a clean and functioning house with just two working parents and little kids. Not impossible, but hard like doing yardwork with scissors instead of a lawnmower. As a therapist, I've noticed that many of my adult clients feel frustrated with themselves for not being able to keep up with the workload of being a working parent of small children. I find myself wishing they'd seen their parents seeking/accepting help when they were younger. (I also sometimes wonder how many of their parents hired housecleaners or otherwise used their resources to keep up with the workload without the kids seeing...)
To actually answer your question, I think you should reflect on what you would want a housekeeper to do for you to make your life easier. The salads are a great example--you'd prefer to have a tasty meal prepared by someone else so you can focus on your work. Would it be similarly helpful to buy your coffee every day after preschool dropoff, rather than making it at home? Relatedly, would you like to have someone prep your groceries to make cooking easier? If so, you could buy pre-chopped veggies, or prepared foods (my local fancy grocery has a whole section of ready to bake trays, pre-made sauces, etc.), which cost a little more but save you time and effort. Likewise, having two grocery trips (or deliveries) per week would allow you to buy smaller amounts of produce so as to avoid slimy greens at the end of the week. Would you want a housekeeper to plan your meals and groceries? If so, there are a variety of services that approach this in different ways. Would you want a housekeeper to process the laundry? If so, you could have someone come once or twice a week and do your laundry. Would you want a housekeeper to organize the processes in your house to make things run smoother (e.g., keeping up with mail, bills, shopping lists, etc.)? If so, you could hire a home organizer or some kind of coach to come in and revamp your current strategies. Would you want a housekeeper to clean? If so, you could have a cleaning service come in once a week or every two weeks, or quarterly for a deep clean. Would you want a housekeeper to provide childcare so you can go to the gym or have coffee with a friend? If so, get in the habit of hiring babysitters for low-key occasions, not just nights out.
Eating takeout is morally neutral. Hiring help is morally neutral. Of course you want your kids to become adults who can manage their resources well, and that probably won't involve takeout for every meal. But if you picture your kids as adults with their own kids and careers, wouldn't you want them to feel comfortable spending their resources in responsible ways that make their lives better? Model that now.
posted by theotherdurassister at 10:49 AM on May 1, 2023 [7 favorites]
To actually answer your question, I think you should reflect on what you would want a housekeeper to do for you to make your life easier. The salads are a great example--you'd prefer to have a tasty meal prepared by someone else so you can focus on your work. Would it be similarly helpful to buy your coffee every day after preschool dropoff, rather than making it at home? Relatedly, would you like to have someone prep your groceries to make cooking easier? If so, you could buy pre-chopped veggies, or prepared foods (my local fancy grocery has a whole section of ready to bake trays, pre-made sauces, etc.), which cost a little more but save you time and effort. Likewise, having two grocery trips (or deliveries) per week would allow you to buy smaller amounts of produce so as to avoid slimy greens at the end of the week. Would you want a housekeeper to plan your meals and groceries? If so, there are a variety of services that approach this in different ways. Would you want a housekeeper to process the laundry? If so, you could have someone come once or twice a week and do your laundry. Would you want a housekeeper to organize the processes in your house to make things run smoother (e.g., keeping up with mail, bills, shopping lists, etc.)? If so, you could hire a home organizer or some kind of coach to come in and revamp your current strategies. Would you want a housekeeper to clean? If so, you could have a cleaning service come in once a week or every two weeks, or quarterly for a deep clean. Would you want a housekeeper to provide childcare so you can go to the gym or have coffee with a friend? If so, get in the habit of hiring babysitters for low-key occasions, not just nights out.
Eating takeout is morally neutral. Hiring help is morally neutral. Of course you want your kids to become adults who can manage their resources well, and that probably won't involve takeout for every meal. But if you picture your kids as adults with their own kids and careers, wouldn't you want them to feel comfortable spending their resources in responsible ways that make their lives better? Model that now.
posted by theotherdurassister at 10:49 AM on May 1, 2023 [7 favorites]
Best answer: I've been thinking about this question for awhile, being in a similar position. I can't quite tell if your goal is to be more efficient and increase your work hours between 830-245. Or if it's to be more efficient so you can work outside those hours. In my experience as a former stay-at-home part time remote consultant, and now as someone who works out of the office, trying to work efficiently with two kids at home & awake is an exercise in frustration.
If the goal is to be more focused on work during preschool hours, then I wonder if it's cost effective to either lease a remote work location or, on the cheaper side, get a work shed or treehouse. Pack a lunch even if that means a $10 pre-prepared salad. When you are at work, you are working. No cooking, no laundry, no dishes, no vacuuming. Like a traditional two-income household these activities happen while your children are home.
That would be my approach and how I would focus my money. We get chores done with a daily routine. One load of laundry per day from start to finish, one load of dishes through the dishwasher, all handwash dishes cleared, counters and table wiped down, quick sweep or vacuum if needed, bathroom sink wiped down and toilet swished with a brush. My kid picks up her own toys and we do a 5 minute tidy after she goes to bed. We don't get it all done every day but we do our best.
posted by muddgirl at 11:41 AM on May 1, 2023
If the goal is to be more focused on work during preschool hours, then I wonder if it's cost effective to either lease a remote work location or, on the cheaper side, get a work shed or treehouse. Pack a lunch even if that means a $10 pre-prepared salad. When you are at work, you are working. No cooking, no laundry, no dishes, no vacuuming. Like a traditional two-income household these activities happen while your children are home.
That would be my approach and how I would focus my money. We get chores done with a daily routine. One load of laundry per day from start to finish, one load of dishes through the dishwasher, all handwash dishes cleared, counters and table wiped down, quick sweep or vacuum if needed, bathroom sink wiped down and toilet swished with a brush. My kid picks up her own toys and we do a 5 minute tidy after she goes to bed. We don't get it all done every day but we do our best.
posted by muddgirl at 11:41 AM on May 1, 2023
...and on second thought, paying for an office of some kind is the answer to working more hours when your spouse + kids are home too.
posted by muddgirl at 12:30 PM on May 1, 2023
posted by muddgirl at 12:30 PM on May 1, 2023
Response by poster: Thanks, everyone, for all of your great input!
A special thanks to all of you who realized that what I was really asking was how to be a bit more self-indulgent in how I manage things.
We actually have a pretty good handle on getting everything done, and do have some down time after the kids sleep, even if I said we have no time. What I don't have is solid self-care, much pleasure, enough joy...
My strongest thought after reading all of these is cancelling the marriage therapy and doing weekly date nights instead. LOL
<3
posted by cacao at 3:39 PM on May 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
A special thanks to all of you who realized that what I was really asking was how to be a bit more self-indulgent in how I manage things.
We actually have a pretty good handle on getting everything done, and do have some down time after the kids sleep, even if I said we have no time. What I don't have is solid self-care, much pleasure, enough joy...
My strongest thought after reading all of these is cancelling the marriage therapy and doing weekly date nights instead. LOL
<3
posted by cacao at 3:39 PM on May 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
I'm in a similar boat as you!
A few things I have found helpful:
-Reading How to Keep House While Drowning (DC library has copies)
-Having my spouse get take out tacos on the nights I just don't feel like cooking
-Getting a babysitter on the days that my kid doesn't have daycare, but still taking the day off from work and having a day date with my spouse
-Making time to work on my hobbies and interests (sometimes this means toys are not away at the end of the night)
-Making a rotation menu for packed lunches and a massive spreadsheet of dinners that I can select from randomly so I don't have to really menu plan.
-Having friends over for dinner because it becomes more like a social dinner than a parenting dinner.
Also one thing that was great recently is that I got some gelato to go in the freezer that I did not tell my kid about and it has been a parental treat.
posted by donut_princess at 7:25 PM on May 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
A few things I have found helpful:
-Reading How to Keep House While Drowning (DC library has copies)
-Having my spouse get take out tacos on the nights I just don't feel like cooking
-Getting a babysitter on the days that my kid doesn't have daycare, but still taking the day off from work and having a day date with my spouse
-Making time to work on my hobbies and interests (sometimes this means toys are not away at the end of the night)
-Making a rotation menu for packed lunches and a massive spreadsheet of dinners that I can select from randomly so I don't have to really menu plan.
-Having friends over for dinner because it becomes more like a social dinner than a parenting dinner.
Also one thing that was great recently is that I got some gelato to go in the freezer that I did not tell my kid about and it has been a parental treat.
posted by donut_princess at 7:25 PM on May 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
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posted by cacao at 7:19 PM on April 30, 2023 [1 favorite]