How to protect myself when having someone come to house to buy something

April 9, 2023 7:06 AM

I need to sell large items (e.g., Stairmaster) that would require someone coming to the house to pick it up. I've read the standard advice for being careful and it mostly isn't applicable (e.g., I don't have someone who could be here with me). Would it be unreasonable to ask for a buyer to email me a copy of their Driver's License before I give my address? Any other measures people could suggest?

In the past, I wouldn't have even thought precautions were necessary, but there have been weird people in the neighborhood looking for "personal donations."

posted by Jon44 to Home & Garden (24 answers total)

I think this request will be much more likely to drive off legitimate buyers than to stymie your “weird people.”
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:07 AM on April 9, 2023 [24 favorites]

I live alone so I hear you on feeling unsafe.

What I tend to do is place the items outside my door for the appointed time with a view of not having strangers enter my home. It can be challenging to move large items alone but I normally figure out a way.

At that point the worst that can happen is that I am out of pocket because I don’t get paid but my personal safety is not at stake.
posted by koahiatamadl at 7:12 AM on April 9, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Would it be unreasonable to ask for a buyer to email me a copy of their Driver's License before I give my address?

That creates the reverse problem for potential buyers, who get to worry that this is some weird identity theft scam.
posted by trig at 7:19 AM on April 9, 2023 [36 favorites]

When I was interviewing potential roommates, I had a friend who knew what time people were coming over and that I was going to call her when the person left.
posted by FencingGal at 7:24 AM on April 9, 2023 [8 favorites]

Take the items to your building lobby or front porch. Have a friend wait for you. Mention your friend when they pick up.
posted by shockpoppet at 7:29 AM on April 9, 2023 [3 favorites]

Actually- I’m trying to think through what the INTENDED effect of this request might be, because it’s not clear to me how it would make you safer. Are you thinking that the Weird People just won’t come if that’s a requirement (why not? They clearly don’t respect normal boundaries)? That if they steal from you, you’ll have their ID (which you’re assuming is legitimate and not a photoshop or someone else’s ID)? That if they assault or murder you it’ll be on your computer for the cops to find (same issue as before)? Sorry but none of this really tracks for me.
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:30 AM on April 9, 2023 [4 favorites]

Is your home very isolated or do you have neighbors? Is there a time of day when your building or neighborhood is relatively busy? You could try scheduling these meetings around the time of day when people tend to be getting home from work or out walking their dogs or something like that.

FWIW I live alone and have sold/given away a bunch of stuff out my house including a couch that people had to come pick up from inside and nothing has happened that made me feel threatened. Part of this is because there are a lot of people in my neighborhood who work from home, or work non-9-to-5 hours (firefighters, nurses, etc.), or are retired so there's always someone nearish. Also if someone shows up and they seem sketchy, you don't have to let them in.

Having someone who you call after the transaction (or even just someone you can keep on the call during the transaction) is another good option.
posted by mskyle at 7:40 AM on April 9, 2023

I would meet them outside and chat a bit before inviting them in. You'll be able to do a quick vibe check with the option of, "oh I'm sorry it's no longer available" if your intuition is telling you no. And how about an active video call in the room where the stairmaster is.
posted by unlapsing at 7:41 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Can you put a LARGE pair of boots by your front door and mention while arranging the pick up (not when they get there, I mean before) that your husband is going to be there but he cant help because he is on an important work call. Also you can put your address a few doors down from you and if you get weird vibes suddenly you can change your mind and say you got an emergency call. These are things I would do if I was trying to do this alone.
posted by pairofshades at 7:53 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Ps, I have had people come and get stuff from my house that my husband was selling and he ended up just not being there and most of the time it was fine. Ie i usually let them take stuff for less money than he would have, but, well, he left me there. So another idea might be to sell stuff under a man’s name and possibly with a picture of a big man if that is possible.
posted by pairofshades at 7:55 AM on April 9, 2023 [2 favorites]

Would it be unreasonable to ask for a buyer to email me a copy of their Driver's License before I give my address?

It would.
posted by box at 7:59 AM on April 9, 2023 [6 favorites]

In the reverse situation, picking up something from inside a stranger's house, many people are also uncomfortable. So you have two uncomfortable people trying to make the best of an awkward situation. Trust your instincts before you let them in the house, and if you're a small person wear a big shirt/hoodie (as if you were borrowing it) and say your roommate/partner would have helped but they had to run a quick errand.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:23 AM on April 9, 2023

I think what you want to do is go to the extra trouble to get someone to be there with you. It will be weird, embarrassing, and a pain -- but there are a lot of upsides:

- If you choose to befriend a neighbor, then both of you might have someone to call on the future for a variety of help situations: out of flour, locked out of the house, anesthetized for dental thing and need a ride, found a kitten, gun range opens next door, power or heat goes out, etc. These are all a mess, but HUGELY less of a problem if you have an acquaintance nearby.

- If you choose to hire, say, a nearby teenager, you get philanthropic points plus an even more useful resource for things like: bringing home furniture; cleaning yard; giving away stuff you don't want anymore

- If you choose to ask around to find someone to hire - this will only be cost-effective if you hire them for another task (power washing! painting!) and they just happen to be there while your item is being picked up. It's an option, though.


How do you do this 'befriending a neighbor' ? You don't actually have to make "friends", just say:

Hey, neighbor, I'm sorry to be inviting you over for the first time with a secondary motive, but someone's coming to buy my Stairmaster, and I'd rather not be alone in the house when that happens. I thought it might be the best possible solution to have you over for [pizza|tea cakes|video games|my amazing homemade apple pie] at the same time. Or, I could pay you $20 if you prefer. Could I text you the possible times?
posted by amtho at 8:25 AM on April 9, 2023 [5 favorites]

One additional tip: I've always used plural pronouns when messaging interested buyers:"We've always stored the bbq indoors over the winter", "We'll be around Monday in the afternoon, if that works for you", etc. I've figured that may serve as a mild deterrent if anyone has sketchy intent.
posted by redsparkler at 8:32 AM on April 9, 2023 [19 favorites]

Would it be unreasonable to ask for a buyer to email me a copy of their Driver's License before I give my address?

Yes.

If the motivation is to get rid of these items rather than make money there might be a second hand store that would take them away. That gives you contact information.
posted by Mitheral at 9:06 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

I’ve bought many, many things off FB Marketplace. Though I haven’t sold. I get the safety issue. I always go with my spouse or dad - though I couldn’t haul things anyway as a petite disabled person anyway. But on pickup it’s been all sorts of people’s houses. Young to old and all genders. We’ve been in basements or just met people outside. Once an item was outside from someone I got a previous thing from and I left an envelope of cash taped to their door.

The ONLY time I’ve given out some sort of info was a small PayPal deposit ($100) on an expensive, large item for someone to feel secure in delivering it to me. They ran a small business and it all checked out. But I would NEVER give someone my license and most won’t and shouldn’t pay anything ahead of time.

If you can, haul it to a more neutral area even if you have to get some friends over to help. Like a garage or top floor near a door or outside for the purchase. It also makes it easier to sell. Otherwise, some used furniture places may offer pickup when purchasing used items to resell if you need money and don’t want as many people in your home. If you don’t strictly need the money, consider donating.
posted by Crystalinne at 9:28 AM on April 9, 2023

On Craigslist, you'll get an email address. Ask for a phone number and call to make arrangements. Ask for their name. On facebook, you'll have their fb account info and can look at their profile, probably. When someone arrives, take a picture of their car and get the license plate details, easily done form inside.

Mostly, online sales are prey for scammers who want you to take a bigger check and do some weird refund or will claim defects and ask Paypal to issue a refund. But personal safety is non-trivial. Post an add for a retired woman to come over. I'm a grandma, I'd do it for gas money and coffee/ sandwich.
posted by theora55 at 10:33 AM on April 9, 2023

This is why most people prefer Facebook Marketplace - you can at least briefly scan their page and confirm that they are a real person.
posted by coffeecat at 10:50 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Just having neighbors might be sufficient: I wouldn't necessarily want to hang out with one of mine waiting for a buyer (though might if it seemed warranted), but if someone nearby approached me with this situation and wanted to just have a text/phone check-in/bail-out plan, I'd do that for them easily.
posted by teremala at 11:06 AM on April 9, 2023

Yeah, you’re going to scare away reasonable, privacy and boundary-minding people who are not going to send their ID to a rando. If there is any way that “hire someone to help you move it outside earlier that day” is an option given however your home is set up, that’s what I would do. If that’s not an option, maybe even just “get someone to help you move it within line of sight of your front door” and then prop the door open for the transaction.
posted by Stacey at 11:19 AM on April 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

Perhaps have people pay for the item in advance via CashApp or similar? Seems like that would help to weed out anyone who is just there for bad reasons.
posted by youcancallmeal at 12:56 PM on April 9, 2023

It's generally a bad idea to pay in advance for something that you're buying on one of these services, since asking for advance payment is a common scam. This will scare off legitimate buyers.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 4:11 PM on April 9, 2023 [3 favorites]

Can you tell us more about what you fear? It sounds like you are worried about people coming to your house, not in it. So the fear is … telling your address to a stranger, because there have been some people begging in your neighborhood?

I’m not trying to diminish your concerns, but understand them.

I also think it’s be weird to ask a license.
posted by bluedaisy at 10:41 PM on April 9, 2023

I prefer selling on Nextdoor (or would do Facebook marketplace if I did Facebook) because you at least get some photo or name of the person buying from you, whether or not it's real. I've also found the buyers to be more trustworthy. I usually screenshot their profile and send it to a friend before they come and let them know this person is coming to buy something from me and I'll text after to let them know I'm OK.

I feel safe doing this, but if I was worried, I love the idea of being on a video call when they come. Specifically, I'd be on Facetime / video chat on my phone and say "Sorry, I have to go now, someone is coming to pick up ---" and stand next to the buyer so the person on the phone can see them. I think you could do this in a friendly nonchalant way that doesn't seem creepy.
posted by beyond_pink at 7:12 AM on April 10, 2023