verbiage needed

March 15, 2023 7:14 AM

What is the best, kindest, most respectful way to inform my therapist that I no longer want to do therapy?

I have "broken up" with therapists before, but only in cases where it was a bad fit. That was easy enough.

In this case I've been seeing my therapist for nearly a year. I like her a lot and she's helped me a lot - especially during a very stressful time last summer. I'm doing much better now, and am generally in a healthier place. I don't really have a lot to bring to my appointments lately, and it's starting to feel like I'm paying $100 a week just to amiably chat with her. Basically I don't think I'm getting any value from continuing to see her since I'm not in or near active crisis. My relationship is in a good place, work is good, and I am getting regular exercise finally. The combination of this plus the work I've done with my therapist has just put me in a good head space in general and I feel really good these days.

Plus I could really use that $100/week. It's winter and the cost of fuel is no joke.

How do I kindly and respectfully explain that I would like to stop seeing her? I would like to keep the door open to returning if things get bad again, but I don't feel the need for weekly therapy right now. I'm bad with verbiage in these situations where it's not like there is any "fault" - if anything she's done such a great job that I don't need her anymore, at least for now.

I would like to gently request that answers be limited to how to communicate my desire to terminate therapy rather than try to convince me to stay in therapy. I've made my decision and I feel confident that it is the correct one for me right now.

(I would be open to scaling back my appointments to once a month instead of once a week but generally I feel like it's time to take a break.)

Thanks.

posted by nayantara to Health & Fitness (13 answers total)

“Therapist, I’d like your help with a transition. I feel I am ready to take a break from therapy. I’d like your help in making a plan to close up our work. You’ve been a great support though this process and now I’d like your help in celebrating our successes and making a plan for this next stage.”
posted by shockpoppet at 7:19 AM on March 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

One nice thing about therapists is that you can tell them the honest reasons you have for doing the things you're doing and if they're good they're not going to try to talk you out of it.

You could even, and this is just an example, tell them if you weren't getting what you needed out of therapy and ask for it specifically. The world is your oyster when it comes to paid therapeutic relationships.
posted by sibboleth at 7:22 AM on March 15, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Also, your therapist will probably be happy that you've gotten to a healthier place where you don't feel you need her anymore. It means she's done her job well.
posted by FencingGal at 7:25 AM on March 15, 2023 [14 favorites]

Best answer: You literally just say what you typed up there. It is perfectly respectful and honest. Your third and fourth paragraphs. That.

I wouldn't say your parenthetical part unless you actually want to do it.
posted by cmm at 7:26 AM on March 15, 2023 [7 favorites]

Best answer: Endings, transitions, cancelations, etc, are things that therapists deal with all the time. Don't worry about hurting your therapist's feelings. They likely will be pleased that therapy has been helpful and you are doing better. If they are astute, they've probably sensed this already.

You could also discuss/consider leaving the door open in case you want to return, or doing monthly maintenance sessions.
posted by bearette at 7:31 AM on March 15, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Dear Name,

Thank you for being my therapist this past year. I've grown so much with your insights, and feel in a much healthier place. Truly, I've appreciated our sessions so much.

For financial reasons, I can't continue with therapy this year, so I'm sad to ask if we can stop having sessions right now.

I might want to come back to weekly or monthly sessions at some point down the line as life evolves - and if so, I would be so happy if you'd consider re-starting at that point.

I don't know if you ever collect or use anonymous client testimonials about our time together, but if that would be helpful it would be my pleasure to write a glowing one for you.

Thank you so much,
Name.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:32 AM on March 15, 2023 [3 favorites]

Best answer: Thank her for her help, let her feel appreciated, tell her you'll recommend her to others and that if you end up wanting to back to therapy in the future you'll definitely want to work with her. (This doesn't have to be literally true, but this is her job, and it's nice to feel appreciated at your job and that you've done good work.)

If possible, give her a bit of advance notice (even if it's just a few days) in case it helps her plan/schedule or accept a new client she wouldn't have room for otherwise.
posted by trig at 7:33 AM on March 15, 2023 [3 favorites]

Best answer: You should not be crappy to your therapist, but, otherwise, you are not in charge of their feelings. Tell the therapist exactly what you said in this question. It's honest, reasonable and courteous. Your therapist should have been ahead of you on this. It's nice to go to a last appt. and wrap it up, not a requirement.

Also, there's a backlog of people looking for therapy, this is not even a business issue; your seat should be filled promptly. I'm glad you're doing well.
posted by theora55 at 7:37 AM on March 15, 2023 [5 favorites]

(In case it’s relevant or important for insurance reasons wherever you are, you may also consider moving to a monthly schedule for a month or two and then tapering even further from there. It’s much easier to reschedule than it is to get back on the schedule entirely, at east in my experience).
posted by raccoon409 at 7:47 AM on March 15, 2023

therapy breaks are totally a thing. my therapist and i sometimes go 6-8 months without talking, and then jump right back in when needed for whatever reason.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 7:50 AM on March 15, 2023

In your shoes (and I’ve been in your shoes!) I would transition to once a month sessions and see how that goes. You don’t have to go weekly (I go every other week now, am thinking of transitioning to once a month). If that works for you, great! If you still feel that it’s unnecessary then you can stop altogether.

It also makes it a lot easier to “justify” (not that you need to, but it’s hard to say I don’t want to do this anymore) to your therapist and it’s a great way to start the process of stopping entirely.
posted by lydhre at 7:50 AM on March 15, 2023

Ending therapy in a situation like yours is best done over a couple/few session. To process the ending and whatever feeling might emerge. So, here's a script I recommend:
"Therapist, I feel ready to being the process of terminating therapy. Thanks to our work together, I'm in such a good place and it feels like the right time. So, let's move forward to a last session."

Returning to therapy as necessary should be part of the discussion.
posted by Pineapplicious at 7:54 AM on March 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Yes, just say what you've written here! You can in fact, get meta and literally say "I was worried about how to phrase this because working together has been so helpful and I don't want to imply it wasn't" - you can just say what you're thinking with a therapist and don't have to massage it for politeness like you would with a friend or coworker, which is one of the things that rocks about therapy. And if you want to keep one foot in the door, second/thirding the recommendation to transition to a monthly session and see how that treats you - I just made this transition with my own therapist. It's very common.
posted by superfluousm at 7:59 AM on March 15, 2023 [2 favorites]