Deciding on whether to sell a too-large house and buy a smaller one

January 29, 2023 1:21 PM

I find myself the sole occupant of a fairly large (4-bedroom, 2 1/2 baths) city row-house in my favorite city. I'd maybe like to move to a smaller place. I haven't even begun to look at the market or talk to a realtor, but I'm trying to think through how to decide whether to move or not. If you've done this, what are the factors I should think about? What should I be worried about? Costs, taxes, life quality, pros and cons?

I love my city and want to stay in my general city area. My kid, son-in-law, and grandchild live ten blocks away. As an older person with no debt but only a moderate income, I want to reduce my energy footprint even further as well as the number of steps I have to climb. My city is one that has lots of tiny neighborhoods, and my immediate neighborhood is excellent but two blocks away is pretty sketchy. This house is in great shape, though, and except for the stairs it's a great age-in-place home, and I know my neighbors.

I used to daydream about owning a little house while my spouse was in the last stages of his terrible illness, but now I'm not so sure.

posted by Peach to Home & Garden (13 answers total)

Downsizing as an empty-nester who would like to avoid stairs is pretty common. But the good news is that it doesnt sound like a pressing issue either from a health or financial standpoint.

What would you be moving to? It sounds like staying near family, remaining in a safe neighborhood, and having fewer stairs are priorities. What's the housing stock like in areas that meet those criteria? If they're all row-houses, you may have trouble finding something that meets your needs. Are there any condos or single story houses?

Speaking of condos, what's your tolerance for hearing your neighbors above and below? Do you need outdoor space?

Do you want the house to stay in the family? Would your kid/son-in-law want to buy it from you?

My approach would be to start the downsizing process by clearing out or deacquisitioning belongings that you don't need and your kids won't want, while thinking about where you could go that you would like as much or more as your current place.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 1:44 PM on January 29, 2023

if you don't need to move for financial reasons, is there some use you can put the extra rooms to other than having people live in them - like have a crafting room where you have friends and family over for regular crafting nights, or a games room? Having the space to host regular gatherings is a great way to bring your community together. Also having spare rooms for friends from out-of-town to visit you helps keep those friendships alive. I certainly feel that as I get older it takes more effort to not let old friends drift away, but it's really worth it.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:56 PM on January 29, 2023

For favorite city and being near family, it sounds like some listening may inform your process - are others in your family looking to move? Need a bigger house? Wanting to share space while finishing a degree?

My parent sold their house and now lives in my sibling’s smaller house because sibling married and lives in their spouses existing, larger home with now-3 young children.

Would any of your kids be interested in purchasing or co-owning the family home at market price (the savings would be no real estate commission)?

If your kids are talking about moving for schools or other reasons-look at some ranchers and bungalows to see what’s on offer if you want a yard, or maybe one-floor condos with a piggyback on top (not sure what realtor slang is for that) if flat-upon-flat isn’t quite your style. Best wishes as you sort this out!
posted by childofTethys at 2:23 PM on January 29, 2023

I think you should first look at the market. Find a well regarded realtor and have them work up a market analysis of your property. What can you get out of it? And how much would your next step cost. When I think of “downsizing” to a condo or similar, I find in my market that that would cost more than I’m paying.

However the advantages for me of a condo situation is less upkeep (besides fees which can be huge), less seasonal big lifts like landscaping, exterior tending and various systems maintenance. We have a single story house and I’m already less eager to have my husband up on the roof when a few years ago, that kind of maintenance was a cost saving no brainer.

But, for now, the cost difference in increasing “getting help” versus the price on the kind of place I’d like to move to is probably worth it to keep socking money away. But a realtor can help you understand your options including how much money you’d have to work with with the sale is your home.

I do like the idea of making your home a gathering place. I’ve definitely been to community organizing/non-profit meetings at the spacious homes of empty nest retirees. They bought their lovely homes a long time ago. Those homes can find a retirement community lifestyle if the market is good when they sell and they keep them up. Retirement homes are happy to take all that equity!
posted by amanda at 2:23 PM on January 29, 2023

Staying in the house but investing in making it as energy efficient, safe and easy to use as your mobility changes as possible - given the fact that you like nearly everything else about where you live - feels like it would be simpler and cheaper than moving somewhere new.

Would (for example) redoing the insulation, putting some solar panels out back, installing triple-glazed windows, fitting a stair lift and renovating the bathrooms to be more fall-safe be cheaper than moving? I don’t know. But it’s worth pricing this out.
posted by mdonley at 2:24 PM on January 29, 2023

Can you go walking between your house and your kid’s and tick off specifically which blocks you’d be okay on, and which have houses smaller than yours? You could even collect specific addresses to have a regular "for sale?" search on.

Literally in the box… is 4br 2.5 baths large enough to be converted into a duplex? Would renting the upstairs apartment keep you in the level one?
posted by clew at 4:16 PM on January 29, 2023

This is a hard question! It can be so nice living in a smaller place for so many reasons. However, you are close to family, like your neighborhood and neighbors, and the home is otherwise good AND in your favorite city? Lots of reasons to stay for now at least. I agree with others about looking into turning it into a duplex, renting out rooms or simply trying some new arrangements. While it's complicated and comes with some risks, if you are still not sure you could rent out your home while yourself renting a smaller place. Actually that's also something to consider: staying a few nights at small Airbnbs in nearby neighborhoods and seeing how you feel. You may love it or hate it or stay ambivalent but, regardless, it'll be more information to help you choose in the long-term.
posted by smorgasbord at 10:14 PM on January 29, 2023

My kids might be out in a few years, and I think about this too. I agree that it makes sense to make space for a larger household to have space like you have. I’d say to look at the market and see what’s available. It sounds like you might pay cash, so mortgage rates aren’t as much if a concern. The duplex conversation is also something I’ve considered, as well as getting a housemate. But given how much space you have versus what you need, I think it’s great to consider downsizing.
posted by bluedaisy at 11:21 PM on January 29, 2023

For what it's worth, about 8 years ago, I downsized from a 2 1/2 floor free-standing home, with three bedrooms and two and one half baths on a large corner lot, moving into a condo. At least in my condo, I never hear anything from my neighbors' units, except in the hallway to the elevator. The hall doors are not soundproof.

I love condo living altho it is at first a shock after 45+ years living in a single house.

Yes, you have be ruthless about downsizing: selling anything of value, giving things to family should they want them, yard sale for the small value items, donations to Goodwill, etc., and throwing away stuff that no one wants. This will take longer than you imagine. I was not sentimental about any of this stuff so I didn't have any feelings about it, but it was still a lot of work, esp in a home I'd lived in so long. Lots of the stuff were things I should have thrown away years ago but since I had a half-basement, I just stuck it down there. Ten year old tax reports!?! Oh, I thought, another day I'd deal with it. Downsizing was the "other day."

Some of my furniture worked in my new place; some had to be replaced. Other things, like a king-size bed I'd always wanted, were purchased and installed.

As to the condo itself, it was freshly painted with neutral colors, had working appliances, etc. so it didn't need any work. (Over time, I made some changes but there was no hurry.)

I engaged a professional who helps the elderly downsize. She was trained, belonged to a national organization. (Here's a website that might help you find someone in your area.) She had proven vendors for various parts of the job and would do only what you wanted her to do.

Be motivated by the work you'll be saving your survivors, by leaving less stuff behind.
posted by tmdonahue at 5:30 AM on January 30, 2023

So many good answers! Thank you, all. You've given me a lot to think about. Many of your suggestions helped me clarify what I don't want or need.

My only kid already owns a house, one we bought them because it was cheaper to buy than pay their rent, and their public school catchment is better than mine (they would love my house if it could be moved to their street). I hate sharing my space with other people. I have had many studios and crafting rooms over the years, and have found it's better to work in an active living space so projects don't sink into the abyss of forgetfulness.

I have been decluttering for years, which is part of why the house is too big for me. Right now, I could fit everything in a two-bedroom two-story house and still have everything feel spacious. Let me put it this way: I won't need to "stage" the house if I do sell.

No one talked about taxes, but because I bought when this neighborhood was not yet a destination my real estate taxes rise every year, and though I have few expenses and no debt, my income is limited. That's in favor of downsizing.

I age-proofed the house big time because of my husband's illness. The insulation is great.

I don't like freestanding houses or yards. Me for the urban density, sidewalks, and city buses.

Everything you've said tells me I will walk the area and look at housing stock,consider condos, talk to a realtor to see what I could get for my house, continue getting rid of stuff, and stop obsessing too much about the extra space, which strikes me as related to not having the spouse around any more.
posted by Peach at 6:12 AM on January 30, 2023

You might also talk to your great neighbors. Plant the seed with them that you're thinking of looking for something smaller but want to stay in the neighborhood. Word of mouth might surface the perfect place, especially if you're in no pressing hurry. (They might also know your eventual buyer!)
posted by writermcwriterson at 8:16 AM on January 30, 2023

A big home can be as much of a burden as something to treasure. It seems like you're in no hurry, so can afford to spend time thinking about what you really want - walking the neighborhood is a great way to start if you want to stay in the area. Create a map of the limits of where you would be happy to move to and exclude any parts that are a no-go for you. You don't have to justify this to anyone, so be as picky as you like.

Once you are clear on what you want, it's just a waiting game - something will come along eventually that ticks your boxes and, by being picky about what that looks like, keeping an eye out for it is much easier. Talk to a few real estate agents and ask them to keep an eye out, but be clear that you are looking for something specific.

One aspect of this is that moving to somewhere that's just yours can help with moving on with your life. Houses hold lots of memories.
posted by dg at 3:47 PM on January 30, 2023

Update: Thanks to everyone's advice, I was able to clarify my thinking, and I decided to stay where I am.
posted by Peach at 3:23 PM on February 13, 2023