I am old. I want to be in a band. Help me start!

September 18, 2022 3:17 PM

This may be one of those things you think sounds fun and never do, but I have done all kind of musical this and that in my life, am not prodigiously musically talented, but am reasonably proficient, and I want to be in a band. Maybe you did this at an appropriate life stage, like college. Help me daydream about how to work toward this.

I play guitar badly. I am an ok singer in certain styles. I have the idea, perhaps wrong, that you can hide in back a little if you learn bass and are not in a fancy prog band with lots of crazy ideas.

So like...where should I start? Get a cheap bass and an amp? Youtube? Some book for beginners? Is there a good way to find other people who are just fucking around and have no grand dreams? What do you do after that?

Bonus question: I'm a short guy with I think maybe slightly small hands, like a B chord on a guitar is hard. I've seen "short scale basses." Would this help? Or are these for some specific musical purpose?

posted by less-of-course to Media & Arts (27 answers total)

It might help to first really understand what genre of music really speaks to you/inspires you to keep practicing and honing songs, as well as having the patience to collaborate with/deal with other musicians.
posted by Cyber666 at 3:24 PM on September 18, 2022

My sister got her start, she has a day job and has had a couple of bands and plays out with a band from time to time, by sitting in on weekly jams. She started by playing quietly in the back, and as people noticed her strengths she got more "air time" and eventually got a band together. I think the bottom line is, try to find people to play with. PS, all her musician folks are in the over 50 range.
posted by starfish at 3:26 PM on September 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

I am an old in two lovely hobby bands / jams that I will tell you about later when I am at a keyboard.

but first let me ask, where are you located?
posted by Sauce Trough at 3:49 PM on September 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

I too an an old. I too play mediocre guitar. Used to be able to sing really high and well when I wasn't old. Now, Not so much. I too think I would be better at bass. Chords and shit are complicated.

I've never been in a "rock band", did a few open mic's with a talented friend. Haven't been able to ever get my Focusrite interface to really work, ("Ground Hum" issues?). But just play whatever you have. Try to play covers, try to make up new sounds. So much fun.

I too wish there were a way to find nearby mediocre players to get together and jam.

Seattle here, btw. Bet someone will have great answers.
posted by Windopaene at 4:00 PM on September 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

Besides playing in music classes in school (marching band, etc.) I played in rock bands through my late teens and twenties, fairly seriously. Then I got a career and kids and didn't play again for a long time. Now I just like to play for fun and started up a group of coworkers to get together once a week and play. We're a mix of used-to-be-serious, people just starting out, and everything in between. People come and go as they have time, and there's a core set of people that are usually there. It's really fun.

Getting a group together:

If you can play anything to some degree or sing, that's the first important part.

The second is having some minimal gear. A guitar/bass and an amp, a microphone and a small amp, whatever. Your gear collection may grow over time, or not. Whatever works for you.

Third is just to find people to play with. This is one of the harder parts. Ideally you should like these people. At the very least you need to able to get along. And you need to have compatible goals for playing together. Do you just want to play once a week for fun? Do you want to play gigs occasionally or multiple times a week? Do you want to make albums? Do you want to have a number 1 hit? Be up front about these things and find some like minded people. Another hard part is schedules: what day(s) to play and for how long?

If you find even one other person to play with, go for it. You don't need a full band to have fun and make great music. Once you have that one person others may well come along and join you. Once you have an established thing going it tends to snowball.

And lastly, where will you play? If you're willing to play fairly quietly almost any room might work. If you're looking to play at concert volumes it's much harder. Mid-sized towns and larger may have dedicated practice spaces you can rent, which can be pricey. And then you have to lug your gear in and out, etc. Hopefully you or your band-mate(s) will have some space to use already.


So how do you find people to play with? Your local music store may have a physical bulletin board where you can post or read other posts. If there's a facebook group for your home town, you could post in there. My work let people setup clubs, so I created a playing music club, and they let us use a conference room after hours. At first I think everyone was a little afraid to play (I know I was). What if everyone is better than me? What will we play? What if I make mistakes or don't know the songs people want to play? Etc.

These fears are normal the first time you play with new people. It's like a first date (and playing in a band can be like being in a marriage, especially if you're all serious about it). It's weird and awkward at first, but with the right people it will start to jell.

One last piece of advice. If you've never played with people before, on important thing to know is that it's not like reading sheet music or playing along to a recording. If you make a mistake, just keep going. You can't go back and play that one lick again to get it right without getting everyone else to stop and start over. So just laugh and keep playing. Everyone messes up, and it's normal and expected (that's why it's called practice!).

Also, I recommend approaching it all as a fun adventure. Playing music is a very social thing. It can be like having friends over to play cards or whatever. The music is just one part of it, and you can make some great friends.

Best of luck! Enjoy :)
posted by DrumsIntheDeep at 4:03 PM on September 18, 2022 [8 favorites]

You can hide behind your band mates with just about any instrument. One of the most famous examples is the Chili Peppers. You’d think it’d be hard to hide as a lead singer, but Kiedis is by far the worst musician in the band. His shortcomings are made up for by Flea, in particular, who is definitely not a hide-in-the-background bassist.

If all else fails, you can always talk a non-musician friend into buying an instrument to play with you.
posted by kevinbelt at 4:06 PM on September 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

You don't have to have electric instruments either. A couple of guitars, a mandolin, a fiddle, a bass, an autoharp can make some sweet music. And since it's not so loud you can play in the house or on the porch or at the rec. Public open contra dances often use an informal band of players at their dances.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 4:27 PM on September 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

My partner is a musician who can play most things but was well suited at hiding int he back and playing bass and has been in bands most of his life. I think the most improtant thing, besides working on your skill on your preferred instrument, is thinking about why you want to be in a band. Do you want to hang out with musicians and jam? Do you want to play out? Do you want to get famous? Do you want to improve your musical ability in the company of others? What kind of music do you like? Is that the kind that you'd like to play? Do you want to write songs (music or lyrics)? Are you okay exclusively playing others' songs? Do you have a space you can play? How okay are you with traveling to play with others?

My partner is in his early 50s and has a group he plays with and before COVID they would get together once a week and jam, record their stuff, and fine tune/mix it. He's also been in bands that played out (at the coffee shop level) and way back when he was in a band that toured. He's often found people to play with via craigslist or asking friends of friends. I feel like the most important thing is just having similar goals.

I am not particularly musical but I've seen his arc and what works and doesn't for him. I think in your shoes, I'd work on my guitar playing skills for a bit, keep an eye out for cheap basses, keep an eye on craigslist for people looking for musicians and ask around with your friends if anyone feels like noodling about musically.
posted by jessamyn at 5:04 PM on September 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: (I am in the east bay but hopefully moving away soon.)
posted by less-of-course at 5:14 PM on September 18, 2022

Best answer: Bonus question: I'm a short guy with I think maybe slightly small hands, like a B chord on a guitar is hard. I've seen "short scale basses." Would this help? Or are these for some specific musical purpose?


Heya, I'm an amateur bassist (also a woman with small hands) and I have an opinion on this one. The standard answer you'll get from most bass teachers and online bass forums is to suck it up and learn to play a full-size bass. There's some truth to this -- as you start playing bass your hands WILL stretch, and positions that used to be difficult for you will get easier. And there's value in pushing yourself and stretching your hands as far as you can.

But also... why make things harder for yourself? The best instrument is the one you love playing. After struggling with a standard-scale bass for a long time I recently bought an Ibanez Mikro (which I think is the shortest-scale bass easily available), and I LOVE it. It's easier to carry and store, too, which is a plus.

Heck, Paul McCartney played with a short scale bass. Life is short and there are no rules. Goof around, pick whatever instrument appeals to you and have a blast.
posted by mekily at 5:14 PM on September 18, 2022 [7 favorites]

Music schools near you (for me it's Blue Bear in San Francisco) might have a rock band program where you get guidance as to the ins and outs of group performance. Similarly something like the Jazzschool in Berkeley have performance ensemble classes/workshops where you can get a sense of what's what. Most likely those type of schools will, of course, provide instruction on particular instruments and probably set you up on a track for getting into shape for playing with a group if you aren't comfortable yet with your chops.
posted by niicholas at 5:51 PM on September 18, 2022 [2 favorites]

Best answer: If you live in a place where there is a School of Rock, usually they have programs for adults where they set you up with a weekly instrument lesson and a weekly band rehearsal with all the other adults who have signed up. So you don't have to put together and schedule your own band, you play with other learning adults and they have a roughly quarterly season where you work toward playing a concert. Having a scheduled framework like that can be easier than trying to set up your own band and it gives you a little experience playing with other people.
posted by Daily Alice at 5:53 PM on September 18, 2022 [3 favorites]

Ok, at a keyboard now. alas, not in the east bay, so I can't help you out directly.

I jam with two groups. One is a bunch of neigborhoodies I found on a facebook group. The other is a group I started at my dayjob. So there's two strategies ... hit the socials, hit your workmates. I am shocked at how many people there are around me who play instruments. I've worked and played in bands with three different people from three different collegiate marching bands.¹

I echo jessamyn's advice about clarifying your goals / intentions. It's hard to play with people when you don't have the same intentions as them! I am a strictly amateur musician and I have already experienced this a couple of times.

skillswise, you are in a good position because you can already play two instruments -- you can sing and play guitar. If you add bass to that, you are a triple threat! The more things you can do, the better chance that you can find a situation you'll fit into. Note you'd be an even more desirable find if you can sing AND play an instrument simultaneously.

you know the skill that would make you a jam group superstar? learn how to teach songs. Every jam session needs someone to step up, tell people the chords, and then play the riff or progression while others follow along and get it in their hands. That singing thing will come in super handy there as well.

I don't know about anywhere else but at my strictly amateur level, it's impossible to play in a group without this leadership, and someone who is good at teaching songs can make everything 1000% more fun. Leading songs is demanding, it requires confidence, skill, and command of the material. But has a huge benefit to you in that if you're the teacher, you get to choose the songs you teach. :)

What do you do after that?

you meet people, people come and go as the intentions clarify. a core group stabilizes. you start to pull together a reliable set of songs. the drummer plays wayyy too loud and needs to be talked to. someone brings in an original. it's pretty good! you play a party. you develop more songs. you have a lark recording session where you record an EP in an evening (I was astonished at how cheaply we could get studio time in my town).

At some point you develop some ineffable connections. you can anticipate the other, you can make space for them, you can routinely make things that are far far more than anything any of you could make alone.

then, heartbreak; people move on, the spirit leaves them, there's two years of pandemic lockdowns, you lose your space, whatever.

and then you begin anew but it's easier because you have all the new skills and confidence you developed in your last life.

Good luck internet friend.

¹ (alas, they had all been spoiled by far better drummers than me.)
posted by Sauce Trough at 6:59 PM on September 18, 2022 [4 favorites]

I'll confirm that there are tons of "olds" out there who are interested in putting together amateur bands, so what you're asking for is totally reasonable, it may just take showing up to things, doing some networking, and patience.

I love playing the bass.

There are small-handed people that play long-scale basses. There is also nothing second-class about short-scale basses.

There's lots of books and youtube videos out there to get you started. Lessons are best if you can manage them.
posted by bfields at 7:13 PM on September 18, 2022 [3 favorites]

I play a danelectro longhorn, which is a cheap short scale bass with pretty light action that stays in tune reasonably well (unlike a hofner lol). I used to play a fender jazz bass and it was so big it gave me tendinitis and my wrist was always popping. It’s more fun to play music than be in pain, so look for a short scale bass :) and have fun!
posted by toodleydoodley at 7:24 PM on September 18, 2022 [2 favorites]

I'm a bass player. You can certainly "hide in the back", but you still need to know the song, and play in time, and lock in with the drummer. Really, you can "hide" a lot more as a rhythm guitarist (especially on acoustic) than you can on bass. If you're just strumming chords along with other people, it doesn't matter much if you're a little off, and most people won't notice. Everyone will notice when the bass player is off.

Short-scale basses are awesome; and now that they've had a bit of a renaissance over the last ten or so years, there are a lot more available that aren't novelty basses (like the Hofner beatle bass), crap from the 60s, or something made for kids.

The best thing to do is go to a few music stores and try things out to feel what's comfortable. But there are plenty of people with small hands who play long-scale (34") basses, so you may be fine with one. Fender Jazz basses (and clones) have narrow necks at the headstock end, so definitely try one of those. If you have normal-length arms with small hands, a short-scale isn't necessarily going to help you, especially if the neck is thick.
posted by jonathanhughes at 7:33 PM on September 18, 2022 [3 favorites]

I sense that you really want to try playing bass? Get a bass; get a short-scale bass, they're great, I play them myself. Then practice.

Then start your own band by learning some covers and composing your own songs. Ask for musicians to collaborate who are interested in the covers that you suggest.

Getting gigs for a new starting band is a hump that you'll have to get over, good luck!
posted by ovvl at 8:02 PM on September 18, 2022

I don't know much about basses but I play a handful of other instruments for fun (none of them all that well but good enough to jam with friends sometimes). I picked up a U-bass (looks like a ukulele, strung/plays like a short scale bass) last fall and it has been a blast! The guy at my local higher-end guitar shop says he's sold more of them than anything else the pas few years, because they are affordable and so fun for guitarists to pick up and mess with. They also sound good (but quiet) unplugged, are easy to cart around, etc.
posted by SaltySalticid at 9:05 PM on September 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

Middle aged music making is all about shared motivations, tastes, ambitions, and a willingness to expand your horizons and comfort zones a little bit. Our band is a classic - almost clichéd - example. Three people with plenty of experience of amateur bands in their teens and twenties, coming together at the school gates almost by chance. That was well over a decade ago, and since that time the 'band' has been a welcome constant through all sorts of personal ups and downs. Along the way we've acquired lots of gear and even written a few songs we're very proud of. Without shared values, it would probably not be the same.
posted by srednivashtar at 3:40 AM on September 19, 2022 [1 favorite]

I don't play a u-bass, but the one time I played with one, I was shocked at how heavy and rich it sounded.

When it was amped it fit right in with my drums and it sounded good even without an amp. I bet those are great for unplugged jams.
posted by Sauce Trough at 4:31 AM on September 19, 2022 [1 favorite]

I have the idea, perhaps wrong, that you can hide in back a little if you learn bass and are not in a fancy prog band with lots of crazy ideas.

Bonus question: I'm a short guy with I think maybe slightly small hands, like a B chord on a guitar is hard. I've seen "short scale basses." Would this help? Or are these for some specific musical purpose?

Two things: one, plenty of people with smaller hands play guitar. I assume you're talking about the fifth-string barre chord form of B, which is indeed a pain in the ass to play. I've been playing guitar for 25+ years. I get paid to play guitar. I never play that chord correctly. Ever. Point is: don't sweat it, if you enjoy playing guitar. Practice. You'll get there.

Maybe more importantly: bass isn't "easier" than guitar. That isn't to say you shouldn't try it -- bass is great, and you might find that you have an affinity for it. I really enjoy playing bass and would be equally happy playing bass or guitar in a band setting. But it's its own instrument, with its own skill set, and truthfully you can get away with playing sloppy guitar a lot more than you can get away with playing sloppy bass.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:36 AM on September 19, 2022 [2 favorites]

I say you can be sloppier at bass than guitar. Hair metal anyone? If those guys ever play anything other than root note straight 8s, it's rare. The #1s writer guy said he watched Def Leppard in concert and the guy spent a lot of time playing 1 handed so he could wave at the chicks. AC/DC? Their bass player and drummer are both terrible in concert.

Also, lots of great advice about starting a band. I have several co-workers nearing retirement age in bands. Just go to a music store, pull down a sheet, and try-out! THey also do some of that on Craigslist now, but the paper ads in the music store files are the best.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:17 AM on September 19, 2022 [1 favorite]

+1 to "you can't hide as a bass player." you're holding down a huge and significant chunk of the audible spectrum alone.

Sure, the 80s hair rock dudes are playing real simple, but "simple" and "sloppy" are not synonyms.

If you want to hide, bring an acoustic guitar and just play the chords.
posted by Sauce Trough at 7:28 AM on September 19, 2022

Sure, the 80s hair rock dudes are playing real simple, but "simple" and "sloppy" are not synonyms.

No, but 'simple' equals don't be completely drunk, practice the instrument for a few months so you know where the notes are, know how to keep basic time, and I guess don't be too nervous. All those equal 'sloppy'.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:03 AM on September 19, 2022

I have relatively large hands and I love playing a short scale bass. (I have a knock-off copy of a Hofner.) Not so much for the shorter fret size, but because the instrument as a whole is so much lighter than my Fender PB that my shoulders feel much better after a long practice or performance.

With regards to "hiding" behind the rest of the band while playing the bass ... you can, sort of. You don't have to be the center of attention. You don't have to play the flashy parts that impress everyone. You do have to be absolutely solid in what you do play. With bass (depending on the song and genre), you can get away with mostly playing the root and 5th, focusing on beats 1 and 3, with occasional connecting walks, as long as you are rock solid on the beat. You can do a lot more than that. You can be the person who primarily defines the groove of the song. But at the minimum you need to be able to keep time consistently. (This is especially important if you are in a band without a drummer, as I have always been.)

I saw some discussion upthread about whether bass is easier than guitar. Obviously either instrument can be played at apparently superhuman levels of technical proficiency. But I would say that the minimum degree of finger dexterity to play something which contributes to the song is significantly less for the bass than the guitar. You still need as much musicality for the bass, in terms of having solid timing and understanding what notes to play. But you can get to the point of starting to make the band sound better with less initial investment in finger coordination.
posted by tdismukes at 8:41 AM on September 20, 2022 [3 favorites]

5'3 almost 50-ish female bass player here with tiny hands. Since bass is usually played one note at a time vs chords like a guitar, I don't think scale length will make much difference in your ability to play unless you're aiming for some really fast fretwork. I play an old Rickenbacker 4001, which at 33.25" is just slightly shorter than full scale (34") but by no means would be consider short-scale (<30"). IMO, what's more important for small hands is neck width, look for something on the more narrow side that you can comfortably get your hand around, for instance a Fender Jazz bass rather than a Fender P-bass. In terms of being able to hide in back, if you've got a good sense of rhythm and can follow and lock in well with your drummer, you'll do just fine.
posted by platinum at 7:53 AM on September 21, 2022 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Nobody will see this but I'm reading old metafilter stuff today and what happened over time was: I got a U-bass and didn't love it. I got a Rogue (knockoff of a Hofner) and liked it pretty well but wanted something that fit in my hands a little better and got a Danelectro longhorn that I love. Started doing School of Rock's adult program which has been great though I have to take some time off because it's not the cheapest thing. So anyway a lot of this sank in and got implemented over time. We'll see where it goes next.
posted by less-of-course at 11:14 AM on August 9, 2023 [4 favorites]