"This smells like a combination of burning garbage and Ricola...."

September 7, 2022 12:28 PM

I am travelling to Chicago soon. I am intrigued by Jeppson's Malört. I cannot drink any alcohol at all, though, for medical reasons. Not even a little bit of booze - it has horrific side effects with a medication I'm on. However, this article piqued my curiosity on the liquer: 10 Top New York Sommeliers Try Malört. What is the closest realistic non-alcoholic item I can try, either food or drink, that approximates the taste of this infamous concoction? (I don't have a pile of burning garbage next tme, unfortunately, so I can't use that....)
posted by spinifex23 to Food & Drink (9 answers total)

I am sure you can get wormwood extracted with water, also I found this googling non-alcoholic malört. Royal Crown Malort is a non-alcoholic beverage from the city of Chicago. It is the official drink of the Chicago Firefighters. You will otherwise absolutely get the taste from literally one drop of it on your tongue, or licking a wetted finger, if that doesn't count as "a little bit".

Edited to add I haven't tried that particular malört drink, but I have tasted mannnny malört based scandinavian "beska" drinks.
posted by Iteki at 12:33 PM on September 7, 2022 [4 favorites]

I can't remember the taste but I can remember that it was profoundly bitter. By far the most bitter thing I've ever tasted. And it lingered. I had about half a shot of it and I could still sense the bitterness an hour later.
posted by mmascolino at 12:41 PM on September 7, 2022 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I would recommend Gnista Floral Wormwood, which is a non-alcoholic "spirit". Wormwood (malört in Swedish) is the major flavor component of Jeppson's Malört and other bäsk drinks.

Alternatively, if you can safely take Tylenol (acetaminophen), then chewing up a spoonful of grapefruit pith and chasing it with a crushed Tylenol dissolved in a little water will come pretty close. Resist the urge to cleanse the palate. Having had several kinds of bäsk, including Jeppson's, that's genuinely how I would describe it.
posted by jedicus at 12:52 PM on September 7, 2022 [11 favorites]

I don't know if this would be potent enough to invoke side effects, but you can taste Malört from about 6" away from the surface if you breathe deep.

I definitely think any non-alcoholic wormwood concoction will get you close. There are other herbs in Malört, but the overwhelming flavor I think is the wormwood.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:55 PM on September 7, 2022 [4 favorites]

I chewed my nails a lot as a kid, and at one point my parents started painting them with this stuff that was basically essence of bitterness. It’s pretty close to how malort tastes.
posted by Jobst at 2:18 PM on September 7, 2022 [3 favorites]

It's possible smelling it would be enough to get the gist. That was my sanity check every time I thought I was losing taste/smell when I had COVID (I was just stuffy; I could smell the Malort every time).
posted by quadrilaterals at 2:42 PM on September 7, 2022 [1 favorite]

You can always buy malort and then boil it to burn off the alcohol.
posted by mutt.cyberspace at 2:59 PM on September 7, 2022 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Alternatively, if you can safely take Tylenol (acetaminophen), then chewing up a spoonful of grapefruit pith and chasing it with a crushed Tylenol dissolved in a little water will come pretty close. Resist the urge to cleanse the palate. Having had several kinds of bäsk, including Jeppson's, that's genuinely how I would describe it.

I just did this.

Wowsers is that bracing.

Thank you for this efficient way to get a bit of the Malört experience, and now that curiosity? Wildly, wildly sated.

I don't need to taste this ever again - and I actually like some bitter items, like grapefruit.

Also, thank you to the rest of you for the ideas and suggestions.
posted by spinifex23 at 5:59 PM on September 7, 2022 [15 favorites]

It's from a different part of the country, but if you can get the soda Moxie, I find its flavor to be a very similar vibe to Malort.
posted by rhiannonstone at 8:30 PM on September 7, 2022 [2 favorites]