is a bidet for me?

July 27, 2022 6:14 PM

i am intrigued by bidets but have one of those very small old fashioned toilets and i am superfat. i am also a renter so can’t replace the toilet. given tiny toilet and much larger than average butt, is a bidet likely to clean me sufficiently? (i am a cis female.)
posted by misanthropicsarah to Grab Bag (15 answers total)

I wouldn’t call myself super fat, but I am definitely chunky. I gave myself a Koehler Novita as a present a few years back and I’ve found it works very well. I don’t use it all the time, but the messier things get the more of a godsend it is. We didn’t truly bond until the first time I got food poisoning, but we’ve been fast friends ever since.

I don’t find that the size of my bum helps or hinders using it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:38 PM on July 27, 2022

I love my bidet, which is a cheap one you can just install on the seat, and that only uses the cold water. I am also super fat! I was also dealing with a condition for awhile that made it difficult to wipe myself, and I was having chronic diarrhea. The bidet made an amazing difference. I felt so clean, and like I was only using the toilet paper to dry myself because the bidet did such a good job. The fact that the one I got is cold water only turned out not to be a problem at all. In the midst of all that was going on, the bidet made a tremendous difference in my daily quality of life.
posted by Well I never at 8:00 PM on July 27, 2022

You could buy a peri bottle first to try out. They’re bottles meant for women to wash/rinse their privates after childbirth. Might need to keep more water next to the toilet to refill it, though.
I bought a peri bottle during the great toilet paper-pocolypse and I love it. Great to use in the shower as well, if you don’t have those hand-held shower heads.

+1 for size of bum not mattering. I was raised in a country where every bathroom has a bidet. I’ve never heard of different recommendations based on bum size.
posted by Neekee at 8:00 PM on July 27, 2022

The Frida brand peri bottle is great - the spout points up so it's better than most perineum bottles, and the spout collapses for travel. I am not sure how body size might affect positioning, but it's a $15 way to see if you enjoy a bidet-style spray.
posted by spraypaint at 8:24 PM on July 27, 2022

We rent and my husband's bathroom does have a perfectly good cheap aftermarket bidet that I am okay using, as someone maybe not quite superfat. However I find it ice cold and far prefer keeping a pitcher of more room-temp water in my bathroom to use with a bidet bottle. I also take it when I travel and camp, and in the winter I have a half-gallon insulated thermos I put warm water in so I can fill it with something more pleasant.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:47 PM on July 27, 2022

Yes, I would also recommend a bidet bottle, at least for a start, to see if this improves your quality of life. Later, you can add a bidet attachment to a tap outlet, and the aftermarket ones shouldn't void your renters' agreement. The bottle later can be indispensable travel item - I certainly carry one everywhere the moment I leave my part of Asia.
posted by cendawanita at 9:18 PM on July 27, 2022

The bottle is a great way to try it out. A cold water bidet is a lovely step up. Do note that if your plumbing is tight to access, it may be a bear to install yourself. I’d recommend either of those before going Full Toto and getting a fancy one.

The fancy ones are usually built in with a seat, but they do take away some space behind the toilet seat proper (between the seat and tank) and could be a bit less comfortable. Cold water ones sit under your existing seat and take up none of the space between the seat and tank. I’ve also seen the fancier ones note weight limits, so when that day comes, be aware.

But they are a game changer and I can’t live without them.
posted by hijinx at 9:37 PM on July 27, 2022

I'm really, really round and short. Peri bottles are great, and a diaper sprayer is my particular replacement for a bidet because our bathroom is tiny. There's not much control of the spray strength and if the water is cold, you can definitely have an out of body experience--- not in a good way.

Having said that, I prefer the diaper sprayer to a peri bottle because of the fact that it cleans so well and is very cheap.
posted by Issithe at 10:12 PM on July 27, 2022

As a fellow fatter person, my issues with the peri bottle and similar are actually the reaching. No room to go under, really hard to go around with any accuracy. Only other option - holding it over my head and aiming for my lower back - seems like a horribly-wrong Tiktok challenge.

I'm looking forward to getting an under-the-seat bidet.
posted by nkknkk at 5:19 AM on July 28, 2022

Oh! That's a good point that reminds me, the cultures that took up water-washing tend to be traditionally squatting toilet users. Even as we move to western toilets, except i guess for the urban gen Z for the most part, our toilet training is with squatting style. Just using my own experience, even with my size I've got used to the motions necessary to reach and clean myself. So with that said, you can also pair this bidet idea with those squatty potty stools? The one you place in front of the bowl to rest your feet and adjust your posture. The posture does improve your reach and flexibility ime, but at the very least it also helps the bidet spray to aim more directly.
posted by cendawanita at 5:26 AM on July 28, 2022

A bidet sprayer, not one integrated with the seat, is just the ticket! Super easy to install, also useful as a sprayer for rinsing off things. This is the one I have.
posted by cyndigo at 8:33 AM on July 28, 2022

I'm somewhat fat and not terribly flexible and I had trouble getting the squeeze bottle bidets to work well for me as it's difficult to reach back there and squeeze the bottle in a way that is effective, and I usually want to have more water than the bottle can reasonably contain, so I wouldn't necessarily say that those are useful as an effective test of the concept for you. Travel Bidets (which are also handheld but have an electric pump) are just barely adequate for me as they don't quite give enough water pressure.

I have a cheapish Luxe Bidet that I really like and I think it is well worth the price. Mine is cold water only which may be an issue to consider for the cheaper ones, but I personally got used to it fairly quickly. Installation is not destructive so I used one while I was renting as well.
posted by Aleyn at 11:00 AM on July 28, 2022

My partner (F) and I (M) are both larger people, and owning a bidet has improved our lives significantly in the bathroom department.
posted by deezil at 2:41 PM on July 28, 2022

We love these - moved one cheapo Luxe bidet from one house to the next, and bought another one. They are relatively easy to install, and a shot of icy water on a winter's morn works better than caffeine for waking up! If you're able to poop on your toilet, you're able to wash. Do it!
posted by fish tick at 4:36 PM on July 28, 2022

I just want to note you don't have to reach around behind you to use a bidet bottle; most of them are well-angled that you can use them from the front and hit whatever you want to hit from there. My shoulders don't go in the direction it would require to use it from behind; the only challenge I have is on the road sometimes when stall (or van/rv) facilities are hemmed in so tight I can't get my knees/thighs fully out of my way.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:33 PM on July 28, 2022