What is my obligation to report possible animal abuse?
June 3, 2022 1:00 AM Subscribe
I have reason to believe that an acquaintance is treating her foster cats in a cruel and unusual fashion. What is the best and most ethical way to respond? Should I attempt to convince her to stop this behavior, go straight to the authorities, or leave well enough alone?
Background: "Frances" and I are both women in our 30s. I met her in 2019 through a mutual friend, and we hung out 1-on-1 a few times. During the pandemic, she moved to a different city several states away, but we continued to chat over text message. However, at this point I started to realize that she often said things I found off-putting and even unethical, and I began trying to distance myself from her. The final straw came this past January, when she asked if I would come visit her the following weekend. I told her it was completely unreasonable to ask someone to drop $$$ on last-minute plane tickets during a massive COVID surge, and I stopped responding to her messages after that.
Frances has continued to text me mundane details about her life every week or so, and it's very easy to just "leave her on read." (Curiously, she has never asked me why I have stopped responding, nor has she taken the hint that I am not interested in her texts.) That is, until tonight. Frances has been fostering cats in her new apartment, and tonight she texted that she has "conditioned the cats to live only in the cat carrier to avoid fur shedding."
I do not have much experience with pet care myself, but this does not sound at all healthy or safe for the cats. Moreover, I can't imagine that this is the kind of environment that the pet fostering agency envisions when they place cats in foster homes.
If any of my other friends or acquaintances texted me something like this, I'd immediately text back to tell them to stop doing this... but from what I know of Frances, I have little faith that that would get her to change her behavior. I'm also well aware of the advice, often given here, that when you choose to stop engaging with somebody, you need to stick to your guns and never message them again, because if you respond at all, they know that they can force you to engage if they just rile you up enough.
I know the name of the pet fostering agency that Frances works with and I could phone or email them to say "I have reason to believe that one of your volunteers is mistreating their foster cats." Does it make sense to do this, or is that too much of an escalation and should I try to engage with Frances first? Or should I just keep this to myself and leave well enough alone? I'm aware that my general dislike of Frances is coloring this whole situation, but I want to try to put that aside and do the right thing.
Background: "Frances" and I are both women in our 30s. I met her in 2019 through a mutual friend, and we hung out 1-on-1 a few times. During the pandemic, she moved to a different city several states away, but we continued to chat over text message. However, at this point I started to realize that she often said things I found off-putting and even unethical, and I began trying to distance myself from her. The final straw came this past January, when she asked if I would come visit her the following weekend. I told her it was completely unreasonable to ask someone to drop $$$ on last-minute plane tickets during a massive COVID surge, and I stopped responding to her messages after that.
Frances has continued to text me mundane details about her life every week or so, and it's very easy to just "leave her on read." (Curiously, she has never asked me why I have stopped responding, nor has she taken the hint that I am not interested in her texts.) That is, until tonight. Frances has been fostering cats in her new apartment, and tonight she texted that she has "conditioned the cats to live only in the cat carrier to avoid fur shedding."
I do not have much experience with pet care myself, but this does not sound at all healthy or safe for the cats. Moreover, I can't imagine that this is the kind of environment that the pet fostering agency envisions when they place cats in foster homes.
If any of my other friends or acquaintances texted me something like this, I'd immediately text back to tell them to stop doing this... but from what I know of Frances, I have little faith that that would get her to change her behavior. I'm also well aware of the advice, often given here, that when you choose to stop engaging with somebody, you need to stick to your guns and never message them again, because if you respond at all, they know that they can force you to engage if they just rile you up enough.
I know the name of the pet fostering agency that Frances works with and I could phone or email them to say "I have reason to believe that one of your volunteers is mistreating their foster cats." Does it make sense to do this, or is that too much of an escalation and should I try to engage with Frances first? Or should I just keep this to myself and leave well enough alone? I'm aware that my general dislike of Frances is coloring this whole situation, but I want to try to put that aside and do the right thing.
Best answer: Is it possible she said that to trick you into responding? Regardless, I’d probably be concerned enough to pass along the information to the foster agency. It’s up to the agency to do what it wants with that information. And I’d probably block Frances’s number at some point as well.
posted by Sassyfras at 1:20 AM on June 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
posted by Sassyfras at 1:20 AM on June 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
If it makes you feel better the cat fostering agency is probably in a similar situation that you are in. I know you say not engaging isn't really an option but think of it this way, if you garner any response you're probably taking away from people volunteering to help other cats to address these issues? If you don't know the cats are in immediate danger I would look at this as not a big issue.
Also personally I text to just announce things sometimes and not necessarily mean it to garner a response, like asymmetric texting. I notice some people don't care and others have the perception that every text will be responded to. This cat shedding thing could be unique or just something they heard while fostering and are using it as a weird way to engage you?
posted by geoff. at 4:06 AM on June 3, 2022
Also personally I text to just announce things sometimes and not necessarily mean it to garner a response, like asymmetric texting. I notice some people don't care and others have the perception that every text will be responded to. This cat shedding thing could be unique or just something they heard while fostering and are using it as a weird way to engage you?
posted by geoff. at 4:06 AM on June 3, 2022
Best answer: If she is forcing cats to live solely in a carrier instead of having roam of even a bathroom, she is mistreating the cats.
Forward this on to the foster agency. These poor animals deserve better.
posted by Medieval Maven at 4:25 AM on June 3, 2022 [12 favorites]
Forward this on to the foster agency. These poor animals deserve better.
posted by Medieval Maven at 4:25 AM on June 3, 2022 [12 favorites]
Best answer: "should I just keep this to myself and leave well enough alone?"
Please don't leave well enough alone.
"I want to try to put that aside and do the right thing."
The way to do that is to contact the foster charity, immediately. The only way to "condition" a cat to "live" in a cat carrier is to either lock them in, or to cause them such pain and distress when they leave that they see it as their only safe place. It is a horrific act of cruelty either way.
As telling the foster charity about this will cause you no harm or cost, please please please tell them about this right now because every minute you wait is another minute those cats are suffering.
(the more I think about this the more I am burning with anger towards this person)
posted by underclocked at 6:25 AM on June 3, 2022 [10 favorites]
Please don't leave well enough alone.
"I want to try to put that aside and do the right thing."
The way to do that is to contact the foster charity, immediately. The only way to "condition" a cat to "live" in a cat carrier is to either lock them in, or to cause them such pain and distress when they leave that they see it as their only safe place. It is a horrific act of cruelty either way.
As telling the foster charity about this will cause you no harm or cost, please please please tell them about this right now because every minute you wait is another minute those cats are suffering.
(the more I think about this the more I am burning with anger towards this person)
posted by underclocked at 6:25 AM on June 3, 2022 [10 favorites]
Best answer: Hello, my spouse used to be a humane officer. Her opinion: Please forward on this information immediately. She's probably not even going to get cited, but the org will take the cats back which is what should happen.
Also ensuring good care of these animals are these orgs WHOLE POINT so they'd want to know.
posted by wellifyouinsist at 7:19 AM on June 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
Also ensuring good care of these animals are these orgs WHOLE POINT so they'd want to know.
posted by wellifyouinsist at 7:19 AM on June 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
Best answer: Thanks for thinking of the cats. This is objectively bad.
I agree with notifying the agency in whatever way you feel comfortable. In this case, if Frances finds out you informed the agency and hates you, you’ll solve two problems at once, because you’re done with her anyway.
posted by kapers at 7:21 AM on June 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
I agree with notifying the agency in whatever way you feel comfortable. In this case, if Frances finds out you informed the agency and hates you, you’ll solve two problems at once, because you’re done with her anyway.
posted by kapers at 7:21 AM on June 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
Contact the foster organization and send them copies of the texts immediately. I'm in cat rescue and the organization needs to know asap, this is NOT acceptable.
posted by bile and syntax at 8:41 AM on June 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by bile and syntax at 8:41 AM on June 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
N-thing the advice to contact the foster agency ASAP and give them those messages. Whatever your relationship is with this person, those innocent creatures deserve better.
posted by rpfields at 8:46 AM on June 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by rpfields at 8:46 AM on June 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Please report it to the fostering organization. You don't have to know more than what she's told you; just share a screenshot of the texts talking about it. Those kitties need to be able to move around and feel safe. Scaring or locking them into cages is definitely not fostering; it's cruelty that will set back their development and trust of humans.
posted by limeonaire at 9:26 AM on June 3, 2022
posted by limeonaire at 9:26 AM on June 3, 2022
Response by poster: Thank you! I forwarded a screenshot to the fostering charity, and they let me know that they will investigate the situation.
posted by clair-de-lune at 3:31 PM on June 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
posted by clair-de-lune at 3:31 PM on June 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
Is there any chance it's an exaggeration/joke and the cats just sleep on a blanket in the cat carrier instead of, say, on the couch? We "conditioned" a cat to sleep in a cat house thing instead of on our pillow to reduce hair all over the bed and I would probably jokingly say that we keep the cat in it's house, but obviously the cat roams and has a litterbox in another room and is fed in yet another room.
You still did the right thing reporting it, but just hoping this was a misunderstanding through texting.
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 5:47 PM on June 3, 2022
You still did the right thing reporting it, but just hoping this was a misunderstanding through texting.
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 5:47 PM on June 3, 2022
This thread is closed to new comments.
What they do with it is up to them. You can't provide any context because that's literally all you got.
posted by kschang at 1:16 AM on June 3, 2022 [15 favorites]